Give me everything tonight
by sarcasticbeauty089
Summary: Starts from the ICAA's finale and kiss. Follow Jesse and Beca as they build their relationship. Jesse thought he finally broke down all of Beca's walls, but when the unexpected happens, will she lock her emotions back up again? Rated M for lemons and language
1. Don't you forget about me

***Hello there! Not sure if there are any Pitch Perfect fans still hanging around here reading, but as the date for Pitch Perfect 2 gets closer and closer, I get more impatient. I decided to write this story to help kill time. I hope you enjoy it!***

I ran off the stage, the excitement of an incredible performance still running through my vains. I ran as fast as my legs would take me through the sea of people, smiling slightly at those who congratulated me. I had a one track mind though, and couldn't help the enormous smile that broke across my face as I finally reached my destination. He smiled back proudly as he turned to face me.

"Told you, endings are the best part..."

"You're such a weirdo" I replied before grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. He placed his hands on my hips, pulling me in closer as we deepened our lip lock.

I never expected our first kiss to be this amazing, or this long. I never wanted it to end. My hands moved up to pull at some of his hair, encouraging him to continue. He moaned slightly and I smiled against his lips. Suddenly the world around us disappeared. It was just Jesse and I. We stood there together, in our happy little place, ignoring everyone around us until I heard the recognizable one of a kind voice from my favorite australian.

"Yo, Shawshank! You and lover boy will have plenty of time for that later. You might want to first acknowledge your father before he has a heart attack at the sight of his daughter clawing at some guy." She loudly interrupted causing Jesse and I to immediately pull away from each other. I looked over to see my father with his mouth slightly open and his eyes in a shocked state.

"Dad, sorry!" I apologized. I felt like a guilty child who just got caught trying to sneak cookies before dinner.

"Right, I, uh, I just wanted to say congratulations Beca. That was an absolutely incredible performance. You must have worked hard." He replied, after finally recomposing himself.

"Thanks, Dad. I did work really hard. About 18 hours a week of dancing and singing between classes. Though I'm not exactly sure what was harder, that or having to deal with the ginormous pain in the ass known as Aubrey." I explained. Thankfully, I reminded myself that this was the first and last year I would have to deal with Aubrey.

Well, I won't keep you. I just wanted you to know that I'm proud of you, and to give these to you. You deserve it." He smiled as he handed me over a beautiful bouquet of yellow tulips.

"Dad...these, these are beautiful. Thank you." I gushed. I hugged him tightly.

"I love you Bec, have fun tonight" He whispered as he hugged me back.

As he made his departure, I turned back to face Jesse.

"Now, where were we?" I whispered seductively. He smiled and broke out into a laugh.

"What? I get it, I suck at being sexy, but do you really have to laugh?" I inquired.

"No, A.) You do not suck at being sexy. It's actually incredibly cute and hot at the same time. And B.) I was laughing because I'm pretty sure that not too long ago, I predicted a certain someone pretty much throwing herself at me. What did I tell you, were gonna be friends. And, if you keep up the sexy act, lovers." He retorted. I couldn't help the eye roll that fell across my face.

"Jesse, don't say lovers" I reminded him before I crashed my lips against his. We picked right back up from where we had left off as we stood in the middle of the aisle while the crowd began to dissipate. Jesse's hands returned back to my hips as he begin to rub small circles against my sides eliciting a soft moan from me.

The months of built up sexual tension between us begin to explode as we finally gave in to what each other wanted. I stood on my tip toes as I tried to add on just a few more inches to my 5 foot 1 inch frame. Jesse finally pulled back slightly and looked down at me. He breathed heavily, ragged gasps of lust escaped from his lips.

"What's wrong?" I questioned. My hands rubbing his cheeks lightly.

"I'm sorry, I just need to calm myself a little. If we keep this up, I'm gonna end up taking you right on the floor. And that is so not how our first time together is going to be. You deserve so much more than that. Not to mention, I haven't even taken you out on a real date. You deserve to be swept off your feet Bec." He explained. His voice full of sincerity and concern. It made him even hotter knowing how much he really cared for me. Even after all the times I had pushed him away. The heat in my lower belly continued to pool and I knew I was going to have to go back to my dorm at some point and at the very least change my underwear. I smiled up at him.

"Thank you. For caring about me I mean, I'm not an easy person to deal with. I know I've been a bitch." I explained.

"You've been protecting yourself, I get it. You don't ever have to apologize for that." He replied. I hugged him tightly.

"Do you wanna go to the after-party tonight?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I'd like that." He replied as he rubbed his thumb across my cheek.

"Great, um, do, you mind if we stop by my dorm real quick? I just wanna change clothes." I asked. He smiled and moved his head to kiss my neck gently.

"Need new underwear?" He whispered in my ear as his hand grabbed my ass. I moaned louder than I expected at the motion.

"Yeah, something like that." I replied.

* * *

><p>We walked hand and hand into my dorm to retrieve a new outfit, and a wave of relief washed over me as I opened the door to find no sign of Kimmy Jin. Jesse had a seat on my bed as I rummaged through my closet to find a top and my favorite pair of jeans.<p>

I was caught up in trying to find something acceptable when I suddenly felt Jesse wrap his arms around my waist and begin kissing my neck.

"Who cares what you wear? The only person you need to impress is me, and God Damn woman, you look hot as hell in anything." He whispered as his hands roamed my body. The heat in my lower belly immediately returned, not that it had even really left in the first place. I placed my head against his chest and moaned at the feeling of his hands on me more freely this time.

Turning my body around, I melted into him as our lips reconnected. I slowly walked us backwards towards my bed, and he gently laid me down, our lips never loosing contact. His arms stretched above me on either side of me as he tried to keep his weight off of my body. But I wanted to feel him against me. My hands moved from his hair to his waist, begging him to get closer to me. He complied with my wishes. His lips moved from lips to my neck as he began to untuck and unbutton my shirt. I could feel his raging erection pressing lightly against my inner thigh.

"God, why did I wait this long?" I breathed as I struggled out of my top and threw it across my room.

"You were trying to prove a point." He laughed as he kissed at new skin revealed to him for the first time.

"That was stupid." I moaned. His face came back up to mine and he pulled back slightly.

"Beca, I don't want to go all the way tonight, I promised I would first take you out on a proper date. I still intend to hold up that promise. But I knew I was going to go crazy if I didn't get to at least explore a little bit. Do you trust me?" He questioned. His beautiful eyes so full of love.

"Yeah, I trust you." I whispered as I nodded my head.

He leaned back down to kiss me and I felt his hand slide up under my bra to grab at my boobs. I moaned into his mouth and my back arched in response. He took this opportunity to reach behind and unhook. He struggled slightly before I finally felt myself freed from the material. He stared down in amazement and I could feel him grow harder against my leg.

"God, you are so beautiful." He groaned as his hand continued to massage my breasts. My underwear was now completely soaking wet as I bucked my hips into him in response, trying desperately to feel something to help the ache in my lower body.

"Patience is a virtue" He whispered before taking my left breast into his mouth.

"Fuck patience, I need you inside me." I almost yelled. My body was screaming for release at this point.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I noticed his hands make their way down south, and after what felt like an eternity, finally begin to undo the button on my pants. He was doing this maddeningly slow of course, and I decided he needed help. With my lips on his, I moved my hand down, gently grazing his, to help with the process. He of course brushed it away and I whimpered slightly. He popped the button off and pushed the zipper down. I lifted my hips and he slowly shrugged them off my lower body. This time though, that was my fault, as the skinny jeans hugged my body. I silently cursed myself for not wearing something easier. The thought immediately left my mind however as I felt a single finger slide across the inside of my underwear and hit my clit. I gasped and just about finished on impact.

"Fuck" I whispered. I wanted that feeling again.

"Jesus I didn't know it was possible for you to be this wet." He groaned.

"Jesse I can't wait any longer, I trust you, but if you don't do something soon, I'm just going to have to take matters into my own hands." I begged. He paused and looked up at me as if the hottest words he had ever heard just fell from my lips.

"Dude, please!" I cried out in defeat.

His lips found their way back to mine as his hand rubbed against me. He slid one finger in easily as I gasped.

"Babe, I'm gonna need more than that." I stated. He complied immediately, slipping another finger in, and beginning to pump.

My head hit the back of my pillow, and I immediately lost my ability to speak. My breath came out in ragged gasps as I allowed my body to fully feel everything that was happening in the moment.

"Yes, yes" I whispered as his lips moved from my mouth to my shoulder. His thumb soon found my sweet bundle of nerves and began to massage. I practically screamed at the pleasure that surged through my body. I wasn't going to last another minute.

I felt the pleasure build until it all came crashing down on me. I pushed into his fingers as fast as could manage and my eyes screwed shut. It was the most delicious experience. Curse words softly escaped my lips as I rode the wave for as long as I possibly could. Finally, I had to admit it was over. My body relaxed fully and he removed his fingers from inside of me.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you..." I gushed as I covered his face with kisses.

"Bec, you do not have to thank me for that. You gave me your body, I should be thanking you." He responded as he moved a few stray hairs from my face.

"Can I help you now?" I asked, a sly grin across my face. He shook his head before leaning down to kiss my forehead. I was completely confused.

"Dude you just gave me the best orgasm of my life and you want nothing in return?" I asked. Clearly he didn't understand what I was offering. No red blooded man could turn it down.

"No, tonight was about you. Making you feel good. I wanted you to know that you were safe with me, that you could let your guard down. I'm definitely gonna need to go take one hell of a cold shower after this, your gasps, moans, all of your delicious sounds, your body, is going to assault my brain for the rest of my life. But I'm not giving in, tonight is about you. We can focus on me next time." He explained. A slight blush spread across my cheeks at his words, and I felt myself falling completely head over heals for the nerd.

"You're a weirdo, you know that?" I reminded him.

"Yeah, I am, but I'm your weirdo." He smiled.

"I'm gonna go shower Bec, get dressed and we'll head out. Were already 30 minutes late." He explained as he removed himself from me.

"It was worth every delicious minute."

***Nothing like starting off a story with a lemon! Stay tuned for the next chapter where we meet up with Jesse and Beca at the after party. The first 4 chapters have already been written for this story, so the more reviews, the faster the chapters go up :) REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!***


	2. I'm on Fire

***Hello friends! Thank you to the 2 lovely reviewers and my followers! So glad to have people who are letting me know they are interested in this story, as I am loving writing it. Just a couple things for this chapter, 1.) I don't think they ever said where "Barden University" is set, though I know the movie was filmed in Louisiana. I'm however changing our location to Connecticut. Mainly because I like seasons. 2.) Some of you may find this chapters ending slightly ooc, but I just watched Anna Kendrick's movie 'Happy Christmas' last night, and I was inspired. Anyways, hope you enjoy!***

I couldn't remember the last time I wore a dress. I, Beca Mitchell, didn't own dresses. But on a shopping trip with Chloe the other week (Yet another thing I didn't do) she had found what she called the "perfect little black dress" Apparently, little black dresses were a thing. I sucked it up and bought it just to shut her up. And when I got home that evening, I hung it up in my closet knowing I would never think twice about it. That is, until tonight.

I slipped into the tight dress that pushed my chest up and hugged me in all the right places. I had to admit, I didn't look quite as awkward in a dress as I would have imagined. I finished putting on my minimal amount of make up and was sitting on the bed putting my sandals on when Jesse walked back into the room all fresh and clean.

"Hey, I'm all set." I smiled.

"Oh shit..." He blurted out. I looked myself up and down, and then back at him.

"What, what's wrong?" I asked. He walked over to me and gently swung his arms around my waist.

"Woman you're going to torture me all night in that dress. I'm beginning to think I'm just destined to walk around with a raging hard on all night long." He whispered as he began to kiss my neck. My body immediately responded to his touch and my lips found his once again without even thinking of the consequences.

He lifted me up into his arms before placing me down on top of my desk. We continued our lip lock as my arms wrapped around his neck and I sucked his bottom lip into mine. His hand reached down to slip inside my dress and rub my thigh. I moaned lightly before grabbing at it.

"Jess, we can't...we have to go." I whispered. He groaned, but quickly removed his hand, and placed his forehead against mine. I looked up at him, both of us breathing heavily.

"I swear I'm not some sex crazed maniac all the time. I just want you so much." He explained as his thumbs rubbed over my cheeks.

"Boy if you want to stay here all night and do nothing but have incredibly hott sex, I am not going to stop you." I encouraged him. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. Maybe if we hadn't waited so long, it wouldn't have been as bad, but as it was, here we were.

"Believe me, it's the most tempting thing in the world. But I am going to respect you Beca. Not to mention, you and I are have got to get to the Treble house at some point. I just need to think of anything but you and your incredible body. Which is going to be impossible." He explained to me. I felt for him. At least I could hide my arousal.

"Okay, let's go then. And tonight, whenever you want to think of me, think of Aubrey projectile vomiting across the stage at the ICAA's last year." I suggested as I slipped off the desk and grabbed my purse. He grimaced at the description.

"Yeah, I think that should work." He sighed as he kissed me on the top of my head and we walked out of my room hand in hand.

* * *

><p>"Giiirlll, how many times did you two go at it? The party started an hour ago!" Cynthia Rose exclaimed as Jesse and I entered the Treble House. The party was well underway as I looked around and saw everyone drinking, swimming, singing, and dancing. I looked over at Jesse and he smiled at me.<p>

"I'm gonna grab a drink and check in with the boys, catch up with you in a bit?" He questioned. His voice soft over the loud music through out the house. I nodded my head and kissed him lightly on the lips. I could hear him yelling "VOMIT! VOMIT! VOMIT!" to himself as he walked away causing me to laugh. When I looked up, Fat Amy had joined Cynthia Rose.

"I would hope with you two flat butts being a damn hour late that you had enough sex to last you the weekend!" Amy suggested.

"Girl I asked her the same thing! She still hasn't given it up!" Cynthia explained.

"Okay you guys can stop now. We went at it a total of zero times. Happy?" I smirked. They both pulled their heads back slightly and looked at me with complete confusion displayed across their faces. I laughed and began to head to make myself a drink.

"Woah! Hold up! If you didn't bone each other, then what the hell took so long? And since when do you wear dresses?!" Amy inquired once more. I stopped in my tracks, turned my head back and smiled.

"I'll leave that one up to your imagination." I explained before turning back around and heading over to the makeshift bar.

* * *

><p>I grabbed a cup and began pouring some Malibu, Juice, and Sprite when I felt arms wrap around me and a squeel erupt from someone's lips.<p>

"Baby! You finally made it!" She exclaimed. Chloe. Without a doubt. I would recognize the high pitch anywhere. I turned around to face her and give her a hug.

"Hey Chlo, of course I'm here. I wouldn't miss it for the world." I responded.

"Beca, so different from the hard ass I first met." She laughed as her arms hung around my neck and she swayed back and forth, obviously tipsy.

"What have you been drinking tonight missy?" I questioned as I took a sip from her cup. Tastes of Whiskey and some type of fruity juice infiltrated my mouth.

"A Southern Belle, sooo yummy!" She sang.

"Listen, Beca, I'm totally sober of course."

"Of course" I agreed as I laughed and nodded my head in agreement.

"And so I wanted to ask you..."

"Chloe, Jesse and I did not have sex tonight." I answered before the questioned could even be brought up. She looked at me quizzically.

"Dude, I don't care about that. Though I've always thought you should have jumped on that horse months ago!" She bluntly stated. My mouth fell open from shock as I laughed loudly. I loved drunk people, their honesty was always refreshing.

"Beca I want you to move in with me this year. I'm getting an apartment in New Haven this summer and I need a roommate. Aubrey got some Broadway internship, the lucky bitch, and so she's moving to New York. I mean I totally get it if you want to shack up with homebody and treble bone every night, however, should you take me up on this offer, you can have him over to our place whenever you choose. And I'm just saying, sex in a real bed as apposed to the so called beds they provide in the dorms is way more comfortable. So, you got that going for you." She explained.

I couldn't believe this was my life. I was not a girly person, in fact, I hated girls. Hated fashion, hated the drama, hated forming close relationships with anybody. But things had changed so much this year. These girls were different. Sure there was still drama, though with the new revelation that Aubrey was fleeing the state, I was hopeful that might tone it down. I had found a group of girls that I could be myself around. There was no pressure to conform, we were all weird in our own ways. I had finally found a group that didn't pressure me to open up more than I could. If I wanted to be the sarcastic hard ass, people accepted that that was my personality. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. Maybe LA wasn't the end all be all of my life.

"Yes Chloe, I'll be your roommate. Just as long as were clear that I am forever going to hate your perkiness. Especially in the mornings." I answered. Her face lit up like a 5 year old on Christmas morning and she hugged me tightly.

"Beca Mitchell I love you! I'm so excited!" She gushed.

"Chloe Beale you're one of the few people I can tolerate on a daily basis" I responded. She laughed as she toasted her cup with mine and grabbed me by the hand.

"Come on, there's a rap battle happening in the living room and I know you're going to kick ass at it!" She exclaimed as we headed through the swarm of party goers.

* * *

><p>*Jesse POV*<p>

I looked down at my watch and saw it was 2:15am. I hadn't seen Beca in over an hour and the whole vomit scene that continued to replay over and over in my head as I tried to block her image out was really starting to get old. I was ready to head out and hopefully head back to the dorms and spend the night together. Just sleeping of course. I looked down at my pants. Sleeping, just sleeping, don't get any other ideas.

I traveled through the house, it was still pretty packed for being as late as it was. But as I looked from person to person, I found no sight of her. I had texted her about 20 minutes ago and looked down at my phone. Still no response. I picked up the phone and called her. But after 5 rings, it went to voicemail.

"Hey guys, it's Beca. It's 2012, hang up and text me."

I groaned as the frustration of not finding her continued to grow. I went to turn around and bumped straight into Chloe.

"Chloe! Sorry, listen have you seen Beca? I've been looking for her everywhere." I explained.

"WHAT?!" She yelled. The music drowning my voice out.

"BECA! WHERE IS SHE?!" I restated.

"I don't know, I haven't seen her in about an hour. The last time was downstairs in the basement. She and Stacie were playing Dance, Dance, Revolution. She's around here somewhere though, I'm sure we'll find her. I'll go check the bathrooms." She suggested. I nodded my head and moved passed her as I decided to head outside and look. No sign of her on the balcony, the pool, or the hot tub. I turned around to see Chloe heading my way.

"Hey! We found her. She's upstairs, but umm...yeah were gonna need your help" She explained as she turned around and I followed her back inside. I couldn't possibly understand what they would need my help with as I headed up the stairs behind Chloe. I made a left turn and faced the closed door leading to the bathroom. Chloe stopped and faced me.

"Cynthia Rose went to use the bathroom and found her in here. She's blacked out Jess, about the only way were sure she's still alive is she's still breathing. Amy mentioned something about taking shots with her. I don't know, I don't know how much she's had to drink. I'm just giving you a heads up." She told me. I couldn't comprehend anything I was hearing. It wasn't like Beca to get out of control like that. But then again, I really didn't know much about Beca as I would have wanted to. I didn't know why she was resistant to let anyone into her life, what had happened to her mother, hell I didn't even know her birthdate.

I opened the door to find her body splayed out across the floor. Her flowing chestnut hair out of the bun she had earlier and covering her face. She didn't move her body an inch. The only movement to be seeing was the rising and falling of her chest. She looked like she was just sleeping peacefully.

"Beca?" I questioned.

Nothing.

"Bec, it's Jesse. Come on, it's time to go home. We'll get you into bed." I suggested.

Nothing.

"Beca I need you to stand up, come on." I continued, this time shaking her to try and wake her up.

Finally, her hand slightly swatted at me.

"Bec?"

"I fine" She answered, still not moving.

"Beca we need to go."

She continued to lay there not moving. I was getting nowhere. It was time to do something.

"Okay, were going now." I stated before I picked her up. I moved her onto her back as one arm went under her head and the other hand under her knees. I felt complete embarrassment for her as I carried her out of the small bathroom. She put her arms against my neck and rested her head on my chest. Her eyes never opening.

"Benji!" I called as I saw my roommate at the bottom of the stairs. He looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Can you help me get her out of here? I need you to grab my car keys from my pocket, and open the door please. I may also need some help getting her into the car."

"Yep, I'm on it." He immediately complied, asking no questions.

Step by step I carried her down and out into the warm night. Her hand grabbed a fistful of my shirt as I shifted her weight and hoisted her back up into my arms again.

"Bec, were at the car, I'm gonna put you down for just a second and help you in. Stay with me." I instructed as I gently eased her down into a standing position. Unfortunately for her, her legs couldn't support her and she immediately began to collapse. I picked her up just in time and helped her in. Her head fell to the side and she laid in the passenger seat perfectly still. I was still in complete shock at the events that were unfolding in front of me.

"Thanks Benji, can you just let everybody know she's fine, I'll talk to guys tomorrow. I'm gonna spend the night with her in case anything happens." I explained.

"Yeah, sure thing, I'll see you tomorrow." He replied before heading back to the house.

We got back to the dorms and I headed to the passenger side of the door to retrieve my...my what? My girlfriend? My friend with benefits? Hell, I didn't even know what we were.

I opened the door to find her still passed out. I undid her seatbelt and knelt down to remove some hair from her face. Her breath came out steady and even smelling of nothing but liquor.

"Beca...can you open your eyes for me? Come on." I coaxed as I sat her up. Her eyes fluttered as she lifted her head and gazed up at me. She broke into a slight smile before her head fell straight into my chest.

I picked her up and carried her inside. We walked into my dorm and I glanced over at the clock. 3:45am. It had taken us an hour and a half to get everything situated. I laid her down into the bed and looked down at her. She looked insanely peaceful. I didn't have the slightest clue how I was going to explain this to her in the morning. I just prayed it was a one time thing. She was really short after all, and...had we even eaten anything for dinner? Shit.

I kissed her on the forehead before climbing into bed and falling asleep next to her.

***The faster you review, the faster the aca-awesomeness continues :)***


	3. Bloodstream

** 50shadesofPitchPerfect-I love your reviews, they are definitely what is helping me get this out! I also have another person who has been reviewing, but for some reason, those are only coming through my email...Anyway, thank you again for your encouragement!**

**Also, just a heads up, you may or may not have noticed by now that all of the chapters in this story are named after songs. The title of each chapter will always be a song that helped me get through the writing. **

***Just a little filler fluff to get us through to the first date!***

My eyes fluttered slightly before opening fully. I laid in bed completely unsure of where I was. It should be said, that I am an amazing sleeper. Always have been. According to my father, I began sleeping through the night at 5 weeks old, and took naps every day up until I was 6. I rarely ever got up in the middle of the night, and when I did arise, it was usually because something woke me up. A sound, or a feeling. This time, it was the unbelievable pounding in my head that caused me to wake at only 7:58 in the morning.

My eyes scanned around the room as an excruciating throbbing in my head was brought to my full attention. I finally realized I was in Jesse's dorm. I looked down and saw an arm wrapped around my small frame. I couldn't look at the face that belonged to it without turning my whole body. I'm just going to assume it belongs to Jesse.

Holy fuck, what happened last night?! I laid there, trying desperately to remember last night. How the hell did I get home? Did Jesse and I have sex? Did I black out?! The honest to God last thing I can remember is the girls and I winning the rap battle with our rendition of "Push it" by Salt n Pepa. I smiled at the memory of Fat Amy's insane dance moves. My smile didn't last long however, as my thoughts were replaced with complete humiliation. The only logical explanation was that I had blacked out. For that to have happened though, it meant I had to have drank an obscene amount of alcohol. Sure, I've been drunk before after a couple drinks, but all I could think of was that I must have been pounding back shots and mixed drinks all night. My head was killing me and I was desperate for a shower.

I removed Jesse's arm from my body as gently as I could. Then, with as little disturbance to the mattress as possible, I eased my way out of the bed. I stood up and looked down at him. Still sleeping. I breathed a sigh of relief. I grabbed my sandals and purse, and slipped out of his dorm as quietly as possible, sending a mass text to the girls as I completed my walk of shame back to my dorm.

"_Yeah if somebody could give me a recap of what the hell happened to me last night starting after the rap battle, that would be awesome. Thanks."_

* * *

><p><em>"If you gave me a chance I'll take it <em>

_It's a shot in the dark _

_but I'll make it _

_when I am with you _

_there's no place I'd rather be"_

I was back in my room trying to make a mashup between Clean Bandit's "Rather Be" and Steve Aoki's "Delirious" when I felt a tap on my shoulder that caused me to jump slightly. I spun around to see Jesse standing in front of me.

"Hey Million Dollar Baby" He greeted.

"Hey Prince Charming" I responded as I kissed him lightly on the lips. Kimmy Jin rolled her eyes and groaned, giving me a dirty look before leaving our room and slamming the door shut. I looked back towards Jesse and shrugged. He kissed me once more before sitting on my bed and taking my hands in his.

"I missed you this morning, sucked waking up alone." He stated, giving me the puppy dog eyes. I laughed and leaned back in my chair.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I was really in need of a shower and some clean clothes." I explained. I ran my fingers through my hair. I was feeling completely humiliated this morning, I knew I needed to apologize.

"I'm really sorry about last night." I admitted.

"What do you have to be sorry about?" He questioned.

"Um, not really sure. I'd have to know exactly what happened last night first. But I'm going to assume seeing as I have no recollection of last night, that I didn't make the best choices. And somehow I ended up safe in your bed, so I'm also going to assume that you helped take care of me and got me home safely." I explained.

"Jesse...didwehavesexlastnight?" I blurted out as quickly as possible. He laughed.

"No, no Bec we didn't have sex last night. We...had some fun together before we left for the party, and then we met up with our friends, we got separated for quite a while, which is when I'm assuming you were pounding shots like a champ. And then the girls found you passed out in one of the upstairs bathrooms and I carried you home. We went straight to bed. Believe me, when you and I have sex, were both going to be conscious." He stated, giving me the play by play of last nights activities. I put my head in my hands and laughed, horrified at the description.

"So you didn't see me table dancing then?" I asked.

"Yeah, well, I...wait what?! You did what?!" He questioned.

"Well according to Amy, after my 5th round of going shot for shot with her, I thought it was a great time to table dance. I have no proof of doing this, but I'm going to take her word for it." I informed him as I came over to the bed to sit next to him.

"Please tell me someone got video. Kinda glad I didn't see it in person. I would have been dragging you to the nearest empty room to take advantage of you." He smirked as his lips found mine. I smiled into the kiss and pushed Jesse back onto my bed before I situated myself on top of him, straddling his waist.

"Come 'mere gorgeous." He whispered as he pulled my body down to him.

I couldn't help the blush that crept up my cheeks. Nobody has ever made me feel the way Jesse does. College was proving to surprise me at every turn. In high school, guys like Jesse didn't exist. They were total creeps who only looked at you if you were blonde and hott. I was a 5'1 brunette who hated socializing and wore jeans and toms everywhere I went. I was never the first choice. Until now.

"Hey..." I began as I pulled back from him.

"What's wrong?" He questioned.

"What are we?" I asked him, point blank. He sighed.

"Well, I'm hoping you're my girlfriend. I'm hoping that I get to have you all to myself, to kiss, and touch, and love. But if that scares you, we can-"

"No. It's perfect, you're perfect. Some days, I feel like I don't even deserve you. Thank you, for not giving up on me." I replied. When words failed me, I bent down to continue showing him how much he meant to me.

"We'll have plenty of time to continue this tonight beautiful, but for now, I need you to go pack a bag." I heard him say as I kissed along his neck and ran my fingers over his chest. I was completely confused by the statement. I pulled my face back to look at him.

"I'm sorry?" I queried.

"We have our first date tonight, I'm taking you out for a night on the town. I meant to say it earlier, but we got a little distracted. And as much as I'm loving having you on top of me, we really do have to get moving, because we have reservations and traffic heading to Manhattan on a Saturday afternoon is going to be murder." He casually mentioned. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head.

"I'm sorry, did you just say Manhattan!?" I practically yelled.

"I told you I was gonna sweep you off your feet...now get packing, we have a hotel room to check into. I'm gonna go run back to my dorm real quick and grab my stuff. I should be back in about 25 minutes to get you." He reminded me as he gently kissed me on my lips and headed out.

My head was swirling as all kinds of ideas about what we would be doing tonight in the city came to mind. I couldn't stop smiling as I looked around the room and tried to think of everything I needed. For some reason, the flowers my father had gotten for me the night before caught my eye and I noticed something I hadn't the previous night. A note. I walked over to the vase and picked it up.

_Beca-_

_I am so incredibly proud of you. You did all I asked of you this year, and really put effort into it. Thank you. As promised, since your year is up, I am upholding my end of the deal. We need to get everything ready for your move to LA. Call me this weekend and we can arrange a get together to discuss the details. Love you always kiddo, Dad._

Shit. I looked over the note once more. Maybe moving to LA was no longer my dream...

***Please review! It seriously takes 5 seconds. Also, please share this story if you like what you have read so far!***


	4. Was my Girl

**Thank you Thank you to my awesome reviewers! Welcome to my story jessicayip792akaannak47fans and thank you for the awesome reviews! And as always, thank you again to 50ShadesofPitchPerfect, I always love your detailed reviews! I always love getting reviews to help keep me motivated, and also, to have people to talk about Anna Kendrick with. I'm a huge fan and just love her work. More so I love following her on Instagram and Twitter as she is hilarious. I literally have a Twitter account for the sole purpose of following Anna Kendrick, yes, I'm completely lame. **

**Couple things for this chapter...**

**A.) Holy Shit this was insanely long and took forever to write! haha. I may take some time to recover, and will probably have the next chapter up by Friday or Saturday. Working full time sucks!**

**B.) For those of you maybe thinking that Beca seems a bit OOC, I'm definitely trying to build her as a character, and open her up more. She's starting to see now that if she doesn't ever open up, she's ever going to be able to keep relationships. The fight with Jesse after he picked her up from jail was a big eye opener for her. **

**C.) Lastly, while I am not shipping Bechloe as lovers, I am totally shipping them as best friends in this story. Chloe is a very warm and friendly personality. She is going to exude her personality onto Beca by telling her she loves her and being all up in her space, that's who she is. While Beca will never be that outgoing herself, she accepts Chloe's personality and has grown to understand her. Beca cares for Chloe just as much, she just doesn't show it as outwardly. **

**And now, onto the good stuff. Enjoy!**

I stood in front of my closet pacing back and forth. I had 25 minutes to pick out an outfit out for the evening, a pair of pajamas, and an outfit for tomorrow.

Shit.

I let out a huge sigh as I realized that I didn't even have any time to call somebody up and beg them to let me borrow an outfit. Hell even if I did have time, nobody was even close to my size in height. I'd be swimming in any of the girls clothes. There was no time, I just had to go with something I had. But as I did have a boyfriend now, and would presumably be going out more, it probably didn't hurt to do some shopping for a bit of a classier wardrobe. By myself of course, I knew better than to take anyone with me for fear of having to be treated like dress up Barbie.

I grabbed a couple thongs, a bra, a random t-shirt, and some boy shorts, and threw them in the suitcase. My jeans, toms, and two purple tank tops I could layer went in after. But I still didn't have an outfit for tonight.

Finally I spotted the only item of clothing I owned close enough to a dress. My cream colored long dress top with the maroon stripes. I grabbed it along with my maroon leggings and packed them in. After the deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, perfume, make up, and shoes, I zipped the bag and pulled it upward. God, I could feel myself turning more and more into a girl who cared with every second I spent with the Bellas.

I grabbed my keys and bag and headed out. Goosebumps danced across my arms as my nerves set in. This was it. A weekend alone with Jesse. I'd never been alone with a guy for the weekend. I couldn't help but think about how utterly ridiculous I sounded right about now. Seriously Beca? Pull it together for God's sake. It's Jesse. You pushed him away relentlessly, you screamed at him, and just last night he had to carry your drunk ass home. And he's still hanging around. You have nothing to be nervous about.

I headed outside to find him leaning against his car. He caught sight of me as I came closer to view and he straightened up before opening the car door for me.

"M'lady" He remarked as he gestured towards the door. I shook my head.

"Weirdo" I laughed as I handed him my bag and headed in the car. My phone vibrated and I looked down to see I had missed 3 text messages.

"_Don't forget the condoms!"-Cynthia Rose_

_"Shawshank better get some sexual healing! Just saying..."-Fat Amy_

_"Don't do anything I wouldn't do ;) _

_PS-Have fun_

_PPS-I love you :)"-Chloe_

I smirked at the texts before putting my phone in the console and turning to look at Jesse.

"Hey" He stated with a smile.

"Hi" I replied.

"You look beautiful Bec" He sincerely mentioned.

"Thanks, I'm kind of nervous, that black dress I wore last night is the only dress I own. I hope were not going anywhere too fancy." I admitted.

"You look perfect, I promise." He reassured me as he bucked his seat belt and started the car.

He pulled the car out, and we were off, headed to take the interstate straight to New York. I allowed my head to rest against the window as a comfortable silence settled in between us.

"So, I was thinking" He began as he glanced over to me.

"An hour and a half in the car together, we just started officially dating, we should play a game." He suggested. I glanced over at him with a panic stricken face.

"I don't play games." I flatly explained. This of course elicited a laugh from him.

"I ask you a question, you ask me a question. It's simple!" He assured me. I tossed the idea around in my head for a few seconds before finally caving. How else were we going to get to know each other?

"Okay, I'll start with something simple, first concert?" He asked. I groaned and threw my head back, my hands covering my face.

"No, new question, please!" I groaned.

"Oh no, now I'm really curious! Give it up Mitchell, come on!" He laughed, eager for my response. I took a deep breath.

"Okay fine, it was Craig David. I was in 5th grade and thought he had the smoothest voice I had ever heard. There." I finally admitted as he burst out in laughter.

"No, seriously, it's not that bad. I honestly was expecting more along the lines of NSYNC or Britney. Craig David, that's cute." He mused.

"Right, thanks. Your turn...what are your parents names?" I questioned.

"Bill and Julie Swanson. I also have a younger sister, Amanda, who is 15." He explained. I smiled lightly, trying to imagine what his family would be like. Wholesome and Sweet were the first 2 words that came to mind.

"Alright, next question. Who are you listening to underneath those headphones all the time?" Now it was my time to laugh.

"Ummm, a lot of people. Mostly David Guetta, but I also like Sia, Mumford and Sons, Bon Iver, Calvin Harris, Avicii. It all depends on my mood." I informed him.

We continued our banter through our drive as we crossed the bridge into New York City. I sighed deeply as I took in all the sights. No matter how many times I visited, I swore the city was like entering a different country. Each time there was something new to explore, and it never failed to take my breath away. The Empire State Building, Times Square, The Statue of Liberty, Broadway, the Museums, there was no other place in the world quite like New York.

"Amazed?" He simply questioned, noticing my completely glazed over look as I gawked at all the sights coming into view.

"Always, New York is one of my favorite places in the world." I replied, my voice slightly lower this time.

"Lucky guess of mine..."He answered before leaning over to kiss me quickly as we sat at a red light.

"We should be at the hotel in about 15 minutes." He whispered, his lips still hovering close to mine. I nodded my head as I kissed him again before the light could change.

* * *

><p>"Yeah I'm still trying to figure out how the hell you afforded this room, were less than 10 flipping blocks from Broadway Jesse!" I gushed as I paced around our hotel room in amazement. I opened the blinds to let some light in and try and see our views.<p>

"A gentleman never reveals his secrets." He smiled as he wrapped his arms loosely around my waist.

"Now, why don't you go run a hot bath, maybe add in some bubbles. I'm going to pour you a glass of wine and you can just unwind for a little bit. I was thinking we could go grab some Chinese tonight and then I have just one more surprise up my sleeve for you." He explained to me. I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes. Jesse's love for me was crystal clear. I might not ever understand why he took a chance on me, or why he fought for me and never gave up. I just accepted that I was the luckiest girl in the world. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him, not ever wanting to let go. For the first time in 10 years, I felt safe.

"Thank you" I whispered.

"You're welcome. You deserve it." He reminded me as he kissed me lightly on the nose.

I grabbed a towel, and my glass of wine and headed into the bathroom ready to relax completely while the sounds of Ryan Adams played through my headphones.

I must have been completely distracted as I practiced my relaxation, because I never even heard him slip in. But as I unplugged the drain and headed out of the tub, I noticed a beautiful maroon colored spaghetti strap knee length dress sitting on the toilet. Complete with gold chandelier earrings, and some new gold sandals. I picked up the note that lay on top of it.

_"I know this trip was a huge last minute surprise to you, and I thought you might want have wanted something new to wear to celebrate the occasion. So I sent Chloe out on a mission. I hope you don't completely hate it, I know you'll look beautiful. Can't wait to see it on you. Xoxo"_

For the second time that night, I felt myself wanting to cry at my boyfriend's generosity. And I would have to thank Chloe, she didn't pick out anything pink, or heels.

I dried myself off, and slipped into the dress, thankful that I had packed a strapless bra. After assembling myself, I ran a brush through my hair before placing it into a bun. I looked into the mirror and approved of the few pieces of hair that fell in front of my face.

After a few last minute touches of perfume and deodorant, I looked myself over once more in the mirror and told myself this was as good as it was going to get.

I opened the door to find Jesse laying on the bed watching TV in a pair of dark wash jeans and a button down tucked inside of his pants. He immediately sat up as I walked out and just sat there staring at me. I smiled as a blush started in my chest and crept up into my cheeks.

"I'm sorry I'm staring, I just can't get over how beautiful you are..."He whispered as his voice cracked slightly.

"There you are, behind the make up, the angry ear spike, behind the sarcasm, I see you Beca Mitchell, and you are so much more than beautiful." He reminded me as I stood in front of him, our hands locked together. Not knowing what else to do, I kissed him.

"Thank you for making me feel like a real woman for a night." I whispered. Not trusting myself to talk fully for fear of crying in front of him.

Jesse stood up and took my hand as we walked towards the door.

"After you, Miss."

* * *

><p>He opened the hotel room door and pushed it in with his foot as he carried me across in his arms. He spun us around a few times before laying us down on the bed. He got up to remove his jacket before coming back and laying down next to me.<p>

"Come 'mere" I breathed as I pulled him closer to me. I needed to show my love for this man in every single way possible. After an awesome meal at an authentic Chinese restaurant, Jesse had revealed the big surprise. He had bought us tickets that night to see "Newsies" on Broadway. And after an incredible evening of laughing, singing, and touring the city, it was time to really spend time together, to give this man every inch of myself.

I straddled his waist almost immediately as I bent down to shower him with kisses.

"Right to the point huh? My kind of woman..." He joked as his hands instantly found my waist.

I pulled my head back and smiled at him as I allowed the straps of my dress to fall past my shoulders.

"I'm all yours tonight, all yours." I declared. He took a deep breath before flipping me over to my back. His lips quickly found my neck and chest as his hands roamed. Instinctively, my legs spread wider as his legs settled between mine. I could feel his arousal, his body responding favorably to mine.

"Jess..." I moaned as his hand reached up inside of my dress to rub soft circles at the tip of my thigh. Without thinking, my hips bucked up into his causing him to groan.

"Not so fast little one, were taking this nice and slow, I am going to discover every inch of you tonight. I'm going to kiss every part of your body, going to find out what makes you moan, and make you feel so good you'll be screaming well into the morning." He breathed as he continued to slather my chest with kisses. I practically came at the sound of his words.

Our mouths connected and said everything our words couldn't The only sounds to be heard were our heavy breaths as we panted, lust dripping from inside of us.

I sat up underneath him and undid his buttons. His shirt opened up revealing his white t-shirt underneath. I made quick work of both of them and threw them to the side. He came back down to me and pressed his forehead against mine.

"I get to make love to the woman of my dreams tonight." He informed me.

"Jesse..."I uttered.

"It's my...I mean I...It's...I'm a..." I continued to stutter.

"Have you ever done this before?" I questioned. Humiliated at the fact that I was still a virgin.

"Just a couple times. Girlfriend in High School. But my feelings for her were nothing like the overwhelming feelings I have for you." He explained as he rubbed his thumb over my cheek.

"Just...go slow...please? I'm new at this." I finally admitted.

"You can tell me to stop at any point Bec, I promise. We'll take it at whatever pace you need the entire time, entire time." He whispered.

I nodded my head as my hand snaked up to his neck and I pulled him back down to me.

My arousal continued to pool as I could feel my entire bottom half soaked in my fluids. I grabbed Jesse's hand and pushed it down south hoping he would get the memo. Thankfully, he did.

He reached down and pulled at the fabric as I lifted my hips to help. He slid them off easily and threw them onto the floor.

"So wet, so excited." He groaned as he slid a finger through my folds. I moaned loudly as my hips bucked into his finger on their own accord.

There were still way too many articles of clothing on us as I went to work ridding him of his jeans. Pushing them down and off his body, the tent in his boxers gave my performance a standing ovation.

As quickly as his pants hit the floor, my new dress and bra joined them. I once again straddled his waist, this time time completely naked, as he lay back clad only in his boxers.

I hovered above him, his eyes locked on mine. I watched as he simply stared me up and down, taking all of me in. Without even realizing it, my head turned to the side and my arms began to reach up to cover my chest.

"Don't you dare." He croaked as he gently grabbed my hands back.

"Beca, you will never even begin to understand your beauty. You are so flawless, curves in all the right places, a perfect stomach, breasts that have never been touched. I am in awe of you, in awe of your body, your selfless nature. You're incredible." He gushed, praising every piece of me.

"Jesse I'm ready, please make love to me..." I begged.

He gently rolled me over so that I was once more on my back, completely sheathed by him.

I pulled down his boxers, finally exposing all of him to me. As a virgin, I really had nothing to compare him to, nor did I have any prior expectations. But as I laid there, completely ready for him, a small part of me winced. He was bigger than expected. I saw him lean over to reach for a condom, when I gently reached for his arm and shook my head.

"What, are you telling me you're ready to be a parent?" He questioned, causing me to laugh.

"No, I'm telling you I'm on the pill. I went a few weeks ago to Health Services and got all situated." I explained to him. A smile crept across his face and he settled himself in between my legs before leaning down to move some hair out of my face.

"I'll fit, I promise" He reassured me, knowing exactly what I was thinking before I could open my mouth.

"I'm ready." I announced.

"It might hurt a little, just hold onto me. And remember, we can always stop if it hurts." He reminded me, rubbing my shoulder. I nodded my head, and he placed his forehead on top of mine, our eyes fully locked onto each other as he gently pushed himself into me.

It honestly didn't feel that bad, and then I realized it was because he hadn't gotten very far. As he pushed in further and further, the pain built and built.

I simultaneously gasped and screamed out as my head hit the back of the pillow, and not in a good way.

"Beca I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, we can stop. It's okay." He cooed as he trailed kisses up and down my neck. I shook my head in protest.

"I just need to get the pain over with, I'm okay. Please keep going." I assured him. He wasn't buying it as his head fell slightly to the side.

"I can't watch myself hurt you." He muttered dejectedly. I brought my hands up to his face.

"It's only gonna hurt for a little bit, it's my first time, it's to be expected. You can make me forget about the pain after, I promise." I encouraged him.

"Please, I need you Jesse."

That seemed to to be the encouragement he needed as he brought his body back down to me and began to kiss me again. Though his lower region remained still, half of him still inside of me. My body began to warm up again, and I squeezed his waist to encourage him. He complied slowly as he pumped in and out of me lightly. As he built up his momentum, he pushed out before fulling slamming into me, pushing right through my barrier.

I yelped out in pain as he immediately lowered his face to kiss my neck and chest and massage my breasts with his hands. I laid there, slightly tearing up, as I regained oxygen into my lungs and allowed my body time to adjust to having him inside of me.

We laid there, waiting. And after a few seconds, my eyes began scanning the room trying to think of anything but the pain.

"So...how's your mom?" I finally spoke, trying to add in some humor. He simply looked at me, totally unsure of how to respond to that as he laid on top of me.

I bust out laughing, finally ready to continue with things.

"Straight up weirdo, straight up weirdo Beca." He grumbled before finally getting back into things.

He began to pump and I wrapped my legs around his back. Okay, this wasn't as bad as the beginning, this was...this was good. No, scratch that, this was really good.

I moaned when I felt him hit the right spot.

"There?" He breathed. I was about to say something, nod, do anything that let him now it was right when he hit into again. I simply moaned.

"Yeah..." I finally breathed out.

I could feel him begin to speed up, a sign that I assumed meant he was getting closer. As he continued to speed up, he continued to hit in to my pressure point, harder and harder each time. My back began to arch, and soon my hips were rising to match his thrusts.

"Oh God...you feel so good, please don't stop, don't fucking stop." I screamed as my orgasm built, taking me to a state of pure bliss.

He pumped in two more times before sending me completely over the edge. I eyes slammed shut and I screamed out as he groaned and filled me completely.

His head rested into the crook of my neck as he breathed heavily and I came down from my first orgasm of the night.

"Okay, let's do that again..."


	5. Rather Be

**Today was the big day! The trailer for Pitch Perfect 2 was revealed! I have to say, I was kind of let down though. I think this is because I built it up so much. I really was not feeling the way they remixed Anna's song in the beginning. But I'm hopeful the movie will be everything I'm anticipating, and that we get some more Jeca love! **

**By the way Annak47fans, I'm following you on Instagram :D **

**This chapter is a heavy one, dealing a lot with Beca's mom, that in no way coincides with the movie. In fact, in the movie I believe they make it that Beca's Dad left her. So, this is my spin of how things went, and it's in a complete opposite direction.**

*Jesse's POV*

She screamed out once more, before finally slowing, and eventually stopping her movements. I watched as she laid on top of me, breathing heavy, and trying to come back down from her high. Third time must have been a charm as she finally pulled herself off of me and fell back to the bed. I turned my body to face hers and she kissed me gently on the lips as my fingers stroked her cheek. God, she was perfect.

"Jess.." She panted.

"I can't feel my legs, I can barely move." She moaned, her breathing still coming out heavily.

"We got quite the work out." I agreed as a smile crept across my face. It was 2:47 in the morning, and we had just completed round 3. I looked down at her, simply admiring her beauty. She got under the covers and settled in, resting her head on my chest as she picked up my hand and ran her fingers through it.

"That was mind blowing." She admitted.

"I aim to please, gorgeous." I replied as I kissed her forehead.

We laid there, in the quiet and dark of the night, just...holding each other. Just being together and relishing in the amazingness of the night. I knew then and there that I would never tire of hearing this girls moans. I would never tire of watching her body react to mine. She was sexy without ever even trying.

"Bec?" I questioned, unsure of whether or not she was still awake.

"Yeah?" She whispered, her voice slightly horse from our activities.

"What made you decide to stop fighting me? What was it that made you finally decide to open up and trust me?" I questioned, completely unsure of how she would respond. She laid there, presumably in thought, before finally answering.

"I realized one night, as I laid in my bed, alone, that if I didn't start opening up more, I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. And I didn't like it. Shutting people out was great, it kept me from getting hurt, but it also kept me from feeling much of anything. I knew you wouldn't hurt me, and so you seemed like the logical first choice of who I would open myself up to." She explained as I gently rubbed my hand over her back. Her head rested on chest as her arms were wrapped around my waist. It was a perfect moment, and I was in awe of her.

"Thank you." I whispered, not quite sure of what else to say. I wanted to tell her that I was falling in love with her, wanted to tell her that I wanted to give her the world. I wanted to tell her a million different things, but all I could think of was 'Thank You'.

"Jesse?" She rasped.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"There's something I should mention to you..." She began. I felt my heart drop into my stomach at the beginning of her words. I knew there wasn't a chance she was about to tell me that she wasn't in love with me or something like that. Certainly not after what we had just done, but the possibility still popped into my head.

"My Dad and I sort of worked out this deal before I came to Barden." She continued as her fingers began to caress the skin of my stomach.

"I didn't want to go to college, at all. But as he is a professor at Barden, it really wasn't an option. I attend for free because of him, there was no chance he was going to let me pass that up. All I wanted was to go to LA to work on my music career. I wanted to DJ, wanted to create amazing mash ups that were played on the radio. But of course, I had to go to college first. He promised me that if I gave it a shot for a year, really put effort into it, that he would pay for me to go to LA and get settled." She admitted. I laid there silently, completely unsure of what to even say. Her year was up, she was free to go if that was what she wanted.

"Jesse I'm going to tell him no. I don't want to go anymore." She added. I paused.

"You don't want to go to LA?" I asked. Just making sure I completely understood what she was saying.

"No, I want to stay here with you." She whispered, he grip on me tightening.

For my girlfriend of so few emotions, it was the closest I had gotten to an "I love you". This was her way of saying it. I was completely shocked.

"Beca, you can't give up your dream." I insisted. She raised her head up to look at me.

"I'm not giving up my dream, I'm just discovering a new one." She explained to me.

I looked up at the ceiling as her words sifted through my head. I was still trying to process everything and convince myself that this was all real, this was happening.

We continued to lay with each other, letting the silence take over, and I could tell she was almost asleep. It would have been so easy to let her go, to let her drift off into a peaceful deep sleep, but the question had been burning in my mind for weeks. I struggled to find the right time to ask it, and while 4am on a Sunday morning wasn't the most ideal time, she had been opening herself to me, and I knew if I didn't just open my mouth now, I would continue to chicken out. I looked down at her.

"Beca, you still awake?" I questioned.

"Mmmm" She moaned lightly, sleep threatening to take over.

"Can I ask you one more question?"

"Yeah." She returned.

"What happened to your mom?" I finally asked. I could feel her body go stiff against me.

"I don't know." She quickly answered, not looking at me.

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"My first day of 4th grade. She walked me to School that morning, dropped me off, and told me she would be back at 3:30 to take me for some ice cream. When I still sat on the front steps, patiently waiting, at 4 o'clock, the school finally called my Dad and he came and got me. I never saw her again after that." She explained to me.

The answer. This, this right here was the explanation as to why Beca Mitchell always shut everyone out. This was why she was moody and distant. At a time when a girl is coming into her own and needs her mother the most, she was left. And without any explanation.

"I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like" I empathized.

"When I was younger, I used to imagine that she got lost, and was still trying to find her way back to us. but when after 6 months came and went with no sign of her, I finally told myself it was time to move on. Most likely, she just started some new life somewhere." She continued. My heart broke trying to imagine a little Beca, a girl whose heart was so full, whose life was so unscathed, so intact. A little girl who grew up to be a bitter, distant, hurt, young woman. I closed my eyes as I tightened my grip on her.

"I'm never going anywhere, I promise you that. Right here, right now. Sunday, April 29th, 2012 at 4:19am. I'll always be yours. Always." I had to let her know. She had given me all of her. Given me her trust, her body, all of her. I refused to destroy her, it was my mission. She leaned up to kiss me on the lips.

"When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be" She sang, quoting one of her new favorite songs, before pulling the covers over herself and settling into me to fall asleep. It was almost instant, within minutes I watched as her body fell into a pattern and her chest rose and fell with small breathes. I leaned down and kissed her forehead as I turned to shut the light off. I couldn't help the words that fell from my lips, and knowing she was asleep made it slightly easier.

"Goodnight Beca, I love you."

* * *

><p>*Beca's POV*<p>

I stirred lightly as my body stretched. I looked up to find Jesse still fast asleep before settling back into him. Everything in that moment felt perfect, and I just laid there, smiling and feeling happy for the first time in a long time. His hands soon began to rub my back and I could tell he too was waking up. I looked up at him.

"Morning" I whispered, my voice still horse from sleep.

"Morning beautiful" He replied, his fingers running through my hair.

"What time do we need to check out?" I asked.

"Mmm...11am. It's only 8:30, we've got plenty of time. I still need to hop in the shower." He explained. I wished I had had the energy to join him, but as it was, I could barely move a muscle. Every bone in my body ached.

"Ugh, I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously." I mumbled. Jesse looked at me.

"What did you just say?" He asked.

"I should have worked out more before this, my body just feels like jello, I can barely move. I was going to offer to join you, but I honestly don't even think I can stand at this point." I apologized. He pulled me closer to him as his fingers danced across my skin.

"I'm sorry, so sorry..." He breathed as he placed kisses all along my neck and chest, trying his best to avoid my mouth as neither of us had yet brushed our teeth. He sucked on the pulse point in my neck before coming back around and kissing my forehead lightly.

"I really do have to shower though...you rest, maybe watch some TV. I'll be thinking of you." He suggested, winking at the end of his statement, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Nerd..." I laughed as I shook my head.

* * *

><p>I walked into the house, feeling unnecessarily nervous. My father had invited me over for dinner, just the two of us that evening, and I knew we had a lot to discuss. I put my stuff down and found my way into the kitchen where he was putting the final touches on dinner.<p>

"Hey sweetheart!" He bellowed as I made my way into the room, he crossed the small distance and hugged me warmly.

"Hey Dad" I replied softly.

"Hey, tell me, how was New York? I'm dying to hear about it!" He began. I was slightly taken aback, unsure of exactly how to respond. New York was incredibly amazing, for a lot of different reasons. But, he of course didn't need to know about that.

"New York was great Dad, Jesse took me to see Newsies on Broadway, and we had breakfast this morning in Central Park. It was an amazing time." I informed him, trying to hide the blush that rushed to my cheeks. He smiled in response.

"Good, I'm glad to hear it. Listen, why don't you grab the rolls, and we'll be all set to go." He instructed as he brought the pan of ziti out of the oven and to the table.

We sat down, just the two of us, in front of a meal made for a small army. Ziti, Rolls, and Salad. Everything smelled amazing. I began to make a plate as I looked over at him. I was in no mood to beat around the bush.

"Dad, can I ask you something?" I began.

"Of course Bec, you can ask me anything." He replied taking a sip of his water.

"Um, whatever happened to Mom?" I finally spilled out. He sighed heavily before looking down at his food.

"Beca we've had this talk many times, you know what happened." He softly explained.

"Yeah Dad, we had the conversation 9 years ago when it happened. I'm an adult now, I'm sure I'd see things a little differently." I pushed. He looked back at me.

"Maybe this isn't the best time." He gently whispered.

"Dad..." I continued. He put his napkin down.

"It was 2004. We had been married for 12 years at that point. I loved your mother very much Beca. Very much. But that year, was difficult for us. I found out in March that she had been having an affair. I tried to understand, tried to figure out where I had gone wrong. I had suggested counseling, she disagreed. I just kept thinking if I worked harder, put more time and effort into our relationship, that things would improve. I did not want to just throw the towel in and give up, but it was like she fought any attempt I made at reconciliation. I had an inkling that we were not going to make it through this, and that she was going to ask for a divorce, but never in a million years did I think she would just take off. Bec I never thought she would have ever left you behind. Divorce I saw coming, I assumed I would move out, see you every other weekend, something like that. But when I came home that day and saw all of her stuff missing. My heart lunged into my throat, I immediately assumed she had taken you with her and that I would never see you again. It wasn't 5 minutes later that the school was calling me to tell me they had you. I'll never forget that moment for as long as I live. I walked up the steps and saw you sitting on the bench near the principal's office. I just watched you, I couldn't make my legs move. You sat there, your beautiful brown hair in curls, with your legs swinging back and forth, just waiting. And I was so angry. I had such hatred in my body for your mother at that moment. Because you were so innocent Bec, so perfect, so unscathed. And you did not deserve what had just happened to you." He cried. I sat in my chair, tears streaming down my face as I listened to my father tell the story, and cry. Cry for the women he lost. Because not only did he lose his wife that day, he lost a big part of his daughter too. I was never quite the same after my mother left us.

"You guys never fought." I choked out. The only thing able to come out of my mouth.

"No, no we didn't fight. Fighting is a good sign, it means your both working to make things work, you're at least attempting to hear the other person. When there's no fighting, that's when you know you've reached the end." He informed me.

I didn't have much time to process what was happening. The news crashed over my body like a wave, and I struggled to breathe through it all.

"This is why I fought so hard against LA, I've been afraid to let go Beca. Afraid that if you flee the state, and move to the complete opposite side of the country, that I'll never see you again." He added. I paused before looking at him immediately. I had to tell him LA was no longer my plan.

"Dad, I'm not going to LA anymore." I blurted out.

"Now Beca, I don't want you throwing away your dream because of me, we will make this work. No one deserves to be happy more than you do." He protested.

"No, Dad, this is what I came here to tell you in the first place. I just got distracted. Jesse asked about mom last night, about what happened to her, and it made me realize that I hadn't asked you about it in a while, so I wanted to know. But the whole point of me coming over here in the first place was to tell you that I didn't want LA anymore. I have a life here now, I have you, I have a boyfriend, I have friends. It's not much, but it's my life. I'm gonna stick with college, stick with the Bella's. I'm staying." I insisted. Tears welled up in his eyes as he nodded his head. I stood up and walked over to him causing him to stand and hug me tightly.

"I love you so much kiddo, I loved you the moment I first saw your face. I know it hasn't been easy for us, but I love you so damn much." He cried.

"I love you too. I promise. I'm sorry I was such a difficult teenager, I wish I could take it back." I sobbed, my breath coming out sharp and uneven.

We stood in the dinning room, crying as we held onto each other for dear life, forgiving each other. And I knew in that moment, that nothing would ever be the same between us. The past was behind us, the future was here.

***Please, please hear me out. I'm getting over 100 views to this story a day, and 2 people are reviewing. I hope you can understand how frustrating that is. I love to get to know new people and discuss what they think about the new chapter or even just Pitch Perfect in general. So please, if you are reading, take the literally 30 seconds from your day to stop by and leave a review. Thank you!***


	6. Kiss Me

***I cannot tell you how awesome it was to wake up Friday morning and see 5 new reviews from new readers, it put me in the best mood! The more reviews I receive, the more I want to write! Cuticlecareenetwork, thanks for the review! I'm following you on Twitter now. **

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After our emotions finally calmed down, we regained our composure and finished our meal together. As he brought out cheesecake and coffee for dessert, I tried to process everything that had just unfolded.

I had tried to suppress so many of those memories for so long. And now they were all coming back to me. The floodgates opened, and the relentless memories swirled around in my head.

I looked over at one of the pictures sitting on the mantel. Me, at 5 years old, my first day of kindergarten.

"You were the only girl not wearing pink." My dad chuckled, breaking me out of my thoughts as he walked back into the dining room.

"Huh?" I muttered. My body jumping slightly at the sudden comment.

"Kindergarten, you insisted on wearing the jeans and purple shirt. You were the only little girl not wearing something pink, or dressy. Might I also mention you were the only child who did not cry." He informed me, causing me to smile at the thought. I was my own person from the moment I took my first breath.

"All grown up...where did the time go?" He wistfully mused. Reflecting on the past 18 years spent raising a sarcastic, witty, wise cracking, pain in the ass.

"But listen, thrilled to hear your sticking with college, I honestly could not be more excited. What are we gonna do about housing arrangements? There's always plenty of room available at casa de Mitchell!" He beamed, of course failing miserably at selling me on the idea.

"Yeah, well that sounds great, but actually, Chloe is getting an apartment in New Haven. She's starting grad school in a few weeks and it's not too far from campus. Though I'm pretty sure the real reasoning behind the location is so she can have easy access to Yale boys. Anyway, she asked me about rooming with her. I'm all for that if you're okay with it." I explained.

"Alright, I can wrap my head around that. So you'll be about a half hour away. I'm hoping we can have more moments like this one. Maybe bi-weekly dinners, check in with each other?" He offered. I smiled at the suggestion.

"Yeah, Dad. I'd really like that." I agreed. We had a lot of time to make up for, and that was a good place to start.

"But listen, I really should be going, I've got one last final tomorrow morning, and I think all the emotions of the weekend are just really starting to hit me." I admitted as I began to stand up and clear away my dishes. Between giving in to Jesse, and now this new revelation, I was spent.

"I completely understand." He nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable. My eyebrows furrowed as I put my coat on, unsure of what was next to come.

"You okay?" I questioned as I noticed him fiddling with his fingers, like he wanted to tell me something but was unsure of how to begin.

"Yeah...just, uh...one more thing before you go." He stammered. I stood there awkwardly, unsure of how the atmosphere had just changed so quickly.

"So, things with Jesse seem to be...yeah. And well I just-"

"No!" I immediately protested as my hands flew up to my fast, as if to smack away the words spilling from his mouth.

"Dear Jesus, Lord, and Mary, no! We are not about to have this conversation!" I practically screamed out of complete embarrassment.

"Beca I just want to make sure you're being careful, that's all." He pressed. With my eyes slammed shut, I attempted to feel my way out of the room.

"Yeah, well this was an awesome evening, we should definitely do it again. But I'm pretty sure that one horrifically awkward sex talk was enough to last me a lifetime, so I'm just gonna go now, and you...yeah, okay, bye Dad...I'll, uh...I'll call you!" I spat out, trying to get the hell out of dodge as quickly as possible.

"Beca..." He protested.

"Again, reminding you of the last talk we had circa 2006 when I "became a woman"" I retorted. He paused and put his hands across his chest.

"Yeah in 2006 you didn't have a boyfriend that you were taking weekend trips with." He argued.

"Dad, I'm pretty sure that the plumbing still works the same. And I'm going to leave you with the horrible information that I'm on the pill and hope that we can be completely done with this God forsaken conversation." I pleaded. He nodded his head and seemed quite satisfied at my response. This was another one of those moments were it just sucked not having a mother in my life.

"Thank you. All I wanted to know." He assured me.

"Right. Well, goodnight!"

"Drive safe, lemme know when you get back."

"Yeah, oh, and Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's never have this conversation again?" I begged.

"Agreed. Goodnight Beca."

Shit. That was so not how I wanted to end this night.

* * *

><p><strong>Two weeks later, move in day.<strong>

"Good God, this box weighs more than you do." Jesse grumbled as his arms buckled under the weight of my records.

The day had finally arrived, and I was feeling complete excitement at the thought having a place to truly be able to call my own. Jesse on the other hand, was less than thrilled to have to be moving things into a third floor apartment, and cursed Chloe out with every step he took.

"Dude seriously, do not drop those. Are you sure you don't need any help?" I questioned, eliciting a confused look from him.

"Help? From who, you?" He scoffed.

"Funny, Swanson, funny. Where's Benji? I thought he was coming over to help." I asked as we made our way inside and he finally put the records down.

"Yeah, Benji was all for that until Jessica asked him out." He casually mentioned as if this was no big deal.

"Ex-fucking-scuse Me?! Benji and Jessica?!" I Shouted. He simply shrugged his shoulders back at me, causing me to baulk at him.

"Ladies, have no fear, have no fear. The muscles have arrived. What am I picking up? Other than some gorgeous girls of course..." Donald smoothed as he made his way inside. Jesse and I both turned to look at him.

"Um..okay, sure. Why don't you go work on the bed frame and mattress." I instructed. He nodded in response before turning back around to head out. I put my head in my hands as I tried not to think about how long all of this was going to take.

"Why don't we get to work on the mattress..." Jesse suggested lightly in my ear as he grabbed at my ass. I jumped lightly at his touch, but refused to give in. There was way too much that needed to be done.

"Listen nerd, hands off the merchandise, there will be plenty of time for that later." I groaned.

"I'll be sure to hold you to it." He winked as he walked back outside to grab some more stuff.

* * *

><p>"What's this button do?" He joked as he pretending to make an attempt at touching my music. I shot him an immediate death glare.<p>

"Do and Die." I spat out through gritted teeth. He laughed as he made his way over to me across the room where I was putting my records away. As if I didn't get enough of this at the station. He wrapped his arms around my small frame and rested his head on my shoulder. I turned my body to face him.

"You know you're a real pain in my ass 96% of the time." I Whispered, his face just inches from mine.

"Really? Just 96%? Clearly I've got some work to do..." He laughed before lowering his head to meet mine, his lips light and feathery on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and allowed his tongue to slip inside. I sighed slightly at the feeling of his tongue dancing around with me. It had been a week since we were last together and it was obvious my body was missing out. His hand toyed with the hem of my shirt before lifting it slightly and allowing him access to my skin. I moaned gently as my hands gripped his hair, encouraging him. Without warning, he pulled back. I looked at him, my shirt ruffled and my breathing heavy.

"What, what is it?" I sighed, my body missing having him near me.

"We need a song." He blurted out.

"What?" I spat back. Really, this was what he was thinking about as he kissed me?

"I'm trying to get in the mood, really I am. But it's proving to be really difficult what with that blaring pouring out of your computer." He motioned, looking back over to the computer.

"Okay, I'll turn it off." I suggested, not understanding why he didn't think of that himself. As I made my way off my bed, he stopped me.

"No...I mean, yes, we can turn it off, but still...we should have a song. All couples have a song." He informed me.

I rolled my eyes at this notion. No, all couples did not have a song. Now, couples in movies? Yeah, they had songs. But as my cheesy nerd of a boyfriend was absolutely obsessed with movies, I had to cave every now and again.

"Okayyyy, fine by me. Pick one." I suggested.

"Now where is the fun in that?" He scoffed. "It has to be spontaneous. Here, I'll turn the radio on, first song to come on is ours."

"Right, and when Lil Jon's 'Turn down for what' comes on, then what happens?" I pointed out. He laughed and shook his head as he made his way over to the stereo. Slowly he turned the dile before settling on a bluesy melodic song. He looked over at me before extending his hand. I stared blankly at him.

"Yeah, no I don't dance." I informed him.

"Bullshit. I've seen you perform, humor me will you." He coaxed. I finally gave in. The things I did to make this boy happy.

We stood up in the room as I took his hands in mine and we swayed silently, just holding each other and listening to the words.

"You are so cheesy." I groaned.

"Don't deny it Mitchell, you love it. I'd hate to think of where you would be in life right now without me, silently brooding in a corner somewhere without even a juice pouch to sip on." He reminded me, the sound of this causing me to shake my head. I settled my head into his chest as he began gently whispering the lyrics into my ear.

_"And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck_

_I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet_

_And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now_

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved_

_You wanna be loved_

_This feels like falling in love_

_Falling in love_

_We're falling in love"_

In what could arguably be considered the single most cheesiest moment in my entire life, I stood in the middle of my new room, in my first apartment, with my arms wrapped around my boyfriend. It was so obviously that Jesse was head over heels in love with me, everyone could see it. And as much as I fought against the notion of love, of romance, and relationships, as much as I had shut myself off from the world, I couldn't deny this. This was so much more than sex, I was falling in love with him.

Everything felt like it was moving so quickly, but maybe that's why people always said that the best romantic relationships start out as friendships. Though I'm not exactly sure that Jesse and I were ever considered friends. He was more like this neurotic, adorable, movie obsessed, little puppy dog that followed me around insistently. And no matter how many times I tried to shake him off, he always came back full force. Finally, it just got to the point where fighting him just wasn't worth it anymore, so I caved.

I looked up at him. I wanted to tell him, but the words would have just sounded completely awkward coming from my lips. 'I love you' the words sounding sickeningly sweet even in my head.

"Now nobody touch the ice cream with my name on it!" I heard Fat Amy yell.

"Dude they _all _have your name on it!." Cynthia Rose retorted.

"Hey you flatbutts can all walk to the store as well, last time I checked y'all still had your legs." She hollered. I was immediately broken out of my thoughts and noticed the audience swarming around my open door.

"Umm Hi." I proclaimed, annoyance seething in my voice as I glared at the Bella's all huddled around my door.

"You guys are so cute!" Chloe exclaimed as she clapped her hands together.

"No, not cute, don't say cute." I argued.

"I think setting fires is cute." Lilly whispered, I shook my head as I chose to ignore the odd comment.

"Were adorable." Jesse added in.

"Nope, not adorable either. Just taking a little break from unpacking!"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the power couple of the A Capella world."

My eyes practically popped out of my head at the sight of Aubrey joining the mass of girls all staring at Jesse and I.

"What time's the keg arriving Chlo?" She questioned, moving right along.

Keg?! Why the hell was a keg being ordered?

"Um, what?!"

"Oh right, did I forget to tell you? Were having a housewarming party to celebrate you getting all settled in. It's official, were roomies!" Chloe squealed causing me to groan.

"Oh don't start Beca, we can't all have hott ass aca boyfriends to screw whenever we please. The rest of us need to socialize too, this fat girls ready to find some more loving. Bumper's great and everything, but a girl can only take so much of a crooked penis. I bet those Yale boys know how to work a real woman" Amy laughed.

There it was, the mood was officially ruined. Jesse kissed my forehead and I could feel the smile upon his lips as we pulled apart from each other. I looked up at him, annoyance ever present upon my face. It had been a week since we had gotten to enjoy each other, and the sexual frustration was really starting to take it's toll on me. And now, knowing this apartment would soon be filled with all of our closest friends, the chances of us getting alone time was slim to none.

"Crooked penis? Been there done that, I can give you tips on how to work it, don't worry!" Stacie called out to Amy as everyone began to dissipate through the hall.

A party, great.


	7. Prophecy

***I'm pretty sure this is my favorite chapter that I've written so far, and I hope you love it!***

** KissKendrick-Welcome to my story! Thanks so much for the review!**

**Links to the inspiration of "Beca's Mashups" That helped my brain get into the party atmosphere**

** watch?v=If5MF4wm1T8**

** watch?v=HJMapA8WgYw**

I plugged my jump drive into the stereo and it wasn't long before the apartment was filled with my mashups.

As a way of trying to make up for cock blocking me earlier today, and potentially tonight what with all these people here, Chloe had told me I could create tonight's playlist.

I got everything set up before turning around to face the atmosphere. Our front door never seemed to stay closed for more than 2 minutes at a time. I about choked on my beer when I heard Aubrey's voice again. I still had not quite gotten over the fact that she had showed up here, and even more so that she was acknowledging my presence.

"Listen, I was thinking we could talk..." She began.

"Yeah, I was thinking I could treble bone my boyfriend tonight, but that's probably not gonna happen." I grumbled, unable to help the biting sarcasm that fell from my lips as I took another sip.

"I deserve that." She agreed. I stare at her in shock, my solo cup midway to my lips.

"You do?"

"Look Beca, it's no secret, I was a complete bitch to you the entire year."

My head pulled back as I listened to her confession.

"99.9% of the time I wanted to punch you in the face, we're clearly very different personalities. However, it was your idea that won us the championship. It sucks when you know someone else can do your job better, I don't like not being the one fully in control. Anyway, the point of all this is to tell you that now that you're the leader of the Bellas, you'll understand where I was coming from. I just wanted us to be the best, and if I had to be a bitch to get us there, well so be it."

It was only 8pm, no chance she was just completely wasted. I could see her vulnerability as she finally explained the reasoning behind her shitty personality the past year. And hold the phone, did she just call me the captain of the Bellas?!

"Aubrey, I'm not captain..." I reminded her. She shook her head.

"Oh please, who the hell else would we choose. Stacie fucks anything with legs, Fat Amy can't be trusted to be serious for more than 5 seconds, Lilly can barely talk, and even when she does it doesn't make sense...you're the best we've got Beca. Of course we'd choose you as captain." She explained, as if this was the most obvious information.

"I know I'm in New York now, and this whole broadway shit is insane, but if you ever need help, or advice, maybe Chloe's busy one night or something..."

"You're going to regret saying that saying that Aubrey, I guarantee it." I laughed.

"You're going to do just fine. I trust you completely to uphold Bella tradition." She smiled as we clinked our cups together. An understanding settling over Aubrey and I.

"Alright, back away from the cup. Look Aubrey, I know you hate her. That know it all attitude of her's can be a bitch at times, but poisoning Beca is so not the answer." Jesse boomed as he interrupted our interaction. My mouth fell open at his smart ass remark.

"Takes one to know one nerd!" I scoffed as I playfully smacked his chest.

"Unicycle is looking for you." He informed Aubrey with a smile as she laughed and walked off to find her boy toy. Jesse turned and looked at me with complete confusion.

"You hate Aubrey." He reminded me.

"I hate authority. Aubrey's my equal now, she can't tell me what to do. I mean she can, but now it's more of a suggestion as apposed to a command."

"Oh? Like when she commanded you stay away from me?

"Yeah, well, we all know I don't play by the rules." I sassed before kissing him on the lips.

"Beer? Are we starting off small this time? I so loved carrying you to bed completely passed out."

He's smirking as he recalls the memory of me passed out at the Treble house and I think to myself how effortless our banter seems, he gives as good as he gets.

"Well this time the bedroom is a bit closer..." I smiled.

He looks down at my outfit and frowns, seemingly upset at my choice of clothing. My dark wash jeans, and a form fitting red spaghetti strap top, my chest threatening to spill out at any moment. I put my arms around his neck and stand up on my tip toes, still coming nowhere close to his height.

"I was kind of hoping you would wear a dress tonight..." He wines as he gives me the puppy face.

"You and those dresses, I know you think I look good in them, but I'm so much more comfortable in jeans." I informed him. His face broke into a smile.

"Well you do look hott in them, but I was purely focused on the easy access they provide." He smiled, a typical horny teenager response. I glowered at him, the death stare present on my face.

"What can I say, you're fucking hott Mitchell, and you're all mine."

His lips are on mine instantly and all I can think about is getting him upstairs and christening my new room.

"Alright ya horny dingos, lemme introduce to what we in Tasmania called sex in a glass." Fat Amy interrupts. Jesse pulls his lips off of mine briefly to glance over at her.

"Don't think we need any help with that Amy, Beca's already sold me on the sex. I'd take her right here on the table, but then everybody would see what she's hiding under these clothes and I'd have to fight 'em off. " He went on as he continued to grope at my body. I pushed him off slightly and rolled my eyes at him as I readjusted my clothes.

"Sorry, TMI?" He laughed. Amy played with the question in her head.

"Well, I mean, I've heard worse. Bumper's bedroom skills, now that might be TMI. God, can that man give it up...never grows tired! I mean like the enegizer bunny dude, that boy will fu-"

"OKAY!" I boomed, cutting her off instantly.

"What do you have? We'll take it."

"You mean he'll take it." She clarified. I looked at her quizzically.

"It's a body shot, Tequila. Now you just lay back on that there table and lift your top." She instructed, Jesse wildly laughing as his face lights up. I pulled down on my top, my arms guarded against my stomach as embarrassment settled over me.

"Nope, no, nope, no, no, no." I protested veraciously.

"Oh come on!" Jesse pleaded.

"I promise, just one, it'll be fun!"

I look up at the weirdo, his boyish good looks making it impossible to say no to him. Instead, I simply groan, admitting defeat as we head into the dining room and I lay my body back.

"Alright, what do I do?" Jesse asks as he and Amy stand above me.

"You fuck her." Amy casually responds. Jesse and I both whip our heads towards her.

"Kidding, totally kidding, y'all need to lighten up, don't worry, this will help with that." She laughs as she hands Jesse the shot.

"Beca, lift your shirt and hold this lime in your mouth. Jesse, lick a small part of her stomach, and I'll pour the salt on. Lick the salt off, take the shot, and suck on the lime in her mouth. If this doesn't have you two rocking the bed back and forth instantly, rinse and repeat." She instructed.

"What?! Body shots? Benji come on!" I heard Jessica screech.

Fuck my life I was so not drunk enough for this shit.

Jesse looked down at me and raised his eyebrow. I took the lime from him, placed it in my mouth, and lifted my shirt up.

He looked down at me once again, as if asking for confirmation. I nodded my head and he slowly lowered his lips to a patch of skin between my belly button and hip bone. It was all I could do to not moan softly at the sensation. God his lips were capable of so many amazing things. He lifted his head after a few seconds to glance over at me. A huge smile present on his face.

"Alright, here comes the salt!"

It hit my skin and I looked down to see it sprinkled across. This would have been so much better if all of my friends weren't surrounding me cheering Jesse on.

"Okay weirdo, here we go"

He returned to my stomach, sucking off the salt, but not before biting down lightly. I bit the lime to stifle my moan, lime juice unexpectedly filling my mouth. My lips puckered at the taste. He quickly took his shot, his head shaking as the liquor burned through his body before he bent down to me and began to suck on the lime as he put his hands on my hips to hold himself steady. My hands fisted in his hair as he grabbed the lime with his teeth and spit it out across the room. His lips came back to mine and my mouth filled with lime, tequila, and Jesse.

"Hey! No sex on the table! House rule!" Chloe shouted as she walked past the dining room. I smiled at Jesse before sitting up and pulling my shirt down.

"Oh, wait, I've been looking for you! Come on, we need to take our celebratory shot!" She exclaimed as she grabbed me off the table by my hand. We walked back into the kitchen and she poured the two shots of Southern Comfort, her favorite. She handed me my shot and smiled at me.

"To us. To you being captain, to you not shutting out the world anymore, and to me getting lucky with Luke over there, who just moved here from Georgia to study at Yale Law." Chloe toasted.

"To us..." I smiled, throwing the shot back. Ugh, I needed a chaser.

* * *

><p>By 12:30, I was feeling pretty fucking amazing. After a few beers, and a couple of shots, all my inhibitions were laid to rest. I grinded with Stacie, as a mash up of the spice girls played through out the speakers. My hair, pulled back in a half pony tail bounced with every move I made. As we continued to laugh and dance, my eyes began to scan the room and look for Jesse. I was ready to head upstairs and forget about everyone down here, but he was nowhere to be seen. I turned my head back around as I felt Stacie's hand on mine.<p>

"Beca, look." She yelled over the music as she pointed to Jesse, standing on top of the counter.

Oh fuck.

The Trebles, close by, began to harmonize, and he caught my eyes as he pointed to me and nodded his head. I shook mine in protest.

"What's he got up his sleeve?" Ashley laughed as she came and joined us.

"Hell if I know, I'm about to handle this." I muttered as I made my way over to him.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I sneered. He simply smiled back in response.

"You're one of those A Capella guys, I'm one of those A Capella girls, and I'm about to make your panties drop." He slurred, mixing up his words. Alcohol oozed from his breath as he stood back up and began to get ready.

Oh Jesus. There was no stopping this now.

I stepped back as he regained his posture and the boys began to sing, my face turning 8 different shades of red.

_"You and I_

_We don't wanna be like them_

_We can make it to the end_

_Nothing can come between_

_You and I"_

Oh Christ, One Direction?! Seriously? That was like a step above Bieber. I glanced up at him, my arms folded across my chest as my one eyebrow raised up in question. Well shit, he did have a damn good voice. Only he could make this sound good right now. Not to mention he was piss drunk, and he still made it sound good.

He sauntered off the counter after his rendition, and attacked my lips.

"I'm so drunk right now..." He breathed, causing me to laugh sweetly.

"Yeah, yeah you are." I agreed.

"Will you still have sex with me? I don't know if I can go another day without seeing you, I'm dying here." He groaned as his lips devoured my neck and his hands began to skim the waistband of my jeans. It was all I could do to nod my head.

He lifted me up into his arms and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I could hear the cat calls and squeals as we walked through the sea of people. I simply winked in response. Yeah, he was hott, even more so when he was drunk, and he was all mine.

He placed me down at the top of the stairs, pushing my back into the wall, and basically jumping me. His lips trailed up and down my neck roughly, as his hands quickly dove into my jeans, grabbing at my ass. I moaned into his ear, my body putty in his hands.

"Fuck I've missed you." He groaned, his lips tasting of beer and tequila. I sighed heavily.

"I'm all yours" I whispered as my fingers tugged at the bottom of his shirt until I found an opening, snaking my hands inside to run my fingers along his abs. We were not going to last long.

"But first, we need to get to the bedroom"

He picked me back up to kick the door open and quickly placed me down on top of my desk. Papers went flying.

He removed his lips from mine just long enough to get my shirt off of me. His hands roamed every inch of my stomach, and I could feel myself ready to go. I arched my back and pushed myself further into him, wanting to feel as much of him as possible.

Sex with Jesse was never dull. I had always imagined our first few times would have been a bit awkward, and expected some sweet, lighthearted, cute, nerdy, love making session. But no. Boy took charge in the bedroom. Our sex life was anything but sweet. Sure, there were definitely times when we needed to make love to each other. Needed to show each other our appreciation and love, and it felt good. But sex, this kind of sex, the kind where he gave me back to back orgasms, had me screaming til I was horse, and gave it so good I could barely move the next day, this was stuff you read about in Cosmopolitan. Maybe that's where Jesse got his moves from...

My bra fell to floor as he hovered above me, his legs in between mine. I made for his belt and he groaned, resting his forehead on mine.

"Fuck, I need to slow down." He breathed. "Otherwise I'm gonna cum before I even get inside of you." His heart is racing, and I knew he would never live it down if he came before me, let alone cum before he even gets inside me.

"Hey, hey it's okay. Breathe." I remind him. I cup his face in my hands. He kisses them gently, looking back at me. "So understanding." He whispers. We hover above each other a few minutes before he finally nods his head.

I struggle out of my jeans and thong and lean back, letting him take me in completely. He brings his face back to mine and lavishes my lips with kisses as I pull his boxers down. His member greeting me upon release.

"Bed?" He offers, but I shake my head.

"The wall." I tell him, and he looks back at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay, yeah, sure, uh...right." He stutters, trying to figure out how were going to facilitate this. He hoists me up into his arms again, and were face to face, his just inches from mine.

"Wrap your legs around me" He instructs. I immediately comply and groan as I feel him fill me.

"Ughhhh" I moan loudly. It's my first time in this position, and to be completely honest, I'm not even sure why I suggested it. But now, I'm thanking my lucky stars above that I did.

He begins to pump in and out of me and I can already tell my climax is just minutes away. This new angle allows him to push into my more deeply and I cannot stop the moans escaping my mouth as my eyes roll back into my head. I grip my arm around his neck and press my forehead against his as I lower my eyes to watch him push himself in and out of me. My screams continue to increase.

"So good, ughh, so good." He moans.

"Faster, don't stop..." I sigh. He picks up the pace and I feel it building.

"Fuck, I'm cumming." I cry out and he finishes up, pumping even faster.

I'm screaming as my eyes slam shut on their own accord. The feeling builds, starting in my legs and making its way up into my chest. I feel the warmth spreading as he himself spills into me. I will never tire of this. Never.

I pull his lips to mine and kiss him, as if to thank him. I know he gets just as much out of it as I do. But damn, he's just so good at it.

We stand against the way, still trying to come down from our euphoria as the music from downstairs can still be softly heard flowing through the room. Our juices are spilling out from my lower half and we stand there, simply staring at each other, both intoxicated. My eyes start to brim with tears, and he can see this. One slips out on its own accord, and he kisses it away. He doesn't speak, he gives me my time.

"I..." I open my mouth to begin. So much emotion is pouring out of me, I can no longer contain it. I'm still slightly inebriated, and hard as I try, I can't get the fucking feelings to stop.

"It's more than sex to me." I explain to him. He nods his head as his hands rub soothing circles around my waist.

"Jesse..." I whisper, rubbing my thumb across his cheek. "I love you."

My forehead connecting to his as I close my eyes and allow the tears to fall silently. I can hear the ragged gasp that escapes his lips as shock washes over him. He tilts my chin up to him.

"Open your eyes Bec, open your eyes to me"

After a few seconds, they open up to his face.

"I love you too. It's always been more than the sex. You're my whole world. I love you."

I nod my head as unfamiliar emotions take over my body. We stand there, backed up naked against the wall and kiss as the tears continue to slide down my cheek.

"I love you, I love you..." I remind him.

He looks at me before singing to me, our song.

_"Kiss me like you wanna be loved_

_You wanna be loved_

_You wanna be loved_

_This feels like falling in love_

_Falling in love_

_Were falling in love"_


	8. Have I told you lately that I love you?

***Once again, thank you thank you to my reviewers! While I'm still disappointed at the lack of reviewing on this, especially with people who are favoriting/following and not reviewing. I have nothing but love and respect for those who are contributing and taking the time to thank me for all my hard efforts. You guys are what keep me going and preventing me from just throwing in the towel, so thank you!  
><strong>

**KissKendrick-So funny you should mention that, as I was uploading the chapter this morning, I was thinking to myself "I'm pretty sure Beca and Jesse have hooked up in some form in every chapter. And yet, this chapter also starts off with more of that. I honestly didn't plan it that way, but I'll use the excuse that they have a lot of pent up sexual frustration to release haha. Also, trouble is ahead, so at some point, not every chapter will be so sweet. But I'm glad you like it!**

_"I don't wanna go." I groan as I sit at the counter while my mother makes lunch. _

_"Beca, it'll be just fine. I'll tell you what, I'll pick you up after school, and we'll go get ice cream at Hoffmans. Sound like a plan?" She offers, placing my sandwich, apple, and chips into the brown paper bag. She knows ice cream is my weakness. _

_"Okay fine." I sigh, finally giving in. As we walk towards the front door, I notice a suit case. _

_"What's that doing down here?" I question. But she brushes it off like it's nothing. _

_"I'm just putting some summer clothes up in the attic. Come on, we're gonna be late." _

* * *

><p>I bolt upright in the bed, gasping for air, my body sweating. Just a dream, just a dream, I remind myself, as my body begins to come down from the panic.<p>

I need time to adjust, as my memory comes back to me. You and Chloe moved in together Bec, you're in your new apartment.

I look over at the clock, 5:42am. Then to my bed. Jesse, dead asleep, completely unphased by my abrupt wake up. I lay back down and he begins to stir.

"You okay?" He questions, his voice hoarse from sleep. I can tell he's just barely awake.

"Yeah." I assure him. "Just a bad dream."

He rubs his eyes and looks over at the clock. He too noticing it's way too damn early to be awake.

He kisses my forehead and pulls me in close to him.

"Try and go back to sleep baby." He whispers as I curl up against him and he holds me tight. He knows I hate being called 'baby' but every now and then, it slips. This morning, it comforts me.

I curl into his body, so strong and warm, and his hand begins to rub my back. I'm safe again, and it's not long before I'm right back to sleep.

* * *

><p>*Jesse POV*<p>

I stir in bed as my body begins to wake up. Light from the window is streaming into the room. Instinctively, I go to curl into Beca, but feel nothing but an empty bed. My eyes open and begin to scan the room before settling on the clock. 9:37am. My ears perk up as I begin to hear voices and movement from downstairs, and the shower running upstairs.

I sigh heavily, not even trying to hide the smile that falls on my face. We don't ever have to deal with Kimmy Jin again. Beca's got her own space. Her own room, her own bathroom, and a roommate who actually developed social skills.

I get out of bed and make my way into the bathroom, steam already beginning to form. I can just barely make out her figure through the curtains.

"Jesse?" She shouts, as if anybody else but me would be walking in on her in the shower.

Well, then again...

"No, Charles Manson." I remark. She pulls her head out from behind the curtain.

"Ohhh yeah, sorry, I don't do beards." She smiles. I look at her face, trying to capture it in my brain. When Beca's happy, she has a thousand watt smile, her face lights up like a Christmas tree. Any time anybody asks what my girlfriends best feature is, her smile always wins.

"Mind if I join you?" I ask. She smiles again and uses her pointer finger in a come hither motion.

I strip out of my boxers and pull back the curtain. All 5 feet of her stand in front of me, dripping wet.

I close the space between us as I kiss her lightly on the lips, my hands running up and down her sides, rubbing slightly.

"Hi" I smile.

"Hi back." She replies as she kisses me once more.

My arms envelop her into a hug as I begin to caress her upper half with kisses as the water cascades around us.

"I love you, I love you, I love you..." I remind her between kisses. "I've been waiting so long to tell you."

"Even when I'm a pain in the ass?"

"Even when its late at night, and you've had a shitty day, and every single word you have uttered to me in that 24 hour period has been laced with sarcasm and cynicism, I still love you." I remind her.

"And I still love you, even when you make me watch movies I don't want to watch, or drunkingly serenade me in front of all of our friends. I love you too."

We stand there, in the middle of the shower, declaring our love for each other, and I can't help but think how perfect everything is. How utterly damn perfect she is. Behind the pain, the anger, and the sadness, hides a young woman so selfless and giving. And as we stand in the shower together, kissing, and cleaning each other up, I can't help but hope that this is how I get to spend every Sunday morning for the rest of my life.

* * *

><p>*Beca's POV*<p>

I stand in front of the mirror as I throw my hair up in a bun, feeling clean and comfortable as I slip into a pair of sweats and a Bellas t-shirt when Jesse comes over to wrap his arms around my waist and rest his head on my shoulder. I look at our reflections in the mirror.

"Promise me it'll always be this good." I whisper.

"Always, I promise." He reassures me.

We make our way down into the kitchen, and I can't help but feel slightly nervous about what were going to be walking into. I'm expecting to see red solo cups all over the floor, our furniture in pieces, and cigarette burns in the carpet. Evidence of a party written all over the house.

So my surprise is evident when Jesse and I walk down the stairs and find a completely calm and clean atmosphere. The furniture not at all disturbed, fresh light seeping the the blinds, smells of bacon and eggs wafting through the kitchen, and Chloe and Ashley sitting at the counter talking while some rando cooks breakfast. All while Michael Buble softly plays through the stereo. I turn to Jesse as we hit the bottom steps.

"Dude I don't know how it happened, but I'm pretty sure we woke up in the wrong house..." I warn him.

"Hey guys! Morning!" Chloe greets, her perkiness evident even early on a Sunday morning.

"Why is everything so clean? And why do I feel like I just stepped into a Norman Rockwell painting?" I question, my eyes scanning the room while my hand scratches at my head. Chloe laughs.

"I took everybody's car keys. 1.) It keeps people from driving drunk, as they were locked in my room and had to get through me first before they could retrieve them. And 2.) To get their keys, they had to do some sort of cleaning. Whether take out the trash, clean the counters, vacuum. Whatever it was, it was something. Made things a lot easier." She informed us. "You and homeboy were kind of busy last night, and I didn't want to bother you, so you a freebie."

I looked down at my feet and smiled.

"Beca, can I interest you in some breakfast? Coffee perhaps?" Luke, Chloe's...whatever he was, asked me. I secretly hated being taken care of, but didn't want to be rude.

"Yeah, eggs and bacon would be great. Coffee too please."

I take a second to look him up and down. I have to admit, Chloe did well. I'm not sure how the hell the rando found out about this party, but he seems to be kind and gentle. With muscles that seem to never end, dark brown, trimmed hair, a bit of a stubble, and haunting green eyes, Chloe had to be in heaven. The southern accent I'm sure an added bonus. I catch her eye briefly and nod my head in improvement. She breaks into a smile and nods as well, a smirk falling across her face.

"Oh shit." I hear Jesse mutter as he looks down at his phone.

"What's wrong?"

"Ummm...my parents just showed up."

His hand touches the back of his neck as he sighs.

"There kind of pissed I decided to stick around for the summer and take some more classes instead of coming back home, so I guess they thought it would be fun to just show up and surprise me."

"Where are they at?" I questioned.

"Ohh, ya know, the Treble house." He informs, eliciting a laugh from all of us. The image of his parents and 15 sister showing up at what could basically be considered a frat house now fresh in our minds.

"Well, I'm gonna go. Damage control is definitely going to be in order. Bec, do you wanna meet up with us tonight? We can all go to dinner or something?"

He recognizes the look of fear that takes over my face immediately.

"Hey if it's too much, you don't have to. No hard feelings." He readily adds.

"No, it'll be fine. I'm just not exactly what parents usually expect when they think of girlfriend material. But I will be there, just send me a text and let me know."

He kisses my forehead and grabs his keys before heading out the door.

* * *

><p>"I told him I loved him Chloe." I inform my roommate as we sit out on our balcony sipping white wine and people watching on the streets below. The warm breeze of early summer is soft and sweet against my skin. I look back over at her again as she breaks out into a coughing fit.<p>

"Next time you're about to drop a bomb on me like that Bec, a little warning would be GREAT." She remarks. "Holy shit, Beca, this is HUGE! How did it happen? What brought that on? I didn't even think you knew that phrased existed!"

I glare at her playfully as I run my fingers through my hair and focus on the joggers running through the street below.

"We were drunk, had really hot, mind blowing sex, and I just felt extremely exposed and vulnerable. These fucking feelings just wont stop. At first, I just wanted to hook up, wanted release. But this...this is so much more than just a good time."

"How are you feeling? I'm going to again reiterate, that's a HUGE step. I know that couldn't have been easy."

I was so thankful for these people in my life. People who understood how closed off to the world I was. No, it hadn't been easy to say. But it felt so right, and I just had to take a leap of faith and trust that Jesse wasn't going to hurt me.

"It was the right thing to do Chloe. I do love Jesse, and I know that he loves me. I'm terrified of getting hurt again, but I trust him. Shutting the world out was a lot easier, but I don't want to be alone anymore." She smiled, and it was evident she was extremely proud.

"Beca Mitchell, God, you've come so far. I knew you'd come around if we kept pushing."

"Yeah, well, it's kind of hard to ignore you two, you never stopped trying. It wasn't like a really had a choice."

"No, you don't have a choice. You're going to be loved whether you like it or not." She smirked.

I looked around at my surroundings, and back at Chloe.

I was happy.

* * *

><p>I had never been more nervous in my entire life. My first time with Jesse, performing in front of hundreds of people, driving a car for the first time, all of it paled in comparison to meeting my boyfriend's parents.<p>

Was I wearing too much make up? Was the eyeliner too much? They couldn't see my tattoos. Shit, except for the one blatantly on my wrist. 'One day at a time' it read in script. Well, that wasn't too bad. What about my outfit? I wore the same dress Chloe and Jesse had gotten for me that I wore when we were in New York. Was I too dressed up? What if they thought I was trying too hard? God, what am I even doing, I should just forget this whole forsaken thing. I turned around to head back to my car when I felt my phone vibrate. I looked down to the text message.

_"Save me"-Jesse_

Ugh. There wasn't a choice in this. I had to face my fears. Jesse loved me, and I loved him. What anyone else thought about our relationship meant nothing.

I turned back around.

Upon opening the door, I heard Daft Punk coming from the den, the boys playing some kind of dance game. They waved and acknowledged me as I made my way in and up the stairs to Jesse's room.

I stopped right before going in, giving myself a chance to gain composure when I could hear voices talking.

"So is she like goth?" A young girl questioned.

"I believe they prefer the term 'alternative'" An older woman corrected.

"God, seriously? She's not goth, she's not alternative, she's not punk. She's Beca Mitchell. Can we drop the labels?" Jesse cut in.

"Alright alright, no need to get your boxers in a tiff. Which reminds me, I brought you some more..."

"Mom, can we not do this here, please!"

I finally took a breath and walked in, interrupting their banter.

"Umm, Hi." I awkwardly entered. Everyone stopped and stared. Shit. This was terrifying.

"Oh thank God." Jesse breathed as he came over and hugged me.

"You must be Beca, oh we've heard so much about you." His mother greeted as she walked across the room and hugged me tightly, slightly pushing Jesse to the side in the process.

She pulled back to get a look at me, all the while beaming with pride. She was tall, maybe 5'8? Her dirty blonde hair reached just below her ears in a bob length. She wore a jean jacket with a white shirt and a black floor length skirt. She was beautiful, and spilled out warmth and happiness.

"Alright Julie, give her some space to breathe will ya? Let's not scare off the only prospective in Jesse's life." His Dad added in. Jesse rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in embarrassment.

I liked his father already.

"Bill Swanson, nice to meet you Beca." He smiled, extending his hand to me. Jesse looked like his father, who had a similar build and kind eyes.

His sister soon approached me tpp, a thin girl with chest length blonde hair wrapped in a neat side pony tail. She wore a white dress patterned with outlines of daisies, a brown belt, and brown cowboy boots.

"Hi, I'm Amanda, I'm the normal one. Please, excuse my family. Jesse's only had one girlfriend before, my parents aren't sure how to react."

I laughed at the notion and looked back at him to flash I smile. He shook his head and mouthed "I am so sorry."

* * *

><p>"So have you always lived in Connecticut?" Julie asked as we enjoyed our meal, sitting outside of Carmine's, one of the most delicious Italian restaurants in the state.<p>

"Yeah, my whole life, for a while I thought I would move to LA, but I'm starting to think Connecticut isn't so bad after all." I replied, nudging Jesse slightly in the process.

"Jesse and Amanda were both born in New Hampshire. We moved to Boston when Jesse was about 5, and Amanda 2. We had hoped he would have gone to BU for school, but Connecticut isn't too far away. I suppose were adjusting."

"The kid's going places no matter what school he attends." Bill spoke, squeezing Julie's hand lightly.

It was evident his mother missed having him close by. But his Dad always seemed to swoop in and calm her down again. They made a really good match.

I watched as they all effortlessly went back and forth with each other, and a small part of me wilted. This was what a functional family was like. A mother who cared about how classes were going, if you had enough to eat, and whether or not you did you laundry. They were a family, and I missed that.

We walked to our cars, ready to go our separate ways for the evening, and said our goodbyes. Promising to reconnect soon. I waited by my car for Jesse, as he said goodbye to his mother.

"Here's a $50. I know you don't need it, but please don't fight me on it. You can always use it for groceries or household items."

"Thank you, I appreciate it." He told her, as he wrapped her into a hug.

"Jesse?" She called out, before he could walk away.

"Yeah Mom?"

"Be good to her, we like her a lot. Your father and I raised you to be a gentleman. I really don't care right now if I'm embarrassing the hell out of you, it's my job. So listen up, you be gentle with her, you be kind. I can tell she's been through a lot. She's been hurt. I find out you hurt her, I will hurt you. Just remember that."

I probably should not have heard that. But I couldn't stop listening. His family had only just met me, but I got the feeling his mother could read people extremely well. It must be where Jesse gets it from.

At that moment, it was like the God's smiled down on me, and gave permission.

"Okay Beca, you can be happy."


	9. About Today

***Alright Aca-Followers, the whole point of this story is about to be revealed! I was going to wait and post it tomorrow, but I'm just too excited! I hope you like it, I welcome your feedback!**

**Thank you to new reviewers SunDanceQT & Gossipsweetlips, your feedback was so appreciated!**

**Enjoy everyone!***

4 months later, September 2012

We walk hand in hand across campus, me to Chemistry, and he to Physics, our last classes of the day before we head to the auditorium for tryouts.

Sophomore year was fully in swing, and I could already tell I was completely in over my head.

I had to give up my job at the radio station to accommodate my new full time job as Captain of the Bella's. Luke of course was not happy, but he dealt. And when Fat Amy landed a spot doing her own comedy talk show, that helped him to slightly move on.

Jesse and I had had an amazing first summer together, and I often find myself laying in bed at night and thinking about the memories we made together when I can't sleep. We spent a week with his family at their beach house in Cape Cod, took a weekend get away to DC and watched more movies than I could count. I managed to distract him through many of them, and usually fell asleep through the rest of them.

Our summer, it was sweet, and playful.

And I wish we could just go back.

But we can't, our responsibilities our back, and I'm extremely stressed. Jesse can tell, and tries his best. I fight my urges to push away from everyone and be alone.

"You wanna do something tonight?" He asks, breaking me out of my thoughts. I look over at him and shrug.

"Yeah, that sounds good." I nod.

"Some movies, maybe grab a pizza, throw some capri-sun's in" He babbles.

Did I remember to blow out the candles before I left this this morning? Shit. I better text Chloe. That reminds me, we also have rent due tomorrow, I have to swing by the bank. Is he seriously still talking?

"Uh-huh, that's fine with me." I vaguely agree. He stops and looks over at me.

"Are you okay today?" He questions. I look up at him with an odd expression.

"I'm fine, why?" I huff.

"Uh-huh, well for starters your shirt's inside out, and just now you agreed to an Alaskan Cruise and a threesome with Bumper and I." He informs me. I look down at my shirt.

"Shit."

* * *

><p>"Alright listen up, A-ca-ballers. I have been rejected by the Army, shoved into a Dora The Explorer backpack, and pushed into the girls' locker room wearing nothing but suspenders. But no matter. I am in the world that I love. And with the assistance of my boy Justin, I launch this years auditions." Tommy begins. I sit between Amy and Lilly trying to figure out which song to go with.<p>

"Now, the most recent ICCA national champion winners get to pick the audition. Justin, the cymbals!"

"Alright nerds, let's go with...Rolling in the deep by Adele." I call out. The Bellas nod their heads in agreement despite groans from the Trebles.

Justin passes out everybody's information, and I begin to sift through it.

"Ohh, she's hott! Let's go with her!" Cynthia Rose exclaims as she looks down at a blonde with a pretty smile.

"Dude we haven't even heard her sing, it's a singing competition, not a beauty competition." I remind her. She scoffs and sits back down.

God, I wish we could have delayed this a day or two. I could not get rid of this headache and as a result, my stomach was starting to fight back. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, massaging my temple, feeling like I was going to either pass out or throw up, whichever happened to come first.

"Beca, she wasn't bad." Amy mentions, taking me out of my thoughts. I immediately feel guilty, I was so caught up in how I felt, I just completely blocked out this girls audition.

"Yeah, sure, we'll take her." I breathe, trying to convince myself not to throw up. Mind over matter right? Wasn't that a thing? Please, not here. I cannot puke here.

"Beca, are you okay? You don't look so hott." I hear Ashley sympathize. Despite my best efforts, I can't make it through another audition.

I bust out of my chair and run to the trash can, making it in exact timing as I begin to throw up, while I grip the sides to hold myself up. The girl on stage stops singing and looks over at me in disgust.

"Oh Christ, not this again! If your own singers make you sick why should everyone else have to suffer through it!" Kolio nags. God my head is killing me, and I just want to cry. Instead, I throw up again.

It isn't long before Jesse is over to my side, his cool hand on my back.

"Bec, you alright?"

I grip the trash can with one hand as the other hand moves up to wipe the puke from my lips.

"I'm fine, just dying, but I'll be fine." I assure him. "I'm just gonna grab some water, and we can keep this thing going."

"Beca, you look like hell. You do not need to be here right now, you need to be at home, in bed. Come on, I'm taking you home."

"Dude what? No, I'm the captain, I have to be here. Who the hell is going to choose the new girls?" I yell back.

"Bec, Fat Amy can take care of it. You need to go." He persists.

I look over to where Amy is sitting and see her filing her nails with a nail file retrieved from Stacie's boobs. She looks up at me and nods with a smile.

"No way in hell, absolutely not." I protest.

"Beca, I'll make sure it all works out. We can work together as a group, you really should go home and rest." Jessica assures me. I let out a sigh and cross my arms across my chest. I didn't even have a say in this. I went and grabbed my stuff before making one last comment to the girls.

"Just sayin', I reserve the right to add/subtract people. Final say here people. But I'm trusting you, don't screw this up!" I demanded as Jesse pulled me out, leaving the rest of the Bella's to do my job for me.

* * *

><p>"What are you doing?" He screeches as he comes back into the room with a glass of water to find me sitting up in bed working on plans for initiation night.<p>

"Bec, take a nap! Sleep! You love sleep."

"Jesse, I'm fine. I threw up okay, I didn't pass out. And I came home, like you asked. I still need to get stuff done."

He shook his head before leaning down to kiss my forehead.

"Well, you don't feel like you have a fever, so that's at least one good sign."

"I'm sure it's just the flu, hopefully it's just some 24 hour thing that will be over with quickly." I brushed off, praying he just went with it. He didn't argue with me.

I look back down to my papers as I work on who's bringing what, but I can't seem to focus what with this ass clown glaring at me. I look back up at him and stare.

"You know you're really starting to piss me off right about now." I hiss.

"I just want you to rest so you can start feeling better."

"Don't tell me what to do, I can handle myself. Thanks."

He finally gets up and walks out the door to leave me by myself. And 20 minutes later, after I'm sure I've done all I can do, I pull the covers over and try to get some rest.

* * *

><p>It's dark when I wake up again, I sit up in bed and rub my eyes. God, I hated taking naps. You either woke up feeling refreshed and re-energized, which was great, or you woke up hours later, unsure of what day it was. I glanced over at the clock. 6:32pm.<p>

I stretch and fix my hair back into a somewhat presentable ponytail before looking down at my outfit, a tank top and grey lounge pants. Ehh, good enough.

I make my way downstairs and can hear Jesse and Chloe talking in the kitchen.

Ever have one of those days when you just hated the world? Yeah, it was that kind of day.

"Hey sweetie, how ya feeling?" Chloe asks sweetly.

"Better, thanks." I said as I looked her over. She was dressed to go out.

"Sorry I'm not gonna get the chance to talk with you, Luke's taking me out for dinner, but I should be home around 11ish or so, if you're still up we can chat." She smiles as she gives me a hug and heads out the door.

Chloe and Luke continued to see each other after our party, and I grew to really like him. He was sweet, and kind, and had a hilarious sense of humor. He treated Chloe well, and the four of us often ended up double dating, or hanging around the house cooking meals. My sophomore year was starting off just how it was supposed to. But over the past few weeks, I had become incredibly stressed. And when I was stressed, I was moody, irritable, and a bitch to everyone who even looked in my direction.

I open the fridge to grab some juice when I noticed the pizza on the counter.

"I got us dinner, it just arrived about 10 minutes ago, so it's still warm. I'll make you a plate." He lightly speaks. Jesse has no doubt noticed my mood lately, and he's been walking on egg shells around me.

I bring my juice to the table and sit down as he brings over two plates of pizza. And this is how I find myself, on a typical Friday night. With thoughts swirling through my head as I sit and pick at my pizza, all the while ignoring Jesse at the same time. Our interaction is awkward and I feel like I'm going to explode at any second. I just can't tell if I'm going to cry or scream.

"Bec what's going on with you?" He finally asks. I look up at him briefly, pain written across his face at the frustration he feels of not being able to get through to me.

I look back down at my pizza and continue to pick absent mindedly.

"I'm fine" I lie. He's not up to playing this game with me tonight though.

"You're lying!" He jeered. His voice louder and more annoyed. I flinch slightly as his changed tone, but still sit there looking at the ground, continuing to ignore him.

"You're not eating." His voice is softer this time as if to make up for his outburst.

"I'm not hungry." I mutter as I push the plate away from me. Jesse sighs, trying to figure me out.

"Is this what the issue is? Have you been starving yourself?" He guesses, causing me to whip my head towards him. He's grasping at straws, but he's trying.

"What?! No!" I sneer.

"Well dammit Beca, then what the hell is going on? I've been trying to give you your space to figure out whatever the hell this is that you need to figure out, but enough is enough! I thought we were done with this. I thought you were done shutting me out? Please let me help you!" He yells.

As hard as I fight against them, I can't stop the tears that begin to build.

"I don't need you to help me okay?! I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Can you just back the fuck off for 5 minutes and give me some space? Are you capable of that at all?!" I scream. My emotions are all over the place. Jesse stands up and throws his hands in the air.

"Fine, I'm done, you can figure it out on your own." He shrugs as he grabs his keys and walks out the door, slamming it behind him.

I put my head in my hands and begin to sob.

* * *

><p>"AHHHHH! Jesus, Joseph, and The Camel, what the hell are you doing here just chilling in the dark?!" Chloe screams when she comes in 4 hours later. I want to open my mouth, but I just don't have the energy. So instead, I just sit there, looking insanely fucking creepy.<p>

"Beca, what's wrong? Where's Jesse?" She questions. I ignore her as I sit in the chair staring off into space.

"Beca...look at me. What the hell happened? Are you hurt?" I continue to stare. I know I have to say something eventually, but a small part of me hopes she'll just give up. If Jesse did, maybe there's hope with Chloe too.

"Look if you don't answer me in the next 30 seconds, I'm just going to assume you're in some weird state of shock and get you to the hospital." She threatens. I finally force myself to take a breath. I'm not going to the hospital tonight, so I've got to show some sign of life. I look down at my hands and start to cry.

"Jesse and I had a fight." I mumble. She sighs and puts her stuff down, coming over to hug me.

"Sweetie what happened, talk to me." She soothes, pulling a chair next to mine. I can't for the life of me seem to form a coherent thought. I just make the universal 'I don't know' symbol as I shake my head and throw my hands up.

"I'm a bitch. I'm impossible to love, I just push people away. I get stressed out and I just lock back up inside of myself. Because I'm stupid." I cry. Chloe gets up and picks me up into her arms, hugging me tightly as I cry against her chest.

"Stop, stop saying that. You are not impossible to love." She assures me. But I've been lying to Jesse, avoiding Jesse, and ignoring Jesse. I brought this problem on myself. I have no one to blame but myself.

"What's got you so stressed out Bec? We need to figure this out. You're not eating, you don't go out anymore, and now you're starting to get physically sick. Your body can only take so much. You're already like 100 pounds sopping wet, you cannot afford to loose any weight."

"105 pounds" I mutter, my sarcasm finally returning.

"Beca, I'm being serious. You need to eat. I will not hesitate to start tracking your eating habits if that's what I have to do." She remarks sternly as she crosses her arms. I sigh heavily in return.

"This semester is just harder than I expected, chemistry is kicking my ass. I'm still trying to figure out a major, Bella's stuff is just crazy, and Jesse's just been insanely clingy lately." I finally admit as I sit down at one of the island stools.

I wasn't exactly lying to Chloe when I finally forced myself to talk to her. All of those things really had been stressing me out. I was however leaving out a major detail that absolutely no one knew about.

"Sweetie we can fix those things, it's all doable..." She begins to ramble as I sit on the stool turning her out.

I really just wanted to hug Jesse. Wanted to apologize for being such a shitty girlfriend. He deserved someone so much better than me. He deserved someone who could give him more than I could. Someone who was happy, perky, and emotional available. What he had was some emotionally closed off, music obsessed, sarcastic, bitch. What the hell did he even see in me anyway?

"How does that sound?" Chloe asks. I look up at her and smile, finally able to get my emotions in check.

"Yeah, that sounds great. Um, I'm really tired though, can we continue this tomorrow? I'm gonna head up to bed." I answer, not even sure what I'm agreeing to as I just completely tuned her out.

"Of course, get some sleep sweetie, you need it. We'll talk in the morning." She agrees as she hugs me.

"Love you Beca."

"Love you too Chlo" I echo as I head up the stairs to my room.

I climbed into bed, laying flatly on my side. The calendar looking back at me, as if to taunt me. As if I could forget what was happening. Friday, September 14th, 2012.

I was 8 days late.


	10. Blood Bank

***You guys are simply amazing! Thank you all for the wonderful reviews, follows, and favorites. I am so happy to know you love this story as much as I do! **

**BechloeJeca lvr and Jutord, thank you for the reviews, and welcome to the story!  
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**Just a heads up, this chapter may be a bit OOC for Beca, but as I struggled to figure out how she would react, this was the scenario I felt fit best. I hope you enjoy it!**

**PS-I saw the trailer for Anna Kendrick's new movie Cake today, and it looks amazing! Jennifer Aniston really did an incredible job from what I can tell, and it's nice to see her in a more serious role. Anna of course looks amazing too :) Be sure to check it out!***

I lay in bed and stare at the clock as midnight turns to 1am which soon becomes 2am. Finally, at 2:20, I give up and climb out of bed. I throw on a pair of jeans, a pale blue top, and sweatshirt as I think about where to go.

At the last minute, I head into the bathroom to retrieve a hair tie. I pull the drawer open to see the clearblue box staring up at me. I stare back at it for a few seconds before picking it up and holding it in my hands. Jeeze, just take the fucking test already. But a small part of my brain stops me. Taking the test, seeing the results, it makes it all real. I scoff to myself at the thought. Hey dumbass, it's real whether you take the test or not. Refusing to acknowledge the situation doesn't make it go away.

I put the test back and grab the hair tie as I quietly make my way out into the night. Summer is winding down, and the air is cool. The smell of Fall is in the air, and the cool wind feels good against my skin.

25 minutes later, I find myself sitting in a booth at a 24 hour diner. At 3am on a Saturday morning, it's pretty dead. Besides me, I notice a group of college students presumably ending their evenings, and a few truckers either getting ready for or ending their shifts.

An older woman comes over to take my order. I'm not particularly hungry, but I haven't eaten anything since lunch yesterday. So I force myself to eat at least a little of something.

"Yeah can I have a short stack of pancakes, um and a coffee?"

"Sure thing sweetheart!" She smiles, taking my menu from me.

I look down at my flat stomach. My brain is not at all able to even begin to imagine what I'll look like with a bowling ball under my shirt. I'm so tiny and thin, I'm not even sure my body is fully capable of carrying a human being to full term. Was that even possible? Could you be so small that your body just couldn't carry a baby? Not likely. There was that show on TLC once about the little people. That woman birthed 4 kids, including a set of twins. I was so screwed.

The waitress came back quickly with a fresh hot cup of coffee. The aroma swirled around my head as I breathed it in deeply. At least this didn't seem to make me sick.

I went to grab the creamer, but paused midway. Was this caffeinated? Should I have ordered decaf? That was a thing, wasn't it? Weren't you not supposed to have caffeine if you were pregnant?

I thought it over in my head before finally giving in. Fuck it.

Part of me still hoped there was a slight chance I wasn't pregnant. Despite the fact that my period was over a week late, my breasts were swollen and felt like somebody had pounded them with a meat tenderizer, I was puking, and emotional as all get out. Right, but there was still a chance. Sure.

I did have options though.

I looked down at my stomach. Yeah, I had options, and in every one of those options, someone got hurt. Nobody wins in this situation.

If I can just ignore Jesse long enough, maybe he'll leave me alone. I could break up with him, maybe I could tell him that I changed my mind about LA. I could change my mind about LA, and go raise the baby out there while I-While I what? Pursue my music career? Sure, a baby will fit right into that plan.

In the end, all I know is this. Jesse cannot find out.

* * *

><p>"Beca, are you up? I need your help!" I hear her yelling through my closed door as she bangs insistently.<p>

It was after 4am when I got home this morning, and I'm ready to sleep the morning away.

"God, Chloe, go away! I'm sleeping!" I groan as I rolled over in bed, settling deeper into the covers. She opens the door anyway.

"Sure, come on in, that's cool." I mumble, my eyes deadlocked. There's totally a chance I can still fall back asleep.

"I know, I'm so sorry! I just ran out of tampons and need to steal one from you, I'll be really quick, you don't even have to get up!" She apologizes.

Good, that was my plan. Maybe I could avoid all my responsibilities and stay in bed for the rest of my life. Sounded like a good idea to me.

"What the fuck?!" I hear her exclaim. Before my brain even has time to process what would make her say something like this, she has barged back into my bedroom.

"Beca, wake up, right now." Her voice is harsh, and I can tell something serious is about to go down, but I just really don't feel like opening my eyes and dealing with it.

"It's Saturday Chloe, go away." I moan.

"Why the hell is there a box of pregnancy tests in your bathroom drawer." She asks me.

Okay, my eyes are open now.

I sit up in bed, suddenly fully awake as I look at Chloe standing in front of me in her pajamas with the clearblue box in her hand. Fuck.

"Look it's not that big of a deal." I explain to her, but she scoffs at me as her mouth forms an O while she paces the room frantically.

"Is this what's been going on?! How could you not tell me about this?! Last night would have been a perfect time!" She screams. She was officially flipping out.

Chloe, dear sweet Chloe, the girl who was nice to everyone and try to soften any blow she possibly could was now pissed. I had never seen her angry before, nor had I ever even heard her so much as raise her voice at anyone. And yet here she was on a Saturday morning in September, screaming.

"Chloe stop okay! I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it, but it doesn't involve you! Please, calm the hell down!"

She finally stops and presses her hand against her temple as she tries her best to compose herself. She places the box on my desk and sits down in the rolly chair.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I overreacted. I've just gotten used to you being able to tell me things. I thought if you could tell me that you told Jesse you loved him, that you could tell me about this." She apologizes, her expression much softer.

"Yeah, well, there really isn't much to tell." I mumble.

"Are you not pregnant?"

"I don't know, I haven't taken the test."

This information sets her off again, though she tries not to show it, and I can hear her mutter something under her breath.

"Beca, how late are you?" She asks. I know she's going to go crazy when I tell her.

"9 days as of this morning..." She throws her head back and puts her head in her hands.

"Are you...have you...what the hell...Christ...I..." She can't even form a coherent thought.

"Is this why you've been fighting with Jesse? Does he have any idea about this!?" She yells, her composure waning with every new piece of information I provide her.

"This is not Jesse's problem." I state, refusing to look at her.

"Bullshit Beca! what, you climbed on top of yourself and got pregnant?! Jesse is every bit as responsible for this as you are!"

Great, here come the tears again. Wasn't there a button to turn this shit off or something? I got out of bed and began pacing.

"No, it's not his problem, okay? I was the one on the pill, I was the one who took responsibility for the birth control, I'm the one who somehow fucked it up. It's my fault, Chloe, my fucking fault! I will not ruin his life because I'm stupid!" I yell.

I put my head in my hands and begin to sob, I was so beyond angry at myself. I just couldn't bare to do this to Jesse.

I soon feel her arms wrap around me as she envelopes me into a hug and I smack my hand against her chest, admitting defeat.

"Sweetie you really need to take the test, I know your 10 days late, and your throwing up, but you need to know for sure." She reminds me as she pulls my hair to the side. I nod my head in response, I know what needs to be done, even if I don't want to do it.

She sits on my bed and sighs as I head into the bathroom with the box.

I close the door, and my hand shakes as I work to open the box. It's then that I realize I'm still crying. God, I wish he was here with me right now. It should be him I'm crying to, not Chloe. Part of me wants to just grab my phone and tell him, but I don't. Instead I sit on the toilet, fumbling with this box and mentally kicking myself for being such a fuck up.

It finally opens.

I pull the instructions out and glance over them. It isn't rocket science, I pee into a cup and place the pregnancy stick inside of it while it detects whatever it needs to in my urine.

"Chloe?" I call out.

"Yeah?"

"I need a disposable cup." I cry. It's not even worth wiping the tears anymore, they just continue to come.

She returns within seconds and hands me a red solo cup. Normally, I would see the humor in this, but right now? Not so much.

I close the door again, and pull my pants down, filling the cup about halfway. I stick the pregnancy test in before collapsing onto the floor.

I sob.

I cry for Jesse, I cry for myself, I cry for what this means for us.

And I'm just so fucking angry. I desperately want to get away from myself.

I lie there on the floor pounding my head with my fist, trying so desperately to think of where I could have gone wrong. Did I miss a day? Did I drink too much? Did we have sex too many times? What did I do to cause this?!

I know I have to stand up, I have to look, but I just can't bring myself to do it. This is a problem I can't run from, and it's just killing me. But I don't have a choice. I force myself to look.

Pregnant.

I convince myself this is a horrific mistake, and take another one. And when that one turns up positive, I take a third one.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

All 3 tests, all positive.

I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't speak. All I can do is stare.

* * *

><p>"Is she alright? I just need to know she's alright!" I hear him. The door opens and I hear his voice.<p>

"Yeah, she's fine, it's just been a really rough morning and she really needs to talk to you." Chloe explains to him.

He thanks her for calling him. I'm not at all sure what she said to get him over here, but part of me wishes she could have just told him what was happening. I still didn't have the slightest clue how I was going to explain this. I was caught now, I couldn't lie any longer.

I'm sitting Indian style on my bed, with tears streaming down my face as he slowly opens the door. He walks in and see's me and I just lose it.

I sit on the bed, crying heavily as he makes his way over.

It's obvious he's completely unsure of what to make of the situation unfolding in front of him. He sits down on the bed, facing me, and tentatively reaches out a hand to my cheek, as if to test the waters. I grab onto it, missing how his touch feels.

He moves closer to cup my face in his hands. He kisses my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, my lips, before resting his forehead on mine and taking my hands in his.

I can't. I can't do this, I just can't.

"You...n-n-need to go in...in the b-b-b-bathroom." I choke out. This is by far the most hysterical I've been in my life.

He nods his head as he begins to edge his way off the bed. His gaze never leaves mine as he makes his way into the bathroom, as if he's afraid that if he looses eye contact with me I'll melt into some puddle of sadness and tears.

It feels like an eternity that he's in there. And slowly, slowly, I begin to rock back and forth on my bed as my hands grip my legs.

When he does begin to make his way back out, I can't bare to look at him. I must look like some deranged psycho as I sit on my bed, rocking back and forth and sobbing. But it doesn't seem to phase him, and with each step, he brings himself closer and closer to me.

He reaches out to touch me, but I shake my head.

"No, no don't. I don't deserve it." I sob. He doesn't listen as he begins to lift me up and place me into his lap. I fight him the entire time as I yell at him to stop.

Finally, I give in.

I wrap my arm around his neck as I bury my face into his chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Oh God, I'm sorry." I apologize over and over and over again, until I declare there are literally no more words in my body. And then, I just whimper, tears still falling, until I finally fall asleep against his chest.

* * *

><p>*Jesse POV*<p>

I look down at my phone to see Chloe calling me, and I can't help but sigh, wishing it was Beca's name that had popped up instead.

After weeks of the moodiness, the silent treatment, the death glares, and the avoidance, I just wanted it to end. I just wanted us to get back on track. I missed her so damn much it was killing me. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus, I could barely eat. And I certainly couldn't for the life of me understand why we were back to square one again. We had had such an amazing summer together, I had totally convinced myself that things could only go up from here. And that first month back, things were incredible. We couldn't seem to stay apart. Things were just as they should have been, and then September hit. Since then, Beca has retreated back to the girl I first met. The moody, quiet, irritable alternative girl who shut the world out. I didn't get it.

I picked up the phone, greeting her.

"What are you doing right now?" She asks.

"Laying in bed, why? What's wrong?" I question, sitting up a bit straighter. I hold my breath as I wait for a response.

"Nothing's wrong per-say, but umm...look Jesse it's been a really emotional morning for her, she's got a lot of stuff going on right now, and I know she's been a bitch to you, but-" I cut her off instantly.

"Chloe stop. I'm on my way right now."

I throw my jacket on and head in the car. It's gonna take me 25 minutes to get there, and I already know I'm going to hate every minute of it.

I try and dissect every minute of my 30 second conversation with Chloe as I weave in and out of traffic.

She said she was fine, so she was alive. But what if she wasn't? You're not going to call someone and tell them over the phone their girlfriend is dead. Maybe she's just waiting to break the news to me when I show up at the house.

Jesus, do you hear yourself? She's not dead.

An emotional morning...We had an emotional night. Did she finally open up to Chloe about what's been bothering her?

I can't understand why she would go to Chloe first, before me, but I don't even care at this point as long as she's talking to someone.

I finally pull into a parking spot and practically hurl my body to their front door, I can't wait a second longer. I don't even care about the fights we've had the past few weeks, none of it matters anymore. I just want to see her.

I open the front door and burst inside, Chloe is standing in the kitchen.

"Is she alright? I just need to know she's alright!" I breathe.

"Yeah, she's fine, it's just been a really rough morning and she really needs to talk to you." She assures me. And for the first time in 30 minutes, I can feel myself breathe easily.

"Thank you. Thank you for calling me."

"Of course." She nods.

I make my way up the stairs to her room, completely unsure of what I'm about to find when I walk into her room. Carefully, and slowly, I approach the door. I can see her sitting on her bed.

Gently, I nudge at the door, to open it slightly. She's crying. She looks horrific and my heart instantly shatters.

I look over at her and she meets my eyes, instantly beginning to cry harder as soon as she sees me.

Just the sight of her in such pain makes me want to cry myself. I can't for the life of me imagine what could possibly have her so emotional, but I just want to hold her. I just want to hold her, and kiss her, and tell her that there is nothing we can't face together.

I make my way over to her, slowly, but surely, and sit down on the bed. I look up at her, God how I just want to take away her pain. I just want it to stop. Unsure of how she will react, I slowly reach out my hand to touch her cheek. She instantly grabs it with her hand. I take this as a good sign. With tears brimming in my eyes, I reach out to touch her with my other hand, cupping her face in my hands.

I kiss her. I kiss her all over. Her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her lips. Still unsure of what is happening right now, I just need her to know that I'm here, and my love for her is unlike anything I have ever felt in my life.

"You...n-n-need to go in...in the b-b-bathroom." She finally chokes out. I'm still confused, but nod my head.

I get up off the bed, not wanting to leave her. I just want us to sit there, holding onto each other and not letting go. I can't stop looking at her even as I make my way into the bathroom. I catch one more glimpse of her tear stained face before making my way in.

I look down on the counter. There's a red solo cup, it's the first thing that catches my eye. I look inside of it to see a bright yellow liquid.

It doesn't take me long to glance over at the opened box and the three sticks.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

My breath comes out heavy, and I feel like I'm about to be sick. This was what she was hiding. It explained everything.

She didn't want to be around me.

She was moody

She was tired

She was throwing up

She didn't want me to touch her breasts, complaining they were sore and bothering her.

She kept this inside of her for who knows how long, completely terrified to tell me. Did she think this was her fault? Was she going to just ignore me and do this on her own?!

I try to think about all the times we've been together, and which one caused the conception. How far along is she?

I was going to cry.

I walk out of the bathroom to see her sitting on the bed and rocking back and forth. She seems to grow more hysterical by the minute, and she refuses to even look at me.

I make my way over, and reach out to touch her. But she shakes her head in protest.

"No, no don't. I don't deserve it." She sobs. But I can't, I can't not hold her. The tears begin to fall as I pick her up and bring her into my lap, with her yelling at me to stop the entire time.

Finally, she gives in and allows me to hold her. She wraps her arm around my neck and buries her face into my chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Oh God, I'm sorry." She apologizes over and over and over again, until finally she goes quiet, and the only thing to be heard is her whimper. Soon after that, she falls asleep. Her beautiful face red and stained with tears.


	11. All I need

**Phew! That took a while to get out. When I first began writing this story, I didn't realize how hard it would be to figure out how Beca would come around to the pregnancy. Furthermore, it's not like I could even get some inspiration from Anna Kendrick herself, after she has said in multiple interviews that she can't see herself ever having babies. So, this proved to be a little difficult. Couple things for this chapter. **

**1.) I try and stay in the present tense, but if I slip up in some places, please forgive me! It's harder than it seems to stay in one tense. **

**2.) I've never been pregnant before, so I'm not an expert on this stuff. If something doesn't seem plausible, forgive me, I tried. **

**Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to all my reviewers who take time to let me know how much their enjoying this story! It's a lot of work, and your words all mean so much to me. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat more about this story, or anything in general. I just love to talk :)**

**One last note, 50ShadesOfPitchPerfect and I were messaging the other day, and she asked me, since my name is Becca, if anyone had ever called me 'Becaw' before. Yes, yes they have. My roommates and I all love Pitch Perfect and they totally got on board with that after it came out. We were out at a party one night, and they couldn't find me, and so they just started yelling 'BECAW!' As I had had several drinks in me, I found it hilarious. Then they did it one time when we were in Target, and I just wanted to die. So, welcome to my life :) **

**Enjoy the chapter, I hope you all had an incredible Thanksgiving filled with all kinds of delicious foods!**

* * *

><p>My eyes begin to flutter as I adjust to waking up. But before I can have a minute to focus, I feel the familiar churning in my stomach. I'm sweating, and about to throw up again.<p>

I push myself out of Jesse's arms and run into the bathroom, throwing the door open and spilling my contents into the toilet. I feel like the grossest human being alive.

Jesse is right behind me as he holds my hair back and rubs my back soothingly. I rest my head against the toilet seat and breathe. I'm partially mortified at the fact that he's seeing me throw up, but I just don't have to energy to make him leave. Plus, I figure, even if I ask him to leave, he wont. Instead, he wets a small towel and begins to wash my face, and I lay there, the feeling of cool water on my face helping to calm me down. I'm about to stand up when my body revolts against me making me sick again against my will. Puking is hands down the worst feeling. My hands grip the sides of the toilet and I cry out slightly as wave after wave of nausea hit my body. After a few minutes, my head lays back against the toilet seat and I just breathe.

"I think I'm all done." My voice cracks.

He helps me to my feet and I rinse my mouth out with some mouth wash and throw my hair up into a bun before walking back to the bed.

He follows out after me and stands in front of my bed, looking down at me. A saddened, furrowed brow look upon his face. He reaches out his hand to stroke my cheek with his fingers.

"Beautiful girl, so sad." He whispers. I close my eyes. I _will _control my emotions this time.

"I didn't want you to know about this." I whisper in response. He closes his eyes and I watch as my words hit him. He's devastated.

"Why? Why the hell would you keep something like this from me? Beca, I love you." He reminds me, and I nod my head, not able to look at him.

"This is my fault."

"In what universe is you getting pregnant your fault? Did you suddenly stop taking the pill without telling me? Because that's the only scenario I could possibly ever imagine that would dictate this being your fault."

"We agreed the pill was best, it was my responsibility Jesse, my body that failed us. Me, Jesse, I failed us." I cry out, finally finding my voice.

"Go back for a second, what was the first thing you said?" He questions, slightly irritating me in the process.

I take a breath. "We agreed the pill was best."

"Right, sorry, who agreed?" I look at him, tilting my head. Is he hearing anything I say right now?

"WE DID!" I yell.

"Exactly. Not you alone, not me, WE. We made a decision together that this was how we were going to prevent pregnancy. And we both knew there was still a chance something could happen. But you and I made this decision together, so you don't get to carry this burden by yourself." He reminds me. I nod my head slightly as I turn to the side, not looking at him.

"Chloe called you." I mumble, my words coming out as a statement, not a question.

"I'm sorry, did you tell her not to?" He asks.

"Of course I did, you were not supposed to find out about this. But I knew she would call anyway, Chloe never listens to anything I tell her."

"Correction, Chloe doesn't listen to you when your ideas are asinine. Like not trying out for the Bella's, or thinking you can handle another shot after you nearly kill yourself diving off the balcony into the pool, or like when you're in way over your head with a situation and try to handle it on your own. I know you hate to admit it, but she had to call me. We both know it was the right thing to do." I know he's right, and I hate it.

He sits down next to me on the bed and pushes a piece of hair in my face, behind my ear.

"What are you most afraid of?" He whispers, his forehead pressed against mine. I know I have to be honest with him.

"What if I can't be a good mother? I don't know how to be, no one ever showed me." I cry. His eyes close at the pain of my confession and he hugs me tightly.

"I promise you I am going to be there every step of the way to help you. We'll learn together. Babe I know your mom walked out on you, and you didn't get to experience that mother daughter bond, but I also know that you are capable of loving. You are caring, you are selfless. You have love inside of you Beca, I see it every day." He assures me, and I nod my head as the tears continue to fall.

"How are you so calm about this? How can you be so sure of everything?" I question. I'm falling apart at the seams, but Jesse, Jesse is all about this.

"Because that's what you need from me. You need me to tell you everything is going to be okay. Am I scared? Of course I'm scared. But I know that as long as were together, there is nothing we can't face. And after all the fighting, and you being closed off, I just want to be with you. I can handle anything but you leaving me. So we will get through this. I mean come on, you're one of those A Capella girls, I'm one of those A Capella boys, and were going to have Aca children, it's inevitable." He smiles, before enveloping me into a kiss. His hand lifts up my tank top and rubs my stomach lightly at the nothingness that is there.

"I love you Beca, thank you for not running." He whispers.

"I love you too, Jesse."

* * *

><p>Our appointment is scheduled for 1:30 on Thursday with Dr. Julia Ruckman, and my week flies by as I try in vain to not think about it. Why was it that whenever something you were dreading was coming up, time seem to fly by at warp speed?<p>

We pull into the parking lot at 1:20, and Jesse is completely calm, cool, and collected. I however, want to bolt. In any direction. Or perhaps hysterically cry. That's after I flip the fuck out and scream every obscenity possible to whoever is listening.

Me and Hormones. What a match.

"Are you coming?" He asks, already standing outside of the car. I glance over at him.

"I'll pay you $50 if we can forget this whole thing." I bargain. He laughs slightly.

"Get out of the car."

"Gone with the Wind! I will watch Gone with the Wind with you Jesse, please, anything but this!" I'm grasping at straws at this point, trying to come up with any excuse to not have to do this.

"You know, the first time I talked about us watching movies together, I'm pretty sure you suggested that visiting a gynecologist would be more entertaining, and yet doll face, here we find ourselves. Get out of the car." He smiles. I groan loudly, and dramatically, not that he cares.

We walk inside to the waiting room and I feel like I've stepped into a Spa. The lighting is dim, as candles help to bring natural light in. Classical music plays and a small wall decorative hangs with water cascading down so as to mimic a waterfall. When Jesse closes the door, the ringing bell causes me to nearly jump out of my skin.

"Calm down, jumpy, no one's even touched you yet." He laughs. I release my breath in a sigh, not realizing I had been holding it.

I walk up to the front desk to sign in and the receptionist pulls back the window to gather my information.

"Hello!" She greets cheerfully. "Who are you here for today?"

"yeah, um, I'm, Rebeca Mitchell, I'm here to see Dr. Ruckman." My voice is raspy, and I feel weird saying my full name. No one has ever called me Rebeca before.

"Of course, just fill out these forms, and a nurse will be out shortly to take you back." She explains as she hands me a clipboard.

I take it over to a couch where Jesse is sitting and begin to fill it out. Most of the questions seemingly easy enough, name, height, weight, address, etc. But when it gets to the family history part, I start to question everything. How the hell did I know if anybody had diabetes or heart disease?

"Just fill out what you can, it's fine." Jesse assures me.

I continue checking boxes until a young nurse steps out into the waiting room.

"Rebeca Mitchell?" She calls out. I hold my breath for a beat and look over to Jesse.

He takes my hand in his and pulls me up.

"I'm right here, right here." He reminds me as he kisses the top of my head and we walk back to get my vitals taken.

"How are you today?" She smiles. I think about this for a second.

Terrified, horrifically overwhelmed, out of my element.

"I'm good." I nod as I step up onto the scale.

"103 pounds today, good, good." She notes in the chart.

After my blood pressure and temperature are taken and a urine sample is given, we head back into an exam room.

I sit down on the exam table while Jesse takes a seat in the chair next to me. The nurse settles in on the rolly stool and makes her way over to me.

"Alright, well I just have a few questions. I'm going to note them in your file, and then Dr. Ruckman will be in shortly. First things first, when was the start date of your last period?" I have to think about this for a second.

"Uhhh...August 2nd." I remember this because our DC trip was 2 weeks after, and I was so thankful I wouldn't be on my period. The nurse nods her head as she writes the date down and heads over to a computer.

"Okay, it looks like based on that information, date of conception was around August 18th." She informs. We both look at each other.

August 18th, our DC trip. Yeah, feeling thrilled that I didn't have my period on that trip, not.

"How have you been feeling? Physically and Emotionally?" She asks, moving right along.

I think about this for a second. I could lie. But I feel like I've been lying/hiding a lot lately, and it's been getting me nowhere. I'm not happy, I'm not excited, I'm terrified.

"Physically, I've been really sick. My boobs feel like someone has beaten them with a meat tenderizer. I feel nasueas all the time, I'm barely ever hungry, occasionally I feel so sick I throw up. Emotionally, I'm tired, irritable, and moody. To be completely honest, I'm terrified." I finally purge all my feelings out and they them on the table. Jesse takes my hand in his and rubs it lightly.

"I take it this wasn't exactly a planned thing?"

I shake my head.

"Far from it." I sigh. I look over as she gently puts her hand on my shoulder.

"I promise you, it's going to be okay. I don't make promises I can't keep, but I can keep this one. I'm not going to tell you it's going to be easy. Because it wont. But if you've decided that keeping this baby is the way to go, I can promise you that you are in good hands and we are going to support you in every way possible. Becoming a mother is an incredible experience, even when it comes a bit early. And judging by the cute boy sitting next to you, I'm guessing you've got his support too. I promise you are not alone in this." She assures me. And for the first time that day, I smile. Somehow, knowing I'm not doing this on my own makes facing the unknown that much better.

"Now, I'm going to go grab Dr. Ruckman, you'll love her. Just lay back on the table, and undress from the waist down. You can use this to cover up with." She explains as she hands me a paper sheet before heading out of the room.

I'm seriously confused at this. I was just getting an ultrasound. Wasn't I? Nobody said anything about a vaginal exam. Did I need a pap smear? Shit. I didn't want Jesse in here for that. Not like he was going to see anything, but still. I groaned as I slipped my pants and underwear off. Jesse of course, raised his eyebrow in the process.

"Yeah, reminder, nerd. That's what got us here in the first place." I mutter, causing him to chuckle lightly.

The exam table is propped upward and I lean back slightly, my legs in the stirrups, the white sheet covering my lower half. Jesse looks over at me with a goofy grin on his face.

"I'm having a vision..." He describes as he flashes his hands out. I deadpan.

"Hilarious. I'll be sure to break your hand when I'm hysterically screaming from the pain." I remind him.

A knock is on the door just before it opens and my doctor walks in.

She's extremely young, perhaps early 30's? Definitely just out of med school. Her blonde hair falls perfectly on her shoulders. She's totally put together.

"Hello! I'm Julia Ruckman, you must be Rebeca." She introduces as she shakes my hand.

"Nice to meet you, you can just call me Beca."

"Beca it is." She smiles.

"Jesse Swanson, I'm Beca's boyfriend." He greets as he shakes her hand. I look between the two of them, still unable to shake the awkwardness of the situation.

"How are you feeling today Beca?" She questions as she prepares to get things set up.

"Um, I'm doing alright." I reply, folding my arms across my chest.

"Good, good. Well, I was thinking we could do your ultrasound, get everything checked out, and then go over prenatal vitamins, and future appointments. How does that sound?"

"Good, yeah, that's-sure." I agree.

I begin to lift my top as I watch her grab a probe like instrument. Now, I've never had an ultrasound before, but I had seen a few performed from the dozen of movies Jesse had forced upon me. And what she was holding in her hand, resembled nothing like something that was about to slide across my stomach. In fact, to be perfectly honest, it looked more like a vibrator. And when I see her grab a bottle of lubricant and a condom like cover, my legs slam shut and I bolt upright. Startling both She and Jesse in the process.

"Okay, what the hell are you about to do with that?!" I yell, much louder than I intended to. Homegirl is not about to stick that thing up my lady parts.

"Oh I'm so sorry! Sometimes I just forget to tell patients about these things. Based on the date of your last menstrual cycle, you look to be about 6 weeks along. The baby is so small at this point, that an abdominal ultrasound really wont reveal much. A transvaginal ultrasound will give us a much clearer image. The probe goes about halfway in. It might cause slight discomfort, but it isn't painful...Why don't I just give you a minute? I'll step out to run to the bathroom real quick and you two can have a moment to discuss this." It's obvious she's feeling guilty for not having explained things to me earlier, and I'm sure most women having babies are already aware of stuff like this. But I'm 19 years old, I've never even changed a diaper. I know nothing.

I lay there on the table, my arms folded across my chest as I suck my cheeks in. My resting bitch face is in full effect, and I don't even have to look over to know that Jesse is trying hard as hell not to laugh. I stare straight ahead as I begin to speak.

"I would choose your words very carefully if I were you. Because I'm feeling completely exposed and vulnerable right about now, and I'm liable to bite your head off if you say the wrong thing. So if you're having any thoughts of convincing me about how that dildo like thing is in any remote way comparable to having you inside of me, I'd keep it to yourself. It's a little different having you slip inside of me after 20 minutes of foreplay as opposed to being half naked and cold in front of some woman you just met, feeling about as dry as the Sahara Desert." I coldly inform him. If I wasn't nauseous before, I certainly was now.

He squeezes my hand sweetly and kisses my forehead.

"Beca Mitchell, I have watched you punch a grown man in the face, I have watched you make a grown man cry. I am completely convinced there is nothing you cannot take on. Just squeeze my hand, this is just another obstacle we're going to face together. You can do this."

"Bumper is not exactly what I would consider a grown man...just sayin" I dryly retorted.

I sigh heavily and swallow my fear. I knew if I was ever going to get through this pregnancy, I was going to have to learn to depend on Jesse for a million different things. I had to put myself in a position to be let down and take that leap of faith that he wouldn't do that to me.

The door reopened and the doctor walked in. I apologize for my freak out, but she assures me it's a totally normal reaction when I was expecting something completely different.

"You think your ready now?" She checks. I nod my head.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Jesse scoots closer to me and I spread my legs wide as I prepare for the instrument.

I squeeze his hand tightly as my eyes scrunch up and my body has to readjust to the foreign object. He squeezes back just as tightly as his fingers run lightly through my hair. "You're doing so good, almost there." He whispers sweetly in my ear.

"Okay, I've got an image." I hear her announce.

Jesse immediately turns his body towards the ultrasound screen.

"Bec...Oh my God." He whispers, his voice laced with emotion.

I need to turn, I need to look at the ultrasound. I know this is real, it's happening right now. I need to look at the baby-our baby. But I can't. My body is frozen in place and I do not have the will to turn my head and look. Instead, I lay there pathetically, my eyes facing straight ahead as I begin to cry silently. Now Jesse and I both have tears in our eyes, for completely different reasons.

"It's a very emotional time Beca, do not feel like you have to look. You do what feels right for you. Nobody is judging." She reassures me. Jesse clears his throat and sits up straighter, as if feeling guilty for being excited about seeing our child for the first time.

"Everything looks just as it should, you're right on target Beca, perfect."

I can feel the probe moving around inside of me, and I'll still slightly uncomfortable. But I do it. My movements slow at first. I turn my head slightly to the side and see the machine.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking at when I turn over. All I can see is a grainy black and white image. And then my eyes focus on the small, dark, tiny sac. Inside of it is an insanely small white little blob.

Inside of it is our baby.

"The heart beat is at about 140 beats per minute, and it's working on developing its nose, mouth, and eyes. Again, everything looks perfect."

I sit up slightly, and my face breaks out into a smile as tears stream down my face.

Our baby, it's our baby.


	12. Make you feel my Love

**During the writing of this chapter, my computer froze, and I hadn't had the chance to save my document. I swear I thought I was going to lose everything and I almost started crying. Thankfully I was able to save it before having to restart the whole thing. Holy Shit, talk about a panic attack!**

**Raven12-Thank you for being review #50!**

**Nelly94-Thank you for your review. I felt that Beca wanting to take all the blame at first made complete sense. Jesse is the goofy, nerdy, boy next door. He's never had to deal with anything particularly heavy before. Beca wants to shield him from this because she knows in the end he'll want to do the right thing, and she doesn't want to watch him give up his dreams because of something that she deems 'her fault' And yes, a big part of her does blame herself for this, she was the one responsible for staying in charge of the birth control, and when it failed, she felt she had failed them both. It seemed plausible to me. As for not discussing their options, no they didn't. It was kind of an unspoken thing between them. They slipped up, and were going to do the responsible thing. I'm sorry you don't like these stories, but I do appreciate you taking the time to review and compliment my writing style.**

**Enjoy everyone! Happy Saturday!**

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><p>I stood in the mirror that morning, in Jesse's room, turning every which way. Trying in vain to see any kind of changes. I sighed before finally giving up.<p>

With my tank top still held up, I looked down at my perfectly flat stomach.

"Hi." I awkwardly stated.

"You know, you're not even born yet and you've already turned my life upside down. Could we maybe like, turn it down a notch? My boobs still haven't completely recovered from this, and the morning sickness? Why do they call it morning sickness? Kid, you're making me sick morning, noon, and night. Oh, and don't even get me started on how much I'm peeing. You're like...the size of a bean, why am I peeing so much?! I hope you're doing okay in there, try not to change me too much. I know you have no control over it, but, maybe...at least let the changes become gradual? Thanks. Oh, and...I...I guess I'm not, completely apposed to the idea of you anymore. So, yeah. Progress."

I felt completely idiotic standing in the middle of Jesse's room talking out loud, but I was also pretty miserable. Perhaps a pep talk was needed. And, a small, very small part of me was coming around to the idea that I was growing a human being, no matter how terrifying the notion was.

My eye glanced over to the round pillow on Jesse's bed and I walked over to grab it. I picked it up and shoved it awkwardly under my top as I made my way back to the mirror. I stared down at myself as I put my arms in front of me. Nope, it still didn't make sense, I still couldn't picture myself someday with a bowling ball under my shirt.

"Wow. That was fast, those little one's can really grow." I heard Jesse exclaim as he made his way into the room and put his back pack down. I playfully glared over at him as I removed the pillow and threw it back on the bed.

"You know, you should really get your own show, people would just love it." I snarked.

He smiled at me gleefully. "Yeah, but who needs all those groupies, I mean really. I already have to fight off the ladies with my singing skills, add in the stand up comedy? I just don't think the world is ready for that much sexiness in one man."

"And he's all mine ladies and gentlemen, all mine." I said with a smile.

"So, this is you in Calculus, tell me, what's the fixed constant, blue eyes?" He joked.

"The fixed constant is that I'm lazy and my boobs hurt."

"Seriously? You seriously skipped class because your boobs hurt? Did I get that right?

"That wasn't the _only _reason, but it was a key factor. Besides, I'm carrying your kid, I'm growing limbs here, cut me some slack dude."

"How is the little peanut?" He asked.

"I'm amazed at how something so small can wreak so much havoc."

He laughed as he went to his closet and began to pack a bag. We were leaving tonight to spend the weekend with his parents up in Boston. And while I had grown to love and adore his family, I was dreading this trip. Jesse's mother could sense fear from a mile away, and I knew she was going to see directly through me.

"Hey, we need to talk." I informed him.

He stopped packing and turned to look at me.

"Okay, talk about what?" He questioned.

"I don't know if I'm getting enough sun, I think maybe I should invest in a tanning bed...the baby Jesse, we need to talk about the baby!"

Jesse seemingly, got on board with the idea of having a baby overnight. I'm convinced he truly did believe I was going to break up with him that morning, and as that was apparently his biggest fear, anything below that was easy to deal with. Kind of like when I wrote a note to my father my junior year of high school telling him I had become a groupie and was off traveling the country with this rock band in their van. It totally softened the blow when he found out I really was just failing Algebra.

But while we knew the only real option was to keep the baby, we had a lot of work ahead of us. Neither of us had jobs, so there was the issue of how we were even going to afford this child. I supposed babies didn't really need much, but toddlers did, children did. This baby was going to grow, and the older it got, the more expensive it would become.

Furthermore, we sure as hell weren't going to raise it in the treble house, so we had to find a place to live. I mean, I knew Chloe wouldn't mind if we all stayed in the apartment, but she had a life to live too. Kind of hard to get in the mood when there's an infant screaming at 3am.

Before Jesse could respond, the door opened, and Benji walked in.

"Oh, Beca, oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt!" He profusely apologized.

"No, it's totally fine, I actually have a Bella's thing, so I'm on my way out. No worries."

"I'll pick you up around 4 Bec." He reminded me. "I love you."

"Love you Jess, bye Benji."

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><p>We sat around the auditorium with all eyes on me. I had called an emergency Bella's meeting, and everyone was on edge. Our season had just begun, and judging by everyone's faces, they all thought we were in trouble. Our three new girls, Emily, Regan, and Courtney, looking the most scared.<p>

"Guys...you know nobody is in trouble, right?" I assured them, to be met with 10 sighs of relief.

"Did you all seriously think you were in trouble? Have I be that much of a tyrant?

Some sort of reference was made about being the Hermione Granger of A Capella, but as I had never seen Harry Potter, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to take that.

"Well...you may have been channeling your inner Aubrey a bit, but, no judging, no judging at all!" Amy spoke.

I looked around at the girls, feeling guilty for being so hard with them. Aubrey had been right, who would have guessed. Being a Bella captain wasn't quite as easy as it looked.

"Look, the real reason we're here, is because I need to talk to you guys about something important..." I began.

Denise squealed as her hands flew up to her face.

"Ohhhh! Beca! Did Jesse propose to you?" She screeched. My head pulled back at this question and I shot her a quizzical look.

"What?! God, no. No, Jesse did not propose." I clarified. Denise slumped back down, her face despondent. Suddenly, Cynthia Rose began to laugh. What started out as a small chuckle, soon rose to a full out laughing attack.

"No, Jesse aint propose. He done something alright, but he aint propose. It's written all over her terrified deer in the headlights face."

"Shawshank! Did homeboy knock you up?!" Amy accused, her face aglow.

"Amy don't say knocked up."

"Holy shit!" Ashley exclaimed.

It didn't take long at all before everyone was trying to talk to me, all at once, and loudly.

"Okay, stop! Everyone just take a breath and pause for a second." I yelled.

"Beca! How does something like this happen?! Are you serious right now?" Jessica boomed.

"Oh it's pretty simple how it happened. Jesse's hott, I'm sure Beca rode that roller coaster multiple times." Stacie informed. I buried my head in my heads in embarrassment. My sex life was not common ground, and the girls knew that.

"Yeah, well I don't think we need a play by play of how the conception went down. You all took plenty of sex ed and have vivid imaginations, you can figure that part out on your own."

"The whole point of this meeting is to let you know that changes are coming. I obviously cannot compete this year at the ICCA's with you guys, I'll be 8 months pregnant. So I-"

Amy cut me off before I could finish. "What, Fat Amy is the new captain? I so agree, Beca, great choice. The audience is going wild already!"

I playfully smirked at her.

"What I was going to say, is this is going to be a joint effort. I've got the music down for us, but we are going to have to work overtime to get these routines down. I figure by 4 or 5 months, I'm no longer going to be able to perfect them myself. So I need your help, each and every one of you. Are you in?"

"I've never seen a human birth before, can I watch?" Lily questioned, causing my face to turn up in disgust.

"No. I don't even want to watch. The only person that needs to watch is the Doctor." I explained.

"You mean Jesse won't be in the room?" Denise asked.

"Oh no, he'll be there. Above, at my head, holding my hand. As far from my vagina as possible."

"We got your back girl, whatever you need from us, we're here. Emotional support, Physical support, comedic relief. You can always count on us." Cynthia assured me.

"Alright A-Ca bitches, lets do this, Team Beca on three." Amy initiated, putting her hand in the middle.

"On three or after three? Dude I really want to get this right." Stacie questioned.

"One, two, three...Team Beca!"

* * *

><p>We were taking the scenic route to Jesse's parents and I was completely caught up in the beauty of the Boston Skyline as the sun was setting and the buildings were beginning to light up.<p>

"There is something so magical about a big city." I exclaimed, memorized by the sights.

"I love this city. We technically don't live in Boston, but a suburb about 20 minutes outside. My parents however still say this is home. But it is pretty spectacular. The nightlife is unreal. You can't get in underage anywhere around here, you have to wait your turn. But from what I've heard it's worth the wait...Oh, there's the Citi Performing Arts Center, I did a whole bunch of high school plays there."

I watched as Jesse continued to rattle on about his plays. His love for theater was displayed all over his face. Where I was passionate about my music, Jesse was passionate about the theater. And as I looked over at him, a goofy, happy, expression displayed on his face, I couldn't help but think how head over heals in love I was with this man.

"Um...Jesse, what the hell do your parents do exactly?" I asked as we pulled into a gated community filled with mansions. I had never been home with Jesse before, we had vacationed with his family in Cap Code over the summer, and I assumed they lived comfortably. But as we drove past houses practically the size of our dorm buildings, I was completely taken aback.

"My dad is a financial planner, and my mom works in real estate. She totally could have been a homemaker, but she gets bored easily. She's actually a pretty good agent, and she loves what she does, so.."

We got out of the car and I simply looked up and stared. The brick building in front of me seemed to go on endlessly.

I was taken out of my thoughts when the door opened and out walked an older looking hispanic woman.

"Mr. Jesse! You finally come home to visit! Whats the matter, eh? You like Connecticut better?" She roused as she enveloped him into a hug.

"Maria, it's good to see you, I've missed you! I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to visit more often." He apologized.

Holy shit. Jesse was rich.

Like rich, rich.

Like, "honey grab the private jet were flying to Jamaica for the weekend" rich.

"And you must be Miss. Beca! Mrs. Julie and Mr. Bill tell me so much about you! I am Maria, the Swanson's housekeeper, I am so pleased to meet you!" She gushed as she squeezed me so tightly my eyes practically bugged out of my head.

"Maria, please, you're more than the housekeeper, you're our family." Jesse assured her.

We walked inside, and I still found myself feeling like I was caught up in some daydream.

The marble floors in the foyer, the winding staircases, a set on each side of the room, the chandelier, it was all completely overwhelming. And I continued to turn in circles, trying to take everything in as my mouth hung open in wonder.

"Dude!" I hissed. "When were you planning on telling me you were rich!?"

"It's the exactly the type of thing I advertise. There are way more important things. Plus, I'm not rich. My parents are." He pointed out.

This was a very true fact. Money wasn't everything. And it wasn't like my family was struggling. Dad made a decent living on his college professors salary, and Sheila's job as a flight attendant also came with its perks. Plus, with me as the only child to support, we did just fine.

His parents soon emerged from the living room to greet us and I smiled at the strength of the hugs his parents gave me. It was very clear that they cared about me quite a deal. This was evidenced at the fact that I could overhear Julie asking Jesse if I was eating enough as I was looking thinner than the last time they saw me. He assured her I was doing just fine as we headed into the dining room for dinner.

Thankfully, my little peanut actually cooperated for once. I made it through the entire meal without the slightest hint of nausea. I smiled down at my stomach. Maybe that pep talk actually worked.

"Okay, who's for coffee?" Julie asked as she rose from the table.

"Decaf?" I questioned. I froze after the words fell from my lips in hopes that she didn't find anything suspect of my comment. She just smiled instead.

"Of course, it is 7:30, we don't want to be staying up all night now."

"So where's Amanda tonight?" Jesse asked.

"She's spending the night at Kate's. They've got Bye Bye Birdie this weekend. Don't forget, we've got tickets for that tomorrow night. We would have gone opening night, but she's got some thing about us seeing her the first night. She always prefers we come the night after. I'm sure not much change, but if that makes her feel better, so be it." His father explained as his mother made her way back into the room. She passed out the coffee cups and sat back down in her chair.

"So what's new with you two? Were so excited to have you guys this weekend. Jesse will have to show you around Boston tomorrow, it's such an incredible city."

"Yeah, we drove through it on our way in, it's amazing. I haven't had the chance to really see it before, so I'd love that." I agreed.

Our effortless conversation drifted into the night as we laughed and shared stories. Jesse of course becoming mortified at the mere mention of his high school plays.

"I wasn't that great Mom, please."

"Oh stop, you were a natural, there's no need to be shy!"

* * *

><p>I brushed my teeth in the bathroom as I got ready for bed in one of their 3 guest bedrooms. Everything looked so pristine, I was afraid to even move at times, for fear I would knock something over.<p>

Jesse walked in as I began to spit the toothpaste out and wash out my mouth. One hand instantly finding my waist as his other hand pushed down the sleeve of my tank top so as to give his lips access to my neck and shoulder. I moaned softly, loving having him close. We hadn't had much physical contact since finding out what was happening, and my body missed him. My hormones were screaming at me to jump him.

"Jess.." I breathed. "Don't start something you can't finish."

"Oh I'll finish alright, we both will. Don't you worry about that." He groaned, his lips never leaving mine.

"I am not having sex in your parents house!" I hissed. He turned me around to face him as his lips touched mine. I melted into the kiss as I wrapped my hands around his neck and he pushed me up onto the sink. My self control was fighting a loosing battle. But I just couldn't do this.

"Jesse Matthew Swanson, stop!" I insisted, a bit more forcefully this time. He immediately removed himself from me.

"Rebeca Grace Mitchell, I miss you." He whispered, his hands in mine.

I couldn't deny that my feelings were the same. "I miss you too."

"Miss your hands on me, I miss your moans, I miss hearing your breath quicken when you're close..." He whispered in my ear. God, his words alone could induce an orgasm.

"I promise you, when we get home, we can have as much sex as you want/need. But I can't here. I just can't. Somebody could walk in on us, and I am not going to have sex in your parents house." I explained to him, leaning up to gently kiss him on his forehead.

"Okay, okay. I respect that. I respect you."

"That's why I love you. Good night Jesse."

"Goodnight Beca."

* * *

><p>I couldn't for the life of me understand why I couldn't sleep. I was on 800 thread count egyptian cotton sheets. The pillows the softest I had the pleasure of laying my head upon. And yet, here I was, at 1:30am, completely awake. I finally gave up.<p>

I pulled the covers back, grabbed my robe, and headed downstairs. If I was going to be up anyway, I might as well have some tea or something.

I made my way into the kitchen and noticed the light was already on. Slowly, I continued down. Shortly after, Jesse's mother came into view.

"Hey sweet girl! What are you doing awake?" She asked as she sat at the table with a cup of tea.

"Oh, I couldn't sleep. I thought I'd try a change of scenery." I said.

"Yeah? Here, lemme make you some tea. I can't sleep either, guess good minds think alike." She smiled as she got up to make me a quick cup. I grabbed a seat at the table, pulling my knees up to my chest. She handed me the cup, and settled back down into her chair.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She questioned.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked in return. I wasn't even showing yet! How could she possibly know?! Unless Jesse mentioned something...

"I'm not sure exactly what's going on, but I could tell something's been going on. Mother's instinct. I make a really good listener..."

I sighed heavily as I looked down at my tea cup. I just didn't have it in me to hide this anymore. So I took a breath, and prayed Jesse wouldn't be mad at me for sharing this news without him here.

"I'm 8 weeks pregnant. And I'm feeling like the worst person alive, because I can't help but feel like this was my fault." I mumbled. About as quickly as I got the words out, I felt Julie's hand on mine.

"Oh sweetheart. Oh honey, what makes you think this is your fault?" She questioned. Her face filled with concern.

"I was on the pill, it was my responsibility."

"No, no, no. Okay, I will give you the birth control being your field thing, but you alone didn't do this. I'd like to think Jesse had a part too. Unless I'm looking at the Virgin Mary reincarnated. If so we've got bigger problems to deal with." I laughed lightly at her attempt to bring humor in to soothe me.

"Sweet girl, are you okay? You must be terrified!" She reasoned.

"He's so calm Julie, so seemingly okay about this. Our future is hanging in the balance, I'm freaking out. But he's so calm, so put together."

"He is his father's son. He's optimistic to a fault, and he wants to do the right thing. Beca, Jesse is so in love with you. So in love. This isn't some kid romance, Jesse would give his life for you. He doesn't half ass anything, it's all or nothing, all the time. And he's crazy about you. So it doesn't surprise me that he's okay with this. Because as long as you two are together, there isn't anything he can't handle." She informed me. The tears begin to well up in my eyes, because I knew she spoke the truth. It didn't matter what the obstacle was, as long as I was by his side, he would be okay. I of course had to ask the obvious question.

"Are you mad?"

She paused for a few seconds, as she thought of what to say.

"Am I thrilled? No, of course not. Like all parents, I had visions of graduation first, then a wedding, and then a baby. But, plans change. Love happens at the most unexpected times. And we can't change what's happened, so instead, we just readjust. Life has a funny way of making us do that. I know this, I know I love you. Seeing you with my son, seeing how much you love him has been such a joy. You have such a beautiful heart Beca, and I know you love Jesse. And he's happy. That's what matters here, you both are happy and in love. This baby is proof of that. Thank you, for making me a grandmother, even at 44." She smiled.

I got up and hugged her, tears streaming down my face, and I said the only thing I could think of. The phrase that had become more common and daily in my life.

"I love you."


	13. Small Bump

***I'm gonna warn you right now, this was extremely difficult to write. It's not going to be an easy chapter to read. So, just grab the tissues, and try not to hate me too much***

**As always, to my reviewers, you are what keeps this story alive**

* * *

><p>I stood quietly at his door before finally making my way in.<p>

He looked so peaceful, sound asleep against the blankets, and I tried to imagine what he was like before college.

I looked around his room at the various movie posters, and trophy's for various school plays, smiling lightly at the innocence of his life. He hadn't been scarred. Hadn't been hurt, he hadn't experienced loss. And yet, he stuck by my side, he chose me, a woman so hurt and angry from the years of pain. He chose me.

I picked up the picture frame of us that sat on his desk. Cape Cod, the two of us on the porch swing on the balcony. I was wrapped in his arms, and we held each other close as we kissed, my smiling stretching from ear to ear. I still remembered his sister snapping the picture and running off as quickly as possible before Jesse could stop her.

"That's my favorite picture of us." He whispered, as he began to wake up.

"Mine too."

I made my way over to bed and curled up into his body.

"Hey there beautiful..."

"Hey handsome." I replied, my fingers stroking his cheek.

The morning was perfect, and I didn't try to stop him this time when his lips found mine. I just wanted to be with him. Morning breath or no morning breath.

I leaned into the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck as my hands began to tug at his hair. His hand lifted up my tank top and skimmed across my stomach. It wasn't about sex, it wasn't about anybody getting off, this was us purely needing to be close to each other and physically showing how much we loved each other.

I hissed slightly as his hands found their way to my breasts and began to massage lightly.

"Damnit, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot." He apologized. I looked back at him, my fingers running through his hair.

"It's okay, it's okay, really." I reassured.

He lowered his face to my neck, and his hands traveled south as he pushed them into my pants and rubbed at my legs and ass.

"God, I love you. So much, so, so, much." He whispered, as kissed across my collar bone.

"Hey...I love you too." I reminded him. He smiled, and nodded his head, before leaning back down to kiss me.

* * *

><p>After we both got dressed, and were making our way down into the kitchen, it suddenly hit me. Shit, I had meant to tell him his mother knew!<p>

I spun back around, knocking into him and nearly falling backwards.

"Whoa! You okay?" He asked, as he caught me.

"Yeah, What? I totally didn't just fall down the stairs." I recovered.

"I'm sorry, I just completely forgot to tell you, and didn't want you to feel ambushed when we got down there. So um, I couldn't sleep last night, and your mom was up too, and so we had tea at like 2am, and um, she knows." I spat out.

"I'm super sorry, I totally did not mean to tell her when you weren't with me, but dude she reads people better than the FBI, and when she asked what was wrong, I didn't want to lie."

He closed his eyes at this information and took a breath. "Okay. Is she mad?"

"No, she wasn't exactly thrilled, but, oddly enough she was really just happy were together, and happy, and in love."

"Yeah, that sounds like my mother. Okay, alright, well, let's do this then." He said as we continued back down the stairs.

His parents were sitting at the table talking softly as his father sipped his coffee and read the paper. They both looked up and stopped talking when we made our way into the room.

"Well, if it isn't the love birds themselves! Kids, come join us, have a seat." Bill cheerfully greeted. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he had been let in on the news.

"You know, don't you?" Jesse guessed. Bill laughed.

"Oh yeah, yeah I know. So now, we have a lovely family breakfast, and we talk about plans." He informed.

I looked next to Jesse as he took his hand in mind.

Maria offered us eggs, and as rude as I felt it was, my stomach revolted at the idea, and I turned my nose up.

"Okay, no eggs, no eggs! Pancakes?" She suggested instead. Pancakes sounded much more agreeable.

"First things first, the most important thing, education. Nobody is dropping out of college. Am I understood?"

We both agreed, no questions asked.

"Beca, have you chosen a major?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm doing Communications, with a minor in Media Studies." I informed him.

"Good, that's good."

The Swanson's felt very strongly about education, not only did they anticipate both Jesse and I finishing undergrad, they also hoped to see us returning for Masters Degrees. And they knew that wasn't going to be possible if we were trying to raise a baby, work, and go to school.

"Julie and I have something we want to discuss with you guys." He began.

"Like I said earlier, education is very important to us, it will catapult you both into the right direction, into great careers that will help you start your lives. Things have happened, things have changed. But we can't let that ruin your future plans."

"Dad what are you getting at here?" Jesse asked.

"We want to help support you. After the baby is born, your mom and I want to help you guys get into a place and find you a Nanny to help care for the baby while you guys are in class." He finally spat out.

I looked back in shock. There was no way I could let Jesse's parents do this.

"I-no, that's we can't-" I stuttered.

"Dad, we cannot ask that of you, we will figure something out-"

"You didn't ask, we offered. And you wont figure something out, I will not have you guys stressing over this. That's my grandchild she's carrying, and it deserves the best. My children deserve the best. Jesse I've worked hard, your mother has worked hard, so that you and Amanda can have the best this world has to offer. And now, Beca is apart of this family, and we want the best for her too. You guys are 19 year old kids, you've got nothing. If you're really going to keep this baby, you're going to need help. Do not let pride get in the way of accepting that. Please, let us do this for you, let us do this for our grandchild."

Jesse sighed, and looked between myself and his parents. Nobody had gone this far out of their way for me. It was all so overwhelming. And I still could not figure out how everyone in this family could be so calm. Did they just assume we were having sex and see this coming? I mean, I guess that made sense. Either way, I was still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing. I looked to Jesse and nodded. I hated this, I hated having to accept help, but there just wasn't any other way. And Jesse's parents were never going to take no for an answer.

"Okay Dad, it's a deal."

* * *

><p><em>2 weeks later, October 26th, 2012<em>

"Don't go..." I breathed, as I straddled his waist, and plastered kisses all along his face.

"Mmm...you're definitely not making it easy." He moaned, lifting his hips up to me mine.

"Oh really? _I'm _the one not making it easy?"

Jesse had decided the Treble's needed a boys weekend away, and the guys all went in on a hotel room and tickets to go see _Scandalous: The Musical. _I, on the other hand, was less than thrilled about being left behind. But I knew I had to suck it up, the boys needed some male bonding experience, or whatever the hell they called it.

I climbed off of him and settled next to him, both of us breathing heavily.

"It's gonna be cold this weekend, like unseasonably cold. Dude it might even snow, how am I supposed to keep warm?" I whined slightly.

The weather forecast had predicted Connecticut was going to start cooling down well before winter this year, and they were right. Highs were in the low 40's this week, with lows dipping into the 20's. It was going to be a freezing cold Halloween, and one long ass winter.

"I'm sorry, did they shut off the heat at your place?" He playfully questioned. I smacked him lightly on the chest in response.

"I know, I'm sorry. But it's only for a day. We'll all be back tomorrow night. We're all way overdue for some guy time. Everybody's completely caught up with their girlfriends." He reminded me. I knew this was true. Amy and Bumper were still somewhat of an item when he came around, and Lily and Donald were constantly attached to the hip. Unicycle and Aubrey, Jessica with Benji, and Ashley had just recently gotten with Michael. I hadn't thought about it much, but the Bella's and Trebles were all really intertwined. And yes, the boys did need a chance to get back with each other and discuss whatever the hell it was they talked about when they were together-sex, girls, and a capella?

"Okay, you win. But Sunday, you're all mine." I smiled, kissing him lightly on the lips.

"I promise, I'll spend the night Saturday night, we can take a bubble bath together, enjoy some sparkling cider, and I'll cook dinner." He suggested.

My smile grew even bigger.

I had this nerd wrapped around my finger.

* * *

><p>I walked into the house and set my stuff down. For the first time in quite a while, I had nothing to do on a Friday night. I was rather unsure of how to spend it.<p>

I opened the freezer and checked out what I had to work with. Shrugging my shoulders, I grabbed a frozen box out and decided Pizza sounded good. I pulled it out of the box and went to pre-heat the oven.

While I waited, I made my way into the living room and lit some candles. I looked up at the pictures on the mantel. Chloe and I at our housewarming party, The Bella's huddled together after last years ICCA win, and a picture of Chloe, Luke, Jesse, and I when the boys surprised us with a dinner cruise through the Hudson. I smiled happily as I scanned over them. Sometimes, I really loved this life. Despite the hardships, I was happy.

The oven went off, signaling it was done heating, and I walked over to slide the pizza in.

I closed it up and sighed as my hands hit against my jeans. Maybe a movie? Nothing better to do, I thought to myself.

I walked over to our movie cabinet and began to browse before settling on The Shining. Something I knew I was going regret doing by myself on a freezing cold October night. I texted Jesse, figuring he should be let in on this monumental occasion. It wasn't every day I watched a movie on my own free will of course.

_"You'd be proud of me nerd, I'm watching a movie all on my own!"_

_"What?! Who taught you how to work a dvd player? Are you reading the manual? I'm sure it has many helpful tips..."_

_"You ass. I'm all by myself, I have nothing else to do. This guy I'm supposedly seeing decided to ditch me to go play in New York City with his band of musical weirdos."_

_"That guy sounds like an ass. Who would leave you alone on a Friday night?"_

_"Mmm...someone whose committed to balancing his girlfriend and his boys." _

_"Good answer. What's the movie tonight?" _

_"Shining."_

_"Oh, great choice! I'll be sure to keep my phone next to me for your hysterical 4am freak out call."_

_"I love you, weirdo." _

_"I love you too, I'll call you tomorrow." _

I grabbed the pizza out of the oven, poured myself a glass of milk, and cozied up on the couch, ready for a relaxing night in.

* * *

><p>I woke with a start as my body bolted upright. I looked around the room, darkness blanketing everything, the clock reading 2:28am. I was freezing cold, and I looked outside to see snow falling quietly through the blinds. And then, then it set in. The reason for my middle of the night wake.<p>

I was up, my brain reacting to the signals my body was sending. My lower abdomen began to ache, and ache, and ache. A dull, aching, pain. It was the first thing my brain registered. And then, my legs shifted, and the second sensation came into play. I was wet.

A ragged gasp escaped from my lips as everything finally came into focus. My head began to shake as I silently repeated the word "No." over and over again. Son of a fucking bitch, my body was failing me all over again. No, not now, not now. This was not happening.

My hand shook terribly as I forced it down under the blankets. I pushed my fingers inside of my underwear and pulled it back out, and, much as I didn't want to, I forced myself to bring my fingers up to my face. I didn't need any light to know what was happening.

My fingers were covered in my blood.

* * *

><p>*Chloe's POV*<p>

I shifted in bed when I felt Luke's hand on my back shaking me awake. I could hear him talking, but couldn't make out exactly what he was saying.

"What?" I groaned, my voice heavy with sleep. Then the buzzing set in.

"Your phone is going off." He said again, this time more clearly. I grabbed the phone off the dresser, and noticed the time. Who the hell was calling me at 2:30 in the morning?

"Hello?" I whispered hoarsely. All I could hear was crying and whimpering on the other end.

"Hello?" I asked again, my voice louder and more pronounced this time.

Nothing. Just more crying.

I pulled the phone back from my ear. I was talking to Beca. Luke sat up in bed at this point as he saw my expression begin to change.

"Beca, what's wrong? Where are you?" I questioned.

"The blood, Chloe it hurts, I...It hurts." She sobbed. That was all I needed to hear. I threw down the phone and pushed the covers off of me as I hurled my body out of the bed and down the hall to her room.

I flung the door open and flipped the light on. She sat up in bed, dressed in a tank top and boy shorts, her left hand extended out, with bright red blood covering her fingers.

I ran over to her bed and pulled back the covers. Her lavender sheets were soaked in her blood. My hand flew to my mouth as the sights, sounds, and smells of everything assaulted my senses all at once.

Beca sat there, still crying, just looking at me. Looking for hope, looking for answers.

"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God." I cried. I had to balance my emotions. I had to be strong for my roommate. We couldn't both be hysterical. I had to find a way to compose myself, she needed me.

"Luke!" I screamed. "Go start the car we need to get to the hospital! Now!"

He ran into the room, wearing just his jeans as he took sight of the situation. We exchanged glances and he ran back out again. I looked back down to Beca to see her simply shaking her head.

"Make it stop, make it stop, God dammit just make it stop!" She sobbed.

I ran over to her dresser and grabbed her a pair of sweatpants, quickly putting them onto her. We needed to leave right now.

"C'mere sweetie, let's go." I breathed as I quickly lifted her off of the bed and into my arms. I didn't even take a second to question whether or not I would be able to carry her, my adrenaline just kicked in and I did it.

I carried her down the stairs, and we ran through the house out into the car. She didn't have shoes on, she didn't have a bra, hell she didn't even have a coat. but none of it mattered.

I opened the door to the frigid air, and instinctively gripped her body tighter, trying to shield her from so many things. The cold, the pain, the horrific experience unfolding in front of our eyes, All of it.

Luke opened the car door and I slid her into the backseat, while I followed and slammed the door shut behind us. He immediately sped off onto the highway.

Yale New Haven Hospital was a 12 minute drive from our apartment.

Even in the snow, we made it in 7 minutes.

Luke sped into the Hospital and hit the breaks in front of the entrance to the Emergency Room.

I couldn't wrap my head around any of it. Time was moving at warp speed. Beca was loosing the baby, and I knew that. At only 10 weeks pregnant, this was it. There really wasn't much anybody could do. You just had to let nature take its course. But still, the eternal optimist in me hoped against hope for some miracle that wasn't coming.

I ran out of the car and to the other side, opening her door.

"They can stop it right? They can do something? It's 2012 they have to be able to do something! I can't, I...I...I.." She panicked. I grabbed her tiny body back up again into my arms, denying Luke's offers for help, and kicked the door closed with my foot as we ran into the entrance.

"I need help, somebody please help us!" I yelled as I rushed in. At 3am, the room was dead except for a receptionist at the desk, and 2 people sitting in chairs in the waiting room. But when you run into an emergency room with a bleeding person in your arms, people start helping.

"What's going on?" A man in a white coat asked. Nurse, Doctor, I didn't care who he was at this point.

"My roommate." I breathed, trying again to compose myself as Beca laid in my arms crying.

"She's 10 weeks pregnant, and she's bleeding. A lot."

"Alright, somebody get me a bed, we've likely got a miscarriage happening, page OB and get someone down to the ER now!" He yelled.

The bed rolled out and I placed her down on it. Taking notice of how small she looked. We all knew what was happening, but hearing it said out loud just made it so real. I looked down at her, with tears falling down my face, as I grabbed her hand in mine.

"I'm right here, I'm right with you, do you hear me? You're not alone." I sobbed. Her eyes closed, her body unable to handle all of the emotions hitting her all at once.

"Chloe...please call Jesse. This is bad. He should be here for it." She cried. I nodded my head.

"Ma'am, were taking her back, are you coming?" The doctor asked. I looked down at her.

"Call him first, then come back, I'll be okay by myself for a few minutes, just call him."

And with that, they wheeled her back.

* * *

><p>*Jesse POV*<p>

I heard the ringing going off, could hear "Don't you forget about me" playing next to my ear and filling the small hotel room as I began to wake up. A smile broke out across my face, her expected middle of the night 'Jesse I'm scared and I miss you' phone call had arrived.

"I told you watching horror movies by yourself was a horrible idea." I whispered into the phone.

"Jesse?" I heard a voice answer back. A voice not belonging to Beca. I pulled the phone back from my ear to my face. It was Chloe that was calling, not Beca.

"Chloe, what's wrong?" I asked, sitting up in bed.

"Jesse..." She began.

I could already tell this was going to be bad. I tried to prepare myself, tried to brace myself, but nothing I could do was going to soften this blow.

I got out of bed and began to throw on clothes knowing that whatever she was calling about at 4am on a Saturday morning was going to warrant me driving back home.

"Jesse, you need to come home, now." She mumbled, and I could tell she was trying in vain not to cry. What was going on?

"Chloe Beale, I am not messing around right now. What the hell is happening? I'm getting dressed, I just need you to talk me. Tell me what's going on!" I yelled, my voice harsher than I intended for it to be. She finally took a deep breath.

"Were at Yale New Haven, she's loosing the baby Jesse, she's loosing the baby."


	14. How to save a life

**I know, I know...**

***Backs away from the angry mob with food***

**Believe me, it was just as hard for me to write it as it was for you to read it. **

**But, I promise you, I know where this is going. Good things are ahead, so if you can stick with me through this, I will not let you down.**

**XO-Becca**

* * *

><p>I was having an out of body experience.<p>

"Blood Pressure's 90/60, somebody push an IV of fluids. And I'm gonna need some gauze, can we get more lighting here please? I can't see a damn thing."

I laid in the bed as my body was violated by complete strangers. My sweatpants and underwear stripped and tossed aside, as my blood covered legs were forced into stirrups. Doctors were everywhere, Ambulances were going off, the lights were obnoxiously bright, and my head was beginning to pound.

It clearly was a dream. If I could just pinch myself, I could wake up from this horrific nightmare.

It was mine, I was just starting to come around to the idea, just starting to wrap my head around it. Was that wrong of me? Was I stupid to try and start bonding? I just wanted to feel him/her. I just wanted it to kick me, to tell me I hadn't failed them, that he/she was still with me, and it was going to be okay. I hadn't even felt it kick.

I wanted it all back. The vomiting, the exhaustion, the sore boobs, I'll take it all back without complaint, just please give me my baby back! I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to think of miscarriages and abortions, I wanted this! I wanted this baby! I needed it back with me. The universe had no right to take this from me, it was mine.

And then, the nausea set back in again. Natures way of kicking me when I'm down.

"I'm going to throw up..." I meekly spoke as I tried to lift my head.

"Can I get a small thing of water, I'm gonna need to clean her area, there's so much-"

"Can I-I-"

"Oh good, hang the bags, push the IV."

Nobody was listening to me, I had to find my voice. More than anything, I wanted Jesse.

"I'm going to throw up, can somebody please get me something!" I cried out. The doctor stopped and looked over at me, finally paying attention.

"Oh I'm so sorry, here let me...here, right here." She apologized, handing me a small basin.

I leaned my head forward, my stomach pushing up against my will and my face turning colors as my body struggled to empty.

At that moment, Chloe pushed in through the doors, her eyes scanning the room before settling on me and releasing a sigh. She hurried over, and immediately pulled my hair back out of my face.

"I called him, he's on his way, he's coming. But it's gonna be about about 2 hours, maybe more with the snow." She explained to me. I simply nodded my head, I didn't know what else to do.

Suddenly, the doctor removed her hands from under the sheet, and removed her gloves.

"What are you doing?" I questioned. "Get back under there! You need to fix this...fix me, fix my baby! Why are you stopping?"

"Rebeca..." She began.

"Don't. Just no, stop...please don't. I don't want to hear it!" I cried.

"I'm so sorry. It looks like it was a complete miscarriage. The bleeding should subside in about 12-24 hours. You'll need to wear a pad, and you can take ibuprofen as needed for the cramping..."

She was explaining things, important things, and I should have been listening, but instead I just shut down, I didn't want to hear anything, anymore. All that mattered was this baby, and it was gone before I could even see it.

I just wanted to go home. Nothing else mattered.

* * *

><p>*Jesse's POV*<p>

I should have been there. I should have fucking been there. But I wasn't, and I had let her down. It should have been me carrying her into the ER, cradling her body to my chest and reassuring her that I was going to find a way to make everything okay. But no, instead, I was a state away, getting drunk with my friends, and being 19. I had responsibilities, and this was stupid.

"This is all my fault." I sighed, as I smacked my hand against the car door as I sped through I95 trying to get back to Beca.

"I mean, really, it totally is. What kind of douche bag wishes his girlfriend to have a miscarriage, and while he's out of town none the less." Unicycle countered.

I glanced over at him. Once news spread about what was happening back home, everyone agreed I needed someone with me. They all refused to let me drive back home at 3 in the morning by myself, so I finally gave up and told Uni to get in the car. This was too much for Benji to handle and as disappointed as he was, I needed someone who could support me through this.

"What?" I questioned

"That's how you sound right about now bro. You didn't wish for Beca to miscarry, you didn't go and stick some wire hanger in her in some fucking twisted abortion scheme. It is not your fault. It's not her fault. Nobody is at fault here man. It's just a shitty situation, nobody could have prevented it." He explained.

"I should have been there dammit!" I cried out.

"But you weren't, you were with us. And dude, I know you feel guilty about that, but you cannot be up her ass all the time Jesse. You can't be with Beca every second of every day putting her in some fucking protective bubble so she never gets hurt. She wouldn't want that. And that's not how life works, were all going to get hurt."

He paused for a beat, before continuing on his tangent.

"Look dude, the Bella's, they used to annoy the piss out of me. And I've loved kicking their asses every chance we got. But...at the end of the day, their good women, and we're lucky to have them. Their also incredibly strong women, and they don't need us. They want us, but they sure as hell don't need us. Beca was in good hands tonight Jesse, you not being there didn't change anything. Chloe jumped into action, and she got her to the hospital immediately. She did everything you would have done."

This. This was why I had chosen Unicycle. As much as I hated to admit it, he was 100% right. Beca didn't need me hovering over her every second of the day. Matter of fact I'm pretty sure she would have punched me by now if I had tried. And while I needed someone to speak the truth, and make me understand that this was so beyond out of my control, part of me still felt so fucking guilty.

I had grown to love Beca over the past year more than I had ever loved anyone before. My feelings for her were unlike anything I had ever felt. The battle to win her over was worth every minute. She had put up a fight, and didn't give in easily. But that was part of her charm. Where was the fun in getting the prize without any effort?

She was beautiful, funny, sarcastic, confident. She possessed all the best qualities a person could have. And after a year of chipping away at her walls, she had finally opened herself up to me. Finally broken down and exposed every piece of herself, she trusted in me. And yet, the one time she needed me, I was nowhere to be found.

* * *

><p>The apartment was dark when we arrived at 6am, but the porch light was on. I had wanted to speed, wanted to fly through the interstate, but with the snow, it was impossible. And the last thing anybody needed was a car accident to add to this misery.<p>

We opened the door quietly and I could see a dim light coming from the kitchen. The washer was working through a load, and the entire place smelled of pumpkins and apples from the lit candles. It was completely calm.

Chloe was in the dining room folding laundry as we made our way in.

"Hey." She sighed, her voice tired from a chaotic night and no sleep.

"How is she? Where is she?" It was all I needed to know.

"She's asleep on the couch. Um, I had to throw her sheets in the washer, and..." She trailed off. Her mattress and sheets had been stained, and she probably wasn't going to want to go back into her room for a while. The couch made the most sense.

"She fell asleep in the car on the way home. I don't think she wanted to, but it's been a really emotional night and I think her body was just warn out." She continued.

"So where do we go from here, what did they say?" I asked.

"She's wearing a pad, she's going to continue bleeding over the next 12-24 hours. Um, it was a complete miscarriage." She had to stop and recollect herself for a minute as tears began to well up in her eyes. This was just as painful for her as it was for us.

"Which they said was good, cause...she didn't need any medication or anything. Her body just took care of it. Um, what else...She might continue to experience some symptoms of the pregnancy over the next week or so as her body readjusts. They suggested counseling, but I know Beca wont want that. So, unfortunately, there's nothing we can do. We just let her heal, and we go on with life. And whatever she needs, we make sure she gets it." She sniffed, as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

I hugged her tightly. "Thank you, for everything."

"I'm so sorry you weren't here." She cried.

"Yeah, me too." I replied.

Unicycle sat down and began to help Chloe with the laundry as I made my way into the living room.

I looked down at her small frame, pressed up against the couch. She had a heating pad on her lower stomach, and an knitted blanket across her body. Her flowing chestnut hair was down and splayed across her face, her chest rising and falling with each breath she took.

I stood there, as the tears began to form, and just watched her.

I couldn't bare to think about what this was going to do to her. My girlfriend could not take one more fucking blow. She was such a good person, but it seemed like life just continued to dump on her. She couldn't catch a single break. She didn't deserve any of this pain, and I just wanted to take it all from her. I just wanted to kiss her, and hold her, and make it so she never hurt again.

I knew she needed to sleep, but I couldn't stop myself.

I keeled down beside her and kissed her on the forehead, my tears hitting his face.

Her body shifted, and her eyes fluttered, before settling on me. Her tears immediately welling up in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry." She cried. And I immediately shook my head.

"No, no don't you dare apologize, don't. You have nothing to be sorry about." She needed to know. She needed to know I wasn't mad, and this wasn't her fault. I wanted to tell her so many different things, all at once, but I couldn't. All I could do was cry.

She grabbed onto me, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her head into my chest. And together, together we sat on the couch, on a cold morning in October and held onto each for dear life while we cried. Cried for ourselves, cried for each other, and cried for the baby we never got to know.

Our baby.


	15. I'm latching onto you

***Seriously you guys, I wish I could give you all hugs. Many of your reviews had me in tears as I read them, your support has just been incredible. Thank you soo much for sticking with me through this and letting me know your thoughts. I can't say enough how much it means to me!***

**Couple things for this chapter...**

**In case anyone forgot, Chloe is not dating Luke the station manager. She is dating a guy she met at their housewarming party. He is a Law student studying at Yale, and just moved to Connecticut from Georgia. I didn't think about the name until after, and it's kind of late to change it now, whoops! **

**Per the possible car accident in the last chapter, yeah don't think my mind didn't wander there! I was thinking of an almost accident, but then decided against it. Too much going on already. **

**Yes, this chapter is going to be sad too. But, happier times are coming! We just need to sort through the hard stuff first. **

**The song that inspired this chapter, was Sam Smith's acoustic version of Latch, and I thought the lyrics fit perfectly. **

_**"You, you enchant me even when you're not around  
>If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down<br>I'm latching on, babe, now I know what I have found"**_

**Thank you again for all your endless support, I am in awe!**

* * *

><p>I could hear the sound of the Keurig, and bright light filled the cozy room. Scents of coffee, pumpkin, and apple spice wafted about as everything began to come together. I lifted my head slightly and looked around. Why was I in the living room?<p>

Oh, right.

The memories of last night came rushing back, and my eyes dropped.

I looked down on the ground to see Jesse asleep on the floor. The floor? He could have slept with me. I mean, the couch wasn't that big, but still. Hell even the chair would have been better. But, none the less, there he was. Asleep on the floor.

I got up, careful not to disturb him, and went to the kitchen to grab some of the ibuprofen they had prescribed me before heading upstairs to take a shower.

I walked up the small set of stairs, one set at a time, as the painful memories assaulted my brain.

_"Luke! Go start the car, we need to get to the hospital! Now!"_

_"We've likely got a miscarriage happening, somebody page OB and get them down to the ER, now!" _

_"I'm so sorry, it looks like it was a complete miscarriage." _

I walked the three steps to my bedroom, and slowly made my way in. The bed, in the exact same place I had left it, was completely made up. The floor had been vacuumed, and there was a basket of laundry, neatly folded in the middle of the room. On top of it, a note.

_I'm not exactly sure where we go from here? Do I give you your space? Do I smother? I don't want to overwhelm you or upset you so..we'll just take this at your pace. I hope you know how much I love you. You'll always be the little sister I always wanted but never got. Love you roomie.  
><em>

I put the note down and had a seat on the bed. I couldn't help but glance down at my stomach as I sat. At least there wasn't a bump, I told myself. At least there wasn't a bump.

I was on my way into the bathroom to change out of the disgusting, diaper-like, pad, when I heard talking coming from Chloe's bedroom. Eavesdropping was wrong, but my curiosity got the best of me, and I made my way out into the hall.

Standing outside her door, as quietly as I could,I could see Aubrey through the computer.

_"Uni told me what happened. Shit Chlo, this is bad. Is she okay? Please don't tell me she's completely shut down and blocking everybody out? It kills me when she gets that way..."_

I cringed.

After Aubrey graduated and got off my ass about the Bella's, well... at least toned down about the Bella's, I could actually tolerate her. And after I learned to tolerate her, I got to know her. It turns out Aubrey's actually a human being with a decent personality and a range of emotions. Dare I even say it, but Aubrey had actually grown to be likeable over the past few months, and we got to see each other for who we really were. This unfortunately meant though, that Aubrey knew me as much as everyone else. Well, except for Chloe and Jesse, who knew _everything_ about me. But still, she too had caught on to the fact that when shit goes down, I turn in on myself and shut down.

_"Bree I don't know...it's only noon. Everything happened less than twelve hours ago, she hasn't even woken up yet. I don't have any idea how she's going to handle this. But we're going to support her no matter how she grieves, because she's Beca, because we love her." _

_"I do love her. Even when she's being a sarcastic pain in my ass, which she is 90% of the time. But still, I love her. I gotta go though, Broadway rehearsals. I swear I have no life anymore. Love you Chlo, give my love to Beca too." _

_"I will, good luck Bree, love you." _

She closed her laptop, put her head in her hands, and sighed. I could tell she was taking this hard, feeling so unsure of how to help me.

I knocked lightly on the door frame, and her head popped up.

"Hey sweetie." She smiled.

"Hi." I quietly replied, my voice seemingly so small.

I could see the pain in her face, she was so lost on what to do.

"You cleaned." I simply stated.

"Yeah, your mattress is good to go, um, the sheets are washed, laundry's all done."

Cleaning, it was Chloe's way of telling me she loved me.

"I got your note...thank you." I said as I picked at my fingernails.

"You doing okay?" She questioned lightly, afraid to broach the subject. She was walking on egg shells, afraid she was going to say the wrong thing and set me off at any second.

In typical Beca fashion, I blew the concern off.

"I'm fine." I said, straightening up.

"This pad feels like a diaper though, I feel so gross. But, yeah, I'm, I'm good." I assured her.

She looked right through me, calling me out on my bullshit immediately.

"You know that thing you do, when you put your brave face on, lie, and shut the world out? Yeah, I see right through it. You can convince yourself a million times over that you're okay, but we both know you're not. But if you wanna lie, that's okay. I'll be here whenever you're ready to face things." She quietly reminded me, as tears welled in her eyes.

I nodded my head as I looked up at the ceiling, trying in vain not to cry. I couldn't look at Chloe. I couldn't. I knew the second I did, I was going to fall apart. And I wasn't ready for that yet. I wasn't ready to be that exposed in front of someone again. So instead, I walked back to my room and headed into the shower.

I closed the door behind me, and just leaned against it, giving myself a minute to breathe.

I began to get the water started as I read over my discharge papers.

_Patients Name: Mitchell, Rebeca Grace. _

_Sex: Female_

_D.O.B: January 19th, 1995_

_Age: 19_

_Diagnosis: Miscarriage-Complete_

_Discharge Instructions: _

_Miscarriage is the most common type of pregnancy loss, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Chemical pregnancies may account for 50-75% of all miscarriages. This occurs when a pregnancy is lost shortly after implantation, resulting in bleeding that occurs around the time of her expected period. The woman may not realize that she conceived when she experiences a chemical pregnancy. Most miscarriages occur during the first 13 weeks of pregnancy._

_Patient has been advised to follow up with her OBGYN. Bleeding should subside in 12-24 hours. Please return to the Emergency Room should you find yourself soaking through more than 2 pads per hour and/or develop a fever greater than 100.0. To prevent infection, showers should be taken instead of baths. Please refrain from sexual intercourse for a minimum period of 2 weeks. _

I stepped into the shower, and allowed the hot water to pour down onto my body. I ran my fingers through my wet hair and breathed the steam in heavily, trying my best to relax.

When I looked down, I could see the blood, softly cascading down my legs and through to the drain. It was light, but it was there. And though the ibuprofen was starting to kick in, I could still feel minor cramping.

I put my hands onto my stomach, grabbing at the bump that never even existed, and wept, the shower drowning our my cries.

"I could have learned, dammit!" I cried out. "You had no right to take it from me!"

I sobbed as I forced myself to feel the emotions I had been keeping so hidden inside of me.

It wasn't fucking fair.

I knew I would get another chance, when the timing was right, but this loss was killing me. And though I would never admit it to anybody, this miscarriage felt like it was the universe's way of telling me I wasn't good enough.

I wasn't good enough to be a mother, I was incapable of loving a child. And the world was going to rip away every person who claimed to love me. My mother, my child, and surely enough, Jesse. It was just a matter of time.

I finished cleaning myself up and turned the water off when I heard a knock on the door.

"Bec? Can I come in?" Jesse asked.

I hesitated for a second, not sure if I was ready to face him just yet.

"Uhh...yeah, just...give me a second to get dressed." I called out.

I dried off with a towel, brushed my hair, put on a pad (again, ew.) and threw on a tank top and some yoga pants.

I gasped slightly when I opened the door to find him standing right there. He apologized, and backed up to give me some space to walk out. I sat down on the bed, and he looked over at me as he stood standing with his hands in his pockets.

"Am I not allowed to see you naked?" He questioned, slightly put off at the fact that I made him wait until I could get clothes on.

I picked at my nails, not looking at him.

"I'm sorry, I just...I feel...I just felt better getting clothes on first, I don't know how else to explain it." I mumbled. Bullshit, I knew exactly how to explain it. I was tired of feeling so fucking exposed to whole damn world.

He sat down next to me, and cupped my cheek in his hand as he kissed my forehead. I flinched in response, taking him by surprise.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked first." He surmised.

"No, it's fine, I'm just..." I trailed off. Fuck, I did not feel like doing this with him right now.

"Beca...I am so sorry I wasn't here last night, I should have been." He whispered, looking down at the ground. The pain he felt was displayed all across his face, and his words dripped of guilt.

"Look, we don't have to do this right now. Why don't we just...I don't know, go grab a pizza or something." I suggested. His face immediately twisted up in response.

"Seriously? Seriously? You're thinking of food right now? Jesus, Beca. I need to know you're okay! We need to talk about this!" He snapped.

Don't you dare fucking cry Beca.

"I am just fine!" I breathed out.

"Beca, you just had a miscarriage. You are so far from fine. Please, please for the love of God do not shut me out right now. I can't do this with you." He begged.

"Then why don't you just fucking go!" I yelled as I got up off the bed and walked over to the window, staring harshly at the fresh 3 inches of snow that had fallen through the night.

Great, here came the tears again.

"God, I am so over these damn emotions." I moaned.

"You want me to leave?" He winced, pain taking over his voice.

"Everybody else has. Why should I believe you'll be any different? This was a mistake, okay? I am more fucked up than I realized, and so not ready for a relationship. So you should just quit while you're ahead. Here's a clean break. Go, be with someone who doesn't have baggage, be with someone who is happy, and can give you everything I can't." I sobbed.

Jesse stood paralyzed in the middle of my room, totally startled at my confession, and unsure of how to respond.

"Beca. Stop. I don't want anybody else. Ever. It's only you. It will always be you. Even when you push me away like this, you'll never win, because I'm always going to come back to you. I don't want anybody else, I fucking want you, dammit! Baggage or no baggage, I am in love with you! I have been from the first moment I saw your sarcastic, smirky, smile. I'm addicted to the smell of your hair, the smell of your perfume. I love how when we wake up together in the mornings, you push yourself into me, as you try to get as close as possible, how your idea of fun is eating Oreos and Peanut Butter while you watch _The Golden Girls_. I love that you don't need me to protect you, you can hold your own. I love that you are my complete opposite, that you have a more realistic view of the world, it helps keep me grounded. I think about you every second of every day. I miss you every damn moment I am not with you. You are everything I ever wanted in a woman, I just want to be with you." He cried out.

I turned to look at him. I knew my words had hurt him, but I was feeling so completely broken, and I just wanted to close in on myself.

"My own mother couldn't even love me, how can I expect you to?" I wept.

He choaked out a ragged gasp before taking the 3 steps to close the distance between us and pull me into his chest. I finally gave up my fight and wrapped my arms around him.

"I will never leave you. I need you to know that. What your mother did, was unthinkable, and I will hate her every day I exist because of how she hurt you. But Beca, I promise you, if you would just let me in, I can love you. I can love you, until you learn to love yourself. I am going to love you as we piece together every broken part of you. I will love you until you are whole again. I know what I am capable of handling, and I can handle your baggage. Please, please let me in." He breathed.

"I'm n-n-not o-o-okay." I cried, as I pressed my forehead against his.

"I know, I know you're not. I'm not either. But I promise you this, if we stick together, we will get through this. It is possible. But we have to stick together." He reminded me.

I nodded my head, as I hugged him tightly.

He bent down, and kissed away at my tears.

"I'm not going anywhere, not going anywhere..." He continued to whisper.

And I knew in that moment, I had to stop. I had to leave the past behind and give myself to Jesse completely.

I leaned up on my tip toes and kissed him on the lips, pouring all of my emotion into the kiss.

"I trust you. I might not love myself just yet, but I know you do. And I trust that I'll get there soon enough." I whispered.

"You will, I know you will. I'm gonna help you get there."


	16. Beautiful Goodbye

**Hello again friends! **

**I know my last 2 chapters were pretty short, but this one is about double, so yay for more Jeca time! **

**If you haven't already, you should totally check out Anna Kendrick's newly released song "On the Steps of the Palace" from her upcoming movie "Into the Woods" It's amazingly beautiful and you can find it on Youtube!**

**Thank you again for your thoughtful reviews, I can't tell you guys how much I love hearing your thoughts on the chapter, and discussing this fandom. Those of you telling me how you yourselves were hurting emotionally and physically just reading is one of the biggest compliments I could ever receive. I just love you guys! **

****Also, if you are on social media, and lets be honest, who isnt? Please feel free to follow me! You can find me on Twitter at Sarcasticbella and on Instagram at Sarcasticbella089.****

**Frozenfreak1242-your answer is coming up :)**

**About this chapter...**

**I'm pretty sure I've called Beca and Chloe's living situation every name in the book, an apartment, a house, a home, etc. I guess technically it would be considered more of a condo. The vision I have of it (go with me on this) is their condo being set on a pretty populated street with local restaurants and shops nearby. There's a set of stairs leading to their door. When you walk inside, the dining room is directly to your right. Then there's a set of stairs leading to Beca and Chloe's rooms to your left. The kitchen is straight back with the fridge, counter, and oven to your right, and the table and miscellaneous items to your left. The living room is directly behind that with big, wide, windows allowing lots of natural right. There is also a balcony directly outside Chloe's bedroom. In my mind, it's a pretty legit place :) **

**Song Choice for this chapter-Beautiful Goodbye by Maroon 5**

_**All the pain you try to hide  
>Shows through your mascara lines<br>As they stream down from your eyes**_

_**Let em go, **_

_**let em fly, **_

_**holding back wont turn back time, **_

_**believe me I've tried**_

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

><p>We stood in the middle of my room, simply holding each other.<p>

I had never been in love before. And the whole idea of it seriously terrified me. Even with my dad, I mean...I loved him. I knew I did, but in a way, it was an 'I have to to love you' type of way. He was all I had growing up, he alone supported me physically, emotionally, and financially.

It was he who had to explain sex and periods to me, and even though it was single handily the most awkward experience of my life, there was no one else to do it. He did the work of two people without complaining, even when I was my typical, bitchy, sarcastic, self, and made it nearly impossible for anyone to love me.

But Jesse, my love for Jesse was so different. To be honest, my love for Jesse was so intense, it scared me at times. Because I already knew, he was it for me as well. There was never anyone else, there could never be anyone else. I only ever wanted him. The very first romantic relationship I had ever been in had the potential to be the _only _romantic relationship I was in.

And sometimes, like today for example, I tested him. I couldn't fully give myself to him until I knew for sure, for absolutely 100% sure that he wasn't going to be ripped from me. I was damaged goods, and I needed to know he wasn't going to leave me when things got tough.

And today, he straight up tore down my walls, showering me with love and dedication. I had to stop testing him, I had to stop shutting him out. Jesse gave all of himself to me, it was only fair of me to do the same.

"I love you, do you know that?" I whispered through my tears.

"I do, but it's still amazing to hear you say it. I swear I'll never tire of hearing you tell me you love me."

"I love you, I love you..." I continued.

And then, in the midst of an intensely pivotal moment of our relationship, came the knock at the door. We both turned to see Chloe standing in the door frame.

"I am so sorry!" She apologized. "I know you guys have a lot to work through, but..um..Bec, your dad's downstairs."

I immediately felt my body freeze up as my eyes popped out at her.

"What the fuck?! Now? Dude this is so _not _a good time!" I hissed.

"I know, I so know. Do I...I don't know, do you want me to tell him to leave?" She questioned. Yeah, Chloe kick someone out of our apartment, like that would ever happen. Hell, the girl wouldn't even be able to kick out a possum.

"While I would actually pay money to see that, I'll handle it. I need to talk to him anyway, thanks."

She walked back to her room, and I turned to look at Jesse.

"I'm not sure how this is gonna go, so..." I warned him.

"I can take it, we can do this together." He replied, taking my hand in his.

I had a feeling why my father had randomly decided to show up. It may have had something to do with the fact that I had been screening his calls, dodging him on campus, and pretty much avoiding him all together over the past 2 weeks. About the only way he knew I was still alive was taking his colleague's words that I was attending their classes. After the pregnancy came to light, I tried to think of a way to break the news. And then last night happened.

But as the man paid my rent, I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, and apparently, he decided to take things into his own hands.

Jesse and I made our way down the stairs and he turned around at the sound of our footsteps.

"Wow, so you are still alive!" He called out. "I myself was pretty certain you had turned into the Loch-Ness Monster. So many people talk of seeing you, but yet I never seem to see you myself."

I nodded my head as he rattled on, looking down at my feet, and taking in everything he was saying.

"Hey...what's that on your wrist?" He questioned, my head popped up at this and looked over to my left wrist.

Shit. In the midst of trying to compose myself to look somewhat presentable, I hadn't even thought of taking off my hospital bracelet.

"Is that a hospital band?" He asked as he began looking me over.

"Dad, it's nothing, I'm fine." I assured him. He scoffed completely at my half assed attempt to calm him down.

"Beca! When were you in the hospital?! Are you alright? What the hell happened?! You go a-wol on me for 2 weeks I don't know what's going on, I can't get a hold of you, are you-"

"I had a miscarriage, okay?!" I blurted out, cutting him off mid speech. It was the first time I had said the words out loud, and the sound of it was hell to my ears. I could feel my stomach churning as the words fell from my lips. Jesse stood next to me, looking just as hurt by the statement.

An awkward silence fell over us as my father immediately pulled back, while staring me up down. Shock washed over his face at my admission.

"You what?"

"I was 10 weeks pregnant. I woke up about 2:30 last night and was bleeding and cramping. Chloe took me to Yale-New Haven." I explained.

He choked out a ragged gasp as he grabbed onto the counter to steady himself. His eyes never left me as he went and sat down on one of the kitchen stools.

"Good God...are you okay?" He breathed out, his face pained.

I thought about this for a second. My knee jerk reaction was to tell him I was fine. I was always "fine" Fall off my bike at 6 and need stitches? I'm fine. Develop appendicitis at 9 and need my appendix removed? I'm fine. Mom leaves me to run off with some guy when I'm 10? I'm fine. But I knew I had to start facing reality, and stop hiding behind my walls. It was time to be an adult.

"No, I'm not fine." I admitted. Jesse looked at me in surprise.

"I just lost a baby, because my body failed me. I'm not okay. But I'm dealing with the loss."

He put his head in his hands as his head began to shake back and forth. Maybe he thought I was doing drugs, maybe he thought he had pissed me off or something, whatever the reason he thought for my distance, it came nowhere close to the real reason. He was not at all prepared for this admission.

He ran his fingers through his face once more before finally looking at the both of us. Finally, his gaze found Jesse, and he scowled at him.

"You..." He hissed, as he pointed his finger at him.

"Mr. Mitchell I-" Jesse began to defend himself, but I immediately cut him off.

"Dad, don't. Okay? Just don't. The last thing I need right now is you going off on Jesse. I'm going to tell you something important, so please listen. I am a 19 year old woman. I am in a consensual, sexual, relationship with Jesse. I said yes every single time. So you don't get to blame him for getting me pregnant, okay? He didn't rape me. We're in love, and we're in a committed adult relationship. We both had a hand in this." I informed him. He was not going to suddenly get all "macho-dad" on me and flip out on Jesse in some fucked up attempt at defending my honor.

Still glaring, he did seem to calm down just a bit at my words. He no longer seemed like he wanted to kill Jesse, but perhaps was still seriously considering breaking his legs.

"Jesse" He emphasized. "Can I have a moment alone with my daughter please?"

"Yeah, yeah of course. I'll just-yeah, okay." He stuttered before turning around and heading upstairs.

It was just the two of us now.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner. I've just been going through a lot. I had planned on telling you this weekend, but...yeah."

It was all he could do to just stare at me. His baby girl was all grown up. In her own place, taking charge of her own life, and getting pregnant. Then dealing with the devastating loss. It was all so much for him to comprehend, and I could tell.

"Bec, I just...I can't even imagine what your going through. I don't even know what to say, other than I'm sorry. Are you taking some time to recover? Do you need anything?" He asked, looking like he might cry at any second. I pulled up the chair next to him and sat down.

"I'm emailing my professors today, and I'll be taking next week off. Physically, I really am okay Dad. I didn't need any medication or serious medical intervention, my body pretty much took care of things on its own. It's just emotionally that I'm a bit screwed up right now. The hospital did everything they could, these things just happen sometimes." I reminded him.

"You said you loved him?" He replied, and I nodded my head in agreement. The word "Love" didn't seem like a big enough word to describe my feelings for Jesse however.

"Yeah, Dad, I do. I do love him. He's a really good guy, he takes really good care of me, and treats me the way every single woman should be treated by a man."

"Beca...do you remember when we first had to have the talk?" He questioned, his eyes glancing over at mine.

"Ugh, Dad..." I groaned.

* * *

><p><em>I sat on the toilet that morning and simply stared at my underwear. You have got to be kidding me right now. Who the hell was I supposed to tell this to? Shit...did I have to tell Dad? Ugh, I already feel like I'm going to throw up as it is. <em>

_Wasn't there something Mom said I could take when this all happened? What was it? It started with an 'M'...Motrin? No, that was for fevers...Morphine? What the hell was it?!_

_"Beca...you okay sweetie?" I heard my dad ask through the door. _

_"Uhh...yep, I'm good!" I lied. _

_"You've been in the bathroom for over 30 minutes, are you sick?" He questioned. _

_I finally pulled my pants up, flushed the toilet, washed my hands, and opened the door. _

_"I need you to take me to the store." I requested. _

_"Okay...what for?" _

_Do I lie? Or do I go for the shock factor? _

_"I need tampons."_

_Yeah, shock factor. _

_He stared at me like I had four heads. _

_"Excuse me?" _

_"I need tampons, can we just get this over with already?" _

_He nodded his head as he grabbed the car keys and I threw a sweatshirt on while silently praying he would be silent the entire ride and drop me off at the store with a 20. _

_Wishful thinking, right. _

_We backed out of the driveway, and he turned to me. _

_"You know...pads might be a better option for the first time. just a suggestion..."He offered. I turned 6 shades of red as I cringed in horror. _

_"OH...KAY..no, no, no, nope, never, nada, nope. We are not doing this right now!" I yelled. _

_Beca, this is a big moment, you're officially a woman." He beamed. _

_"Dad, don't say woman, and please for the love of God, wipe the smile off your face. This isn't 'fun' or 'exciting' it's shitty. Please stop!" I begged. _

_"Rebeca Grace Mitchell, language!" He replied. "Now listen, this is a big moment whether you chose to see it that way or not. I know it's gotta be hard not having your mom around to talk to about this, but right now, it's me and you kiddo. I wish things were different but they aren't. We've only got each other, and so I'm gonna get you through this because I'm your dad and I love you, and I'm the one here. So I'm sorry, but were doing this." He began. I sighed heavily and pushed myself down in the seat, as if I could wish myself out of this situation. _

_"Bec, getting your period is a big deal, it's the start of adulthood. This conversation is just as hard and embarrassing for me as it is for you, so just...suck it up. Now, for starters, you'll probably have some abdominal cramping from now on. You can 2 ibuprofen about every 4-6 hours to help ease the pain. But there's also Midol, which your mom used to take, so that's an option too. You have a responsibility to keep yourself clean, and dispose of everything. You don't ever flush anything down the toilet. Again, embarrassing, but it'll save us both a lot of heartache in the end." He continued. _

_And as much as I wanted to die, I also knew I needed to listen. Midol, that had been the 'M' medication mom had mentioned before she left. _

_"I would hope you're nowhere near ready for sex, especially at just 12 years old, but we need to discuss it. Beca, sex is a big deal. And anybody who tries to tell you otherwise is lying. It's more than feeling good it-"_

_"Please don't mention anything about feeling good, I already want to puke." I groaned. He paused for a second, looking over at me. _

_"It's about being emotionally connected to someone Bec. That's something you wont be ready for for many more years. I'm not expecting you to wait til your married for sex, but I do expect that you'll be in a committed relationship when it happens. Sex is meaningless without love. And you listen to me, I am trying as hard as I can to raise you to be a confident, classy, woman. You respect yourself Rebeca Grace, do you hear me? You respect yourself and you respect your body. Nothing worth having ever came easy, you remember that. The right man is going to wait until your ready. And he will make sure you're protected. I know in the heat of the moment..."_

_Somebody please strike me dead, please? Come on, I don't ask for much. Sex Ed had taught me enough of the basics. Men were pigs, who only thought with their dicks, and were constantly after one thing. After he stuck it in you, and got whatever it was you got out of sex, he rolled over and went to sleep. I for one found the whole act to be completely disgusting and already knew I would never partake in the whole thing. Why did we have to continue through this?_

_"Now that you've started your period, you're able to get pregnant. That's how babies are made, through sex. When the man's seaman meets with the woman's egg, a baby is conceived..."_

_Well, I never planned on having children, they were sticky, smelled, and drove me insane. Yet another reason I was never going to have sex. _

_My miracle had finally arrived when we pulled up to Wal-Mart. It was the first and only miracle that store had ever brought me. _

_"Please tell me were done? I just want to grab the stuff and forget this entire day." I complained. _

_He sighed and nodded his head in agreement before reaching into his wallet. "Here, grab some pads, even if you are against them, some tampons, oh, and some feminine wipes." _

_"Wipes?!" _

_"Trust me, just grab them, you'll understand later." _

_I began to get out of the car before I turned around to face him. _

_"Dad?" _

_"Yeah honey?" _

_"Let's never have this conversation again." _

_"We'll see about that kiddo."_

* * *

><p>"And yet, you still brought it up again at 14, and 16, and 18 right before I left for college!" I reminded him.<p>

"Hey, things were changing every couple of years, I just wanted to make sure you remembered things." He defended.

I laughed slightly, before seeing his face become serious.

"The reason I brought it up is because of something that always stuck with me. Beca I told you that day that sex was nothing without love. It was about more than feeling good, it was about being emotionally connected to someone, and loving them in the most intimate way. I'm glad you waited until you were in love."

I swallowed hard at the comment and closed my eyes briefly before looking over to the picture of Jesse and I at last years ICCA's that hung on the fridge.

"Yeah Dad, I am too."

* * *

><p>*Jesse's POV*<p>

"I'll get it!" I called out as the doorbell rang. Yeah, it wasn't like I lived her or anything like that, I thought as I made my way down the stairs.

I opened the door, and my eyes were met with a familiar sight as my mom and dad stood in front of me.

"Hi..." I said awkwardly, so not expecting them to have shown up.

"Hi back...you were not who I was expecting." My mom greeted, expressing my same sentiments.

"You either." I agreed.

"We wanted to help, and we didn't feel like we could do that much helping 2 hours away." She explained as she and dad made their way inside.

Beca had just minutes earlier said goodbye to her dad as my parents made their way inside, and as I was pretty sure at least one of the Bella's was going to make their way over at some point, today was just destined to be a revolving door of family and friends.

"Hi.." Beca sweetly greeted as the surprise washed over her as well. I watched as my mother hugged her so tightly I thought she would crush my petite girlfriend.

"Mom, you can let go now..." I reminded her.

She pulled back and began to wipe away the tears in her eyes as she began placing bags down on the counter.

"Okay well...let's see here, I figured you and Chloe wouldn't want to have anything to do with cooking this week, so Bill and I brought meals. And as I'm pretty certain my son eats all his meals here too, there's enough for him as well. There's ziti, Broccoli, Chicken, & Rice Casserole, Hamburger Pie, and a mix I came up with of Sausage, Peppers, Onions, and Potatoes. Everything's all made, you guys can just pop them in the oven and heat 'em up and they'll be good to go." She explained.

Tears welled up in Beca's eyes as she thanked my parents, overwhelmed with appreciation.

"Well, Jess, why don't we let the girls catch up, and you and I go sit out on the balcony." My dad suggested.

"Dad, it's like...28 degrees outside, it just snowed." I reminded him.

"I brought snuggies!" He insisted.

"Oh well yeah, I mean when you put it like that, it all makes sense..."

* * *

><p>He popped open the beer and handed it over to me as I looked at him with a curious expression.<p>

"Kid, you're old enough to go to war and die for this country, you can have a beer." He reminded me.

"Thanks pop."

"You doing alright Jesse? Your mom's been a nervous wreck since she found out. I'm glad that you called though, we appreciated it. But you know how she worries." Dad explained.

My mother certainly was prone to anxiety, and always worried about Amanda and I. Did we have enough to eat? Enough clothes? or my personal favorite, were we making god choices? But I knew she meant well, and that woman loved me more than I would ever understand.

"I'm hanging in there Dad. I barely had time to get used to the idea before it was ripped away from me. But...I was really excited. It sounds stupid, I know. But despite all the setbacks I knew this was going to bring, I was really excited for us." I mumbled as I picked at the label on the bottle.

"It's not stupid at all, you had every right to be excited, so did she. So you're young, parenthood is still an exciting time. You were okay to be excited..."

"I love her Dad, and it kills me that she had to go through this." I cried.

I knew I had to be strong for Beca, I was her rock, and she needed my strength. But I too had not fully dealt with the severity of the situation. And out in the cold, bundled up and drinking corona's with my father, I finally let go.

He got up and hugged me, patting my back as I cried on his shoulders, feeling just slightly ridiculous.

"Jesse, son, this is probably the hardest things you will ever go through in your life. And I am so sorry that you had to experience it. But this pain, this can only bring you and Beca closer together. Do not let it destroy you guys. You grow from this, and you learn from this. Jesse I see it in your eyes how much you love her, we love her too. Mom and I weren't so sure initially, but now? We can't imagine our lives without Beca, just like I know you can't either. She's pretty special, and she's got an incredible sense of humor. We love you both son, and we are going to support the both of you no matter what. Don't think that just because there's no longer a baby that we're suddenly cutting you two off. Jesse you are my only son, you are the best thing I ever got in this entire world, and I will always support you know matter what. No questions asked."

Usually, my father was the strong and silent type. It was rare that he had long speeches to say, but when he did, people listened. And in this moment, I was reminded of how strong my family was, and how much we loved each other. They loved Beca too, and they were going to take her under their wings. My family's support of me, of my friends, of my girlfriend, amazed me. This was what family was about.

"I love you, Dad." I breathed as I hugged him tightly.

"I love you too kid. And let me tell you something, this is not the end. You and Beca will have your chance again, and it will be incredible. Nothing will ever compare to the moment when you hold your child for the first time. Nothing. If you guys can get through this, there are bigger and better things coming, I promise."

* * *

><p>*Beca's POV*<p>

I sat at the counter while Julie whipped up some hot chocolate. I was glad Jesse called them, Julie was the closest thing I had to a mother, and her presence was comforting. She simply oozed "motherhood" from her pores. She was strong, beautiful, funny, protective, and caring. And I needed her now more than ever.

"Here" She said as she walked over to grab a bag. "These, are for you."

I opened the first box to find a beautiful light green fleece robe. I pulled it out and held it up to myself. The material so soft it was like putty in my hands.

"I figured you would need a few days to recover, I thought this might help make it a bit more comfortable." She smiled.

"Julie, it's gorgeous! Thank you so much!" I gushed.

The next box contained a set of new pajamas, and then came the "complete care package." A bag filled with the latest issues of Marie Claire, Cosmo, People, Glamor and Elle. Along with _How to loose a guy in 10 days, _and _Swee_t_ Home Alabama_. And to top it off, Dove Chocolates, Reeces Peanut Butter Cups, and homemade Salted Caramels. I looked up at her in awe.

"This is too much, I can't-"

"Please. It's my gift, you deserve it sweetheart. It's been a long, stressful, past few hours. You deserve something that will help pass the time." She insisted.

Our hot chocolate was ready, and she poured copious amounts of whipped cream on both our cups before handing mine over to me.

"You are like super mom, I'm surprised you didn't have like 5 kids." I laughed. I was fairly certain this woman could run a small army just fine. She smiled at my words as she sipped at her drink.

"I actually always dreamed of having 5 kids, it's funny you should say that." She admitted.

"Just didn't work out?" I questioned, curious as to why she and Bill stopped at Amanda.

"I couldn't have anymore children after Amanda. Bill and I were never exactly sure why. We tried for years, but it just never happened. We even went through IVF at one point. Amanda was 5, Jesse 8. And we got pregnant, with twins actually, but we lost them at 14 weeks. After that, it just seemed like it was the universe's way of telling us to focus on the children we already had. And so we did." She explained to me.

I looked up at her as tears welled up in my eyes.

"You get it." I whispered. She nodded her head, tears welling up in her eyes as well.

"I do...I remember the pain. And no matter how prepared or unprepared you are for a pregnancy, it's still devastating when it's lost." She whispered.

I got out of the chair and went over to hug her tightly.

"I'm glad you're here." I whispered.

"Me too sweetheart, Me too."


	17. An Ordinary Miracle

**So, I'm really interested in seeing the reactions after this is posted. This is how I planned the story going from the beginning. Some of you may hate it, others, I'm hoping, will be as excited as I am. Either way, please let me know your thoughts!**

**Song Inspiration: Ordinary Miracle-Sarah McLachlan.**

**_"It seems so exceptional_**

**_That things work out after all_**

**_It's just another_**

**_Ordinary miracle today."_**

* * *

><p>Even though I didn't have anywhere to be for the week, Monday still came too quickly, and I was less than thrilled at the thought of Jesse's parents having to return to Boston.<p>

In the midst of our sadness, it still managed to be an okay weekend. Luke came over Saturday evening and the 6 of us had a wonderful dinner and game night. Watching Jesse try to act out 'Sex in the City' during a heated game of charades was still fresh in my mind. And on Sunday, we lounged around watching movies and football while I pretty much slept most of the day away.

It felt good to be surrounded by friends and family, to feel loved, and accepted. The things I had been searching for for half of my life were finally in front me. And though I feared my happiness being taken from me, I was learning each and every day to take more chances, to take more risks.

I rolled over in bed, curling up deeper into the warm covers, when I felt a paper crumble up under me. Sitting up, I pulled it out and smiled as I glanced over it.

_Good Morning sleeping beauty, _

_There really isn't much in this world more beautiful than watching you sleep. I hope you get the rest you need. I should be home around 1 today. Lets take a nap together before I meet up with the guys for practice. _

_Love you gorgeous. _

I thought to myself how spoiled I was. Spoiled and ridiculously happy and in love.

Sitting up, I grabbed for my phone to call the Doctor's office and make that appointment I needed. My bleeding had subsided, and the cramping had passed. Physically, I felt just fine. Though my breasts were still bothering me, and I was still finding myself peeing about every hour. I couldn't wait for the left over symptoms to completely pass so I could get back into my normal life and routine.

"Thank you for calling New Haven Obstetrics, this is Joyce speaking, how may I assist you this morning?" I was broken out of my thoughts at the sound of her voice, and momentarily forgot why I was calling in the first place...right, the appointment!

"Yes, sorry! My name is Rebeca Mitchell, I'm a patient of Dr. Ruckman's. Um, I just suffered a miscarriage early Saturday morning, and the doctor at the emergency room suggested making an appointment with my OB." I explained.

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. Let me look at her calendar and see what she has available...unfortunately it looks like the earliest I can get you in would be November 8th, at 10:30. However, I can always go and talk to her and-"

"No, no it's fine. I don't have any issues right now requiring immediate attention, so the 8th will work just fine. I'll write it on my calendar and see you then." I explained, before saying my goodbyes and hanging up. I was more than able to wait a week and a half, there was no pressing matter, and no need for an immediate appointment.

I began to undress and head into the shower when my phone went off, letting me know I had received a text.

_"Were feeling a little sad at having to leave town :( join us for breakfast before we go?"-Julie_

I grinned and laughed lightly. Yeah, breakfast sounded awesome.

* * *

><p>"So you're coming to Boston for Thanksgiving right?" Bill asked as we sat in the diner sipping coffee while we waited on our food.<p>

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to it, Jesse says you guys are big on Holidays, it should be really nice." I agreed.

And I was serious. Holiday's with Dad and I were nothing short of lame. He was pretty much the only family I had. He and my mother both were only children, who had an only child. Which left me with no siblings, no cousins, no aunts, and no uncles. Just 2 sets of grandparents who I barely ever saw. Before Sheila came into the picture, our Holiday's consisted of Dad and I awkwardly trying to cook a huge meal for two people and discussing trivial things such as the weather and how the New York Giants season was going. This was about to be the first time I was going to spend a Holiday with a big extended family, and I couldn't have been more excited. Visions of warmth, laughter, love, and happiness danced around in my head. Even if we weren't pregnant, there was still an incredible amount of things Jesse and I had to be thankful for this year.

My phone rang just as our food arrived. I planned on ignoring the call until I saw it was Jesse. A smile crept across my face as I picked up.

"Hey prince charming..." I swooned.

"Hey million dollar baby, where you at? I'm standing in your bedroom feeling slightly disappointed. My theater class was cancelled, so I thought I'd surprise you." He explained to me.

"I'm sorry, I'm out at the Diner having breakfast, but I should be home in about an hour or so. Our food just got here."

"You're having breakfast? With who?" He questioned. Julie whispered over at me, guessing it was Jesse. I nodded my head in response.

"Your parents. Your mom says hi by the way!" I exclaimed, laughing as I thought of his reaction-Jesse, alone in my room, while I was out having breakfast and spending time with his family.

"Seriously?! How do I get left out of this? I like breakfast!" he whined playfully.

"You had theater. You weren't supposed to be done with classes until 12:30." I reminded him.

"Theater was cancelled." He moaned, sounding like a pathetic puppy.

"Jesse, do you want me to bring you breakfast?"

"Please? Southwest Omelet with Hash browns and buttered rye toast. Thank you!"

His parents smiled as I hung up the phone and looked over at them.

"God we love you crazy kids..."

* * *

><p>"Jess?" I called out as I made my way inside.<p>

"Living room!" He called back.

I loved this living arrangement, of being able to see each other whenever we pleased. Hell, Luke and Jesse might as well have moved in themselves they were over here so much. The best part of it being that neither Chloe nor I cared that our boyfriends were primary staples in our house.

I walked through the hall and into the kitchen to put my stuff down as Jesse got up off the couch and made his way over to me.

"You ditched me this morning Mitchell, and to hang out with my parents none the less, I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling kind of hurt. Maybe even betrayed..." He joked. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands wrapped around my waist.

"Mmm...your parents buy breakfast." I whispered, his face just inches from mine.

He leaned in and kissed me gently as I pushed myself up onto my tip toes, trying in vain to get closer to him.

He leaned me back and pressed me up against the counter as his hands massaged my sides. I moaned heavily into the kiss, his touch like water to a parched throat, and I suddenly remembered how much I missed him.

It had been 3 weeks since Jesse and I had had sex, and while I was feeling slightly guilty, my hormones couldn't care less. They wanted him.

However, I knew we couldn't. It was way too soon. Both physically and emotionally.

"Mmmm..." I whimpered. It was supposed to be a moan of stop your actions, but Jesse took it more of a moan of encouragement.

"Mmmhmmm." He moaned back as his hand slipped under my shirt.

Part of my brain seriously considered not stopping him, but I knew I had to.

"No, we can't." I sighed as I pulled away from him and grabbed at his hand.

He stopped immediately, and a look of embarrassment quickly washed over his face.

"I'm sorry...Oh jeeze, Bec, I didn't mean to, I-"

"No, I want to too. I just want to be with you right now. But they gave strict instructions, no sex for 2 weeks. And as much as my hormones want to, I'm not sure if I'm emotionally ready just yet." I explained to him.

It was like that damn Maroon 5 song. _"Try to tell you no but my body keeps on telling you yes."_ I knew I wasn't ready to jump back into this so quickly, my hormones on the other hand, needed a friendly reminder.

"Of course, and I will not push you. You take as much time as you need, whenever you feel your body is ready, we'll go for it. Slow and steady wins the race."

I closed my eyes and smiled up at him. "What if you're not ready when I'm ready?"

"Beca you're hot as hell. To be completely honest, I'm always ready."

* * *

><p><em>Thursday, November 8th, 2012<em>

I pulled up to the gynecologist and simply sat in my car, staring at the building in front of me. I didn't want to go in, just as I didn't want to go in last time. But this time around, my nerves were for a completely different reason.

I pulled the sonogram out of the center console and rubbed my finger across it wishfully. The loss of something so small had ripped such a huge hole out of my heart.

Jesse had offered to come with me, as did every single one of the Bella's. But I knew this was something I just had to do on my own. I felt guilty leaving Jesse out of it, but this was my closure, and I just wanted to be by myself for it.

The Bella's had been devastated when the news broke, and were of course overly concerned about how I was holding up. Ashley was convinced I'd never leave my room, and Amy didn't crack a single joke for a week straight according to Cynthia Rose. I waited for days for Lily to make some insanely creepy and inappropriate joke about death, but it never came. Finally, she looked at me one day, and announced in her totally creepy voice that although she was weird, she wasn't insensitive, or an ass. She had no comments about this. She would just stare at me, always watching. Which was equally as creepy.

In the wake of my absence the previous week, the girls had really come together to help each other out. I felt bad that our new girls Emily, Regan, and Courtney were having to deal with this craziness and change of everybody's schedules and routines, but it was just how things had to be. And thankfully enough, everyone was extremely understanding. We were a family, and when one of us was hurt, everyone else stepped up. I was lucky to have these girls.

I was also about to be late to this appointment if I didn't get out of the car.

Putting the sonogram back in, I sighed and opened the door.

This was it.

I opened to door and headed into the spa like waiting room. I was convinced it was impossible to be stressed here, they made it the most calming environment possible. Most likely to distract you from what you had to endure back in the exam rooms.

I got signed in and went to sit down, but before I could even get in the chair, they were ready for me.

"Beca?" The nurse called out.

I turned around and walked back with her to have my vitals checked.

"How are you doing today?" She asked me.

"I'm hanging in there." I admitted.

I stepped up onto the scale and got weighed, taking notice to the fact that I was 107 pounds. 4 pounds more than the last time I was here. It was a good thing Jesse's parents didn't provide us meals every week. Between that and the lack of exercise from Bella's practice, I was packing on the pounds.

"Blood pressure is 110/75, temp 98.9, everything looks great. Lets head on back to the exam room." She informed me as we walked back.

I walked in and placed my scarf and coat down, having a seat on the exam table.

"How are you feeling?" The nurse asked.

"Not that great, but I'm getting there. I'm fine physically, it's just emotionally I'm still kind of struggling." I replied.

"Miscarriage is a heartbreaking experience, and there is no timeline for the grief process. You just, take things day by day. Have you considered counseling?" She offered.

"Yeah, I'm not exactly one to talk about my problems, so...it's just not my thing. But my family and friends are extremely supportive, it's helped me through a lot of this."

And it was the truth, everybody had supported me in every way possible. Giving me my space when I needed it, and smothering me with love when I asked for it. I couldn't get through my days without them.

"Well good, that's good. How's everything physically? Bleeding stop?" She questioned.

"Yeah, the bleeding stopped around last Sunday. I've been feeling fine, just extremely tired." I mentioned.

"Okay, well, everything sounds normal. I'm going to grab Dr. Ruckman and she should be back shortly. She does want to do another transvaginal exam just to check the uterus, so you'll need to undress from the waist down again."

I sighed at this. These damn things. It wasn't like it was extremely painful, but it was certainly awkward and uncomfortable.

I undressed and laid back onto the table, putting my legs into the stirrups. Everything just the same as it was the last time. Except for one major thing.

A tear escaped from my eye as I looked over to the ultrasound machine. I ached inside for that tiny little baby. I should have brought Jesse with me.

The door opened and my doctor came inside, her beautiful hair perfectly straight, pearls hanging from her neck. This woman was more put together than I ever would be in my life.

"Hey Beca, it's good to see you again." She said, a beautiful smile covering her face.

"Hi Dr. Ruckman." I greeted.

"I am so sorry to hear about this, how are you holding up?" She asked, her face wrinkling up in concern.

"I'm getting there. I think the worst is over. My time will come eventually, I just have to keep reminding myself of that." I explained. She nodded her head in agreement.

"You seem to be in a good place, I'm glad to here that. But we do have resources available should you find yourself in need of it." She suggested.

"Yeah, the nurse explained that to me. My boyfriend has been really supportive though, I think that and time is really what I need to heal."

"Totally understandable. Okay, well, I'm just going to do another ultrasound, and check your uterus to make sure everything is healed. Do you have any questions?" She asked.

"Umm...if everything looks okay, am I-are we-" Why was it so hard to ask her if I could have sex again after this.

"Are you cleared to have sex?" She guessed.

"Yeah."

"Yes, once I get a look at how everything is, I can give you a better answer, but you should be able to resume with no problems." She explained, a smile across her face. A slight sigh escaped my lips as I released my breath. I just wanted to be back with Jesse again.

I scooted down further onto the exam table and spread my legs as she inserted the instrument about halfway.

I will forever remember everything about this moment. How I felt, what I heard, how my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I would remember all of it.

I laid on the bed, staring straight ahead when I heard the first noise to peak my interest.

It was a sound I had never heard before, and it reminded me of galloping horses filling the silent room.

The next sound to be heard was my doctor slowly whispering.

"Holy. Shit."

I had never before heard a doctor curse in a professional manner, and my head immediately whipped over to the ultrasound machine.

My eyes couldn't leave the screen. They were completely locked.

The image I was looking at was nothing like the image I had seen the last time.

I sat up on my elbows, and stared, my mouth falling open against my will.

That was a baby. It was most definitely a baby. I could make out everything. The head, the body, tiny arms and legs.

Holy fuck, that was a baby.

"Oh. My. God." I breathed out, horrified at the sight unfolding in front of me.

Did my baby survive the miscarriage?! How was that even possible?!

"Please tell me what's happening right now, because I'm slightly terrified." I cried.

"I need to get a second opinion on this..." She said, grabbing at the phone.

"Joyce, can you send Amira in to exam room four? I need a consult on something. It's important."

30 seconds later, the door opened and a middle aged Indian woman walked in wearing a white lab coat. She joined my doctor and they both stared at the screen, the sound of galloping horses still filling the small room.

"She had a miscarriage about 2 weeks ago, Yale-New Haven said it was complete." She said, explaining my history to the new doctor.

"Did they do an ultrasound on you there?" The new doctor asked me. I shook my head.

"No, they just told me it was a complete miscarriage, I assumed everything was over with."

"She could have been carrying multiples, miscarried one, and the other survives. But according to this ultrasound, she's most definitely still pregnant. Judging by the image, I'd guess about 12 weeks." The other doctor informed as she stared at the screen.

I sat there, my elbows supporting my weight, as my mind exploded at the information that was being presented to me. Still pregnant.

Still pregnant.

And that sound? That sound of a hundred galloping horses?

That was the heartbeat. My baby's heartbeat.

"I'm gonna need somebody to call my boyfriend, please..."


	18. She will be loved

***Phew! That took a while. Hope you guys enjoy it! Once again, as always, I am just blown away with your reviews and how into this story you guys are! I see them and it just makes me want to write even more. Enjoy a little Jeca sexy time, and have a great start to your week. Enjoy!***

* * *

><p>Jesse's POV<p>

I turned the water off and ran my fingers through my hair before grabbing the towel and stepping out of the shower.

Steam filled the small room and I wiped the mirror down before glancing at the clock. 10:50am.

Beca was right in the middle of her appointment, and I wanted nothing more than to be there with her, holding her hand and stroking her hair. But I knew she was a big girl, and this was something she needed to do on her own. Beca and I both had to deal with our own grief, separately and together as a couple. This was her closure, and I respected that.

Turning up the radio, I began to towel off and get dressed as I sang along.

_**I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door**_

_**I've had you so many times but somehow I want more**_

_**I don't mind spending every day**_

_**Out on your corner in the pouring rain**_

_**Look for the girl with the broken smile**_

_**Ask her if she wants to stay awhile**_

_**And she will be loved**_

_**And she will be loved**_

I was thrown out of my thoughts with the ringing of my phone. I glanced over at it, thinking it might be Beca, only to see a number calling that I didn't recognize. It was however, a 203 area code, so I knew it was local at least. I shrugged my shoulders before picking it up.

"Hello, this is Jesse." I answered.

"Hi Jesse, this is Julia Ruckman calling from New Haven Obstetrics." She greeted.

My stomach dropped at the sound of this. So help me God if something else had happened to her, I was going to lose it.

"What's wrong?" I choked out. Not even sure I wanted to know.

"Take a breath, everything is just fine. We just need you to come down and fill out some paperwork. Would you like to speak with her?" She asked, her voice completely calm.

"Please." It was all I could say in the moment, and just a few seconds later, her golden voice filled my ears.

"Jess, everything's fine, I promise." She assured me. "I just need you to go over some forms with me. It'll take 10 minutes."

"Okay, I'll be there in 15 minutes." I agreed, hanging up the phone.

Something was off. What the hell kind of "forms" was I supposed to going over? A death certificate? No, that didn't make sense. They wouldn't need one for a miscarriage.

I grabbed a pair of jeans, threw 'em on, and began to button my shirt as fast as I could.

Seriously, why did people always have to be evasive with me? Why couldn't they just tell me what the hell was going on over the phone instead of making me worry like this. I was a man, I could take it.

I threw on some deodorant and cologne, and rushed out of the room. Unfortunately for me, I was in such a damn rush to find out what the hell was happening, I completely missed the fact that someone had dropped a sandwich. One step onto some mustard, and my body went flying down the stairs, until I hit the bottom step and landed on my ass. Benji immediately came running over.

"DAMMIT!" I yelled, my hand reaching out to rub at my sore back.

"Jesse! Oh man, I'm so sorry! I accidentally dropped my sandwich, and just ran to go grab some paper towels. Are you okay?" He apologized as he began to help me up.

"I'm good, I'm good. I just really need to get to Beca right now. Did I get anything on my clothes?" I asked, turning my body around.

"No, you look fine." He replied as he checked me over.

"Okay good." I said, my body relaxing. I grabbed my jacket and keys and ran out the door as quickly as I could. Which wasn't very quick at all considering I was pretty sure there was going to be a big bruise on my ass any day now.

I hopped into the car and peeled out of the driveway, trying to keep myself occupied as I made the 10 minute drive.

I tried thinking about everything, trebels rehearsals, the riff off, theater, physics. Nothing seemed to help. All I could think about was Beca and what everybody was hiding from me.

I got so caught up in my thoughts and the fact that the OBGYN was right on the corner, I missed the light turning red and flew through it.

"Shit!" I hissed. "No cops? no cops."

I pulled into the parking lot, took a breath, and busted out of the car.

I half jogged into the office and headed for the receptionists desk. She pulled back her window and I stood there, trying to catch my breath.

"My...girlfriend...she's with...Dr. Ruckman right now?" I said, panting as I tried to calm down.

"You must be Jesse, you can head on back to exam room 4, their waiting for you." She smiled.

I thanked her, and waited in the room for a few more seconds so I could compose myself. Then, I slowly opened the door and headed back.

1...2...3...Exam 4.

I knocked lightly on the door.

"Come in!" The doctor called out.

I opened it and walked in to find her sitting on a stool, and Beca laid out on the exam table, fully dressed, with a goofy grin stretching from ear to ear. I walked over to her, running my fingers through her hair and kissing her softly on the lips.

"Hi..." I greeted.

"Hey you." She greeted back, not loosing the smile.

"Well, I'm guessing by now you've realized that you aren't here to fill out forms." Dr. Ruckman guessed.

The two of them both had smiles stretched across their faces. Whatever was going on was obviously something good, but I was still completely lost. Beca looked up at me.

"Hey," She began. "I have a surprise for you." Tears were beginning to well up in her eyes.

"Give me your hand." She whispered, before nodding her head towards the doctor.

I pulled up a chair, and sat down beside her, her fingers interlocked with mine.

"Jess..." She said, breathing out. "I'm still pregnant."

I sat there, my eyes going wide with confusion. How was that possible? She read my face immediately, and began to explain.

"I must have been carrying twins. I'm still carrying one of them, we're still pregnant."

She lifted her shirt, and the doctor spread some gel onto her stomach, Beca flinching slightly at it.

Dr. Ruckman pressed a plastic instrument onto her belly and began to move it around. I looked up at the screen to see the image, and started to hear the heartbeat. Soft at first, but building, until it filled the room with a soft thumping sound.

It was a baby.

Inside this little black sack, was our baby. A clearly defined head, tiny little arms beginning to sprout, a torso, and legs.

Tears began to well up in my eyes as I simply stared. Beca was still pregnant. We were going to be a family after all.

"Oh my God..." I breathed out. My mind could not process the information fully, and I just sat there, switching off between staring at Beca, and staring at the baby.

"Baby's just a tad over 2 inches right now. Beca looks to be right on target still for her due date of May 15th." The doctor informed as she continued to move the instrument around. "We'll just take some pictures, and you guys will be good to go."

In that moment, words failed me. It was all I could do to just look at her and smile as tears dripped from my face.

I bent down and kissed her as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too." She replied.

"Alright, Beca, you can wipe yourself off, and you're all set. We'll see you back in a month for your next check up. You can schedule that up front with Joyce, and if all goes well, we should be able to find out the sex." She informed.

Beca sat up and used the towel to wipe off the gel, her smile still plastered across her face.

She grabbed her scarf and jacket, and we were just about to head out, when the doctor stopped us.

"Oh, and Beca?" She mentioned.

"Yeah?" Beca replied, turning around.

"You're free to resume sex." She said, smiling. Beca took a breath and nodded her head as her eyebrows raised. I looked down at her, smirking.

"Okay, sounds great. Jesse...just, keep moving, let's go." She rushed.

I laughed as I put my arm around her shoulders and we made our way out of the room.

Sex with Beca was back, hell yes.

* * *

><p><em>Saturday, November 17th, 2012<em>

"I look like a pig." I groaned as I stood in front of the mirror in my bra and jeans. I was just finally starting to show, and everything was all out of proportion. My boobs were spilling out of my bra, and my newly defined belly made it impossible for me to button my jeans.

"Not pig, no one said pig!" Chloe defended as the girls all sat around my room with me on a Saturday morning.

I had invited everyone over for breakfast, and to gently reveal the news, everyone's emotions taking an emotional roller coaster, just as mine had been. The yo-yo effect of this pregnancy had everyone ricocheting. But as Jesse and I were pretty sure this was baby was here to stay, we slowly let our fiends know.

"Now, tightly encased sausage roll...ehhh." Amy added in, a response that was immediately met with angry glares, and a kick from Cynthia Rose.

"Ouch! What? Am I supposed to lie?! Fine, Shawshank you look fabulous, I'm totally digging your rack" She added, trying to redeem herself.

"Beca, you're pregnant, you're absolutely beautiful." Cynthia assured me, trying to make up for Amy's lack of tact.

"You could have a third nipple, like me." Lily whispered, her eyes darting around the room.

"Right, well...listen, Becs, you just need a new bra. Your girls are growing, nothing wrong with that. Hell, I'm sure Jesse loves it!" Stacie laughed. I looked back at the girls.

"I wouldn't know, Jesse and I haven't had sex in a month." I informed them, causing Stacie to spit out her water everywhere.

"ACA-FUCKING-SCUSE ME?!" She screamed. "AN ENTIRE MONTH?!"

"Stacie, calm down..." Ashley encouraged.

"Well, when were we supposed to? We went about a week without it, and then my miscarriage happened so we had to wait two weeks, this is the first weekend it might actually happen." I explained.

"And yet instead, your here with us..." Jessica pointed out.

I sighed.

"Jesse has Treble practice this morning, were getting together tonight."

"Sweetie, you just need some new bras, and maybe panties while your at it." Chloe suggested.

Stacie was the first to volunteer to chaperone me on a trip to Victoria's Secret, followed by Amy, and then in close third, Cynthia. All for various different reasons that I was not comfortable with. In the end, I took Ashley, who I knew was my safest choice next to Chloe.

"Alright, it looks like your right at about a 34C." The woman said as she measured me out. "Do you need any help finding anything?"

Definitely not a push up! These suckers were starting to develop a mind of their own, and to think, they were going to continue to grow over the next 6 months.

"I think I'm good, thank you." I declined, sending out Ashley to find something sensible. I looked down to my phone at the new text that just came through.

_"Please tell me the rumors are true..."-Jesse_

I groaned, who the hell told him?

_"Please tell me your currently in Victoria's Secret shopping for new bra's." _

_"Jesse, stop."_

_"Please?! Just one boob pic!" _

_"You're such a man."_

_"I can't help it, you've got completely hooked, now whose fault is that?"_

_"I'm not going to sext you, guess you'll just have to wait for the real thing. ;)"_

Ashley knocked on the door and walked back in.

"Alright, we got your lacy, your regular, and your push up. Also plenty of black. Black's hot. Oh...and this one." She informed, a smile creeping across her face as she held up a silver and black lace up corset.

"Ashley!" I hissed, causing her to roll her eyes at me.

"Beca Mitchell, you are going to look so hott in this Jesse isn't even going to need foreplay. Plus, I had to get something fun for you to try on, at least it wasn't whips or chains." She pointed out.

"No, we'll leave that shit to Stacie." I noted as I began to try the bras on.

I slipped on the black, lacy, one she had chosen me and instantly fell in love. Finally, I felt like I could breathe again.

"Okay, I may just need to wear this one out of the store." I informed as I turned to inspect myself in the mirror.

"I like it!" Ashley added in.

In the end, I picked up 3 new bra's, 10 pairs of panties, and at Ashley's insistence, the corset. Putting the $250 payment on my emergency credit card Dad got for me. This was somewhat of an emergency, wasn't it?

We grabbed our bags, and headed back out to the car. Ashley turned to me and smiled.

"Girl, that boy isn't gonna know what hit him tonight.."

* * *

><p>*Jesse's POV*<p>

I sat around with the guys, watching TV, and groaned as I simultaneously surfed the internet, trying in vain to come up with something nice for us.

"Dude...can you take your brooding elsewhere? Were trying to catch up on Grey's Anatomy. Things are very tense right now between Derek and Meredith. Derek's feeling extremely guilty for all these patients he's killed, he can't even see all the people he's saved!" Hat complained. I glanced over at him in confusion.

"Seriously? We are grown men, why are we concerning ourselves with Grey's Anatomy?" I questioned. Kolio paused the show.

"Alright man, what's the problem?" He asked. I wasn't exactly comfortable telling the guys Beca was cleared for sex and I wanted to celebrate that and the fact that she was in fact, still pregnant.

"It's nothing, I'll figure it out on my own." I said, brushing it off. Hat laughed.

"Bro, you trying to look up new sex positions for you and Bec?" I glared over at him.

"Do not talk about my girlfriend like that!"

"Jess, chill, Beca's hott. I'm not trying to disrespect her. I'm just saying, now that she's pregnant, she's gonna want it all the time, dude. Pregnancy'll do that to woman. And with that growing stomach, you need to get creative." Hat explained. I glanced over at him, he did have a point.

"I'm just trying to find something nice for us to do to celebrate her still being pregnant, and being cleared for sex. Something other than jumping her bones the second I see her." I explained. The boys nodded.

"Point well taken." Kolio added.

"I got it! What if..."

* * *

><p>I walked into the Treble house that afternoon, and took a deep breath. Confidence Beca, confidence is key.<p>

My hair was done up into a bun, with stray pieces hanging neatly towards the sides. Make up was sufficiently done, my eye liner, mascara, eye shadow, blush, and lip gloss, as perfect as I could get it.

I looked good, but I was still extremely nervous.

Looking up on the stairs, I took another deep breath, forcing myself to move. I looked down at my outfit, my cream colored knee length coat with a pair of Chloe's high heels. I was lucky I hadn't broken my neck trying to walk in the damn things.

And underneath the coat, the corset. Completely laced up, tightly wrapping my body into a package for Jesse to unwrap.

I made my way up the stairs, taking them one at a time, careful not to kill myself, and headed down the hallway to his room. The first door on the left. After one final last breath, I knocked on the door.

"It's open!" He called out.

I stripped the coat off and walked in.

"Well hello Mr. Swanson..." I seductively greeted.

"Holy shit."

"Oh my God!"

"Jesus!"

Benji's eyes immediately slammed shut before he threw his hands up to cover his eyes, just for good measure.

I stood in Jesse's room with nothing but a corset and heels while he and Benji awkwardly stood before me. Opening up the door, I grabbed my coat and threw it back over me.

"I'm just...I should be..."I'm gonna go." Benji stammered as he began to feel his way out of the room. "I swear I didn't see much Beca!"

"Thanks Benji, thank you." I replied, my head in my heads, and complete embarrassment washing over me. He shut the door and I glared up at Jesse.

"Holy Shit you look hott." He breathed. My eyes hardened even more in response to this.

"You said come in!" I yelled. "You failed to mention Benji was in here!"

"Yeah, well, you failed to mention you were going to surprise me in some hott ass, sexy, get up. Did I mention you look hott?" He retorted.

"I was planning on surprising you. Looks like the surprise is on both of us." I griped. I went to continue on with my verbal rampage before he kissed me roughly on the lips, essentially shutting me up.

"I can't believe I ever got so lucky to have gotten you." He whispered as he attacked my face with kisses.

He walked us backwards, towards the bed, and I laid myself down when I felt my legs hit the box spring. I scooted myself back towards the pillow, and kicked my heels off. Jesse settled himself in between my legs, and I could already feel him beginning to harden.

"I've missed you so damn much." He whispered, his fingers stroking my forehead.

"I missed you too." I agreed.

"It's been a while, I'm gonna start off slow, so...just let me know what you need, okay?" He asked, always wanting to make sure I was okay. I nodded my head in response, and he leaned down to kiss me.

"Just be careful of the belly." I reminded him.

"Okay..." He whispered, his tongue returning to mine.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and grabbed at his hair, as his hand rubbed up and down my leg and his lips kissed up and down my neck.

"Uhhhh..." I moaned out.

My body felt like it was on fire, every piece of me wanted him, wanted to touch him, taste him, feel him moving inside of me.

"We may have to go a couple rounds tonight." I informed him.

"I think we can manage that." He groaned as he sat up and removed his t-shirt. I sighed at the beautiful sight of his chest, running my fingers across his abs, and causing him to groan lightly.

His lips came back to mine, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, trying to pull him in closer to me as the heat in my belly began to pool.

"I missed this so much." I breathed out between kisses. The forgotten feeling of being with Jesse, so deliciously returned.

"Mmmhmmm." He agreed, not able to form full sentences.

"Help me out of this." I requested, as I sat up.

His hands reached to my back and began to unlace me, every few seconds stopping to kiss at my skin. Finally, I found it easier to breathe, and shrugged out of it, revealing my fully naked body to him.

"Gorgeous, so gorgeous." He groaned.

I threw the piece of clothing onto the floor, and pulled him back to me. His hands roamed all over my stomach, the feeling heavily, and I leaned my head back as my eyes began to roll.

"Boobs still sore?" He whispered. I shook my head, hoping he saw my response. When his hands began to massage my chest, I knew he had.

His mouth circled in onto my nipple, eliciting a string of moans from me, I began to thrust into his jeans, trying to find some friction.

"I need you, please..." I begged, reaching for his belt.

"You're ready already?" He questioned.

"Dude, I'm pregnant, I'm horny, and it's been a month. I need you." I reminded him.

I undid his belt and helped him out of his jeans and boxers, revealing his perfect body to me once more.

His hand reached down to run his fingers through my slit, but I stopped him, shaking my head.

"I want you. I'm not gonna last long, I want you, not your hand..." I informed him.

"I want you too." He whispered, as he thrust into me.

My head hit the pillow, and I moaned, the feeling of being reconnected with him exhilarating. I just wanted things to stay like this, the two of us so connected after so long. It was magical being back in his arms, in his body.

"Ugh.." He groaned, his body hitting into mine. My hand tightened around his neck pulling him in closer to me as I began to thrust back towards him, encouraging him.

My breathing began to pick up quickly.

"You're close." He observed, knowing my body's signals. I nodded my head.

"Yeah." I nearly screamed out. He began to pump faster at the sound of this, sending me over the edge.

Screaming out his name, my nails raked up and down his back as my muscles spasmed, sending me into a blissful high, with Jesse following me just seconds later.

"That was good, that was good." He panted, trying to regain control of his breathing. I leaned up, kissing him.

"Glad we could get back together." I agreed.

"I had actually arranged for a dinner cruise through the Hudson, but this was so much better." He explained, and I felt slightly guilty at the news.

"Babe...I'm sorry." I sighed.

"No, don't be sorry. That stuff can always be rescheduled, hott sex with my beautiful girlfriend, not so much." He whispered, kissing me again.

"This next round, we can go slow." I smiled.

"Slow and Steady wins the race, love."

* * *

><p><strong>*Yes, more about the baby will be discussed in the next chapter, it was 12:45 when I finished this, and I was exhausted lol. So, they will have that discussion.*<strong>


	19. Celebrate Me Home

***Holy mother of pearl! If you have not yet seen the trailer for Anna's movie "The last 5 years" coming out in February, do yourself a favor and watch it. It will take your breath away. If there was any doubt on this Earth left that that woman could sing, the trailer puts it to rest. I cannot wait for it!**

**Again, your reviews have made me smile, cry, and laugh. I am blown away by how invested you guys are, and I hope I've done this story the justice it deserves :)**

**BechloeJeca lvr-So glad to see you back, I love your commentary!**

**_It's time I found myself,  
>Totally surrounded in your circles<br>Whoa, my friends_**

_**Please, celebrate me home,**_  
><em><strong>Give me a number,<strong>_  
><em><strong>Please, celebrate me home<strong>_  
><em><strong>Play me one more song,<strong>_  
><em><strong>That I'll always remember,<strong>_  
><em><strong>And I can recall,<strong>_  
><em><strong>Whenever I find myself too all alone,<strong>_  
><em><strong>I can sing me home.<strong>_

* * *

><p>I laid against his chest, breathing slowly as I listened to the sound of his heartbeat. His fingers gently caressed my back, and my arm draped across his waist. I didn't have a single plan to move anytime soon. Everything was calm and at peace.<p>

Our first go around was much quicker than I had expected. But as much as I had wanted this long drawn out romantic escapade, it had just been too long. My body was screaming for release after not having been with Jesse for a month, and to be honest, I was shocked I lasted as long as I did.

But the second time, the second time was for exploring. It was for expressing our love for each other, for touching every inch of each other, and for making the feelings last.

The third time was pure fun, laughter, love, and ecstasy all coming together in one.

And now, I was spent. I was full, and happy, and could barely stand on my own two feet. It may have only been 6 o'clock, but it felt like 2 in the morning. My eye lids began to droop as the sound of his heartbeat lulled me to sleep.

"What do you want for dinner?" He whispered, as he moved some hair out of my face. "You wanna go out? Or do you want me to cook?"

"Not hungry...too tired." I muttered, sleep just minutes away from me.

"Peanut needs to eat, even if you don't." He reminded me.

I glanced up at him and he kissed me softly on the lips as his hand rubbed circles around my belly.

"I still can't believe this is happening, still can't believe you're pregnant." He said, astonishment overly present in his voice.

"It's about to be one hell of a Thanksgiving." I agreed.

I laid my head back down and sighed heavily. I was thrilled to find out there was a baby after all. My whole body smiled when I found out, but still, part of me was terrified. I didn't have the slightest idea how to be a mother. The thought of breast feeding completely grossed me out, I cringed at the idea of non stop diapers, and worried how we were going to fit a baby into our lives. I knew I would learn along the way, but...what if I didn't love it? What if I didn't know how? I wasn't the best at showing my emotions, what if I scarred it for life?! Jesse was so put together, and he had had a leave it to beaver upbringing. Fatherhood was going to be a breeze for him, and I knew our child would love him more than anything else in this world. But I was all thumbs. What if our baby didn't love me?

"Jess?" I questioned.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Am I bad mother if I don't breastfeed?" I asked him, feeling incredibly self conscious.

"No, of course not. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. If breastfeeding makes you uncomfortable, formula is a perfectly acceptable alternative." He assured me.

"And if I don't want the baby to sleep with us?" I added. His eye brows screwed up as he looked down at me with a confused expression.

"Why the hell would the baby sleep in bed with us? That's what the $400.00 crib is for...do people seriously do that?" He questioned. I nodded in agreement.

"Babe, I'm never going to be one of those 'June Cleaver, Pinterest, Dance, Mom's. And I'm nervous people are going to judge me because of it. I'm still just trying to wrap my head around everything. First I'm pregnant, then I'm not, then, no, wait for it, I am. It's a lot to take in." I admitted, pushing myself closer into his body.

"Hey, no judgement, okay? Were in this together. Bec, there's a million and six different ways to be a good parent. I do not want you to feel like you have to change your personality just because a baby is on the way. I'd miss your smart mouthed, sarcastic, pessimistic, and witty, personality far too much if you gave it up. You may be a pain in the ass at times, but you'll always be my pain in the ass." He reminded me.

I sat up and straddled his waist, the bed sheet falling around my frame.

"You're lucky I love you." I said, a smile splashed across my face.

He paused for an eighth of a second. "Yeah, I am. Incredibly lucky." He smiled, his hands rubbing my sides. "Now, back to my earlier question, what do you want to eat?"

I thought it over in my head for a minute. "Mmm...I want Pizza, and cheese fries, and Tortilla chips, and salsa." I whispered, as my lips kissed up and down his neck.

"Wow, somebodies appetite is back." He laughed.

"Yeah, I guess it is. Hello second trimester!"

"Seriously though, if that's what you want, I will drive to 5 different restaurants to get it for you." He assured me. And I knew he was serious, because he was Jesse, and Jesse would have cut off his right arm for me if I needed him to.

"Pizza. And Salad...Oh, and breadsticks. Garlic if they have them."

"Alright, why don't you go get cleaned up, and I'll make the call."

I looked down at him and kissed him on the lips. "Thank you."

"It was my pleasure."

* * *

><p>"Where are my Prenatal Vitamins?" I called out from my room.<p>

"Sitting on the kitchen counter, where they always are!" Jesse called back from downstairs.

It was Monday, just 3 days before Thanksgiving, and I was packing to head to Boston with Jesse. I of course had to wait until the exact last minute to do this, because if I did it any earlier, I wouldn't be Beca.

"Your coffee's ready!" He informed me. Shit, where were my headphones? I had to have my headphones!

"And if you're looking for your headphones, their down here on the table."

This was why we made a good couple.

I zipped up my bag and shut my door, making my way down the stairs in a pair of white leggings, brown boots, and a tan knee length long sleeved button down dress. I was desperate for my jeans back, but my belly said otherwise.

"You look beautiful." Jesse mused as he kissed me on the forehead and handed me my coffee, decaf Folgers with pumpkin spice creamer and a pinch of sugar. It smelled heavenly.

"You two are like an old married couple." Chloe joked, as she and Luke sat at the table having breakfast.

"Says the woman sharing the newspaper and toast with _her _boyfriend." I retorted. She smiled back at me.

"I'm gonna miss you, nerd." She added.

I laughed as I grabbed for my headphones. "I'm going to miss you too, freak."

The boys exchanged glances and just shook their heads at the nature of our conversation.

"Seriously though, girls night on Saturday, I'm holding you to it." I reminded her as I grabbed the bagel Jesse had for me.

"Man, if I can change you this much, just imagine the power I have over other people." She smirked.

"Goodbye Chloe, Goodbye Luke, Happy Thanksgiving, we'll see you this weekend!" I called out as Jesse and I made our way to the car.

"Love you guys! Don't forget protection! Oh wait..."

* * *

><p>I could hear laughter and chatter coming from downstairs as I shifted in bed.<p>

Thanksgiving had finally arrived, and I was more than ready for a full day of eating and spending time with family. What was I thankful for this year? That morning sickness was over and done with.

"Morning beautiful." Jesse hoarsely greeted me as he kissed my cheek to avoid our morning breath. "How's peanut?"

"As good as can be expected." I answered, rubbing my belly.

Jesse's nickname for the baby, as we had no idea whether it was a boy or girl, seemed to stick pretty well, and I smiled every time I heard him say it.

"You're first official thanksgiving, don't worry, you'll eat good today, Mommy's been eating for two for half her life." Jesse explained as he rubbed my little bump and talked to the baby.

"Jesse!" I groaned, playfully smacking him. Despite his morning antics, I was thrilled his parents had agreed to let us share a room together. I supposed since it was no secret we were having sex, there really wasn't a point to keeping us in separate bedrooms. Though the thought of messing around in his parents house still made me a complete nervous wreck-even with the door locked.

"I'm gonna head downstairs, are you coming?" I asked, grabbing my green robe Julie had gotten for me.

"It's only 7:30, it's too early to be up, lay with me." He whined.

"And here I thought you would be barreling past me to watch the parade." I said, laughing as I tied the robe closed.

"Parade doesn't start for another hour and a half." He groaned, head in pillow.

"Either way, I'm gonna go grab some coffee, and see what I can help with. I'll meet you downstairs." I informed.

"Nothing, you can help with nothing. Mom's not going to let you do anything today, trust me on this."

I shook my head as I opened the door and made my way downstairs, smells of coffee and bacon greeting me. I breathed in deeply, and smiled.

Amanda turned at the sound of my steps.

"Wait, let me guess. He's laying in bed, still asleep, and he told you not to disturb him until the parade starts, did I get that right?" She guessed, causing me to laugh at her accurate description of what Jesse was doing right now.

"Pretty much." I agreed.

"Lemme grab you some coffee, and we'll catch up. You're going to have a LOT of names to remember" Amanda explained as she hopped off the stool, nodding at my request for decaf.

I grabbed a seat, and hugged my body tightly as I began to wake up and take everything in. It was then that I felt a pair of arms wrap around my small frame.

"Love! Love, love, love!" Julie exclaimed as she hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead. I jumped slightly at the unexpected greeting.

"You sleep okay? I hope my son didn't hog the bed."

"He did no such thing, your son is a perfect gentleman." I insisted, causing her to smile.

"So glad you're here with us this year, so glad." She whispered, enveloping me into another hug.

"Me too." I returned.

Amanda headed back with our coffee in hand and passed mine over.

"Ma, I'm kicking you out, Beca and I are overdue for family introductions." She explained.

"Oh, well, by all my means then. But before I go, Beca sweetheart, what can I make you for breakfast? We've got fresh fruit already made up in the bowl, and bacon's done too. Eggs? Pancakes? French Toast? Waffles?"

I pondered it over in my head for a few seconds. I was ravenous, and everything sounded good in the moment.

"Um, french toast sounds great." I requested.

Just then, Maria headed into the kitchen from the dinning room, where she and her, I assumed husband, were eating their breakfast.

"Coming right up!" She called.

"Maria. I told you, this is your day off, Bill and I are serving you and Juan today. You are our guests." Julie insisted. Maria threw her hands up.

"Mrs. Julie, what I always tell you? You can take the woman out of the kitchen, but you can't take the kitchen out of the woman. Now, please give me something to do! I can make breakfast, help prepare the turkey..."

"Okay, you want a job? I'll give you a job. Go enjoy breakfast with your husband! That is your job, and I'll be watching to make sure you do it well!" Julie playfully ordered before turning to face me.

"As you can tell, Maria doesn't exactly know how to relax." She smiled.

And I smiled back, thinking how in love I was with this family. It was the family I always wanted but never got. I could vividly remember being 5 years old and laying in bed, praying every night for a brother or sister that never came. My childhood had been lonely and broken. But Jesse's family, they were so full of warmth, love, and happiness. They were such generous people with enormous hearts that contained so much love, it literally just came spilling out of their bodies. This family had enough love to stitch me back together to a normal functioning human being, something I hadn't been for over 10 years. I felt so loved, wanted, and cherished.

"Alright, first things first, Aunt Liz and Uncle Jack. Dad's sister and brother in law, they've got 2 kids, Skyler, 10, and Ava, 8. Aunt Liz likes to hit the Chardonnay a bit hard, however, she also provides hilariously unfiltered humor with it, so it balances out. Mom's brother, Uncle Mitch, and his partner Dave, their everybody's favorite gay couple. Then we've got Maria and Juan, who, you obviously know already. They never had kids, and while Maria insists they would be fine by themselves, Mom and Dad always feel better having them over and being with company. And, secretly, I think they do to." She explained. Just then, I heard heavy footsteps headed down the stairs.

"Amanda!" He hissed. "What did I tell you about spilling the family secrets, you're gonna run her off!"

Amanda smiled in response.

"Don't tempt me Jesse, I'll drag that home video mom's got laying around here of your performance senior year in Spring Awakening."

I laughed and turned around to face him. "I for one would actually _love_ to see that!"

Jesse of course shook his head emphatically, while Amanda clinked coffee cups with mine.

"I got your back, us girls need to stick together."

"Don't you have some boy you should be texting right now? Or perhaps a selfie?" Jesse interjected.

"Mmmhmm, alright, alright, I can take a hint. Parade's on in 20 Jess!" She called out, heading into the living room.

"I love your family." I informed, causing him to smirk.

"They love you too. I'm beginning to think even more than me..." He said, a smile across his face. "I'm glad you're here Bec."

"Yeah? Where else would I be? There's no one else but you." I reminded him, before kissing him on the lips.

* * *

><p>Bill placed the Turkey on the table, and was met with a round of applause from all of us as we sat around the table ready to eat. My eyes could barely comprehend the massive amount of food that sat before us. A 20 pound Turkey, two types of stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, cranberry sauce, rolls, corn pudding, corn bread, sweet potato casserole, broccoli and cheese casserole, carrots, and macaroni and cheese. That wasn't including the 10 different types of desserts available for after we got through the main course. Thank God I had my fat pants on and ready for the challenge.<p>

Bill took his seat at the head of the table and looked around at all of us.

"Shall we pray?" He began.

"Dear Heavenly Father, we come to you today, to simply give thanks. Our family has had many blessings this year, and we are thankful more than ever to be together with one another. We thank you God for our beautiful, warm, home, filled with love and laughter. We thank you for family, we thank you for friends, and we thank you for Beca, we thank you for what she brings to Jesse, and to our family-happiness. We ask that you bless the food before us, and the love between us. In your heavenly name we pray, Amen."

"Amen." Everyone repeated. Suddenly, just as everyone was looking up and preparing to pass the food, Jesse clinked his glass. I glanced over at him nervously.

"Actually, we have uh one more thing to be thankful for this year..." He started, and I could instantly feel my palms begin to sweat as everyone immediately eyed my left hand, looking for a ring. I hated attention, and suddenly, everyone's eyes were on me at once.

"No, no not that kind of thing, not yet anyway." He winked.

"Beca and I went to the gynecologist about 2 weeks ago, for one final check up." Jesse continued, everyone's eyes on his, unsure of where he was going with this. He took my hand in his and squeezed it tightly. Julie's eyes began to dart back and forth between mine and Jesse's.

"This is gonna sound crazy, but...the doctors believe Beca was carrying twins, and that she lost one of the babies when she miscarried. But that the other survived. When Beca went to her check up, an ultrasound revealed a viable fetus. Beca is 14 weeks pregnant. We're still pregnant." Jesse explained, tears welling up in his eyes.

Everyone's hands flew to their mouths, and Julie stared at us, tears gushing down her face.

"Oh God..."She sobbed, forcing herself out of the chair and over to the two of us.

"Can I?" She cried, her hands gesturing towards my belly. I nodded my head, unable to speak, what with all the sudden emotions coursing through my body. She grabbed a hold of my belly and simply looked at Jesse and I as she cried.

"Best. Thanksgiving. Ever." She whispered as everyone around us broke out into sequels of delight and laughter.

"I'd say this calls for the champagne!" Liz spoke as she went and grabbed a bottle from the cabinet.

A loud pop went off as the cork flew and alcohol dripped out.

I hugged Jesse tightly and we both smiled as I found myself surrounded by more love than I had ever known in my young 19 years of life. I pulled back and looked at him, as everyone around us was wild with excitement.

"Yeah?" He encouraged me, knowing I had something to say. I looked around at the scene unfolding before us.

"Maybe..."I began. "Maybe all I needed was love."

"I just needed to feel love, and now, I've got it..."


	20. Speechless

***This chapter is dedicated to my new twitter friend Julitsai Marie who asked for a 'Speechless' inspired Jeca one shot. I hope you all enjoy it!***

* * *

><p>"Bicycle?" Amanda guessed, only to be met with Jesse's shaking head. He continued to pretend to ride a bike, and added in cackling laughter.<p>

"Are you having a bad acid trip?" She tried again. "Alice in Wonderland!"

I sat on the couch eating my pumpkin pie and vanilla ice cream while I watched as Jesse tried, more like failed miserably, at getting everyone to guess his charade.

He threw his hands out, signaling everyone to forget it and move on, as he used his hands to create a hat.

"What's that wizard movie?" Kathleen, Julie's sister asked. Jesse wildly tapped his finger on his nose, indicating she had said something right.

"Harry Potter?" I offered, Jesse waving his arms in protest. And with that, the buzzer went off, signaling time was up.

"Seriously people?! Wizard of Oz! Hello! Miss. Gulch riding on her bicycle? The laughter? The damn Wizard hat?" He groaned, before collapsing next to me on the couch.

"Oh, yeah...I see it now." Kathleen agreed, nodding her head.

"Pie?" I offered. He nodded his head and I held out the fork to his lips.

My body curled into his, and he kissed the top of my head as we relaxed and watched his family members make complete idiots of themselves.

"Hey, when you get a chance, can you write down your clothing sizes for me?" Julie asked as she made her way back into the living room from the kitchen.

"Clothes?" I questioned.

"Yeah, Black Friday, it's a Swanson Family tradition! Well, let me rephrase that, it's more an Amanda, Julie, and Mitchell, family tradition. But I think we've got a few others heading out with us at 3:30 tomorrow morning. No sense in you going out in those crowds though. But there will be incredible sales, and you're going to need maternity clothes, so...clothing sizes!" Julie informed. I could tell from the moment I met her, this was an organized, well dressed, fashion conscious woman. I could totally see her owning black Friday with a complete plan of attack. However, I couldn't help but cringe at the thought of 'Maternity Clothes'.

"Cute maternity clothes, fashionable maternity clothes...no pink, I promise!" She assured me after she saw the look across my face. "Though I may add in just a touch of color..."

"Thank you. I would fight you on this whole idea of showering me with gifts, but I know it would just be an uphill battle, so I'll save my breath." I said, chuckling.

"This one picks up quickly." She informed Jesse with a wink.

Just then, my phone vibrated, and I looked down.

_"Happy Thanksgiving kiddo...miss you today!"-Dad_

I halfheartedly smiled at the message. Part of me felt guilty for being away from him today, but the other part of me was just so thrilled to be surrounded by a real family, and get to experience a real holiday with all the trimmings. And that part, seemed to push the guilt aside. I knew I deserved this.

_"Happy Thanksgiving Dad. I love you." _

I put the phone back as I made my way off the couch and into the kitchen to put my plate into the sink. Amanda was making herself another cup of coffee when I walked in. She immediately walked over and hugged me tightly, slightly throwing me off.

"Oh! Okay..." I adjusted.

"Sorry, were a bit of an affectionate family." She apologized.

"Yeah, I noticed."

Much of Jesse's family was here today, his parents, sister, his dad's two sisters, his mom's sister and brother, their significant others and children, Julie's parents, Bill's parents, as well as Maria and Juan. And for the better half of the day, I had been passed around for hug after hug. I soon realized this was how every family get together with Jesse's family was going to be like. But then again, this was how normal families worked. They loved each other, and they showed each other. I looked down at my stomach. I was glad my baby was being born into this family.

"May I?" Amanda asked, eying my stomach, which held just the tiniest bulge of a belly. I took a breath and nodded my head. I knew I was going to have to get used to everyone wanting to touch. But at least Amanda had the decency to ask.

"Can you feel it moving yet?" She questioned, her hand firm.

"No, I don't really feel much of anything yet, other than the need to pee every hour. But the doctor said in the next few weeks, I should start to feel fluttering and kicking." I explained.

"Hey Beca?" She asked as her hands moved off of my stomach.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"I'm really glad you're with my brother." She said, smiling.

"Thanks Amanda, I am too."

* * *

><p>I had remembered telling everyone that I was going to take a nap, but that was at like 4 o'clock. And as I began to wake up, I looked outside and saw nothing but darkness. I also took note that I was by myself. I laid back down and puffed my cheeks out, feeling like my entire night had just been wasted. It was then that Jesse opened the door.<p>

"Holy crap, you're actually alive!" He whispered in amazement, making his way back over to the bed.

"What time is it?" I groaned.

"About 3:15 in the morning." He answered as he slipped back under the covers in his boxers and t-shirt.

I was completely stunned at the revelation that I had just slept for 11 hours. "Holy hell...why didn't you wake me up? I missed everything."

"No, you didn't miss everything. You only missed Aunt Liz pass out after 2 bottles of Chardonnay, you missed Devin throw up after 5 pieces of Pumpkin Pie, oh, and you missed Nanna join in with the cousins for a round of flip cup. See, not everything." He explained.

"I missed you.." I slyly remarked as I pulled him in closer to me.

"Yeah?" He replied. I nodded my head before kissing him fully.

The second trimester was treating me quite well, and I found myself craving Jesse pretty much every minute of the day. Luckily for me, he never said no. Even at 3:15 in the morning at his parents house.

He pulled me onto his lap, and I could already feel him beginning to grow. My damn fucking hormones wanted to ride him right then and there, but I was determined to make this last. My body was just going to have to wait.

My arms lifted above my head as he pulled my wife beater tank top off of me. Instantly, my mouth returned to his as his hands rubbed deliciously up and down my sides.

"Ughhh..." I groaned, his lips leaving mine to kiss and nip at my neck. My hands fisted in his hair, and against my will, my hips began to rock against his hardness in a circular motion, loving the feeling of him against me.

"Yes." I gushed, the heat radiating through my body. He quickly stilled my movements.

"Oh no, were lasting longer than this." He assured me, causing me to groan.

He pulled me off of him and laid me down onto the bed, on my back.

"You better enjoy this while you can, a few more weeks, and missionary won't be possible what with this ginormous belly in the way." I reminded him. He smiled, and threw his shirt off to the side of the room, leaving him in his boxers, and me in a pair of boy shorts.

I pulled his body back to mine and groaned heavily as I felt him, his member separated by just our underwear. We kissed heavily, and he tasted of pumpkin and vodka.

"Jesse, ugh, are you, unhh, drunk, right nowww." I groaned out in question.

"Maybe slightly tipsy, why?" He breathed, his hand pulling down my underwear.

"You taste like vodka."

"Mmm...you taste like cookies, and ice cream."

His mouth moved down south as his mouth sucked in one breast, and his hand massaged the other.

"Yesss..." I cried out, grabbing for a pillow to shove across my face. It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming out and he wasn't even in me yet.

He continued to kiss, to explore, and to rock my world, but as his kisses continued lower, I suddenly crossed my legs in embarrassment.

"What are you doing?" We both asked the other, simultaneously.

"Bec, have you never..." He asked, insinuating.

"Jesse have you ever given me oral sex before?"

"Well, no..."

"Yeah, and since you're the only guy I've ever been with, the answer would be no."

He pondered at this for a moment. "I can't believe I've never done this for you before, I feel like an ass."

"Jess, it's fine, come on." I assured him, tugging at his boxers. He stopped me gently, placing his hands on my wrists.

"Beca, let me do this for you, please." He insisted. But still, I squirmed.

"Jesse..." I groaned.

"Bec, what's the problem? Talk to me." He begged, his thumb rubbing my cheek.

"What if I don't...smell or taste right or.." Fuck my life, I was totally killing the mood right now.

"Stop, just stop. Don't feel embarrassed. And I'm gonna tell you right now, you're one of the cleanest women I know, I'm not concerned at all about how you're going to taste, actually, I'm fantasizing about it. But if you're really self conscious about we can-"

"No, no it's fine. I'm ready." I nodded. He grabbed a pillow from near my head.

"Lift your butt." He instructed, placing the pillow under my ass.

"Hey." I interrupted. "Just...no blowing air. Doctor said it could hurt the baby."

"Okay."

I leaned my head back onto the pillow and tried my best to relax as I felt him begin to kiss my inner thighs. Just remember Beca, don't flinch and accidentally kick Jesse in the face.

I felt his finger slide through my slit, and I moaned heavily in response, placing a pillow over my face to stifle myself. And then, his tongue came into play. I nearly screamed out.

My hands reached down to his head as I grabbed fistfuls of his hair, encouraging him on.

"Jesse..." I moaned.

My body was electrified, my toes began to curl, and I began to scream out as he picked up the pace.

"Yes, yes, yessssss..." I cried out.

His tongue moved to work on my clit as his fingers pushed in. It felt like I could barely breathe. I had never experienced such an incredible feeling before, and my orgasm built and built until the roller coaster hit its peak and I came sliding down, gripping tightly to the pillow as my body rocked into Jesse's face, my body trying desperately to ride this out for as long as possible.

"Ohhhh Goddddd!" I screamed. "Don't stop. Don't...ughhhh...stoppp"

Unfortunately, every great thing must come to an end at some point, and my body finally collapsed, completely spent from what was without a doubt, single handedly the most incredible orgasm my body had ever experienced. His head emerged from between my legs.

"Jesse." I moaned, my breath heavy and sporadic." "What the hell was that?"

"That, was me rocking your world, sorry I didn't get to it sooner." He apologized.

"I'm speechless." Was all I could think to say.

He leaned up to kiss me, but I pulled back.

"Whoa, your tongue was just inside of me. Can you at least wash your mouth first? Please? I'm sorry, I just have no desire to taste myself."

"Why? You taste delicious, like the best dessert I ever had the pleasure of eating." He smirked, kissing my neck.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him up, walking him to the bathroom with me.

He quickly obliged to my wishes, and rinsed his mouth out with some Scope, before returning to me. My one hand reached out to turn the shower on, while the other pushed his boxers down.

We stepped in and his hands caressed my breasts as I wrapped my arms around his neck, and my lips kissed his, over and over again. He backed us up against the wall, and his eyes locked with mine. I nodded my head.

He pushed himself into me, and my back arched in response.

"Unghhh" He moaned out. His lips kissing my neck, as the water cascaded around us, steam enveloping the small room.

"Fuck, you feel so good." He sighed, as he picked up the speed.

I raised my hands above my head and stood there, moaning heavily, as Jesse used my body. Kissed it, caressed it, manipulated it. There was never going to be anyone else, there was never going to ever be anyone who could make me moan like he could, make me scream like he could.

"Are you close?" He questioned, his breathing heavy. I shook my head, knowing he wasn't going to last much longer.

He moved his hand down to my clit and began to rub in fast circles, aiding me along. My arms came down, and returned back to his neck as our lips found one another again.

"Yeah...yeahhh." I moaned, my orgasm right in the middle, when he spilled out into me. We came together, riding each other until the very end.

"God damn..." he breathed.

"Again, speechless. Just speechless."

* * *

><p>I put the car in park and looked up at my childhood home. Another Sunday lunch with Dad lay ahead of me, and today I had to share the news with him. Not so fast father, I am actually pregnant.<p>

Jesse and I had finished out an incredible week at his parents house, growing, if it was even possible, closer to each other. For five days straight, I got to enjoy the pleasure of waking up in bed next to him, and I longed for the day when we had our own place together, and could spend every morning with each other.

I got out of my car and was heading up the walkway when the door opened, and out walked Sheila.

"Oh, Beca! Good to see you sweetheart!" She greeted. We awkwardly stood there in front of each other, not sure whether to hug or wave or shake hands.

"Hey Shelia, is my dad inside?" I asked.

"Yeah, he is. He's waiting for you. I'm off to work. Hope you guys have a nice lunch." She called out after me as she hurried to her car. This was Sheila's thing. She was always in a hurry.

Dad and Sheila met when I was 13, when dad flew to Denver for some education conference and Sheila was the flight attendant. They married in Hawaii 2 years later. Fittingly, I wore black and refused to smile.

It wasn't that I really had a reason to hate her, we just had completely different personalities. She was 7 years younger than my father, and grew up a child of the 80's. She was always on the go, was overly perky, wore way too much lipstick, and had the most obnoxious laugh of anyone I had ever met. Honestly, I didn't understand at all what my father saw in her, and I tried to keep my distance as much as possible. Maybe he thought he couldn't do any better, or maybe he really did love her. Either way, she was still obnoxious.

I made my way inside, and hung my coat up. I had tried to wear baggier clothes to cover up my growing belly, and silently prayed I had the chance to tell him my news before he discovered it for himself. Thankfully, as November ended and we headed into December, it was getting damn cold outside.

I found him in the kitchen, heating up a pot of tea while Chilli simmered in the crock pot.

"Hello?" I questioned, walking in.

"Ahh, there's my girl!" He beamed, making his way over to hug me.

"Bec, it feels like it's been weeks since I've seen you. You look great, you look...I don't know, like you're glowing or something. You do something different with your hair?"

"No Dad, hair's still the same. But thank you for the compliment." I smiled. He pulled out a chair for me and I sat down as he made his way to the cupbord for some mugs.

"Tell me, how was Thanksgiving with the Swanson's? Were they good to you?" He asked. I smiled, as I thought about the incredible week spent with his family. They were more than good to me.

"It was phenomenal dad. Jesse and I spent some time in downtown Boston, just exploring. Jesse's dad ran in the Boston Marathon this year, so we got to see where that is held. We saw a Theater production of _'Oklahoma', _and had the most amazing Thanksgiving ever. So much food Dad, so much food. But there was like close to 30 people there so..." I recalled as my whole body beamed with happiness. Dad's face seemed to turn to concern as I rambled in.

"Good, that's-that's great, I'm glad to hear it." He replied, his voice slightly pained. "Are you going to be spending Christmas with them?"

I pondered the question. "Um...I don't know? I mean, it's one thing to spend Thanksgiving with someone's family, but Christmas is the big Holiday. I assumed I'd spend it with you and Sheila."

"You should spend Christmas with Jesse's family Bec. I mean if they offer. If they ask you to spend Christmas with them, I want you to say yes."

I was confused at the sudden turn our conversation had taken. He had asked me about Thanksgiving, it was a nice, relatively calm conversation. And now he was telling me he didn't want to me to spend Christmas with him.

"Dad, I don't understand what this is about." I explained.

"You deserve so much more. You deserve a complete family, you deserve traditions, you deserve love. I am so sorry that I could never give you the family you deserved. A father that was emotionally available, a mother that loved you more than life itself, and at least one sibling. I'm sorry I couldn't give that to you, but you have an opportunity with Jesse's family. They're a real family, and they love you. I'll always be here Bec, but you should spend your holiday's with them."

I put my head in my hands and simply shook my head, as tears began to form. With my hormones the way they were, it didn't take much to make me cry.

"I know you tried your best, and I hope you know that I'm not mad at you. I don't hate you dad, I never could. You were all I had growing up, the only person routing for me." I explained to him.

"And I love you too kiddo, I'm not saying we need to cut each other out of our lives. It's just that, the holiday's are always going to be just Sheila and I. Hell with Sheila's flying schedules, sometimes it may just be me. You deserve family. You deserve more."

I hugged him tightly as the tears stained my face. Sitting back down, I pulled the ultrasound out of my bag.

"Dad, I have something to show you..." I began.

"I went back to the gynecologist about 2 weeks ago for one final check up to make sure everything healed properly. I was in for the shock of my life however. I did miscarry Dad, it was complete and everything. But I must have been carrying twins, because I'm still pregnant. I'm 14 weeks pregnant dad."

He took the ultrasound from my hands and rubbed his thumb over it as one hand reached up to his mouth. Tears began to form as he stared down at the picture of his soon to be grandchild. A full body shot, which even grainy, still was obviously a baby. A head, torso, arms, and legs. He finally peeled his eyes off of it, to glance over at me.

"Wow." He whispered. I nodded my head in agreement.

"I love you Beca, this is incredible. Truly incredible."

"I love you too Dad, thank you for everything."

He stood there, a bit shell shocked, as everything came together.

"This is a big deal..."

"Yeah, Dad, it is." I agreed.

"A baby's for life kiddo, are you sure you're ready for this kind of commitment? There's no time off." He reminded me.

"Well it's not like we can really back out now or anything..."

"I just want you to be aware of the responsibility is all."

We talked about the nanny Jesse's parents were beginning to look for, and how both Jesse and I planned to continue college. He, chiming in, that he wanted to contribute towards a house. And I thought to myself how lucky Jesse and I were have such supportive parents. Parents who didn't make us feel bad about accidents, who taught us rather than shunned us, and who, above all else, loved us with all they had.

* * *

><p><em>Friday, December 7th, 2012<em>

"Beca?" The nurse called out.

Jesse helped me to my feet. At just 5'1 and originally 105 pounds, I was tiny to say the least. My belly however, had a life of it's own, and I had already popped. Jesse was both amazed and terrified at the sight of this, and as a result, refused to let me do much of anything for myself. Including standing.

We headed back to get weighed, as I removed the seven layers of clothing forced upon me by my overly protective boyfriend. "Bec, you have no fat on you, we can't have the baby getting cold!" He informed me, as if this was how it worked.

I stepped up as the scale calculated.

"115 pounds today. Perfect." The nurse noted.

We headed back into the exam room, and I took Jesse's hand in mine.

Today was the day. Today we finally found out what we were having. And 'peanut' became either a baby girl, or a lil man. It also meant I no longer had to listen to Amy refer to my unborn child as "the heshe."

"Alright Beca, blood pressure is 115/85, perfectly normal." She informed me.

"How's everything been going? You look wonderful!" She exclaimed.

"I feel good, I'm enjoying the second trimester much better than the first." I replied.

This was very much the truth, gone was the morning sickness, sore boobs, and bitchy moods. Here was the cute little belly bump, cravings for strawberry ice cream, dove chocolate, potato in any form, and pizza, and a sex drive so high I was beginning to think I had transformed into a 15 year old boy. Jesse however had no complaints.

"Alright, well everything looks great so far Beca, I'll go grab Dr. Ruckman and we'll get ready." She said as she placed my chart in a folder on the door and walked out. Jesse and I simply stared at each other. He took a deep breath.

"Here goes nothing." He said as he took my hand and kissed my lips.

The doctor knocked on the door before entering quietly.

"Hello Hello!" She softly greeted. "How are you guys?"

"Doing well, feeling excited." Jesse answered.

"Beca, how's the pregnancy progressing? Everything feel okay?" Dr. Ruckman asked as she warmed up the ultrasound machine.

"I feel really good. My energy is back up again, no more morning sickness, I'm just looking forward to start feeling it kick and move." I answered.

She got up and dimmed the lights, and I lifted my shirt in preparation for the ultrasound.

"You should be starting to feel movements literally any day now. You're at 18 weeks, movements can usually start being felt around 18-25 weeks for first time mothers. Second baby, you might feel things as early as 13 weeks. But it's different for first time mom's." She explained as she squirted the gel onto my belly. As usual, I flinched slightly at the coolness of it.

"Sorry about that, one of these days someone's going to come up with a way to pre-warm those." She added.

She began to move the plastic instrument around, and I looked over at the screen to see our baby in front of us.

"Heartbeat is going strong at about 150 beats per minute" She informed, as she snapped the images.

I wish I could have found a way to capture the sound into a song, it was simply the most beautiful sound in the world, I was convinced. The swishing sounds and thumps was music to my ears. Our baby was beautiful, strong, and healthy. I looked over at Jesse and smiled, as he stared at the machine with an innocent wonder.

"So amazing..." He whispered.

"Beca, everything is right on target. Baby's just a couple of ounces right now, and about 6 inches long. Roughly the size of a bell pepper. But it's strong and healthy. And _it _has its legs spread wide. If you would like to know, I can tell you what your having." Jesse and I exchanged glances.

"Actually, if you could write it down? We're planning a celebration dinner tonight for the two of us, and I'd like for Jesse to be the one to tell me." I explained, my eyes still fixated on my growing child.

"Of course, not a problem." She agreed. "Alright, you my dear are all set. I've got the pictures, and everything looks just fine. I will need to see you back in a month, and you can schedule that visit up front."

I sat up, and she handed me a washcloth to wipe the goo off of my stomach.

"Thank you Dr. Ruckman." I said as Jesse handed me over my coat and scarf while she wrote down the sex on a piece of paper and put it into an envelope.

"Absolutely, you guys have a wonderful holiday, and we will see you in the new year!" She smiled.

Jesse took my hands in his, and helped me down as we walked out together.

"Just a few more hours, just a few more hours." He said, putting the note into his coat pocket.

* * *

><p><strong>*Alright, review your guesses as to the baby's sex, we'll find out who was right next chapter!*<strong>


	21. Autumn in New York

***Happy Saturday Friends! I hope you enjoy this chapter, and have a wonderful weekend. As always, your reviews are so appreciated :) This chapter is short, but sweet, and I hope you enjoy it!  
><strong>

**Also, I mean no disrespect to anyone as far as comments made about names! I have no bias, so I apologize already if offense is taken.**

**Frozenfreak-I hadn't really given thought to what the sex of the baby that Beca lost was. But I knew from the beginning what the sex of this baby was going to be.**

_It's autumn in New York that brings the promise of new love. _  
><em> Autumn in New York is often mingled with pain.<em>  
><em> Dreamers with empty hands may sigh for exotic lands;<em>  
><em> It's autumn in New York;<em>  
><em> It's good to live it again.<em>

* * *

><p>It's snowing when we leave the doctors office that afternoon, and the bustling city of New Haven is calm and peaceful on a Friday in December as everyone prepares for the weekend.<p>

I smile as I check my phone, and see the flood of incoming text messages.

_"Girl?! Come on Girl! Auntie needs a shopping partner!"-Chloe_

_"Healthy Baby? That's all that matters!"-Ashley_

_"Boy?! Aunt Cynthia can have that baby decked to the nines!"-Cynthia Rose. _

Sighing, I think about my friends, and how supportive they've been through out all of this. I know no matter what the note reveals, they will be happy.

Jesse opens my car door for me, and I slide in, millions of thoughts swirling around in my head. I look over at him, and he flashes me his thousand watt smile. The type of smile that tells me he's over the moon excited, and ready for this journey into parenthood.

We drive back to the apartment in silence, as I stare out the window at the falling snow.

What if it's a girl? I shudder at the thought of an explosion of pink and dresses and hormones. Having a daughter terrifies me. Maybe I'm less likely to leave if we have a son.

Seriously Beca?

I silently curse myself for thinking like that.

Regardless of what we have, I am not going to leave. Nobody deserves to be rejected and hurt like that, and I refuse to allow this baby to feel even an eighth of an inch of the pain inflicted upon me as a child. I will find it in myself to be the mother I never had. I will find it in myself to get up in the middle of the night, to kiss boo-boo's, to read endless bedtime stories, and to watch the latest _Disney_ movie 12,000 times. Because that's what this baby deserves, two emotionally and physically available parents who are willing to give their everything.

I'll be fine with either, I remind myself. Just as long as this child is nothing like me. It needs 100% of Jesse's DNA. None of my biting sarcasm, my pessimism, my aloofness, darkness, and my hatred of the universe. Then again, my quick wit and perseverance aren't terrible qualities. Okay fine, let's pass those along.

I glance over to Jesse, looking him up and down. All of Jesse's goofiness...wait, no, not all. Let's go with 60%. The baby can have all of his sensitivity, love, and care&concern for people. Yeah, let's go with that.

"You're being awfully quiet over there, which is never good...are you plotting my murder?" He jokes, his face giving out a worrisome look. I deadpan.

"Debating between the rat poison, or the accidental shove off the cliff on our next hiking trip. It requires a lot of planning to get it just right, the significant other is always the first one they go after."

"Rat poison, always go with the rat poison...unless you can go with arsenic, in which case, always go with arsenic.."

My face breaks into a smile and I laugh at our ability to play off of each other.

Jesse pulls the car into the parking spot, shuts the engine off, and is to my door in a flash. Not only am I pregnant, but I'm pregnant and it's snowing-a double threat in his mind. He takes my hands in his and helps me out. I look up at him and smile, kissing him lightly on the lips.

"I love you, weirdo."

He smiles back. "Yeah, I know...I love you too short stack." This of course results in an over dramatic eye roll and shake of the head from me in response.

We head inside and my mouth drops as I take everything in.

It's freezing outside as the snow swirls around, but inside, inside is warm and inviting. Rose petals line the floor from the front door to the kitchen. Candles are light, and the lights are dimmed. Ella Fitzgerald plays through the speakers, and smells of cinnamon and apple spice from the candles waft through the room. Sparkling cider is chilling in an ice bucket on the table that has been set with two plates. I stand there, in a state of shock, simply amazed.

"Who...how.." I stutter.

"Chloe and Luke." He simply answers, as he helps me out of my coat. "Dinner tonight is an italian glazed chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans. For dessert, two slices of Mango Key Lime Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory."

"I think I should go change..." I express, feeling so under dressed for the sight in front of me. He shakes his head before kissing the top of mine.

"Nope, no need. Your outfit is just perfect." He assures me. I look down at it just the same. My black pair of Ugg boots Julie and Amanda picked out for me on Black Friday, a pair of jeans with an adjustable waist band, and a long sleeved red t-shirt layered over a black tank top which revealed my slightly bulging belly.

We walk into the kitchen, and he pulls out my chair for me before popping open the bottle of cider and pouring two glasses.

My hand goes out to stop him before he can say anything.

"Maybe we should wait!"

He looks back at me quizzically. "To find out the sex?"

"I'm just...a little nervous." I explain.

His hands reach out for my belly, and rub at the protruding ball.

"Whatever peanut is, is exactly what were supposed to have." He assures me. "But if you think we should have dinner first, I'm okay with that too."

"No, no it's fine. I wont be able to relax until I know, let's just do this."

He takes a breath and nods his head, knowing that our lives are about to redefined and changed once again at this new revelation.

He takes the envelope out of his coat pocket, and clears his throat. Switching his glances between the envelope and me. Slowly, his fingers push it open, and slide inside. He pulls out the folded piece of paper, and holds it in his hands.

"Either way, were blessed. We have a healthy baby. In the end that's all that matters." He reminds me. I nod my head in response. He's right, it's the most important thing to remember. A healthy baby is what's important.

I look at his face as he opens the note. Instantly, his lips break out into a smile as tears begin to form in his eyes. I can't help but smile myself, even though I'm still clueless. But seeing his happiness, makes me smile.

He lifts up my shirts, and places his hands on my belly, before leaning down to give a kiss. His eyes then extend upwards, towards mine, and he smiles at me.

"Bec...Peanut, is a Dinosaur." He whispers.

I angrily scowl at his attempt to be funny in such a heavy situation.

"Jesse Matthew Swanson..." I growl.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." He laughs.

"Don't think I've forgotten about that little rat poison conversation we had just a few minutes ago in the car." I remind him.

"Right, no, not funny, okay." He apologizes. Taking a deep breath, he gets back into focus, and tries to get serious again.

"Seriously though Bec." He tells me, his hands back on my belly, rubbing lovingly at it. "You're carrying our daughter babe, peanut's a baby girl, she's a girl."

I sit there on the chair, as tears begin to well up in my eyes. A daughter, I'm carrying our daughter. A sob escapes from my lips as the tears begin to fall.

I am capable of this. I will give her all the love and unconditional support I never received from my mother. I will join in on her tea parties with her stuffed animals, I will make it to all the dance rehearsals, even though everyone is wearing pink and I hate every second of it. I will learn to do her hair, I will learn to love waking up at 7am on a Saturday morning just to watch tv with her and cuddle. I will learn to love her I tell myself. But in this moment, as I look down at my belly, and at Jesse, I realize I already do. I already do love her. This little love, so innocent, so new, and pure, she's all mine. And I will fight for her with every breath I have inside of me, because she's worth it. Because she deserves it.

I hug Jesse tightly, as we both cry happy tears together.

"It's really happening, this is really happening." I cry.

"Yeah." He whispers back before kissing me. "I love you, I love you both."

"We love you too. This little girl is the luckiest little girl in the world to get you as her daddy." I inform him.

"And she's the luckiest littlest girl in the world to get you as her mommy. I know you don't believe that, but she is. I know you are going to love her with everything you have. You are going to surprise yourself Bec, you will. I have faith that you can do this, I know you're scared because of the relationship you had with your mom, but this is different. I know you will love her, more than you have ever loved anything else in this world." He assures me. His faith in me as a mother, is so strong, it brings me to even more tears. He is so sure of me, so sure of my abilities.

I kiss him once more, my arms locking around his neck, and we stand there together. Were locked together in our own little world, our own little unit, our own little family.

* * *

><p>"Dominque?" I suggest, as we stretch out together on the couch, a fire crackling in the fireplace.<p>

"Dominique?! That sounds like a strippers name...what about Tiffany?" He offers.

"Seriously? Dominique's a strippers name, but Tiffany isn't? Come on now..."

We've just found out two hours earlier were having a girl, and already, the name argument has begun. It's playful of course, but eventually, we are going to have to settle on just one name, and I can tell already it's not going to be an easy road.

Looking down at the computer, I snort.

"We could name her Bella."

"Bella Swanson, right, is she Team Jacob, or Team Edward?" He questions.

"She's Team Independent Woman. Our daughter doesn't need a man to save her." I inform him as I kiss him lightly on the lips.

"Oh I'm all for that team!" He wholeheartedly agrees.

"Nothing plain, no Jane, or Mary, or Caitlin." I express, putting out my stipulations.

"Nothing too popular. I don't want her to be the 12th Ella in her class." He puts in. I nod my head agreeably.

Staring off at the Christmas Tree, in the comfort of Jesse's arms, as we discuss baby names, I smile to myself. It will be a long road, but a road I'm thrilled were taking. Not matter what Peanut's name becomes, I love her already, and I thankful for every day that she is with me.

* * *

><p>Just for fun, there is a poll that can be found on my profile page, where you can cast your name vote. Enjoy!<p> 


	22. Christmas Time is Here

***Sup fellow A-Ca People? I hope you all had a great weekend! I for one am not looking forward to Monday, but Christmas break is almost here! I hope this Chapter makes your Sunday night/Monday morning a little brighter. And I'd love to hear from you in a review :)**

**I was going to include a Christmas celebration in here, but decided against it last minute. It wasn't much different from Thanksgiving though, Jesse's family is awesome, and loving, and Beca had an amazing time. **

**Anyways, enjoy the entertainment!***

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><p><em>"The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - and on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing... I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?"<em>

"Okay, I give up." I announce, wrapping paper and bows going everywhere. My hair flew upward as a huff of air escaped through my lips.

Just three days before Christmas, Chloe and I sit in the living room wrapping presents while _How the Grinch stole Christmas _plays in the background.

Chloe, my dear, sweet, beloved, Chloe, seems to do everything perfectly, and her wrapping skills are no different. Meanwhile, I'm covered in tape, wrapping paper, and hatred at how difficult this is.

"No, no quitting! This is fun!" She exclaims, earning a glare from me.

"I suck at this." I pout.

"Here, let me help you."

She takes the scissors from my hand, and begins her methodical movements, everything flowing smoothly.

Meanwhile, my hands fall down to rub at my bump, feeling the silky smoothness of my skin. I'm 20 weeks pregnant today, and my belly continues to grow. Along with it, my boobs as well, which have seemingly taken on a life of their own. Had I been struggling to pay for school, I probably could have stared in a porno. You know, if I was into that kind of stuff.

"Come on peanut." I croon. "I know you're in there."

I was still waiting to feel her kicks. Just in the past few days, I had started to feel a fluttering in my stomach, from her movements, but as it was, there were still no kicks to be felt.

"Still nothing yet?" Chloe questions. I shake my head.

"I tried to talk to her about not being stubborn, but apparently it didn't get very far..."

Chloe got up and moved closer to me, placing her hand on my belly.

"Hey, little one, Auntie wants to feel you too!" She sweetly soothes.

I was going to miss rooming with Chloe. I was going to miss our girls nights, our crazy parties, and even, much to my surprise, her overly perky and bubbly personality. Sure we would still remain close after I moved out to live with Jesse, but it definitely wasn't going to be the same not having her right across the hall from me. I swear, the older I got, the faster time seemed to move. Even this pregnancy was half way over. I just needed everything to slow down for 5 minutes.

Just then, the front door opens wide, and I could hear Fat Amy's voice ring out high and shrill.

"Ho, Ho, Ho, ya sexy bitches!"

Chloe and I both turn around to see Amy dressed up in a tight Mrs. Claus get up. A short, red, strapless, dress, with white trim, her hair up, and glasses. Stacie, Lily, Cynthia, Ashley, and Jessica follow in behind her.

"What in the ever loving hell..." I whisper, my eyes looking her up and down with a raised eyebrow. Amy scoffs.

"Look, shawshank, I know I'm hot, but please, enough with the eye rape, you got yourself a boyfriend. A very hott boyfriend at that, and I trust he satisfies you just fine. Besides, I come baring gifts." The girls all move to the side to reveal Aubrey standing awkwardly in the middle of the foyer. She smooths at her pants, and brushes a few strands of hair out of her face.

"Good God, were lucky to have made it here in one piece. Mark my words, that is the last time we ever let Lily drive!" Aubrey huffs. Lily stands off to the side and looks down at her feet.

"I have a special talent for speeding through Manhattan and avoiding authority." She whispers. As usual, everyone simply stares at her, always unsure of how to respond.

"Bree what are you even doing here?! I figured you'd be booked with the Holiday season!" Chloe exclaims.

"Surprise! Even Broadway gives you a day off. It is just that though, just a day. Back to work on Monday." She frowns at the thought of being able to only spend a day with us.

"And to think, you choose to spend your day off with the girls, when you could be riding a unicycle." Stacie winks, playfully elbowing her. Aubrey, ever conservative Aubrey, blushes heavily.

"Uni and I spend plenty of time together, it's bound to happen when you live together. Besides, he wanted to spend some time with the boys."

"Well, come on in ladies, make yourselves at home." I offer, ushering everyone into the living room.

Jessica and Ashley set up in the kitchen everything needed for baking and decorating sugar cookies, as well as hot chocolate. And though I wouldn't admit it out loud, having all the girls together really helps put me in the Christmas Spirit.

* * *

><p>"So you're what, 20 weeks now?" Aubrey asks, as she drops some marshmallows into her hot chocolate.<p>

"Yup, officially half way through!" I cheer.

"Becs, I meant to tell you, you're gonna wanna get waxed." Stacie informs me. I stare back at her with a confused look on my face. Nobody mentioned anything about having to get waxed...

"Girl, _trust me_ on this one. You're gonna have to be spread eagle with a head emerging fom your-" Jessica cuts her off just in time.

"So! Have you looked into any childbirth classes?" she asks. I of course scoff at the idea. Pshh, childbirth classes, I of all people did not need childbirth classes.

"Nope, no classes." I casually mention, stealing a drop of icing from the can with my pointer finger.

"Yeah, it's not really needed now adays, that epidural will numb you right up!" Ashley adds in.

Heh, epidurals. Epidurals were for the weak. I was a bad ass. Granted, I was 5'1 and weighed about 105 on the average day, but my size was my secret weapon. Nobody expected much from the pale, tiny, white girl, but I packed a punch. I've made grown men cry, gotten 5 tattoos, 8 piercings, and punched a guy in the face. Childbirth was just going to be another thing I did. Yes, it was going to be painful, but it wasn't going to be so painful that I needed to be drugged. I was a woman for God's Sake, I had this in the bag.

"Oh, yeah, I'm not getting an epidural." I swiftly answer. Stacie immediately stops laughing at whatever comment Cynthia Rose just made, and everyone stands there, awkwardly staring at me.

"I really don't get your humor..." Aubrey says, the first to speak up.

"Guys, I'm serious, no drugs. It's labor, I got this." I explain.

"Yeah, uh-huh, right!" Everyone agrees, smiling and nodding as they decide to go along with my plan. Amy, Miss. Lack of Tact, looks around the room at everyone, realizing no one was going to say anything about my decision.

"Alright fine, I'll be the one to say it. Have you lost your bloody fucking mind?! It's labor, yeah, that shit's intense Beca! I think you're sufficiently versed on how the baby got in there, did anybody bother to mention to you how it plans on _exiting?! _Baby Girl in there is taking the express train out through your vagina! And by taking the express train out, I mean ripping her way out, tearing her way out. Your lady parts may never be the same again." Amy aptly describes, her eyes wide in horror. Chloe cringes, and crosses her legs uncomfortably at the sound of Amy's rant.

"Thank you Amy, for the lovely description. I've got a very clear image in my head." I reply, pretty sure I'm speaking for the group as a whole. My body shudders as the image assaults my brain. It was one thing to have to do it myself, another thing entirely to have to see it first hand. It went without saying, the only person witnessing the birth from down below was the doctor, and maybe a nurse or two.

And then, I felt it. Felt the movement I had waited 20 long weeks to feel. She kicked me. Instantly, one hand went to my back, while the other one flew forward, grabbing at my belly. On instinct, I gasped.

"WHAT?!" They all question, on standby with eyes wide and hands stretched out, ready to jump into action at the word go. I lift my eyes and look up at them for a brief second before looking back down to my belly, both hands now holding it.

"She kicked me..." I whisper in disbelief.

The room suddenly becomes dead silent as I stand there in the middle of the kitchen. The only noise to be heard is the stereo in the living room belting out _"Rockin' around the Christmas Tree"_

"She kicked me." I say again, with tears in my eyes, just in case nobody heard me the first time.

Shell shocked, my hands are stiff against my stomach, and I can feel her squirming around inside. She gives another small kick, near my left hip, as if to say '_there, I kicked you, now will you please stop whining about it woman?!_'

The song on the stereo ends, as '_Christmas time is here_' begins. Everyone still standing around, staring at me. But this time, their bodies have softened. Their faces, broken out into smiles, some with tears (Cough, Chloe & Ashley, Cough) are staring at me in amazement. Amazement of the miracle unfolding in front of us. Amy, moves slightly forward, and asks if she can feel. I agree, and take her hand, placing it right near my left hip, where I last felt her. But alas, there is no movement. She's snug inside, and decides against giving another performance. I shrug and apologize to Amy. She understands, of course, but then bends down about halfway and stares at my stomach.

"HELLO BABY! CAN YOU HEAR ME?! IT'S AUNT AMY. I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU THERE'S NO NEED TO BE SCARED, I'M VERY FRIENDLY!" She screams, causing me to recoil, and even the others to pull back in response to her loud volume.

"Well, if she wasn't scared before, she is now!"

"Oh don't worry, I'm sure baby girl's used to loud noises already what with you and abs-mcgee going at it all the time."

My mouth drops open and my face screws up at her response. Of course, without fail, Stacie too pipes in.

"Have you been trying new positions? Because I have a book that-"

"Why must all our get togethers end up in a discussion about sex?" Ashley questions, throwing her hands in the air.

"Thank you! Furthermore, why must they always end up in discussions about _my _sex life. Aubrey and Chloe have boyfriends too!" I add in, trying to get the spotlight off of myself.

"We don't ever discuss my sex life, thank you very much." Aubrey reminds us, as she nervously tucks her hair behind her ear and smooths out her pants.

"Jesse's hott Beca, just saying..." Amy chimes in.

"Thanks." I sigh.

Eventually, I'm able to switch the topic around to Aubrey's Broadway life and how one of her co-workers just got fired for having an affair with their director. Still sex, but it isn't _my_ sex life, so I settle. I love my nerd, and I love my friends, but what we did in private, was our own damn business, and not up for discussion. I refuse to be one of those girly girls who dishes intimate details of what my boyfriend does to make me scream, or how big he is. Though Jesse was definitely not lacking in that department. Something that certainly surprised me the first time.

After finishing up our cookies, we take our hot chocolate into the living room to settle in for _'White Christmas'_

And surrounded by my closest friends, on a cold December night, just three days before Christmas, I look around and think how truly lucky I am. I have everything I could want this Christmas, and most importantly, I'm happy.

* * *

><p><em>New Years Eve 2012<em>

I spin the disks, and hold up my monstrous head phones displayed around my neck.

"Check you out DJ preggers" Jesse snorts, as usual, he's met with my familiar death glare, a look he's seen so many times he could probably sketch it in his sleep.

"Hilarious." I scoff as I return to scratching at the CD's, my mash up filling our apartment.

It's New Years Eve, and Chloe has of course decided a party is in order. As usual, I agree, as long as I'm given the opportunity to show off my skills. The crowd of our friends are beginning to make their way into our place, and I look forward to entertaining everyone this evening with my well put together mixes. One of my many talents.

"You sing, you dance, you spin, is there anything you can't do?" Jesse asks, as he takes a sip of his beer.

"I've still yet to figure out how to turn you off...is there like a mute button or something?" I ask, playfully searching his body for a switch. He nods his head in response, an ever present smirk displayed across his face.

"Uh-huh..." He mutters.

"I also can't drink." I remind him, kissing him lightly on the lips. His hands find my waist as he makes some comment about needing to join me in an alcohol free New Years Eve as a sign of solidarity. I of course tell him it's not necessary. One of us deserves to get trashed tonight.

"But so help me, if you get on top of a table again tonight to drunkingly serenade me, I will cut you off for a week."

He scoffs at this and waves his hand dismissively before coming around to whisper in my ear.

"I'm pretty sure you'd cave far quicker than I would."

I moan as he begins to kiss my neck with feathery light kisses, and his hands skim up my dress and run over my legs.

"I'm working here, _nerd_." I hiss, trying to get him to stop. It of course does nothing for him, and he continues to caress my body.

"Not if I have anything to say about it." He retorts. I pull back and glare at him.

"You're evil." I state.

"You're hott." He replies. I roll my eyes as I check something on the computer. "Yeah, tell me something I don't know."

"When I was in 7th grade, I snuck into a rated R movie. Yeah, You're not the only bad ass around these parts of town." I stop what I'm doing to turn and look at him. He's nodding his head as he takes another sip.

"Mmm-hmm, that's right, I'm sexy and I know it, take a number doll face."

I laugh and shake my head before pulling him in for a kiss.

"God, you're such a pain in my ass."

* * *

><p>I've got Jesse in a back corner, as I kiss him heavily, his mouth tasting distinctly of beer and whiskey. When he's kissing me like this, with such an urgency, such desire and need, I blank out. The world around me seems to dissolve, and suddenly, despite the fact that there's close to 50 people in our house, it's just him and I.<p>

"Well, well, well, looks like somebody's been busy" I hear from behind us. Instantly my body freezes up. I know that voice.

"Or should I say getting busy..."

Bumper.

What the hell is this asshole doing here?! He's got some nerve just showing up out of nowhere.

"Um excuse me, limp dick, this is a private party, A-Ca Bitches only." I inform him, just in case he by some freak occurrence, forgot abut about his shitty departure.

"Right, well, I was invited." He responds.

"Sure as hell not by me."

"By my girlfriend, thank you very much. Is she always like this?" He asks Jesse. I look over his shoulders to see Amy in the kitchen, her hands folding together as she silently begs me from across the room. My face turns into a scowl as I fold my arms across my chest. My eyes look him up and down, and I internally curse myself. I have no choice but to let the ass clown stay. I'm certainly not going to upset Amy or cause a scene at 5 months pregnant. My finger extends outward towards his chest. He puts his hands up in defense, and immediately moves out of my way.

"Keep your distance. One word about my baby, and I'll make you cry. Again." I threaten, pulling Jesse with me as I turn on my heel and walk away.

"That's my girl." He sighs as he puts his arm around my waist and kisses me on my forehead. "Kicking ass and taking names."

* * *

><p>It's 11:45pm, and I'm heading to the bathroom to pee for what I hope is the last time this hour. I look down at my belly.<p>

"Alright, listen up, team work here. Mommy's got important things to do, like not miss the ball drop in 15 minutes. So I'm gonna need you to do whatever you have to to move over or something. You're either laying on my bladder, or kicking it with your strong ass foot. I promise, the soccer sign ups are fine by me. Just help me out here."

I feel like our pep talks become more and more frequent as the weeks go on. And while realistically, I know she can't understand a word I'm telling her, deep down inside, I still like to believe she can. Because the truth of it is, we are a team, were one in the same, peanut and I. One in the same.

It all happens so fast.

One minute, I'm having my little pep talk, and the next minute, I'm opening the door to the bathroom, finding myself scarred for life as my eyes stumble upon Amy riding Bumper on the bathroom floor.

"FULL STEAM AHEAD!" She screams out. Her bare ass right in front of my face. I scream, quite possibly louder than I ever have before, as my eyes slam shut and I grab for the door, slamming it quickly.

I turn around, running to Chloe's room to use her bathroom, yelling out 'Ew' with every step, as it's the only word I can manage to think of that aptly describes the horrific scene I just stumbled upon.

I knock on her bathroom door, and enter when I am greeted with silence. Sitting down on the toilet, I pee, and think to myself how I wish I could get my hands upon that laser that had in _Men in Black._ The one that temporarily erased your memory.

* * *

><p>11:57pm.<p>

I try and move myself down the stairs as quickly as possible, what with my belly in the way.

I maneuver my way through the crowds as my eyes scan for Jesse. My Christmas mix is blaring through the speakers, _Auld Lange Syne _currently booming, as I search in vain for him.

Donald, Lily, Michael, Ashley, Hat, Steven, Tommy, Justin, Regan, Emily, where the fuck is Jesse?! I can't miss the midnight kiss. I may not be big on tradition, but he is. He's cheesy, and loves the cliche's, we _have _to kiss at midnight.

11:58pm.

"Courtney!" I screech, trying to be heard over the loud bumping music. "Have you seen Jesse?!"

She points to the sliding glass door, telling me she just saw him out on the balcony with Luke.

11:59pm.

I glance over towards that direction and see him pushing past people to get back inside. I grab a hold of the belly as I begin to jump up and down, trying in vain to get his attention.

Our eyes finally lock, and I begin to make my way through the bustling sea of people. I know for a fact there are way more people in this place than we have room for. But none of it matters, I just need to get to Jesse.

"Excuse me, pregnant woman, moving through, coming through, watch out." I yell out, feeling my way through the people.

"JESSE!" I yell, willing my legs to just fucking pick up the pace.

30 seconds. Fuck, I'm not going to make it.

"Hold on there, I got you."

I turn around and see Michael next to me.

"Get onto my shoulders." He instructs as he bends down to the floor. I look at him as my face pulls back quizically.

"10...9..." The crowd calls out.

"Beca there's no time, just do it. Jesse's gonna be crushed if he doesn't kiss you at midnight!" He calls out. I nod my head and slip my legs around his neck. He lifts me up quickly as he moves through the crowd.

"8...7...6..."

"Jesse, take her!" He calls out

"5...4...3..."

He extends his arms out, and reaches for me. He grabs ahold of my body, and my hands and legs lock around him.

"2...1..."

I'm in his arms, we made it.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Everyone screams out.

"Happy New Year Jesse."

"Happy New Year Bec."

My lips find his, and in the middle of the living room, surrounded by our friends, we kiss passionately. Celebrating all this new year has to offer. He begins to spin me around, as confetti flies around us, champagne pops, and horns blare.

"I love you, nerd." I whisper, smiling against his lips.

"And I love you, weirdo."

Just then, we hear a commotion coming from the kitchen.

I turn to see Luke on top of the counter, a microphone in his hands. He begins to thank everyone for coming tonight.

"It's been an incredible year for me. Moving here from Georgia, I was definitely out of my element, a bit homesick, and unsure of how I was going to navigate my way through Law School. But having met you guys, it's made my transition quite a bit easier. I may not be a singer, but..."

"Did he not get the memo about no drunken serenade?" Jesse deadpans as he puts me down. I playfully smack at his chest as I look up to Luke, knowing just what's about to happen. I can feel it in my bones.

He looks out into the crowd, and winks at Chloe as he points he finger towards her, causing her to blush a crimson red.

"Chloe Jacqueline Beale, I'm head over heals in love with you. I've loved you ever since I saw your beautiful, flowing, red hair, through the crowd of people. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He asks, as he gets down on his knee, and pulls out the three stone diamond engagement ring. I hug Jesse just a little tighter at the sight of this.

Chloe's hands cup her mouth as tears stream down her face. She can't speak, she can't move. She just stands there, and simply nods her head.

Luke takes her left hand, places to ring on her finger, and kisses her deeply as he picks her up into his arms and spins her around.

I turn around to face Jesse, a goofy smile upon my face.

"Happy New Year Jess." I say once again, kissing him deeply.


	23. All of Me

***Hi friends! Sorry for the delay in chapter, I've been sick this week, and feel absolutely horrific. My throat is killing me :/ Anyway, I dedicate this chapter to my friend Cheryl, who asked for an "All of Me" Chapter, and I hope she enjoys it! I hope you all enjoy it too! **

**If you haven't yet, there's still time to vote on baby names :D Name will be revealed in the next chapter or two. **

**Once again, to all my reviewers, this story wouldn't be possible without you!**

* * *

><p><em>Saturday, January 19th, 2013<em>

I glance at the clock as I crawl back into bed, after getting up to pee for what has to have been the fourth time this night. 5:27am.

Looking across from me, Jesse is sound asleep.

I'm wide awake now, and all I can think of is getting my hands on a strawberry milkshake, with reeces peanut butter cups. Also, I want sex. And, I kind of feel like I could cry, because Jesse forced me to watch _'The Notebook'_ last night, and I'm still a little heartbroken that Allie had to loose all those years with Noah. I mean really people, I get that they got together in the end, but that mother deserved to be punched.

People were constantly asking me lately what it felt like to be pregnant. And the truth of it was, it was like being on a nine month period. I thought about sex all the time-cooking dinner, taking a shower, writing a boring ass paper. It didn't matter what mundane task I was trying to complete, all I could think about was sex. On the off chance I wasn't thinking about sex, I was usual crying, and over the stupidest things. Like last weeks commercial about saving the panda bears. For real though, those things were adorable. Lastly, the cravings, which were directly under that. Strawberry Ice Cream, Pizza, any form of Potato, Chocolate, and Milkshakes. Didn't matter the time, I was usually craving something. And today, on my 20th Birthday, at 5:30 in the morning, I really need a strawberry milkshake with peanut butter cup pieces from Ashley's Ice Cream Shop, even though I knew they wouldn't be open this early.

"Jess?" I whisper, turning my body to face his. "You awake?"

Nothing. Nothing but his sweet breath, escaping his lips.

I consider saying his name again, but figure my touch will be more affective. My hands reach out and lightly rub at his waist as my lips trail upward to his neck, and begin to kiss.

"Go back to sleep." He groans, his eyes unopened. "It's too early."

This elicits a frown from me. "You don't even know what time it is." I whisper.

"It's still dark. Sun doesn't rise til 7:30. Which would make it too damn early on a Saturday." He retorts, his body still half asleep.

I can see I'm getting nowhere in my quest for the milkshake, and decide to take his advice. I roll over onto my side and lay there, still wide awake, as baby begins to kick at me. Great, now were both awake I think to myself as I rub over my belly. She continues her round of kicks against me, as if to say _"Hello! Still craving that milkshake! Wake the guy with the car up, and send him on his way." _

Jesse slips his hand under my tank top and begins to rub my back as he plants kisses on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting the 5:30am wake up call." He apologizes. "Did you need something? Other than me?"

I smile as I work to turn my body over towards him.

"A strawberry milkshake, with reeces peanut butter cups." I inform, my eyebrows raising in anticipation. Just the words leaving my lips make me begin to drool.

"It's 5:30 in the morning, in January, and you want a milkshake?" He questions, confused at my craving.

"Yes. A strawberry one, with reeces peanut butter cups. Dude, do not forget the peanut butter cups!"

"Where the hell am I getting said milkshake from?" He questions, knowing nothing's open this early.

"Have you forgotten about the 24 hour Sonic?" I remind him, giving the puppy dog face. Ultimately, I'm convinced, this is what makes him cave. He sighs, pulls the covers back, and gets out of the bed to put his jeans on.

"I love you." I remind him, just in case he forgot.

"I love you too." He replies, throwing a sweatshirt on.

"I promise I'll repay you when you get back." I whisper, raising my eyebrows.

He grabs his keys off of my desk and comes over to kiss me before heading out. "I look forward to it."

* * *

><p>When he comes home a half hour later, he finds me sitting in the living room, wearing one of his shirts and a pair of sweatpants, as I sit in front of the TV crying and eating Nutella straight out of the jar.<p>

"What in the hell?" He whispers as he puts his stuff down. I glance over to him, my face a mess.

"The fucking panda bears Jesse, the panda bears! I need my debit card, this is just a travesty. The rainforests are being destroyed by selfish pricks! I ignored it last time, but I will not let it slide this time!" I explain, getting up to find my clutch.

He puts his hand on my waist to stop me and bring me back to reality.

"Why don't you have your milkshake first, and you can save the panda bears afterwards. PS, they don't live in rainforests."

I glare at him before pulling out the chair. I decide to let the comment slide as it's only 6 o'clock in the morning, and he did just run out to satisfy a craving for me. I'm ready to devour this thing.

"So what's the plan for tonight?" I ask, my mouth full of deliciousness.

It's my 20th Birthday today, and I view it as quite the accomplishment. I've made it 20 years, my sarcasm and general hatred for authority has yet to get me killed. This alone is reason to celebrate. Furthermore, I'd like to think that I know Jesse pretty well by now, and he has a way of going all out for things. The boy doesn't half ass anything, and as this is our first time celebrating my birthday together, I know he won't disappoint. I just hope it's nothing too big, it's no secret that I despise being the center of attention.

He shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't know. Bumpers back in town, guys wanna shoot some hoops. The Oscars are tomorrow night, we can order a pizza and start casting our ballots." He suggests.

I mull his comment over in my head for a few seconds. At first, I'm half certain he's being sarcastic. But, as my lips purse together, and I frown at him, his expression doesn't change. I can tell he's being serious right now.

"Why do you suddenly look so pissed? Is that a no to the Oscars planning?"

"You're ditching me, for Bumper. Do you know what day it is?" I ask, giving him a chance to save himself.

"Yeah, it's Saturday. And I'm not ditching you for the whole day, just a couple hours to go play basketball." He explains.

I begin to fume.

This can't be happening. Jesse, Mr. Put Together, never forgets a thing. Yet somehow, he manages to forget my birthday.

Fucking asshole, he forgot my birthday. Now that I think about it, it _has_ been over a week since he last mentioned anything about it. I'm pissed. No, fuck that. I'm pissier than pissed. I'm flipping furious. And he can tell, as I sit there, glaring at him angrily.

"You sure you're okay?" He asks once more.

"Fan-fucking-tastic" I reply, giving him an eery smile. He looks back at me in confusion.

"Riiight, well...I'm gonna go shower, I'll be back down in a little bit." He says as he kisses me on the forehead and heads back upstairs.

And here I am, left alone on my 20th Birthday. Alone, until peanut kicks me. I look down at my belly and rub it lovingly.

"Your daddy can be a real ass sometimes."

* * *

><p>"Hello?"<p>

"In the living room!" I call out.

Dad makes his way in through the apartment, as I move up off of the couch to greet him.

"Hey kiddo!" He smiles as he envelops me into his arms for a hug. Feeling miserable, I hug back tightly, not wanting to let go.

"Happy Birthday Bec." He whispers as he kisses my hair and I finally allow him to pull back.

"Thanks dad."

He pulls me back to get a look at me.

"20 years old, about to be a mother. I swear you get more beautiful looking with each passing day." He beams.

I look down and assess my choice of outfit. A pair of dark blue sweatpants, fleece socks, and one of Jesse's over-sized shirts. My hair is up in a messy bun.

"I look like hell." I flatly reply. He puts his hand on his chin and looks me over.

"Okay, so you don't look ready for the ball per say, but it's a Saturday, it's your birthday! You dress however you want." He assures me.

We both take a seat at the kitchen table, and he hands me over a gift and card. I smile as I begin to open the card, and also feel like I'm going to cry at the same time. It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon, and thus far, my father is the only one to acknowledge the anniversary of my birth.

I read the sappy card about the special bond between a father and a daughter, before opening the package. Inside, I make my way through the paper to find a kindle fire and a $100 gift card to iTunes. I look up at him and smile.

"Thank you so much." I say before pushing myself out of the chair and hugging him tightly. "These are both totally needed."

"I know you're not one for reading, but they've got-" I cut him off immediately.

"No there's so much more to these things than reading!"

"Exactly, exactly...well I appreciate you spending some time with me today. I'm sure Jesse's got something big planned for you!"

I scoff at the statement, and roll my eyes accordingly.

"What's that look for?" He questions.

"No, Dad, Jesse doesn't have anything big planned for me. He forgot my birthday. Everybody forgot my birthday." I explain. Now it's his turn to scoff.

"Oh come on Bec, everybody did not forget your birthday."

I whip my head around and angrily glare at him.

"Where is Jesse anyway?"

"Playing basketball with his friends."

"Chloe?"

"In Manhattan, visiting Aubrey."

He's starting to get the picture now.

"Okay, uhh, what about the other weir-I mean friends of yours?" He corrects himself just in time to avoid referring to my friends as 'those other weirdo's'

"Dad, everybody forgot, everybody but you."

He sighs heavily.

"Oh kid, I'm sorry, really, I am."

"Yeah, I know. At least you didn't forget about it too." I reply.

We sit there in comfortable silence for a few minutes before he finally speaks up again.

"Did you know you were nearly three weeks late?" He asks.

My head pops up and looks over at him.

"Seriously?"

"You were due New Years Eve 1992. Instead, January 19th it was. Your mom delivered at 42 weeks 4 days." He explains. I look down at my own belly briefly. Hey, you, don't you be getting any ideas about overstaying your welcome.

"Why didn't they just induce her?" I ask.

"It was the 90's, inductions didn't really come into play until later. I mean sure, had their been a real emergency, they would have induced, or done a c-section. But you were just fine, there was no reason. You came when you were ready. Every time we planned anything, you always found some way to change it. You've lived your life according to your own agenda before you were even born." He chuckles as he thinks back to have dealt with 20 years of head strong stubbornness.

"You should call your friends Bec, I know they would feel terrible if they realized what was happening. At the very least you should call Jesse." He insists. I suck in my cheeks and nod my head. Dad busts out laughing.

"I've seen that look more times than I can count. You don't have to take my advice, it's just a suggestion." He reminds me.

"Thanks, I will consider it." I assure him.

He hugs me tightly once more.

"Happy Birthday my one and only baby girl, I love you always."

* * *

><p>He opens the door and walks inside, having no idea the wrath he is about to face.<p>

Standing in the kitchen, I'm decked to the nines in an off the shoulder, 3/4 sleeved, above the knee, sequined blue dress. My hair is done up in curls and pulled into a half pony tail. Make up is done, and sandals are on. Even if it is January, in Connecticut, the sandals complete the outfit. To be honest, I look hot.

My face however, reveals anger, and hatred. It's 5:30 in the evening, and I've spent the better part of my birthday alone. Fucking pissed is the understatement of the year. I am angrily glowering at him, my hands folded across my chest.

"Wow, you look amazing." He breathes, looking me up and down.

I pick up my low healed sandal, and hold it in my hand for a brief second, before chucking it across the room aiming it straight at his head.

He ducks, bringing his hands up to cover his head to deflect against incoming shoes.

"Alright Sybil, let's just take it down a notch, shall we?" He jokes, lifting his head up slowly, his hands still protecting his face.

"Jesse, what the fuck is today's date?!" I yell at him. He sighs and throws his hands up.

"What is it with you and dates today?" He questions.

I bend down to pick up my other heel, and he immediately recoils in fear, his hands instantly going to cover his face again.

"Okay, okay! It's Saturday, January 19th, 2013! Please stop hurling footwear at me!" He yells out.

I continue to glare at him, as if this is going to help him remember why I'm so angry.

"You forgot my fucking birthday, congratulations." I plainly state.

He stands in the foyer, straightening up a bit, and looking awkwardly around the room as he takes this information in. Jesse doesn't forget anything, and now he's realizing that he just forgot one of the biggest, most important, days of the year.

"Everybody forgot my birthday, not just you, everybody." I yell.

He stands there with his hands in his pockets, staring at me.

"Bec, I-"

"No, shut up. I don't even want to hear it. I have already spent half my day alone. So just shut up, and take me to dinner somewhere where we can have a totally silent and awkward meal together. That's all I want. I'm exhausted Jesse, I'm carrying your kid for God's sake. I've gained 15 pounds, my boobs have nearly doubled in size, I can barely sleep through the night anymore because I have to get up every hour to pee, and ya know what? My feet hurt. My feet, are killing me. All week, all I've looked forward to was spending the day with you and just being together. And you go and forget my birthday. So fuck your apologies, because I really don't want to hear them." I cry, wiping away my tears.

I try so hard to stop myself from turning into a crumbling mess of emotions, but I just can't help it. It's been an awful day. He stands in front of me, looking pained and helpless as I grab my coat, open and slam the door shut, and wait out in the car for him to come join me. Staring out the window, I allow the tears to fall as I rest my head.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

* * *

><p>*Jesse's POV*<p>

Alright, I may have taken this a bit too far. And by taken this a bit too far, I mean I seriously fucked this whole thing up, I think to myself as I glance over in her direction, her head leaning against the window as she silently cries.

It all seemed like a great idea when Benji suggested it. We had seen John Hughes' classic _"Sixteen Candles" _over winter break one night, you know, the one where everyone forgets Sam's 16th Birthday? Yeah, that one. So naturally, when Benji said I should copy the film, and have everyone pretend to forget Beca's birthday only to actually have a surprise party planned in the evening, it sounded genius. I mean really, what could have gone wrong?

Now, as were driving to the restaurant for her surprise party, I can see the sixteen different ways it has gone horribly wrong. While I spent the afternoon trying to get everything organized and set up, she was at home, alone, and miserable. She truly did believe every one of us had just completely forgot about the big event. This was so not at all how I pictured this day unfolding. I mentally kick myself for the hundredth time this hour, telling _everyone _to pretend they forgot was a really stupid move.

I sigh, gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter, and turning up the radio.

_What would I do without your smart mouth_  
><em>Drawing me in, and you kicking me out<em>  
><em>You got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down<em>  
><em>What's going on in that beautiful mind<em>  
><em>I'm on your magical mystery ride<em>  
><em>And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright<em>

God, we just need to get there already. I just need to rush her into that room and explain to her that it was all apart of a plan. A really, stupid, shitty, plan, but a plan none the less. She needs to know that there is no way in hell I would ever actually and truly forget her birthday.

"Goodfellas?" She questions as we pull in, her voice laced with exhaustion.

"Yeah...is that okay? We can always go somewhere else."

I don't even know why I suggest it, because actually, no, we can't go somewhere else, 50 of our closest friends and family members are waiting for us inside.

"No, it's fine, let's go." She agrees as she opens the car door.

I look over at her and just want to give up everything even if we are just minutes away from the big reveal. But she looks so damn beautiful, and she's in so much pain. Remember this moment, dumb ass, I curse myself. This is definitely the first and last surprise party I ever throw.

We walk up the steps and I open the door for her. She heads inside, and I follow after heading to the podium, where the hostess is waiting. She of course is in on this too.

"Hi, I was wondering if you by chance have a table for two available tonight?"

She scans through the list of seating, as if to make it seem like she's actually looking, when he finger stops.

"It looks like we don't have any availability in the main dining room, but can I interest you in a private table?" She asks.

"Oh, uh, yeah, that should be just fine." I smile.

"Great, follow me." She replies as she grabs two menus. I look over to Beca, an angry glare on her face. "Bite me." She hisses, her arms folding across her chest as she follows me the private dining area in the back of the restaurant.

The waitress leads us back, and opens the door wide to reveal a large formal area. The room has been fixed up with balloons, and several tables are arranged, with white table cloths. On each table, a number. And beside the number, a picture of Beca at that age. There are Happy Birthday banners through out the room, a dance floor in the middle, and a DJ table organized and ready to go at the very back. Everything looks just as it should.

"SURPRISE!" Everyone jumps up and shouts. Beca is in such a state of shock, she nearly runs out of the room as she screams.

"It killed me to keep this a secret, and I'm feeling like the biggest asshole in the world right now. Happy Birthday Beca, I hope you can forgive me."

* * *

><p>*Beca's POV*<p>

I look around the room and try and take everything in as my reality changes in an instant. He didn't forget, he really didn't forget. I turn to face him, still trying to absorb everything.

"I should have planned it completely differently, but I just wasn't thinking. I am so sorry for making you spend the better part of your day alone, that was stupid." He hurriedly explains, as if his mind is telling him '_the quicker you explain yourself, the quicker she forgives you!' _

"I...thank you, I don't even know what else to say, other than I hate surprises and sorry about the shoe!" I stammer out.

Everyone's here tonight, and while I generally have a distaste for any kinds of surprises, I suck it up. It's completely evident in all the details, that Jesse has worked hard, and he's already had to deal with enough of my wrath for one evening. Just as I'm about to turn to continue my thanks and apologies, I'm suddenly bombarded by people, and lose my opportunity.

"Like I would ever forget your birthday! I never miss an opportunity to shower you with attention and make you horrifically uncomfortable!" Chloe sequels as she envelops me into a hug.

"But, Manhattan?"

"Oh, yeah, that. No that was true. I did go to Manhattan, but just to pick up Aubrey so she could be here! Lily offered, but after the Christmas disaster, Bree's scarred for life." She explains. Aubrey pushes herself through people to join us, a drink in her hand.

"I thought we agreed to never talk about the near death experience of 2012. I'm still having nightmares about Lily flying that van over the bridge." She cringes.

"Hey, we made it out alive. I turned an hour and forty minute trip into a thirty five minute drive." Lily defended, causing my face to recoil.

"Don't even ask, Beca. You really don't want to know." Aubrey immediately replies.

My eyes begin to scan the room as I take everything in, noticing all the people I need to mingle with and say hi to, when I hear Jesse from the back of the room.

"Oh here we go again, as if throwing a surprise party wasn't enough, now he's gotta add to it. Like our girlfriends aren't jealous enough already..." Benji sighs as he shakes his head.

"My girlfriend certainly isn't jealous, not with all this going on, you might need to step up your game buddy." Donald suggests.

I shake my head at the boys banter, before looking back towards Jesse. This boy better just be giving some welcome speech, lest he forget about my no serenading on table tops rule.

"Hi everybody! I want to thank you all for coming tonight, and helping me to celebrate Beca's 20th birthday. It's been a long day, and we all worked hard to keep this a secret, maybe too hard. Bec, I know you said no more serenades on table tops, but I'm feeling pretty guilty about you having to be alone for the better half of your birthday. Also, I'm not on a table top so...win for me. Alright then, Uni? Hit the track!"

We all begin to look around the room as an unexpected creaking sound fills the room through the speakers and Jeremiah begins belting out _"Birthday Sex" _

Jesse turns beat red at the sound of this. "WRONG TRACK!" He yells out, his arms signaling Unicycle to switch it immediately. Uni's hands work overtime, the CD scratches, and is instantly replaced by the sound of a Piano.

_What would I do without your smart mouth_  
><em>Drawing me in, and you kicking me out<em>  
><em>You got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down<em>  
><em>What's going on in that beautiful mind<em>  
><em>I'm on your magical mystery ride<em>  
><em>And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright<em>

_My head's underwater_  
><em>But I'm breathing fine<em>  
><em>You're crazy and I'm out of my mind<em>

_'Cause all of me_  
><em>Loves all of you<em>  
><em>Love your curves and all your edges<em>  
><em>All your perfect imperfections<em>  
><em>Give your all to me<em>  
><em>I'll give my all to you<em>  
><em>You're my end and my beginning<em>  
><em>Even when I lose I'm winning<em>  
><em>Cause I give you all of me<em>  
><em>And you give me all of you, oh<em>

He belts out the words, standing up on stage in an untucked button down shirt, tie, and jeans, singing to no one else but me.

_How many times do I have to tell you_  
><em>Even when you're crying you're beautiful too<em>  
><em>The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood<em>  
><em>You're my downfall, you're my muse<em>  
><em>My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues<em>  
><em>I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you<em>

_My head's underwater_  
><em>But I'm breathing fine<em>  
><em>You're crazy and I'm out of my mind<em>

As he makes his way over to me, my heart begins to beat faster, I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks.

_'Cause all of me_  
><em>Loves all of you<em>  
><em>Love your curves and all your edges<em>  
><em>All your perfect imperfections<em>  
><em>Give your all to me<em>  
><em>I'll give my all to you<em>  
><em>You're my end and my beginning<em>  
><em>Even when I lose I'm winning<em>  
><em>Cause I give you all of me<em>  
><em>And you give me all of you, oh<em>  
><em>Give me all of you, oh oh<em>

_Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts_  
><em>Risking it all though it's hard<em>

_Cause all of me_  
><em>Loves all of you<em>  
><em>Love your curves and all your edges<em>  
><em>All your perfect imperfections<em>  
><em>Give your all to me<em>  
><em>I'll give my all to you<em>  
><em>You're my end and my beginning<em>  
><em>Even when I lose I'm winning<em>  
><em>Cause I give you all of me<em>  
><em>And you give me all of you<em>

He stands in front of me, on his his knees, giving me the performance of his life.

_I give you all of me_  
><em>And you give me all, of you, oh oh oh.<em>

He finishes, and stands up, his body just inches from mine.

Surrounded by all of our family and friends, I throw my inhibitions to the wind and pull his head to mine, kissing him, as my arms wrap around his neck. Yeah, he's definitely forgiven I think as the room erupts into a chorus of cheers.

He pulls back from me, both of us sporting ridiculous smiles across our faces, and spins me around to reveal a cake for me with 20 candles on it.

"Happy Birthday Rebeca, make a wish." He whispers, copying Michael Schoeflling's ending line.

"It already came true." I whisper back, kissing him once more.


	24. Baby, I love you

***Hello Aca-Friends! **

**Sorry I have not been updating as frequently as before, couple reasons for that. **

**1.) Were nearing the end of this story :( There's about 5 or 6 chapters left, and as I near the end, I find them getting longer.**

**2.) I'm in the midst of dealing with a family crisis as my 17 year old sister gets ready to enter into a residential facility for treatment for an Eating Disorder. That has taken up a good chunk of my attention these past few days. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I again thank you for all of your reviews :) **

**Welcome TheSixthAdvenger, and thanks for the awesome review! **

**Merry Christmas to all my fellow Jeca friends and readers, you're all amazing :D**

* * *

><p><em>"I don't wanna go." I groan as I sit at the counter while my mother makes lunch. <em>

_"Beca, it'll be just fine. I'll tell you what, I'll pick you up after school, and we'll go get ice cream at Hoffmans. Sound like a plan?" She offers, placing my sandwich, apple, and chips into the brown paper bag. She knows ice cream is my weakness._

_"Okay fine." I sigh, finally giving in. As we walk towards the front door, I notice a suit case._

_"What's that doing down here?" I question. But she brushes it off like it's nothing._

_"I'm just putting some summer clothes up in the attic. Come on, we're gonna be late." _

* * *

><p>It's the same dream. The same damn nightmare that has been plaguing me on and off over the past few months. I can't seem to shake this feeling of being left.<p>

I bolt upright in bed, crying, and alone. I look around for Jesse, before noticing the light in the bathroom. All I can think about is how much I need him right now. I just need to feel him, feel his arms around my body. I just need him to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. Thankfully, I don't have to wait for long.

He comes running out through the bathroom and back to the bed in about 2.5 seconds, a pensive look on his face.

"Bec, Bec look at me, it's okay, I'm right here, I'm right here." He quickly tries to reassure me as he gets back into the bed and holds me close.

My arms lock around his neck and I bury my face into his chest, taking in his comforting, uniquely Jesse, scent as I work to calm myself down. Peanut is started by the excitement of my anxiety, and I can feel her squirming around inside of me and kicking me. _"Mommy, we okay?" _

"I'm right here, right here." He continues to remind me, holding me close. He begins to kiss my hair and rub soothing circles against my back. "Same dream?"

I nod my head.

This middle of the night wake isn't unusual, I've been having this dream on and off for quite a few months. Usually, however, I wake up, acknowledge the dream, and go right back to sleep. But this morning, it's as if the feeling of being left has compounded me. I feel so completely alone in the moment. Which is ridiculous, I am anything but alone. My baby girl is with me every second of every day, with every breath I take, I feel her growing inside of me. I feel her kicks and her little movements as she stretches. She and I are one right now. Furthermore, Jesse and I haven't slept in separate beds in months. In fact, he has pretty much become an unofficial member of the household. As the captain of the trebles now, he probably should be living in the treble house, but due to the extenuating circumstances, he's with me 97% of the day.

I never expected to be _that _girl. The girl who is seemingly attached to the hip of her boyfriend, the girl who can never seem to let go. And it's not that I can't let go, because I do, quite often. It's just that at the end of the day, all I want is to be in Jesse's arms. It's the only place I feel safe.

I lay there, my head against his chest, emotionally drained.

"Promise me you'll never leave me." I whisper, my face stained with tears and exhaustion.

"Never. I'd die before I ever left you." He assures me. It doesn't matter how many times I make Jesse tell me this, reassure me that he's not going anywhere, he instantly does it. No questions asked. Jesse got me through the initial shock of this pregnancy, and has been by my side ever since. Fulfilling cravings, giving into my hormones, rubbing my back and feet, holding my hair back when I got sick. I'm convinced they don't make men like him anymore. After months of fighting him and keeping him at a distance, I feel that I have finally given all of myself to him, and our relationship is better for it.

I pull back and look at him quickly before kissing him on the lips. This seems to help calm me down, I think to myself, as I wrap my arms around him and find myself starting to relax again. I open my mouth slightly, letting him in. His left hand slides up my tank top to find my chest (trust me, at this point in the game, it isn't hard to find.) and I release a moan at the feeling of his hands on me.

"Ouch!" He cries out, pulling back from me.

"What? What happened?!" I question, my eyes wide.

"She kicked me." He informs me.

"Technically she kicked me." I remind him.

"Yeah, well, either way, I felt that. That was one strong ass kick."

"She's nervous. It's not every night I have a teary, hormonal, middle of the night wake up call. She just wants to make sure everything's okay."

His hands reach out to rub at my belly, and he lifts my tank top, kissing at my stomach lightly.

"Alexandra Kate...everything's okay sweet girl, no one's going anywhere." He whispers lovingly. I smile sweetly at the sound of this, hearing our daughters name come from Jesse's lips will never get old. "I think she likes her name."

"But now the real question, the nickname. Alex or Lexi?"

It's not even a competition.

"Alex Swanson. That's going to be her name. And just like her name says, she'll be a defender. She'll grow to stand up for herself, her friends, and her family."

"Just like her momma." He smiles as he cups my face in his hand and leans in to begin kissing me again.

The last time we got into anything extremely hott and heavy, was the night of my birthday, when Jesse pulled off the greatest surprise party of all time. And got laid twice because of it. However, that was nearly a month ago. I was now 28 weeks pregnant, and huge. My breasts have swelled from 32B to a 34D, my belly seemed to grow every day, and I was quite certain that my daughter was already developing a hilarious sense of humor as she usually would choose the exact moment I was settled into bed and ready to fall asleep to give my bladder a swift fucking kick.

So, as you can imagine, having Jesse on top of me, was anything but a possibility. But as we entered into the third trimester, aka the home stretch, I knew my libido was going to shoot downward. Jesse and I needed to reconnect with each other as much as possible before I just didn't give a damn anymore.

"It's not gonna work." I groaned against his lips as he tries to settle on top of me. "My belly's too big."

He sighs, and rubs his fingers through his hair. "Okay, do you wanna be on top?"

"God no, I'm fucking huge Jesse." I whine.

"Your boobs are huge, and so hott. It's like getting that porn star fantasy fulfilled." He breathes, his eyes gawking at my huge chest.

"You are such a man." I complain, swatting at his chest.

"It's been so long, we'll figure something out." He whispers as he kisses at my neck and shoulder, while he spoons me. "What about doggy style?"

I turn over to glare at him.

"Jesse." I begin through gritted teeth. "Do I look like a fucking dog to you?"

He rolls his eyes and sighs. "Bec...of course not. It's just the name, I'm not actually calling you a dog."

Were quickly running out of options here. I do want to have sex with him, but I just can't see any position that's going to be particularly flattering unless we were in pitch black darkness. Sighing, I finally cave. I can see I don't have much of a choice.

"Fine, I'll go on top."

"Are you sure? Cuz we can always-"

"Swanson, just shut up and kiss me." I cut him off, kissing him roughly on the lips as I flip him onto his back and climb on top.

I get settled, throw my top over my head, and lean back down to kiss him as he puts his arms around my waist, pulling me in even closer. I'm not much for foreplay at 2 in the morning.

"God I can't believe these things are actually real." He groans as he works to remove my bra. Rest assured, my boyfriend was 100% a boob man.

"Their fucking huge, I hate them." I complain as I throw my bra across the room.

I straddle his waist, as my breasts fall free, and my hair, immensely thicker now, cascades around my face.

"I really need to knock you up more often." He comments in a dazed voice.

"Don't even think about it..."

I slowly begin to pull his boxers down,and he closes his eyes contently, trying to control himself. He lifts his ass, and I'm able to easily slide them all the way off. I toss them across the room to join my articles of clothing.

Starting down at him, I'm suddenly incredibly self-conscious. I have never felt this big before. At 5'1, I'd never been over 110 pounds in my life. And yet, here I was, 7 months pregnant, and 125 pounds. Which may not seem like a lot, but I was fucking small, okay, there wasn't much room for it to go.

"Hey, you alright?" Jesse asks, taking me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good." I assure him. His hands land on my hips and rub lightly.

It's now or never.

I lift myself up, and slowly lower down onto him.

It feels good, it always feels good when I'm with Jesse, and when I hear him begin to moan, I know he's enjoying himself as well, but I just cannot get into this. I'm feeling gross, and desperately want to cover myself. God I just hope this is over with quickly.

"Stop."

I cease my movements, and turn to look at him.

"What's the matter?" I question.

"You tell me. You're clearly not focused and into this."

I sigh and turn my head to the side. Just minutes earlier, all I wanted was Jesse in my arms. Now that I have him, I can't help but feel incredibly exposed and vulnerable.

"Bec, come on." He tries, gently turning my face with his fingers.

"I'm gross, okay. I get that my huge tits are a total turn on for you, but I'm kind of feeling like I exploded. I'm not exactly feeling like the sex symbol you're making me out to be." I finally confess as I remove myself from him. The mood has been killed, and I can tell were done.

I curl up against the wall, feeling like a failure as I begin to cry silently. I just can't face Jesse right now.

He spoons me, and we're back to the position we were in to start with. His hands rub up and down my arm and he kisses my shoulder.

"I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. Those monstrous headphones, the angry ear spike, the sarcastic smirk. I've loved you since day one. I love you Beca, not you're body. I mean, I do love your body, it's hott. But if you gained 50 pounds during this pregnancy, and never again lost it, I'd still love you."

I turn to face him, my eyes glossed over with tears.

"I know it's tough, I know your emotions are all over the place. But I'm not giving up on you."

I lean in to kiss him, and his hands pull my body in close to him.

We lay there, completely naked, and kissing. And in the moment, I'm not looking for sex, I'm not looking to feel good. I'm just enjoying being with Jesse, and feeling safe, protected, and loved.

* * *

><p>"So did you end up banging?" Chloe asks the next morning as we sit at the table eating breakfast and drinking coffee.<p>

"Chloe, don't say bang." I reply, ripping off a piece of my bagel. She of course rolls her eyes at me dramatically.

"Ya know, at some point, Miss. Priss, you're going to have to get over the fact that girls discuss sex with each other. And I know for a fact you would be much better off talking to me about it than Amy or Stacie."

I cringe at the thought of having to divulge my sex life to either of the aforementioned girls. I cringe at the thought of having to divulge my sex life at all. Why did it need to be discussed? I thought this was a guy thing?

"Aubrey doesn't discuss her sex life." I point out, Chloe laughs.

"So what you're telling me is you'd like to be more like Aubrey?"

I stop for a second and glance over at her.

"Okay fine, we had sex. Once I finally relaxed and stopped being Sybil at the switch, we ended up spooning and worked through it that way. My hips kind of hurt at first, but once we put a pillow underneath, we were good to go." I finally explain to her. "Now, can we please shut up about this?"

"Dude no, were just getting started! How was it? Mind blowing? Back to Back orgasms?! Come on, give me something to work with here. Luke's back in Georgia visiting his family this week, please let me live vicariously through you! One of us has to be having hott sex."

"It was very...efficient."

"Beca...really? You're 7 months pregnant, have boobs the size of a porn star, and efficient is the word you use to describe how the sex was?"

Just then the doorbell rings, causing me to look over at it. Saved by the bell, literally. Julie was coming down for the day to help us with nanny interviews, but I wasn't expecting her to ring the doorbell. Hell, this place was one open invitation. Hardly anyone knocked or rang anymore.

"Efficient, that's what I'm going with" I said as I got up and over to the door.

"What up flat butt!" Amy greets as I open up.

"Um, hi." I awkwardly greet back, confused about what she's doing at our doorstep.

"Hey Amy!" Jesse greets as he makes his way downstairs and into the kitchen wearing only a pair of jeans.

"Jesse!" I scold. "Might you put a shirt on, there are people here!"

"No...no shirts necessary, not necessary at all." Amy argues, staring him up and down.

"I'm sorry, the one I need is in the dryer, which is down here. Besides, I'm a guy. It's not like I came down here with no pants on." He explains as he kisses me on the forehead.

"Don't." I warn Amy, cutting her off before she even has a chance to think of some embarrassing comment.

I look around at the scene unfolding before me and just shake my head. I seriously needed to find less weirdos to hang around with. There had to be normal people around here somewhere.

"Amy, please, come in, what can I help you with?" I ask, gesturing for her to come inside. She thanks me and removes her coat, hanging it up on the hook.

"I'm here to apply for the job."

I'm of course confused at this information, as I try to think about what she's referring to.

"Job?" I question.

"Duh, the nanny job? Bec, I was a world class nanny in Tasmania. I once raised a baby for the first 2 years of it's life. Tragic story, really. Parents killed in a horrific crocodile incident. Anyway, until the Dingo's could step in and take over, I was it! And that band I had, Fat Amy and the little Chub Chub's, those little people were kind of like babies, so I've got that experience as well." She explains to me. It was times like these that I had a really hard time figuring out if Amy was being serious or not. However asinine the story sounded, I actually wouldn't put it past her.

I try to regain my composure. "That's great to hear Amy, but you are not going to be my baby's nanny."

"Oh, I get it, it's because I'm Australian isn't it?"

I look at her and shake my head.

"It's because you have no experience, and you're a full time student, or did you forget about that part?" I remind her.

Her shoulders slump slightly. "Oh, right, that."

"Come on Amy, you and I can go shopping, I'll fill you in on the details of Beca and Jesse's sex life." Chloe suggests as she gets up to put her dishes in the sink. I whip my eyes over towards her and glare fiercely.

She waves her hands in a dismissive manner and mouths out an I'm just kidding.

"Awww yeah, Shawshank gettin' it. Way to climb that man like a tree!"

"Okay, well this has been fun and all, but this installment of Beca's sex life is over and done with, thanks, see ya next time!" I say, pushing Amy and Chloe to the door. Amy stops about halfway and turns to face me.

"Just remember the cardinal rule...always put out."

* * *

><p>"How have we been through 5 people already? How?" I complain, sitting on the couch next to Jesse.<p>

"Hey, I really liked Helga. She had character." He comments.

"Character...she worked at a Russian Orphanage for 20 years and looked like she wanted to whip me with a belt for slouching. She terrified _me,_ Jesse, I can't imagine how a small child would feel around her."

"Kidding, of course."

"Though she was better than Tiffany, who I'm pretty sure would have jumped you right in front of me had I let her. Ugh, this is a nightmare."

By 4 o'clock, we had been through 5 applicants, each one seemingly worse then the one preceding.

First came Jenny, a30 year old mother of 5 children. 3 of which she wanted to bring with her everyday. She was very sweet, but didn't appear to have much of a backbone. This was evident from the fact that the two of her children she had brought with her to the interview ran around screaming and laughing in her face every time she told them to stop.

Next up was Logan, a 20 year old who had dropped out of college and was out in the world "trying to find herself"-Dismissed after she took a phone call for another interview, in the middle of our interview.

Then came Helga, the Russian who had fled her communist country in hopes of achieving the American dream. Which apparently was to nanny. She was a fan of corporal punishment and chess.

Tiffany waited until the interview to inform us she was on probation for dealing pot, but thought that being a nanny for an infant was something that her probation officer would approve of.

I was completely spent, frustrated, and miserable. All I could think of was heading upstairs for a hot bath.

"Guys I know the prospects have turned out to be complete nightmares, but just hang tight, we've got one left. One more, and were done for the day." Julie reassured me.

I sit back up again and take a breath. I'm not looking for Mary Poppins, I just want someone normal. I already had my fair share of weirdos for the day. Alex was already my world, and I needed someone competent to help care for her, or I was never going to leave this damn house. I was determined to give my daughter a set of strong women in her life she could look up to and admire.

"Please, come on in." I hear Julie as she walks back into the living room.

"I'd like you to meet my son Jesse, and his girlfriend Beca." She introduces.

An older woman stands before me, she looks to about in her mid to late 50's. She's just about as plump and sweet as a strawberry, with blonde, permed, hair. Her appearance is warm, and comforting. She wears minimal make up, and dons a red turtle neck shirt with a black sweater, and a pair of jeans. A string of pears settle on her neck.

"So wonderful to meet you both, I'm Greta Martin." She introduces as she she shakes our hands and makes her way to sit down.

We sit together in the living room for 45 minutes and enjoy getting to know this new woman. Greta as it turns out, is 57 years old. She lives 20 minutes away with her husband, John. After 35 years as a homemaker, she explains about how she misses the sound of children filling her home. She and John have raised 3, and are just starting to have grandchildren. However, their children are all spread out across the country, with a daughter living in California, a son in New Jersey, and another daughter in Virginia. It isn't very often that they all get to spend their time together.

"It would be so nice to once again have someone who needed my attention again." She informs us.

"It wouldn't start out as full time, right now, given our schedules for the upcoming fall semester, we would need someone Monday's and Wednesday's from 9am-2pm, and Tuesday's and Thursday's from 8:30am-3:30pm. But we're looking to find someone who is willing to grow with our family, and our needs." I explain.

I was not particularly keen on day care, and really preferred to have Alexandra at home for as long as possible before school started. As Jesse and I graduated college, and Alex grew older, we would eventually go on to need full time care through the week.

"I think I could handle easing my way in. I've raised three children in my lifetime, and I would love the opportunity to help you raise up your own children. Do you have a name for the little one yet?"

"Alexandra Kate Swanson. We'll call her Alex for short." I express, rubbing my belly.

"Alex, a beautiful name indeed." She smiles. Jesse and I look between each other and smile.

"Do you think you'd be okay starting in August?" I ask. She seems a bit taken back at my question.

"Oh, well, darling if you need more time, certainly-"

"Oh no, no I don't need more time. We've been through more than enough people today, and no one has even come close to you. You are exactly what we need. Experience, Warmth, Kindness, Gentleness, you're what we've been looking for." I explain.

"August it is then. I so look forward to meeting your little girl." She beams.

"Yeah, we do too."


	25. Starstruck

***Into the Woods was simply outstanding, amazing, and superb. Anna Kendrick is an out of this world human being, and I'm convinced there is nothing that woman can do badly. Even if she claims she sucks at math and cooking. I can't wait to get to see her in PP2 and The Last 5 Years. **

**I came up with the idea for this chapter after seeing a picture of Rebel Wilson floating around on the internet. I hope you find it quite humorous. Please review, I love hearing your thoughts about what you liked (or even what you didn't like) **

**I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"We just made our first parental decision." I pointed out as Jesse and I sat on the couch.<p>

"Indeed we did, how are you feeling about it?" He asked.

Looking over at him, I nodded my head. "I know we made the right decision. I feel good having someone with so much experience."

And I did. Hiring someone with experience was my number one priority. Neither Jesse nor I really had any experience ourselves, we couldn't all be going in blind, somebody had to know what they were doing. Even though I was thoroughly convinced that Jesse would slide into parenthood like he was made for it. I however still needed the occasional reassurance that somehow everything would work out just fine.

"Hey, I got you something, by the way." He said as he began to reach into his pocket.

My heart immediately lunged into my throat as my eyes simultaneously bugged out of my head.

Yes, Jesse and I were having a child together, but we were also just a pair of 19&20 year old kids. We did not need to add a wedding to our plate right now. Figuring out school, A-Capella shit, and pregnancy was more than enough for us right now. We had the rest of our lives ahead of us, and I knew I was going to lose it if he pulled out a ring out of his pocket. Not to mention, I wasn't even exactly sure I believed in marriage. My parent's of course being the shinning example. I knew I loved Jesse, I didn't need a ring and a piece of paper to confirm that. Clearly, my face was a dead give away of the thoughts running through my head.

He smiled and began to laugh as he watched the horrified look creep over my face. "Bec, relax, take a breath. I'm not proposing."

I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until he mentioned that and I finally released.

I took the box from him and gently opened it to reveal a necklace. On the silver chain hung a little baby foot with '_Alexandra_' written across it in cursive. My fingers rubbed across it, and I was touched by the sincerity of the gift.

"Jesse, it's beautiful." I whispered, holding it up. "Can you put it on me?"

His hands reached out as I pulled my hair out of the way and he placed the piece around my neck.

"Thank you."

"You deserve it. You've been through a lot these past 7 months"

We sat there for a few seconds, just staring at each other.

"Hey..." I began, my fingers caressing his cheek. "I'm sorry if I kind of freaked out when I thought you were proposing." I apologized.

"No need to apologize, I know you're still holding out for Guetta's offer, it's totally understandable."

I threw a smirk in his direction and shook my head.

"You know I love you, right? I don't just say it out of habit, I say it because I truly mean it."

It wasn't often that I actually got serious, but every now and then, it was necessary.

"I know you do. And I also know that we already have enough on our plates right now, one thing at a time."

"I'm glad were on the same page."

I leaned over to kiss him on the lips as his hands found their way to my hips, pulling me in closer to him.

It wasn't long before I moved myself over and settled onto his lap, locking my arms around his neck. Being with Jesse was something I would never tire of.

He moaned as I grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled on his bottom lip with my teeth. I couldn't help but smile as I felt him grow against my leg. Knowing how excited I made him just excited me even further.

But, of course, as it always seemed to happen, it was at this exact moment that my phone vibrated against my hip.

"Ughhh, why must everyone only need me when I'm busy?" I groaned.

"Gettin' busy..." Jesse breathed as his hands reached into my shirt. "Don't answer it."

It vibrated again.

"Alright, lemme just see what it is and then I'm chucking the damn thing across the room."

I looked down and saw the two cryptic texts from Ashley displayed across the screen.

_"ICEBERG STRAIGHT AHEAD!"  
><em>

My brows furrowed in confusion.

"What the fuck?" I questioned. What was that supposed to mean?

_"There's no time to explain, just...brace yourself."_

"Everything okay?" Jesse asked, obviously curious. I briefly glanced back up at him before looking back down at the phone.

"Not exactly sure..." I answered, my voice heavy with confusion. "Ashley just sent me a text that said Iceberg right ahead? Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean."

Jesse soon pulled his head back in confusion. "Titanic reference."

I glanced over at him.

"Excuse me?"

"She's referencing a scene from Titanic, ya know, when the look out dude yells to the captain "Iceberg straight ahead!" it generally means disaster is about to strike." He explained.

I didn't even get the chance to argue back, my mouth opened, and I took a breath, but before I could utter a single word, the door flew open.

"BABBBBYYYYYY!"

I heard the loud and shrill squeal that could only mean one thing.

Chloe was drunk.

I was still straddling Jesse's waist when I felt her ice cold hands wrap around me.

"Jesus!" I yelled out as I flinched at the feeling of her cold hands against my warm skin.

"No, Chloe. Nice guess though."

"What in the hell..." I heard Jesse remark. He looked off over towards the kitchen, his forehead creased and his mouth hung open.

I twisted my body to look at what he was seeing.

It was 8pm on a Sunday night, and somehow, Chloe was trashed, and Amy stood in the kitchen in what appeared to be a _Fraggle Rock _costume. Lily awkwardly stood off to the side. I swore I couldn't have made this shit up if I tried.

"Will someone please, for the love of God, tell me what the fuck is going on?! Chloe, how are you wasted at 8pm?" Let's of course start with that one first, I wasn't even really sure I wanted to know what Amy's deal was.

Chloe's eyes darted back and forth before settling back on me.

"It was an accident." She breathed, her breath smelling heavily of some sort of Alcohol that I couldn't place. This of course is news to me.

"An accident? Really, what happened, you tripped into a batch of vodka and accidentally inhaled it?"

She turned her body to eye Amy up and down. "_Somebody, _though I won't mention any names, forgot to tell me that there were two different kinds of punch."

"And you what, couldn't taste the alcohol?" I again questioned. Her glossed over eyes looked into mine as she leaned in close and attempted to whisper.

"If you had to see what I saw tonight, you would have wanted to be drunk too."

I probably didn't want to know. But I asked anyway.

"Where the hell did you guys even go?"

"I'm not even sure. I remember being led into a basement blindfolded, gay strippers, and flamingo's." Chloe explained. "Absinthe may have been involved, or perhaps not."

I tilted my head and squinted my eyes in confusion. No, but seriously, where the fuck had the girls been? Not to mention, there was still the issue of figuring out why Fat Amy was wearing the costume.

I looked up towards Lily, hoping for some kind of explanation. "For $100 I can explain, but you'll need to take a blood oath. Oh, and if any men in uniform show up, I was at home studying all day."

My eyes widened as I took the information in.

"She's just joking right?...RIGHT?!"

"Oh calm down, of course she's kidding. We didn't do anything illegal...sort of." Amy assured me.

"Of course not." Chloe added, her eyes looking around the room before they landed on my boobs and she looked continuously between them and my face. "By the way, when did your rack explode six sizes? And...don't tell Jesse, but..."

Her eyes suddenly avoided mine, and I tried to stay with her train of thought.

"I think you may have gained some weight."

I nodded my head slowly. Smile and nod Beca, smile and nod.

"Anyway, I'm off to bed. You bitches," She began, pointing her finger at us. "have fun tonight. The lagoon is calling my name, and the purple monkey in the chair over there has some sage advice, don't drink the punch."

And with that, she sat up, kissed me on the cheek, and zig zagged off through the kitchen and upstairs to her room. Just as she disappeared, I could hear a loud crash come from the steps, the sound making me jump slightly.

"I'm flying! Nobody panic!" She yelled.

I looked back towards Amy and Lily and folded my arms.

"The important thing here is we all had a lovely time..." Amy informed me.

"Uh-huh, sure. Wait, how are you two sober?"

"Somebody had to drive." Lily explained.

"Yeah, and I never drink the punch. Who knows what the hell they put in that!"

Lily looked over at her. "Dude you were the bartender..."

Amy in return quickly elbowed her. I looked between both of them before settling on Amy and glaring at her.

"Okay, okay, so my friend Billy may have smuggled some Absinthe into the states from down under, no need to get your panties all in a wad, everybody's fine! We just thought it would be funny to get Chloe and Aubrey a little trashed."

"Why must-whoa, hold up! Did you just say Aubrey?!" I screeched.

"Oh, right...did I forget to mention the party was in Manhattan? Whoops."

I put my head in my hands and sighed as Jesse laughed and made some comment about paying good money to see Aubrey Posen hallucinating. He then whipped out his cell phone and began texting Unicycle.

"Why must I always be the responsible one of this group?" I hissed.

Amy glanced upward toward the ceiling, thoughts obviously running through her head. "No, you're not the responsible one, you're the knocked up one. We'll give responsible to Ashley."

I shook my head in response. "You nerds are lucky I love you."

* * *

><p>"Beca?" The nurse called out.<p>

Jesse helped me to my feet and we walked back to go through the same agenda we did at every doctor's appointment, weight, blood pressure, urine samples. By now I felt like an old pro.

I was clocking in today at 28 weeks exactly, and weighing 125 pounds with a heart rate at 78 beats per minute and blood pressure at 115/74. Everything was perfectly normal, and just how it should be.

"Have you picked out a name yet?" Dr. Ruckman asked as I laid on the exam table and she measured my belly.

"Alexandra Kate. Alex for short." I informed her, she smiled at the sound of it.

"What a beautiful and strong name." She said. "Measurements are looking good Beca, you appear to be right on target for 28 weeks."

I released a breath and nodded my head. Not that I had any doubts that everything was anything other than perfect, but it was still relaxing to hear it said out loud.

She looked my hands, feet, and legs over, and concluded that there were no signs of swelling, a sign of pre-eclampsia. She then grabbed the bottle of gel and squirted it across my belly in preparation for the ultrasound. Looking down at my belly, I was proud of myself. I had religiously applied copious amounts of cocoa butter to help prevent stretch marks, and it was clearly paying off. My skin glistened, strong, and smooth, there wasn't a mark in sight.

I looked over at the machine, and the water works began. I watched as her grainy black and white image moved around on the screen.

"She's sucking her thumb..." Jesse pointed out, as mesmerized by her image as I was. Indeed, she was sucking on her thumb as she floated around.

One hand went to Jesse as we locked our hands together, and my other hand reached up to grab at my new necklace.

"She's so perfect." I choked out, overwhelmed at the amount of love I had for this little girl. My maternal instincts had begun to kick in, and I knew I would kill any person who attempted to hurt my child.

I laid there, on the exam table, staring at her image, overcome with love and wondering how anyone could possibly just abandon their child and be able to move on with there life. Alex was mine, she was all mine. She relied on me to keep her safe, to keep her warm. It was my job to keep this child alive, and in that moment I knew I would destroy anything that got in the way of that job. She was so tiny, so precious and innocent. I knew then that my mother was an extremely cold individual. You had to be to carry a child for 9 months, to grow a human being, raise them for 10 years, and then just bolt.

No matter how tough things got, no matter what happened in this world, nothing could possibly ever happen that would make me want to leave Alex. And may God help the person who ever attempted to come between me and my child.

"Everything looks beautiful. She's about 2 pounds 2 ounces right now, and based on my estimation, about 14 inches long. She can blink her eyes, and is starting to differentiate between dark and light. She's also building up fat, to prepare her for the outside world." Dr. Ruckman explained. There were just 12 weeks left of this pregnancy, but it seemed like such a journey. I wanted her in my arms already.

"How are her movements? You still feeling her kick quite a bit?"

"God yes, she loves to be moving. Usually early morning and late evening are her favorite times. She's pretty mellow through out the day."

"Good, just as it should be. As you begin to enter into the third trimester, her movements will begin to slow as she starts to run out of space, but it's nothing to worry about. Unless you've gone more than 6 hours without feeling her move, there's no need for concern."

We talked about how I was feeling, and how the start of the third trimester was the beginning of the end. I was going to start getting uncomfortable. Sleep was going to become less and less, I would soon begin to waddle, feeling like, as my doctor so eloquently put it, "Barbie with her legs popped out and placed back in." My emotions were going to surge, along with my urge to pee. As if I wasn't already going every hour on the hour. And now, up until 36 weeks, I would begin to start coming in every 2 weeks for check ups. Once 36 weeks hit, it was every week until I delivered.

"Now, let's discuss the birth plan. What are you thinking as far as the epidural goes?" She questioned.

I looked to Jesse, and back at the doctor. "No epidural. I'm doing this on my own. And furthermore, no pitocin. Unless I'm like 2 weeks late, when she's ready, she'll come. I don't want anything artificially done. I really want to go into labor on my own." I explained. Jesse, choosing the safe route, just smiled and nodded. As he had previously told me, I was the one pushing the baby out, and I was the one who got to decide how that happened.

"You want my advice?" She asked. "Labor at home for as long as you can. If you don't come into the hospital until you're past 5 centimeters, you have a much better chance at delivering naturally. I have complete faith that you can do it. I'll send you home today with some papers on how to gauge your dilation so you're not showing up to the hospital at 2 centimeters. But, basically, if you can still talk through your contractions, you aren't ready to come in."

I explained that it would just be Jesse and I in the room together, but that we would welcome visitors as I labored. Namely, Jesse's mother. I was going to need her support and I knew it. As much as I loved Jesse, he had never pushed a baby out of his penis.

I took the rag from her hands and cleaned my belly off as I began to sit up. The end was coming up. In just 12 weeks, Alexandra would be in my arms, and Jesse and I would have a family.

Whoa.


	26. Roar

**_*Happy New Years Eve friends! One last post before 2015 :) I hope you enjoy it, there's only 4 chapters left. Please, if you're reading, drop a note. I love to hear your thoughts and ideas. I hope your holiday season was enjoyable, and look forward to hearing from you! xoxo_**

* * *

><p><em>Friday, April 19th, 2013<em>

"Shit. Where's Reagan? Somebody please tell me you did _not _forget Reagan!" I panicked.

"I'm right here!" She answered sweetly, emerging from the patio. "Sorry, mom called."

My head was spinning. There was just no way ICCA's were here already, this had to be some kind of bad dream. We weren't ready, I was 36 weeks pregnant and completely miserable, nothing was packed, and Jessica was _just _getting over Laryngitus. I was about to cry at any second.

"Who the fuck's idea was it to bump this shit up to 1:00 on a Saturday anyway?" I grumbled, moving around the kitchen as I tried to organize things. "Now were having to leave a day earlier, I'm not even packed!"

Everyone stood and watched as I flew by the seat of my pants, verbally vomiting and running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Did I mention we weren't ready for this?

"Sweetie, take a breath. Have you eaten breakfast yet? Or taken your prenatal vitamins?" Chloe, ever responsible, questioned.

I looked over at her and threw her a look before scoffing. "Breakfast? I don't have time for breakfast! Make me a cup of coffee, I'll be fine."

Meanewhile, little 5'1 me continued to run around, shouting orders, and trying to breathe. At 36 weeks, Alex literally had no where else to go. Especially when she tried to stretch. I was extremely uncomfortable, and in no mood to deal with anybody's bullshit. I was calling the shots today.

I closed the fridge after grabbing some creamer, and opened my mouth to continue handing out orders, when as I turned around, Ashley was right in my face, and shoved a bagel into my mouth.

"Eat." She ordered. I put my hand on my hip as I glared at her. There was no time for this. It was already 10 o'clock, and we were still trying to get things organized. But to get everyone off my back, I ripped a piece off with my teeth and began to chew.

"You two." I barked, causing Reagan and Emily immediately straightened up. "Do you have this routine down? There isn't an eighth of an inch of room for screw up's here."

"No, were great, fantastic. We got this." They quickly assured me.

"Hey Adolf Hitler, might we want to take it down a notch?" Amy suggested.

I shouldn't have let it bother me the way I did. I knew she was just trying to joke with me. Normally, I would have given my typical Beca response-an eye roll and a half assed laugh. But I was pregnant. Pregnant, hormonal, and bitchy. And I knew we weren't ready for this competition. Much as I tried to fight the tears that began brimming, it was a lost cause.

"I have to go pack." I muttered, turning on my heal and heading upstairs to my room.

* * *

><p>*Amy's POV*<p>

Everybody turned to glare at me. Like it was my fault that Miss. Hormones had turned into a dictator.

I gestured my hands upward. "What? Don't look at me like that, I did nothing wrong!"

"She's pregnant." Cynthia Rose pointed out, as if it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world. Beca's belly entered a room 5 minutes before she did.

"What?! She is? Somebody should really tell her..." I snarked. Chloe rolled her eyes.

"She's a month away from her due date, and she's stressed out about this. Her first year taking over the Bellas and she gets knocked up? She wants to prove to Aubrey she's up for the challenge. I'll go talk to her."

"No, no. _I'll _go talk to her. I may not look like much, but I can pull a motivational speech out of my ass in no time. Don't you flatbutts worry, I'll have her back down here in 10 minutes."

* * *

><p>*Beca's POV*<p>

Mark my words, this was the first and last time I ever got pregnant.

Why did people never tell you what pregnancy was really like? Maybe because if women really knew what lay ahead, nobody would get pregnant and the population would become extinct in a decade. This shit was not glowing skin and an adorable little bump. I was calling bullshit.

At 36 weeks along, I had gained 25 pounds. Though I was convinced 10 of those pounds went directly to my breasts. I peed roughly every 35 minutes. And while I wouldn't necessarily classify it as diarrhea, my bowels were extremely loose. I hadn't had a good nights sleep in over 6 weeks, hadn't had sex with Jesse in a month. I waddled when I walked, could barely breathe properly half the time, suffered excruciating back and hip pain, and had mood swings that could make a manic-depressive seem mentally sound. I knew Alex was worth it, but to be totally honest, I was over this shit. I just wanted to reach up inside and pull her out myself.

"Shawshank, you okay in there?" Amy called out as I sat on the toilet crying.

"I'm fine." I lied. She attempted to come in, but I had already locked the door.

"Little pig, little pig, let me in..." She began to sing, and though she couldn't see it, I glared at the door anyway.

"Amy..." I groaned.

"Look, I know you're a bit freaked out. Rightfully so. I mean, if you screw this up, Aubrey-"

"NOT HELPING!" I yelled.

"Beca, think about it though, for real. What's the worst that could happen? So you fuck this whole thing up. Highly unlikely, but still plausible. So we loose to the Trebles, and Aubrey never talks to you again, and your blacklisted from the A-Capella world, and you end up going into labor from all the stress, and-wait, where was I going with this?"

I threw my hands up in the air as I continued to cry. Really? This was Amy's attempt to make me feel better? What kind of crap was this?

There was a scuffle, someone yelling "Ow! Alright fine, let's see you do better!" and a knock at the door. I looked up.

"Beca, it's Aubrey. Listen, can I borrow 50 bucks?"

Were they fucking serious right now with this?

I stood up and flew the door open angrily. "What the hell is the matter with you people?! I'm in here having a mental breakdown, and you wanna know if you can borrow money?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "No, but it got you to open the door."

I shook my head and wiped away at my tears as I turned my back towards her. She walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

"Aubrey I do not want to talk to you right now, okay?"

"Oh please, when _do _people want to talk to me? News flash Beca, being unwanted isn't exactly a new feeling for me. But I'm going to talk anyway, because that's what I do."

I sat back down on the toilet, my ginormous belly stretched in front of me, and looked up at her.

"You're not going to fuck this up, first of all." I was completely taken aback by Aubrey's use of the word _Fuck_. It was the first time I had ever heard her utter a curse word.

"I would not have put you in charge of this if I didn't think you couldn't handle it. Okay, so your in a bit of a conundrum here, it happens. Not to me of course, but it happens."

I rolled my eyes and threw my hands up, slightly offended at the comment.

"Oh calm down, I'm just joking. I know, it comes as a bit of a surprise. But contrary to popular belief, I'm not always an uptight perfectionist with my a stick up my ass, just...96% of the time. Beca you've done all you can do. I know it sucks not getting to perform with everybody, but that's life. It doesn't always go how we planned, and sometimes we just have to adjust our path. But what you put into these girls, the fruit of your labor, will come out on stage. You guys have practiced as much as you possibly could. Take it from me, there's no time left, so you give what you got. Who cares if we loose to the Trebles? Yes it will be embarrassing, but it won't be the first time. The girls are looking to you to be strong for them. I know it sucks, but that's what being a leader is all about. Now, suck it up buttercup, it's showtime dammit."

She then walked out of the room to begin getting things ready. Much as I hated to admit it, Aubrey didn't always suck. Especially when it came to giving advice.

"Hey Bec?"

I turned at the sound of Ashley's voice behind me.

"I'm fine Ashley. I'll be ready to go in about 20 minutes." I assured her, pulling my hair to the side as I looked at the ground.

"Well, I know you're not, but that's not why I came up here. You must not have your phone on you. Michael just called me, he said Jesse's going bezerk and wants to make sure you're doing okay this morning. Do you just want me to tell him you're fine?"

"It was not supposed to be like this. I am bigger around, than I am tall. My boobs have taken on a life of their own. Ashley, I haven't seen my vagina in over a month. My back hurts, my hips hurt, and most days, I just want to punch Jesse right in the God damn face. Miserable is an understatement." I cried. Why? Why couldn't I have given birth in January? I had to be ready to deliver just weeks after the ICCA's? Really?! I could tell I had perhaps divulged a little too much as Ashley looked back at me with a shocked expression.

"Do me a favor. You tell Michael, to tell Jesse, that if he so much gazes one eye in my direction today, I will rip his penis off with my bare hands." I instructed. She tried to hide her laughter as she grabbed her phone and began texting.

"I'm sorry I'm a crazy hormonal bitch, I really am."

"We forgive you, it's not really you and we know it. Now come on, Lincoln Center awaits us."

* * *

><p>We did the best we could have done, and that was the most important thing. Nobody forgot lines or routines, and everything flowed perfectly smoothly. Our Girl on FireGet Lucky/Roar mashup was a hit, and the crowd loved us.

I was confident.

Confident until the Treble's pulled out a Suit&Tie/One More Night/Locked out of Heaven routine and thrust their hips every chance they got.

_I can't wait 'til I get you on the floor, good-looking_  
><em> Going hot, so hot, just like an oven<em>  
><em> And I'll burn myself, but just had to touch it<em>  
><em> But it's so fine and it's all mine<em>  
><em> Hey baby, we don't mind all the watching, ha<em>  
><em> Cause if they study close, real close<em>  
><em> They might learn something<em>  
><em> She ain't nothing but a little doozie when she does it<em>  
><em> She's so fine tonight<em>

"God Damn this is hot." Ashley uttered, gazing as the boys swiveled, thrust, and grabbed at their chests seductively.

_Try to tell you "no" but my body keeps on telling you "yes"._  
><em> Try to tell you "stop", but your lipstick got me so out of breath.<em>  
><em> I'll be waking up in the morning, probably hating myself.<em>  
><em> And I'll be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell.<em>

"We are so screwed." Emily added.

"Screwed, something many of us are hoping to be tonight." Jessica agreed, causing all of us to turn and look at her.

"Oh please, don't tell me the sight of this doesn't make you all wanna jump them!"

_Cause your sex takes me to paradise_  
><em>Yeah your sex takes me to paradise<em>  
><em>And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah<em>  
><em>Cause you make me feel like, I've been locked out of heaven<em>  
><em>For too long, For too long<em>  
><em>Yeah you make me feel like, I've been locked out of heaven<em>  
><em>For too long, for too long<em>

The boys jumped up and hit the ground landing perfectly as their performance came to an end. Sauntering off towards us backstage, Jesse wiggled his eyebrows as he made his way over to me. Keep your composure Beca, keep your-fuck he looked so good, and he knew it.

Resting his hands on my waist, he rubbed at my sides as I gazed up at him. "The make up sex will totally be worth you losing to us, I promise."

He kissed at my neck and I closed my eyes, taking in the delicious feeling of having my boyfriend's hands on me once again. It felt like it had been forever since we were together, as a matter of fact, since the third trimester started, we had only had sex about 3 times. This only added to my misery.

I stifled a moan as his hands dipped into my leggings and grabbed at my ass. Fuck, who even cared who won at this point. Where was the closest bathroom?

"Hey, no fraternizing with the enemy! Nope, not happening!" Stacie intervened, pulling me away from him.

"I'm already knocked up Stace, what else could happen?"

* * *

><p>"And in first place...what's this? Well John, for the first time in Collegiete A-Capella history, it looks like we have a tie. Not sure how it happened, but it looks like first place goes to Barden. Both the Bellas <em>and <em>the Trebels!" Gail announced.

"Wait...what?!"

We couldn't have heard that right, there was no way we _both _won. But as the judges came out and handed the trophy to Jesse and I, I realized we had heard right. We both had won the championships. I looked around at the crowd cheering loudly and simply stared in shock.

It had been a full year, everything had just come full circle. This time last year, we had beat the Trebles, and Jesse and I were just getting together, finally giving in to the feelings that had surrounded us for months. And now, a year later, we were moving in together, and I was 9 months pregnant with our daughter. It was incredible just how much could happen in 365 days.

The girls jumped up and down, excitement over everyone's faces. Glancing over towards the side of the stage, Aubrey and Chloe stood at the curtains, looking over at me with huge smiles. I laughed lightly and smiled back at them, giving a thumbs up.

"You did it." Aubrey mouthed. I nodded my head as Jesse pulled me towards him and kissed me on the lips.

"Congratulations Captain..."

I had in fact did it. At 9 months pregnant, I got our girls to the championship and put together a first place mash up.

Walking off the stage, everyone's adrenaline was pumping. The best outcome we could have asked for had happened. We were all winners tonight.

"Alright, where's the after party? This girls ready to celebrate!" Stacie cheered.

"My friend Billy-" Amy started. I immediately shot her a death glare. "Is back home in Australia of course..."

"After Party is at this guy Bryan's house. His parents own a Brownstone on the upper east side." Donald informed as he held Lily close and kissed her forehead.

I turned to Jesse and put my arms around his neck. "Have fun tonight, be safe."

"I'm not going, it's only 4pm, there's still plenty of stuff open, you and I can have a great night tonight. It's New York Bec, your favorite city."

"Oh no, she's mine tonight. I've got us passes to go see Wicked tonight." Aubrey cut in. My eyebrows raised as I looked at her. This was certainly news to me.

"You do?" I questioned.

"Yeah, I figured you wouldn't be able to go to the after party, so I pulled some strings. Show's at 6, dinner at 9 at Serendipity. Baby will love the frozen hot chocolate!"

Jesse stood before us thinking about it. I knew he didn't want to go to a party without me, but it was Wicked. Now that Aubrey was working Broadway, she had connections, and I was not about to pass this opportunity up. So he finally agreed to go our separate ways, me with Aubrey for dinner and a show, and he with the rest of the Trebles and Bellas for the after party. In the end, we would all be on the Upper East Side.

"I never thought I'd live to see the day you voluntarily hung out with Aubrey Posen." Jesse laughed.

"Yeah well, now that Aubrey's graduated, she's actually become pretty tolerable." I kissed him one more. "Make good choices."

* * *

><p>*Chloe's POV*<p>

_"Who died?" _

_"Our Akita" _

_"Evita"_

"La Vie Boheme" began to play through the speakers as Jesse jumped up on the table.

_Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes_

_Here she lies, no one knew her worth_  
><em> The late great daughter of Mother Earth<em>  
><em> On these nights when we<em>  
><em> Celebrate the birth<em>  
><em> In that little town of Bethlehem<em>  
><em> We raise our glass - you bet your ass to -<em>  
><em> La vie Boheme<em>

Donald and Unicycle hopped up with him as everyone began singing, followed by Stacie, who pulled Ashley with her.

_To days of inspiration_  
><em> Playing hookey, making<em>  
><em> Something out of nothing<em>  
><em> The need to express-<em>  
><em> To communicate,<em>  
><em> To going against the grain,<em>  
><em> Going insane, going mad<em>  
><em> To loving tension, no pension<em>  
><em> To more than one dimension,<em>  
><em> To starving for attention,<em>  
><em> Hating convention, hating pretension<em>  
><em> Not to mention of course,<em>  
><em> Hating dear old Mom and Dad<em>  
><em> To riding your bike,<em>  
><em> Midday past the three-piece suits<em>  
><em> To fruits - to no absolutes-<em>  
><em> To Absolut - to choice-<em>  
><em> To the Village Voice-<em>  
><em> To any passing fad<em>  
><em> To being an us for once ... instead of a them!<em>

The crowd erupted when Stacie, taking on the role of Maureen, grabbed Ashley, turned to Donald and sang the famous line _"Hey Mister...she's my sister!"  
><em>

Their performance was a knock out, and everyone was enjoying themselves. I made myself a Southern Belle as I waited for the girls to come back. Looking down at my phone, I smiled at the text message from Luke.

_"ETA: 20 minutes"_

"Oh my God, that was incredible!" Stacie yelled, laughing as she danced her way over to the makeshift bar, her hand connected with Ashley's as she drug her through the crowd of people.

"Nicely done ladies, I'm impressed!" I complimented.

Stacie winked as she leaned in to whisper. "What can I say, I was born to perform."

An hour later, I will think back to this moment and wonder what we could have done differently. Should we have been more aware of our surroundings, should we not have drank as much, should we have dressed differently? Hindsight is always 20/20.

"Alright alright, shots, shots, shots! Let's go!" Stacie cheered as she poured out the southern comfort into 3 shot glasses. She held her's up, and handed Ashley and I ours.

"To my best bitches, I love you ladies."

* * *

><p>"I'm gonna go check on Ashley, she's been in the bathroom for a while!" I screamed to Cynthia over the blaring music. 10 minutes had passed since she said she had to pee, and I was starting to think she had fallen in. It was now 12:30, and everyone was feeling good and having an incredible time. It certainly wasn't every day we were partying on the upper east side of Manhattan.<p>

I weaved my way through the crowd, making my way to the bathroom, when I began to hear the muffled screams coming from behind the closed bathroom door.

_"GET OFF OF ME, NO STOP! I SAID STOPPPPP!" _

I pushed through people and made my way over, immediately reaching for the handle. It was locked.

"ASHLEY?!" I screamed. Something was really wrong.

"CHLOE, GET HELP NOW!" Were the last words I heard before she screamed out in pain. Looking around, I tried to find the first guy I could. Maybe 10 feet away, Jesse stood with Kolio, drinking a beer. I grabbed a chair, got on top of it and screamed for him, my eyes wide. He and Kolio came running as quickly as they could through the crowd.

"What's wrong?" He questioned, his breathing heavy.

"Do something!" I cried. "Ashley's in there, I don't know what's happening!"

He registered the seriousness in my voice and ordered me to get back as he threw his drink down and stepped back before flying his body into the door and busting it open.

Inside, Ashley stood backed up against the sink, tears streaming down her face. Her top was ripped, an angry red scratch clawed across her face. In front of her, a guy I didn't recognize pinned her wrists down, and had his pants around his ankles.

I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach. Kolio ran off, and I presumed he was in search of Michael. Jesse, meanwhile, stared at the guy for a total of 5 seconds before going into action.

He ran over to Ashley and grabbed her. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head in response. No, she wasn't okay, she was fucking traumatized.

He handed her over to me, and she collapsed into my chest, sobbing hysterically as I held her tightly.

It was at this moment that the scumbag tried to make a run for it. But he barely got the chance to move before Jesse leaned back and flew his fist straight into the guys nose. He immediately fell to floor in pain, and grabbed at his face. His legs curling up against his chest in agony.

"You think you're some kind of man?! Huh?! You think women fucking owe you something?! What the fuck is the matter with you?" He screamed as he continued to punch and kick at the guy.

Michael and Donald came running over, Kolio trailing behind them.

"Ash?! Ash are you okay, come here, baby what happened?!" Michael frantically asked. Ashley lifted her head from my chest and looked over at him.

"Oh my God!" He cried out, grabbing Ashley and taking her into his arms.

Donald and Kolio attempted to grab Jesse and pull him off before he killed this guy.

It was then that the sirens wailed and people started dissipating, making room for the officers.

* * *

><p><em>Yeah, all I wanna do is zoom a zoom zoom zoom<em>  
><em>And a poom poom, just shake ya rump<br>_

My eyes began to flicker.

_It's called the rump shaker, the beats is like sweeter than candy_  
><em>I'm feelin' manly and your shaker's comin' in handy<em>  
><em>Slide em across from New York down by your Virginia<em>  
><em>Ticklin' you around Delaware before I enter<em>

I laid in bed, fully aware now that my ringing phone was what had woken me up. I glanced over at the clock, 1am. I was still alone in the room, no one had returned. My hand blindly reached out for the phone.

"Hello?" I groaned, my voice laced with sleep.

"I am so sorry for waking you up."

"It's fine, just...who is this?"

I had finally fallen asleep maybe 20 minutes ago, and my head was not in the right place.

"It's Chloe."

"What's wrong?"

"Bec...are you awake?"

"No." I answered, about to fall back asleep on the phone with her.

"Yeah, I didn't think so. Look I just need you to stay with me for like 5 minutes, this is important."

"Uh-huh. Important."

"Beca, you need to get to Rikers, and bring money. Jesse's in Jail."


	27. Fall Again

**_*_I hope you all enjoy the latest chapter, It's literally my only accomplishment of the day. Thank you once again to my reviewers, who have faithfully given me their input every step of the way, I couldn't do this without you guys. And for those moments when I've wanted to quit, this is for you.***

_"Jesse's in jail."_

_"Oh, okay. Thanks for letting me know."_

I put the phone down and rolled back over, falling back to sleep.

Jesse was in jail, Jesse was in jail. That's nice, I thought, my breathing soft and even as I laid in the bed, eyes closed.

And then it hit me.

"Fuck, Jesse's in jail!" I screamed, bolting up in bed. Suddenly it all came into focus, I was awake, and Jesse was in jail. Shit.

Frantically, I reached out for my phone and called Chloe back, my fingers flying across the screen. She immediately picked up.

"I was hoping you would call back." She exhaled.

I sat up in bed, preparing for the worst. "What the hell happened?!"

"I don't even know where to begin. Ashley said she was going to the bathroom. The next thing I know, she's locked in there screaming hysterically and Jesse's busting the door down. Some guy made his way into the bathroom with her and tried to rape her. Beca you're lucky the other guy is still breathing, for a brief second I didn't think Donald and Kolio would even be able to get him off."

I put my face in my hands as my brain began to process everything. Ashley had nearly been raped, and Jesse was now in jail because he just about killed the guy who attacked her.

"Is Ashley okay?" I asked.

"I think so. Michael took her to New York Presbyterian to get checked out just in case. I think she's alright physically, emotionally not so much."

"God...okay, what about Jesse, what do I need to do to get him out?"

"You aren't alone are you?"

I looked around the blackened room.

"Dude, I roomed with you, Stacie, and Ashley. So unless you count Alex, then yes Chloe, I'm alone."

Even at 1 o'clock in the morning, I still managed to keep my sarcasm.

She sighed. "Shit, okay. You're going to need to take a cab to Lincoln Correctional Facility. Between the assault charge and the underage drinking, his bail is set at $500."

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head.

"$500?! Chloe! I don't have that kind of money! I have $50 bucks on me, enough for the cab ride!" I panicked.

"Can't you call someone? His parents maybe?"

I glanced over at the clock. 1:14am. The last thing I wanted to do was wake his parents up in the middle of the night. But there really wasn't another option presenting itself.

"I guess I don't have another choice. Where are you guys?"

"No, Lily, you are not going to break him out, we'll do this the legal way just fine! Sorry, What? Were trying to catch a cab back to the Hotel-Amy! There is no time for pizza right now! My apologies, I'm still here. Do you wanna wait for one of us to go with you?"

"No, by the sounds of things over there, it might take you a while. I'll just see you when I get back."

"Okay, be safe."

"Yeah, you as well."

I put the phone down and twiddled with my thumbs for a little bit, trying to put off this phone call. It was then that Alexandra kicked me. I looked down to my belly and rubbed my hands over it.

"Why can't either of us ever stay out jail, huh? I promise you we'll be more responsible when you get here."

I took a deep breath, found Bill's number in my phone, and hit send. He picked up on the second ring.

"Beca? Is this it? Do we need to get to the hospital?" He questioned, I could hear a light flick on and he began whispering to Julie on the side to get up and get dressed.

What else should I have expected? I was 36 weeks pregnant, and it was 1 in the morning. Of course he would assume I was in labor.

"Oh, no, no. I'm so sorry, no I'm not in labor. It's Jesse." I stammered.

"Jesse? What's wrong with Jesse?"

"God, this is is so embarrassing. Um...Bill, Jesse went to jail tonight, I have to go pick him up."

He pulled the phone to the side and told Julie to get back into bed, and I could hear him begin to sit up and awaken.

"How much money do you need?"

"...$500."

"Okay, just text me your-No, nevermind, that's stupid. I'm sorry, I'm not thinking clearly. If you can gather me your banking information, I'll wire the money online. What even happened, is he okay?"

"I'm not exactly sure, he was out at an after party with everyone, I stayed behind. From what I understand, one of the girls got locked into a bathroom and some guy was trying to take advantage of her. Jesse stepped in to intervene, and it didn't end well." I explained.

We talked a little more about the charges, and I gave him my debit card information. I told him I would have Jesse call him when I headed over there and picked him up.

"Hey Beca?"

"Yeah?"

"One more thing, when you pick him up, will you tell him I'm damn proud of him?"

I sat in the bed, a smile stretching across my face. "Of course, I'll make sure it's one of the first things I tell him."

Grabbing clothes, I threw on a pair of maternity jeans, a 3/4 sleeved navy blue shirt, and sandals. At least if I had to be up in the middle of the night, it was warm enough to where I only needed a light jacket. Throwing my hair in a ponytail, I went to grab my jacket when a contraction surged through my body. I stopped and grabbed at the wall.

"Whoa..." I breathed, my one hand on the wall, and the other grabbing at my belly. Calm down Beca, it's just a Braxton hicks, it's just a Braxton hicks, I reminded myself. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself back down.

"Don't even think about it little one. Now is so not the time for this."

Straightening up, I threw the jacket on, grabbed my clutch, and headed out the hotel.

New York City was of course the city that never slept. So it was no surprise to me that even at 1:30 in the morning, there were an abundance of cabs. We were all staying at the 6 Columbus Hotel, less than a half mile to Lincoln Center, and a 3 minute walk to Central Park. Cars were honking, Police sirens could be heard off in the distance, people walked by in both directions, and the vibrant lights of the city were blazing. The night was electrified, and had come to life.

Walking to the curb, I raised my hand up. Within seconds a taxi pulled to the side. I opened the door and slid in.

A balding man, on the heavier side, with bulging muscles, tattoos, and a mustache, turned around to face me.

"Oh shit...are you going into labor? New York Presbyterian is 5 minutes away, 3 if I drive like a bat out of hell, can you hold on that long?!" He screamed, his face panic stricken, as if he believed he would be delivering a baby tonight if he didn't hurry.

"No, dude, calm down. I promise you I'm not in labor, I'm not due for another 4 weeks." I fully assured him. He released his breath at the sound of this.

"Sorry kid, I once had to deliver a baby in my cab, it's an experience I'd rather not repeat. Where can I take you tonight?"

"Understandable. Yeah I just need a ride up to Lincoln Correctional Facility."

He cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrow. It was 1:30 in the morning, and a heavily pregnant young woman just got into his cab asking to be taken to jail. Understandable that he would be mildly confused. I explained to him the situation of the night, and he happily agreed to drive me.

The correctional facility was just a 10 minute drive, and traffic was light. I talked to the cab driver about how Jesse had defended Ashley and ended up going to jail for it. He expressed his distaste for any kind of sexual assaults on women, and how fucked up this world we lived in was.

"People need to be teaching their daughters not to get raped, what the hell kind of crap is that? What we need to be teaching our son's is not to be entitled assholes. Women don't owe us anything. That's what we need to be teaching." He expressed. It was by far the strangest, but also most intellectual conversation I had ever had in a cab.

We pulled up to the jail and he put the car in park. He then turned around to face me.

"I'll just wait here for you."

"Oh, uh, I don't know exactly how long this is going to take. I don't want to hold you up."

He waved his hand dismissively. "With all do respect miss, after everything that's happened this evening, I'd feel better waiting. He's a good guy, and I'm happy to help. No charge for the wait, you take as long as you need."

I nodded my head and thanked him, making my way out of the car. As I walked up to the tall, brick, building, I had to stop midway. I stood there and breathed as my stomach hardened and released once again. With eyes closed, I inhaled and exhaled deeply, and focused on steadying myself. These Braxton hicks contractions were no joke. I knew I wasn't really going into labor, they were too sporadic. But it was a big reminder, labor could come any day now.

* * *

><p>*Jesse's POV*<p>

"Swanson! Your bail has been posted, we'll get started on the paperwork." The guard called out. It was about damn time. I may have only been stuck in here for an hour and a half, but that was more than enough. Sitting on the bench, I looked down at my hands which were bleeding, sore, and covered in bruises.

I could hear footsteps, and then, looking up, I could see her. Sighing heavily, I shook my head and threw it back. You have got to be kidding me.

As was typical here lately, her belly was the first thing that came into view. The rest of her caught up to me five seconds later. She stood in front of the cell, her hands gently gripping the bars. As aggravated as I was that anybody would think sending Beca out to post my bail in the middle of the night was a good idea, I was so happy to see her.

"Well, by all means, don't act excited to see me or anything."

"What the hell are you doing here?" I sighed. She stared back at me with a smirk.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that very same question?"

I reached through the bars and took her hand in mine, caressing it softly.

"Bec, you're nine months pregnant, it's the middle of the night. Somebody else should have come, you don't need this kind of stress." I explained.

She kissed my lips lightly before resting her forehead on mine. "I'm here anyway, and damn proud of you. So is your Dad, he made sure I remembered to tell you that."

"You called my Dad?" I balked.

"Um, excuse me, you called mine. Or did you forget that you and I have been through this before?"

I reached out to rub her perfectly round and smooth belly. "Yeah well hopefully this is where our criminal history ends."

I kissed her once again, and together we stood, in the middle of the jail, making out, as much as we could between the bars anyway.

"Ahem..."

We pulled apart from each other and looked over to see the guard standing before us.

"I mean, you can totally continue, but I've got the keys if you'd like to get out."

He came around and unlocked the bars, pulling them back and essentially releasing me. I looked over at Beca for a total of 2.5 seconds before crashing my lips onto hers once more. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed me back with passion and force.

"Ahh to be young and in love." The guard chuckled.

We walked to the front and retrieved my stuff. As we made our way through the doors and out onto the street, she grabbed my phone and began texting.

"Might I ask what you're doing?" I questioned, glancing over at her as her fingers flew across the screen while we walked to the cab.

"Telling Benji, Kolio, and Donald to find another place to stay for the night." She answered, before hitting send and handing me back my phone, a seductive look present on her face.

She rubbed at my waist and leaned on her tip toes. "You deserve to be rewarded for all your hard work."

* * *

><p>*Beca's POV*<p>

We made our way down the dimly lit, quiet, hallway. The only sound to be heard was our kissing, and heavy breathing. Stumbling through blindly, we finally reached his room, and he pushed me up against the door frame.

Running my fingers through his hair, his hands dipped into my jeans and squeezed at my ass. I moaned softly as he began to suck on my pulse point and his hands roamed my body. God, he felt so good.

He breathed heavily as he continued to kiss at my neck and collarbone. "You sure you wanna do this?"

I nodded my head in response and moaned out a simple 'yeah' not trusting myself to say anything further. It took all the self control I had in me not to tell him to just fuck me right then and there. We would find a way to work around the belly, we'd done it before.

Blindly, he grabbed the room card from his pants pocket, and pushed it into the door handle, opening the door and pushing us inside the blackened room.

The door slammed shut, a bit louder than I expected. But at that moment, I couldn't have cared less.

"Going to jail to defend one of my friends, so hot." I breathed, my hands working through his buttons. We both needed this. We both needed to show our love, want, and appreciation for each other. I removed his shirt, and ran my fingers over his abs, causing him to close his eyes and breathe in delight.

Taking his hand, I lead him over to the bed, and pushed him down. Removing my shoes, and throwing them to the side, I climbed on top of him. Settling right on his raging hard on.

I paused for a second, simply staring at him, and admiring. Jesse had stuck around after getting me pregnant. He was there holding my hair back every single time I got sick. He got me through the misery of the miscarriage, and the shock that we were still pregnant. Jesse fulfilled every weird ass craving, put up with hormones, flying shoes, and tears. He punched a guy out after he tried to rape one of my friends. And yet he never asked for anything in return. Guys like him really were a dime in a dozen.

"Hey, you okay." He asked, his bruised knuckles stroking my cheek.

Taking his hand, I kissed his knuckles and nodded my head.

"Thank you for never hurting me." I whispered.

He shook his head. "I wouldn't dream of it. My hands will only ever be on you to show you my love."

I lifted my arms, removing my shirt and bra, and throwing them across the room.

"So perfect." He whispered, his hands going to breasts and massaging them. The sensation was delicious and I began to rock my hips against him, but I needed more.

"Help me out of my jeans, please."

Together we worked as we pulled, tugged, and groaned, until finally, I slipped out of them.

"Too much work." I said, laughing as my face came back to his.

I laid on top of him, clad only in my underwear, and moaned heavily as he sucked my breasts into his mouth, and bit down on my nipples. I breathed heavily as I began to rock my hips against his jean covered erection. I was heating up quickly, and felt the familiar ache building in my stomach. There was no way I could reach an orgasm this quickly...or could I?

"Don't stop." I breathed, rocking fast against him. I grabbed at his hair, running my fingers through it as he continued to nip and suck. I could feel it building inside of me, starting in my feet, and working its way up through my legs.

"Are you-am I giving you-holy shit you are!" He laughed, as I rode him, moaning heavily, and milking this orgasm for all I could.

"Yes, yes, yes!" I screamed out.

"This is incredible, how are you still going right now?"

I hadn't stopped, and I wasn't quite sure why it hadn't ended, but I was still spasming, and I certainly wasn't just going to stop on my own accord. I would stop when I was finished.

A good minute and a half later, I finally did. I had just experienced one of the most mind blowing orgasms of my life, somehow without ever even seeing Jesse's penis. As I sat on top of him, breathing heavily and trying to come back down, he stared up at me in amazement.

"Holy shit, that was quite possibly the hottest thing I have ever seen."

Pulling his belt off, and sliding his pants down, his member popped out and greeted me.

"Now it's your turn to enjoy the ride." I whispered, as I removed my panties, and settled on top of him.

His hands settled on my waist as I began to ride him, the feeling incredible. It didn't matter this time around, how I looked. I knew that Jesse loved me, and being with him was the most important thing. With my inhibitions about how I looked gone, things went a lot smoother.

"Ughhh" He moaned, thrusting upward to meet me.

"Uh-huh" I cried out, as I got closer.

He began matching my thrusts, and closed his eyes as he cried out that he was cumming.

A few more thrusts, and we both laid there, panting. Pulling myself off of him, I collapsed onto the bed and curled my body up next to his.

"That was amazing." He said, trying to regain his breathing.

"You deserved it." I replied, wrapping my arm around his waist and settling my head on his chest.

"Beca, I love you."

I looked up at him. "I love you too Jesse."

* * *

><p><em>Saturday, May 18th 2013<em>

"I swear Jesse, if labor doesn't start within the next day, I'm reaching up inside of my vagina and pulling her out myself." I said, as I stood in front of the full length mirror and pulled my hair into a bun.

Wearing a maroon colored sleeveless dress, and some gold chandelier earrings, I examined myself. I was currently 3 days past my due date, bringing the word 'miserable' to a whole new meaning. And I was convinced, that this was how sex ed needed to be taught. By a woman, in the spring, 3 days past her due date. It would be the ultimate form of birth control.

"It's going to be a wonderful afternoon." Jesse reassured me as he wrapped his arms around my belly, and kissed the top of my forehead.

"I hate parties."

"You hate fun."

I couldn't exactly disagree with that statement.

Sophomore year had come and gone, and Jesse and I were all settled into our new house. And with each day that passed, I couldn't believe that I was still pregnant, it just didn't seem natural. Alexandra's room was all set to go, painted a beautiful lavender color, with grey and teal accents. Her crib and changing table were set up, clothes were bought, about the only thing missing, was Alexandra herself.

"We can always induce Beca." Dr. Ruckman had suggested at yesterday's appointment. And as tempting as the idea sounded, I knew there was no medical need for it. I had decided that if I hadn't started active labor by the 22nd, a week after I was due, then I would start to consider it. But until then, I was going to stay pregnant and miserable.

To help me get my thoughts off of the situation, Chloe had thought it would be fun to gather the girls together for a Spa day. They were due over any minute for facials, mani's, pedi's, and lunch. Even though at this point, I was so pregnant, I could barely stand to eat more than a small snack every few hours. At my doctor's appoint the previous day, I had weighed in at 128 pounds. 2 pounds less than the previous week.

Jesse walked out of the bathroom and saw me standing in the middle of the room, holding onto my stomach, as another contraction ripped through my body, making some comment about how beautiful I looked. I may have not technically been in _active _labor, but this was no bullshit. I was still in labor none the less. But because my contractions weren't steady, and I was only dilated to 2 centimeters, I could not check into the hospital.

"Don't start with me!" I hissed.

He immediately straightened up and apologized. "You're right, that beautiful bit was completely out of line."

I walked over to the bed to sit so I could actually see my feet enough to put my sandals on. "I'm sorry, I love you. I also really want to punch you in the face and cut your dick off."

He froze in his place, looking over at me and contemplating whether or not I was actually serious. It was hard to tell these days. I flashed him a creepy ass smile, and made some comment about him having a good day.

"Right, well, I'm gonna go now, I hope you and the girls have a wonderful day together!"

"I hope my water breaks." I grumbled as I folded my arms across my chest. Jesse shrugged his shoulders.

We made our way down the stairs, me holding onto my belly with every step, when the door opened wide.

"...No, back up. How the hell do you land a doctor? You're 20 years old for God's sake." Cynthia Rose exclaimed. Stacie sighed, bringing her hand to her temple.

"Dude we already went through this, I told you, I met him when I had to take Ames to the hospital-Oh, hey Bec!"

Jesse and I exchanged glances.

"Amy?! When the hell were you in the-" I stopped myself before I could finish. "No, no, I don't even want to know."

"Okay then, um, I'm gonna just-right, okay bye." Jesse stammered, quickly making his exit before he had to be subjected to another Amy/Bumper saga.

"We were going at it like two horny dingos in heat." She began, despite my protests, and I stood at the bottom of the stairs, a shocked expression on my face, wishing I was anywhere but here right now.

"When something went haywire. Cuz he went to pull out, so he could, plow right-"

"Oh dear God!" I screamed, raising my hands to my face in horror. She stopped and looked over at me. "Oh please, don't act like you and Abs-McGee haven't done anything kinky before Shawshank, that 3 day overdue belly says it all."

"Yeah, in private, without the world knowing about it."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Suit yourself. Anyway, like I was saying, he went to pull out, and screamed like some Croc bit his junk off. I mean, not even Jessica could hit the notes he was hitting, it was straight up falsetto."

"So, what the hell happened?!" Emily questioned, her eyes wide.

"Oh, right, his junk got caught on my piercing." She explained, as if it was nothing. At the sound of this my mouth fell open as I tried to turn my head to the side. There were some things you just could never un hear.

"Thankfully Stacie was still home. And the lovely staff at Yale-New Haven was able to get everything handled in a very timely and efficient manner.

"I'm speechless." I answered, completely horrified.

"I hope you and lover boy got in all the headboard banging, hot, rough, sex you could handle girlfriend. It's going to be a looooong time before you'll be in the mood again." Amy said, throwing a wink.

I nodded my head nervously as we made our way into the living room. It was then that Stacie began to pipe up with her sexual escapades.

"I mean, in the end, it all worked out. Amy and Bumper turned out fine, and that doctor...whooo, good lord. Let me just say, those 6 years of gymnastics I took have really paid off in the long run. Who knew a woman could bend like that?! Speaking of which, Becs, have you and Jesse gotten a chance to look through the Kama sutra book I got you for your baby shower?"

"You know, I think this is a grand time for me to go get myself a glass of water, can I get anybody else anything?" I asked, making my way into the kitchen. Chloe smiled at me as I passed by her, and I tried to smiled back, but I was feeling miserable. Everything ached, and I could feel another contraction coming on.

I leaned up against the counter, gripping the island as another contraction broke through my body, when I began to pick up the commotion coming from the living room.

"AMY!" Jessica screamed. "You did what?!"

I glanced over into the living room.

"He asked, what was I supposed to say, no?"

Every one of the girls yelled a collective 'yes' at the same time.

'You're 20 years old, you can't marry Bumper!" Cynthia reminded her. "For crying out loud, Beca's knocked up, and she aint even engaged yet!"

Correction, Beca's more than knocked up, Beca's in labor, I thought to myself as I looked down. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't be pregnant any longer, I couldn't deal with the waiting in limbo anymore, I just couldn't do it.

All of the internet, the books, the magazines, even my own damn Doctor, everyone had told me that my water broke, it would be this small trickle. Like I had peed my pants or something. No one had prepared me for the sight that was about to unfold in front of me as I stood in the kitchen, felt a contraction hit, and then heard a small pop.

"Ungh!" I moaned out, feeling a gush of water pour out from beneath me.

Oh sweet Jesus, I wasn't being serious! I didn't _really _want my water to break right here and now, fuck, no, Jesse wasn't here! It couldn't be time!

I looked back down to the ground, amniotic fluid was all over my legs, and the floor. And it continued to trickle down my legs. I glanced back over to the living room.

"Look, I know you all think David is a huge asshole, but hear me out. Look at me, I'm an overweight Australian who just happens to sing and dance well. Who else is going to want me?"

"You guys..." I called out.

Chloe put her head in her hands. "Amy stop, you are a-who the hell is David?"

"Oh, right, that's Bumper's real name."

"Guys..." I tried again, getting nowhere. Tears began to fill my eyes as I realized this was really happening, the moment I had waited 40 weeks and 3 days for was actually happening.

Ashley waved her hands in her face. "Ames, back to reality here, you are an amazing woman, with so much to offer, you can't just-"

I couldn't wait any longer.

"You guys can we please stop for 5 minutes?! I need help in here!" I yelled, accidently knocking my glass off the counter in the process, sending glass and water shattering to the kitchen floor.

Chloe jumped up. "What's wrong?"

"My water just broke!" I cried out, standing in the kitchen with one hand on my belly, and the other gripping the counter. Water, amniotic fluid, and shards of glass were everywhere.

"Alright, alright, just take a breath Shawshank, there's no need to get your panties all in a wad over some spilled water." Amy tried to assure me. I threw my head back and sighed heavily as another contraction hit.

"Ohhhh, Christ Jesus Amy, not that water, my _water._" I emphasized.

Everybody's eyes went wide as they stood up and ran over to the kitchen, staring at the sight that unfolded in front of them.

"Alright, nobody panic! Fat Amy to the rescue, don't you flatbutts worry, I got this!"


	28. This Woman's Work

***Hello friends! Sorry this took so long to get out, my laptop broke the other night. Few things in this world are worse than watching your laptop fall to its death in slow motion, it was awful. I'm currently updating visa my kindle, and it took a little while to get everything situated.**

**For this chapter, and the next, just a heads up. There will be extreme amounts of cursing, and descriptive sex and childbirth scenes. I'm pretty sure one scentance alone has the f word about four times. Consider this your warning, if strong language and descriptions offend you...then why the hell are you reading my story? ㈴1**

**All kidding aside, if it does offend you, walk away now.**

**Also, I dedicate this chapter, to my dear friend CajunQueen, and all my twitter girls, who offered so many ideas and scenarios. I love all you ladies!**

**Without further ado, here we go :)**

* * *

><p><em>"Pray to G<em>_od you can cope_

_I'll stand outside this woman's work, this woman's world_

_Ohh it's hard on the man_

_now his part is over._

_Now starts the craft of the father._

_I know you've got a little life in you left_

_I know you've got a lot of strength left."_

* * *

><p>"Alright, nobody panic, Fat Amy to the rescue! Don't you flatbutts worry, I got this!" Amy shouted. "I once delivered a baby dingo, this can't be much different. Whatever you do, don't laugh...that baby will shoot straight threw your vag!"<p>

My eyes popped at the sound of her words. Reality was starting to sink in, in a few hours, something was going to shoot through my vagina. Okay, maybe shoot wasn't the exact right word, but none the less, there was still something coming out. And that something was a baby, with a head the size of a cantelope.

Chloe glanced over at her. "Yeahhh, well, while I'm sure your obsetric skills are nothing short of spectacular Amy, the hospital is probably best right now."

I waved my hand in protest, as I bent over, trying to release the pressure in my back. "No, no hospital, not yet anyway. I'm doing this naturally. Dr. Ruckman said the best way to avoid a C-section, or Pitocin, was to labor for as long as I could before heading to the hospitallllll..." My eyes grew wide and I began to trail off as a contraction slammed into my body unexpectedly.

"MOTHER FUCKERRRRRR!" I cried out, grabbing onto the counter so hard I swore pieces of it were going to come off in my hand. Where the fuck did that pain come from?!

"Look Beca, I'm not trying to scare you or anything. I'm just being realistic. Are you really sure this is what you want? I hate to break it to you, but the last time I checked, they've yet to invent a zipper for the uterus." Amy reminded me. Cynthia smacked her arm and glared at her.

"She don't need to be hearing that, how is that helpful?"

"What, you want me to lie or something? At least I'm trying here! I don't see anyone else offering advice."

All at once it seemed everyone was offering me advice.

"Did you remember to get waxed?"

"You should totally get a look at the baby coming out!"

"Are you gonna catch her when she comes out or is Jesse?"

"EXCUSE ME! Maybe you might have forgotten, but I am in labor right now. There is currently a 6 pound baby trying to make her way out of my vagina. None of which any of you have experience with. Let me assure you, it fucking hurts. So I am going to go upstairs, and be miserable in peace. If anybody needs anything, figure it out yourselves!" I screamed.

"Damn, that is one pissed off mama...ouch, hey!"

* * *

><p>As I stood in front of my full length mirror, and began to step out of my dress, I couldn't help but think to myself that this was just <em>exactly <em>how I had pictured my labor going! Not...

I had expected there to be pain, of course, what I didn't expect however, was a pain so intense that I would actually seriously consider knawing my fingers off.

Okay, that may have been a bit dramatic. But still, this shit hurt like a bitch!

I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my body fully. This was it, 10 months came down to this very moment. My body was full, veins danced across my enormously filled breasts, my round belly was stretched to the max, and my belly button popped outwards. This was the last time I would see my body this big. And while I often complained about the strain it put on me, I was going to miss it. This was a body that nurished human life. This was the moment that made the blood, sweat, tears, hormones, and weight gain worth it.

"It's you and me today Alex, we're gonna have to work together to get through this sweet girl." I crooned.

Standing in front of the mirror, admiring my frame and trying to relish this moment, another contraction began to build.

It was like a wave that built, until it all came crashing down onto shore. The pain ripped across my stomach, building, and building, until finally, it hit it's peak, which was like the most intense set of cramps I had ever experienced in my young life. It was a pain so intense, my legs could barely support my tiny body. One hand slammed across the wall in agony, trying to support my body, as the other hand grabbed at my belly.

"Gahhhhh!" I screamed out in pain. As it began to die down, I tried to focus on regaining my breath. "Fuck, this shit is no joke!"

It took me a minute before I found myself finally able to stand up once again. Tears began to well in my eyes as the after shocks of contractions still lingered through my body. For the first time through out this entire pregnancy, I briefly considered whether or not my body was prepared for this experience.

I just need to get in the water, I convinced myself. The water was going to somehow rectify this situation. I quickly grabbed a sports bra from the dresser and headed into the bathroom to draw a bath, grabbing my phone on the way in. As I sat on the edge of the tub, preparing the bath, I quickly scrawled out a text to Jesse and his parents. My water broke and contractions were coming 10 minutes apart. This was it.

_"Code Green."_

* * *

><p><em>The night before<em>

"Mmm..." I groaned out breathlessly as Jesse's hand caressed my stomach. My hands fisted in his hair as I devoured his lips. I was horny as hell, and needed him inside of me immediately. As Stacie had repeatedly been telling me for a week straight, "The exact thing that got you into this situation, is the very thing that will get you out of it."

As I sat up and began to lift my leg over him to straddle his waist, I began to feel a contraction build. However, I still really wanted to sex Jesse in the worst way, and so I made a horrible attempt to hide what was happening.

I straddled his waist as his lips began to trail my neck and suck on my pulse point.

"Gahhh!" I moaned out, pleasure and pain escaping my lips. He may not have been able to see my face, but he didn't exactly need to in order to figure out what was happening. He stopped immediately.

"You're having a contraction aren't you?" He asked in that condesending tone that made me just want to punch him...after I screwed his brains out.

"No I'm not, keep going." I hissed through gritted teeth as I began to rock my lower half on top of him.

"Beca..."

I sighed heavily and pulled back from him. "Okay, fine, I'm having a contraction, so sue me!"

"How do you know this isn't the real thing?" He questioned.

I glared at him as I folded my arms across my chest. "Trust me, until I start screaming at you and threatening to rip your dick off, it's not the real thing. Besides, their not consistant."

I was being cock blocked by my own boyfriend, my own damn boyfriend.

"What if I'm not here when it starts, we should have a code." He mentioned, trying to distract me as I kissed up and down his neck.

"A code? How about Jesse shut the fuck up you're about to get laid, how about that for a code?" I sarcastically replied, growing more and more agrivated with every word that he spoke.

I went to reach for his belt buckle, but he stopped me, gently placing his hand on my wrist.

"A code."

I sighed and rolled my eyes dramatically.

"And then you'll give me what I need?"

He bit his lip and nodded his head softly.

"Fine, if I happen to go into labor and you are not with me, I will text you code green. Green for go. Now please, please give me this. You and I both know this will likely be the last time we have sex for weeks."

* * *

><p>*Chloe's POV*<p>

"GOD DAMMIT SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!"

Beca's screams continued to be heard through the house as we sat in the living room, completely unsure of what to do. Staring awkwardly at each other, Cynthia Rose finally spoke up.

"Well shit, that scream was only...8 and a half minutes form the last one. How in the hell is she even supposed to know when to go to the hospital if she's trying to go natural? What if she waits too long and doesn't make it in time?" She questioned. "I sure as hell don't know how to delivery a baby! And neither do you, Dr. Doolittle!"

Looking over at Amy as she spoke, she continued her tyrade. "Which reminds me, we are so not done with that marriage conversation, ya hear me? This doesn't change anything!"

"He's a good person!" Amy defended, rolling her eyes.

"He tried to sell Benji's cat on Craigslist!" Jessica pointed out. Amy opened her mouth, hesitatnt at first.

"Now that was just a complete misunderstanding..."

"Okay, ya know what, I'm just gonna go up and check on her..." I said, rising to my feet.

"Hey, Red, now don't go in there bargining in on her in the middle of labor." Amy reminded me.

I scoffed as I folded my arms across my chest.

"Oh please, when have I ever...okay fine I'll be sure to knock." I replied when I found myself met with angry glares before I could even get my sentance out.

Making my way up the stairs to Jesse and Beca's bedroom, I couldn't help the goosebumps that rose across my skin. Beca was going to have a baby today. After witnessing the hell of that miscarriage, I thought I'd never see Beca smile again. And yet, here we were, months later, preparing to bring this miracle of a little girl into the world.

Tears began to well in my eyes as I pushed the door to the master bedroom open. Beca's strength never failed to amaze me.

I walked over to the bathroom door and knocked gently. "Bec? It's Chloe, can I come in?"

"Chloe? Since when the hell do you knock?"

Taking that as my cue, I opened the door to find the master bathroom turned into a serene spa. Beca lay in the tub, her body holding onto the edge for support, while soft music played, and candles enveloped the room. It was completely calm and peaceful.

"Thank you! The girls insisted I knock, it felt weird."

I took a seat on the floor and watched her as both arms cradled her belly, and she rocked her body back and forth. Her cheek rested on the edge of the tub, and her breathing was deliberate.

Her eyes soon began to squeeze shut as her mouth hung open. I could tell another contraction was hitting her.

"Ahhh...ahh..ahh...fuuuckkkkk!" She cried out in pain. Immediately I reached out my hand for her to squeeze. And squeeze she did. She squeezed so damn hard I was convinced I could feel all the blood drain from my hand.

"Wow, that's some grip you got there!" I squeaked.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." She moaned, trying to regain her breath and focus. "Chloe, dear God, if you only listen to one thing I tell you, let it be this: Don't get pregnant. Or at least, if you do, take the drugs. Hell, take the fucking doggy bag too."

* * *

><p>*Jesse's POV*<p>

"Where is she?!" I questioned, as I burst through the door into my house, out of breath, causing 10 girls to glare back at me, dumbfounded.

"WELL WHERE THE FUCK IS HE? I TEXTED HIM 15 MINUTES AGO! I SWEAR ON MY GRAVE I WILL CHOP HIS FUCKING DICK OFF THE SECOND I SEE HIM."

I glanced up at the ceiling at the sound of her voice.

"Well, look who showed up, you sure you're ready for this Jess?" Stacie asked as she stood in the kitchen, her arms folded across her chest.

"I would enter at your own risk homeboy, I'm not exactly sure who exactly you'll be met with up there. Her evil twin may have taken over." Amy informed me.

Quickly I made my way into the kitchen and got a cup of crushed ice. I headed up the stairs before pausing momentarily and spinning back around. "Nobody go anywhere, were going to need you all at some point!"

I could hear Chloe's voice on the phone with the doctor as I made my way upstairs. She was informing them that Beca's contractions were intense, and currently coming 8 minutes apart. Her water had broken, and she was laboring in the tub.

"Bec, Dr. Ruckman's on call today at Yale-New Haven. She said you can come in any time now, just call when you're on the way."

I stopped short. Holy shit this was no joke. After 2 straight weeks of braxton hicks contractions, and Beca being down right miserable, this was the real deal. Labor was here. Looking across the hall into Alexandra's room, everything felt so real.

Her lavender room was cleaned, prepped, and ready to go. Walking into it, I looked around at everything before walking over to the dresser where a picture frame that read "Thank Heaven for little girls" sat. Gently picking it up, I rubbed my fingers across the picture of her ultrasound. In a few short hours, I was going to be a father.

* * *

><p>*Beca's POV*<p>

My body worked overtime in the tub as I prepared to bring my daughter into the world. The pain was intense, more intense than anything I had ever experienced before, and I just wanted to die. What the fuck was I thinking doing this without drugs?! Was I nuts?! And furthermore, where the fuck was Jesse? He got to enjoy the fun part, and was going to what, just leave me here to do all the hard work myself? I don't fucking think so!

Just then, I heard the doorknob turn, and I looked over my shoulder to see him standing in the doorway.

"Bec...you look beautiful." He whispered, taking me in as I rocked my body in the tub, trying to relieve the pressure in my pelvis.

I knew he was being sincere, and was captivated at the sight of seeing the woman he loved in the midst of preparing to give birth to his child, but I was not having any of it.

"Fuck off! I am in immense fucking pain right now!" I cried out, trying to breathe. Why the fuck was that even a thing anyway? No amount of breathing was going to help aliviate the fact that a human being was currently trying to make her way out through my vagina.

"Vodka."

"Um..what?" Chloe asked.

"I want vodka." I repeated, more slowly this time.

"Umm, I don't think-but should you-maybe-"

"DON'T ASK STUPID QUESTIONS, GET ME THE FUCKING ALCOHOL!" I screamed.

She immediately complied without any further questions, and ran out of the room. Jesse, stood in the middle of the room, looking completely bewildered. Another contraction stareted to build, and I gripped the tub.

"Oh God...give me your hand."

"Are you having a contraction?"

Even in the midst of labor, I deadpanned.

"No genius, I'm feeling romantic. OF COURSE I'M HAVING A FUCKING CONTRACTIONNNNN...FUUUUCKKKKKKK!"

It built and built, as it had been doing for the past few hours and I just wanted out of this misery, who was I trying to prove myself to? I wanted the fucking drugs! I couldn't do this on my own, it was time to give up the act. I may have wanted to act like a little 5'1 badass on the outside, but the truth was, even I felt pain, and there was only so much my poor body could take.

"Bec you're getting hysterical, you've got to try and relax, I know it's not easy baby, but I need you to try."

"Jesse" I sobbed, as I looked over at his face. "I'm dying."

"Beca you are not dying."

"I'm giving birth without drugs for Christ's sake, it's the same thing!"

He knelt down next to the tub, and his hands reached out to rub at my back as he took a cup and poured water over my body.

"Breathe, Bec, Breathe." He instructed as I laid there moaning and crying. Lifting my body up, I leaned on Jesse, both physically and emotionally for support. Wrapping my arms around his neck, his hands rubbed soothingly up and down my back.

"Jesse, make it stop, please just take it away, I can't do this. I love you, and I'm hurting, please make it stop."

I just wanted him to step up, wanted him to take this from me. I was in such agony, and I couldn't do it by myself anymore. It wasn't often that I was so dependent and emotional in front of him, but I truly needed him in the moment. He lifted my chin up with his finger, and I could see the tears in his eyes.

"I am so amazed at your strength right now, Bec, you're doing this. It's all you. You said you wanted a natural birth, and that's exactly what you're getting. I could never do this. But you, you have a strength inside of you like no one else I've ever known. Don't give up just because it's hard."

I nodded my head as yet another contraction threatened to knock me on my ass.

"I'm right here Bec, just try and breathe, I'm right here."

"It's time to go to the hospital." I moaned in the midst of the contraction. Jesse agreed, and helped me get to my feet. Grabbing a towel, he wrapped the fabric around my body, and guided me out of the tub.

I made my way to our bed, our sanctuary, and laid down, drying myself off. Jesse slid into the walk in closet and grabbed me a simple, black strapless cover up type dress that would be quick and easy to slip on. Figuring underwear would just be an unnesesary hassle, I threw on a strapless bra, and the dress, and quickly pulled my hair into a pony tail.

As we began to gather our things and make our way down, I tried to think of anything but the current pain I was in.

* * *

><p><em>August 18th, 2012<em>

He placed me onto the bed, my back hitting the mattress, and I sighed lightly at the feeling of being disconnected momentarily from him.

He hovered above me briefly, and I released a nervous laugh before wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me. Spreading my legs, he settled his body on top of mine as he kissed me and his hand slid under my shirt rubbing over my hip.

"Hey, you never told me what this tattoo was about." he whispered, his hand rubbing lightly over my purple and red heart like shaped tattoo.

Jesse knew all about my tattoos. The flower on my upper back-the first one I got when I was just 15. In my head, I can still remember how my father screamed when he found out. And the "one day at a time" tattoo I got written in script on my wrist for my 18th birthday.

But the hip tattoo, the small, unique, brightly colored, heart like looking tattoo, was off limits. And every time Jesse brought it up, I would shut him down.

I leaned my body upward to meet him, and pulled him into a kiss as my hands reached for his belt buckle. But as soon as my hand got there, his hand grabbed at it.

"Why do you always insist on putting this conversation off?"

I folded my arms. "Because I don't want to talk about it."

"Why even get a tattoo if you're not planning on talking about it."

My head pulled back, and I scoffed at him. "Excuse me?! My tattoos are for me, myself, and I. They are personalized body art that are meaningful to me. I don't owe anybody an explanation! I certainly don't owe _you _an explanation, but if you are so hellbent on figuring this out, it's the recovery symbol from an eating disorder, okay? Happy now? Christ, why do you have to push everything!"

I pushed him off of me and got out of the bed, walking into the bathroom and slamming it shut.

This.

This right here was what I was trying to avoid in the first place. I knew it would start an argument, and I just wasn't in the mood for it. As I laid there, with my back against the wall, all those memories came flooding back. The self hatred, the ensure shakes, the emergency room visits, the medications, the psychiatrists. That part of my life that I had fought so hard to block out, thrust itself forward with a vengeance.

Without even knocking, he came into the bathroom, and sat down on the floor next to me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I should have known you had a reason for not talking about it. It was wrong of me to push."

I shook my head as I tried my hardest not to cry. "I'm sorry for freaking out on you, it's just not something I talk about. It was just something that happened when I was a teenager, it's over with, I'm recovered."

"It takes a lot of strength to recover from something like that, you know that right?"

I nodded my head. Yes, it did take strength, I was a warrior, a badass, a survivor. I knew that. But sometimes, just once perhaps, I wished I didn't have to be so strong. He looked over at me, and pushed some hair out of my face. I swallowed hard before turning to face him, tears falling onto my cheeks.

"You don't always have to be so guarded, I can handle your baggage..." He whispered, his face just inches from mine. I nodded my head, and he moved his inward to kiss me.

My face softened, and I found myself melting into the kiss. His arm snaked around my waist, and I lifted my leg, pulling myself onto his lap, and wrapping my arms around his neck.

We sat together on the floor, kissing heavily, as his hands danced across my stomach, causing me to moan. Needing to breathe, I pulled back from the kiss, as his lips trailed to my neck and his hands softly grabbed at my tank top, pulling it up over my head gently as I lifted my arms. Throwing the top onto the floor, I sat there in my pajama shorts, my entire front exposed to him.

"I love you Bec, I just want to take care of you, I just want to love you."

"Okay." I whispered.

We both stood up, and my eyes glanced up at him.

"Don't screw this up Swanson." I pleaded.

In one quick swoop, he lifted me up into his arms, and kissed me as I wrapped my arms around him. "I wont." He said simply as he carried me back to the bed and laid me down.

Lifting his shirt over his head, he threw it across the room before covering my body with his. Suddenly we found ourselves in the same position we had been in not 30 minutes earlier. But this time was different, we both wanted each other, to make love to each other, kiss each other, touch each other.

Jesse's head bent down to my chest, kissing at my collarbone as his lips left a trail of kisses until they reached my nipple and he closed around it, sucking it into his mouth as his other hand massaged my other breast. My back arched, pressing my hips into his as I cried out. Jesse was a total boob man, which was fine with me, I loved the attention.

I whimpered slightly as I felt his hand leave my right breast, but didn't have a chance to do much more as his lips returned to mine, and his hand trailed down south. Slipping into my shorts, he ran his middle finger through my folds.

"Unhhhhh.." I cried out, wanting more.

"So wet." He whispered, before bringing his finger to his mouth. "So delicious."

I pulled at his belt buckle, and undid his jeans, sliding them off his body and throwing them to the ground. He hovered above me, his growing erection visible through tight boxers. Running my hands down his defined chest, he moaned and pulled his head back.

Pulling the underwear off, all 8 inches were revealed to me, and I felt myself grow even wetter as I thought of what was to come.

Bringing his body back to mine, Jesse touched and teased my clit, driving me wild as he kissed my neck and nibbled on my ear, his free hand used to pull down my underwear.

Spreading my legs and bending my knees, I looked up at him.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He replied, before plunging deep into me, causing my head to hit the back of the pillow. God damn he felt so good.

"Shit!" I cried out, as my eyes grew wide. The sensation was delicious as he continued to knock into my G-spot.

"Babe, ugh, you feel so good." He said, breathing heavily.

My hands grabbed onto his hips as I forced my body to meet his thrusts. While my eyes screwed shut, getting lost in the moment, a warmth running through my entire body.

"Faster, ughhh, I'm almost there, not ughhh much, ohhhh" I could barely form sentances as he picked up the pace, hitting my nerves over and over again. As he rubbed furious circles onto my clit and bit down onto my neck, I came. Hard.

Wildly moaning, my body practically convulsed as my muscles clamped down around him, milking him dry as he spilled into me, filling me completely.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckkkk, don't stop!" I cried out.

My bolted jolted one last time before giving out, Jesse falling on top of me. I laid there, breathing heavily, my body feeling like complete jello as he kissed up and down his neck. I could barely move.

"That was incredible." I breathed.

Jesse smiled at me. "I told you I'd take care of you, you just let me know when you're ready for more."

* * *

><p>"Do you have the bag?"<p>

"Already in the car, are you guys following us over there?

"Yeah, we'll meet you there."

"Bec, you ready?"

I was suddenly snapped back into reality as I stood at the bottom of the stairs with Jesse staring at me.

"What? Yeah, no I'm good, let's do this." I agreed, coming back into focus.

This was it. The next time Jesse and I came back into this house, we would be parents.

In a surprising moment of clarity, before yet another contraction could hit me, I grabbed his shoulder. "I just wanted to remind you that I love you, and please disregard all the hateful things I tell you today."

He smiled, and placed his hands on my belly before kissing me lightly. "I love you too Beca, let's go have this baby."


	29. Without You

**You guys get 2 chapters in one day, because this was all supposed to be one chapter. But 9,000 words was just a bit much. **

**PS-Welcome to the world Alexandra Kate Swanson :)**

* * *

><p>"Wait, the vodka! I need the vodka!" I reminded everyone as we stood in the foyer. Chloe and Jesse exchanged cautious glances between each other.<p>

"If everyone knows what's good for them, you will NOT question me right now, it is FINE to have a shot during labor! Let me assure you, when you are pushing a human out of your vagina, I will not judge _your _life choices. Vokda, please!"

A resigned looking Chloe, finally relented and made her way into the kitchen to retrieve the bottle of Absolut from the freezer. Yes, Jesse and I were just a couple of kids, however, at the same time, we were on our way to becoming parents. We were homeowners, and college students, and we deserved a drink from time to time. I hadn't had a drink in over 8 months, I just needed something to take the edge off.

Chloe poured the shot as Amy looked something up on her phone. "According to google..."

"Hey, Australian! I don't need to hear from the peanut gallery right now!" I barked, throwing the clear liquid back. I shook my head and coughed as it burned my throat and traveled through my body, warming me up. Yes, I was being a bit of a bitch, but I was in such intense pain, I just didn't have it in me to care.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive?" Lily quietly asked. "I can have us there in 2 minutes."

"Oh good, Scott's on call today!" Stacie siad, smiling as she looked down at her phone.

I glanced over to Ashley, who aside from Chloe, was my saving grace. "I'm going to kill our friends today." I mouthed.

* * *

><p>"Just run the damn lights!" I cried out. Another contraction was winding its way through my body, and as I looked out onto the street, I briefly wondered if falling out of a moving vehicle would be less painful than what I was currently experiencing at the moment.<p>

I laid in the passenger seat, trying to get air back into my lungs, as I crossed my legs and squirmed in pain and screamed. Sitting at the red light, Jesse looked over at me, looking like he himself was going to cry.

The light turned green, and he hit the gas as his phone began to ring-Julie was calling.

"Hey mom...you're there already? Okay, were on our way, were about 5 minutes away, 3 if I run every red light." He glanced over at me, and I assumed she was asking how I was holding up. "She's...uhhh, she's managing. Okay, yup, we'll meet you there."

He hung up the phone and explained to me what I already knew. Bill, Julie, and Amanda were waiting for us at the hospital.

It was 6:38pm when we finally pulled in, 4 minutes later. My contractions were coming every 6 minutes, leaving me breathless. Jesse parked the car in the front entrance to the emergency room, and got out to gather my things. I sat up front, tears streaming down my face, and the only thing I could think about in the moment was my mother.

What had her labor been like? Was she excited, did she look forward to seeing me? I wondered so much about her experience, what things had been like for her. More than anything, I wished for the first time in over 5 years that she was here with me guiding me through this.

Jesse opened the door to help get me out.

"Hey." He said, kneeling in front of me. "I'm gonna be with you every second through this. Bec I'd rip my right arm off right now if it meant I could take your pain away. I know you're hurting, and I wish I could take the pain for you. But you're doing amazing, you're giving Alexandra the best start in life possible. I love you, I love you so much it hurts, you do whatever you need to do to get through this okay? You wanna call me a fucking dick and claw my eyes out? go for it. You need to break my hand? I'm fine with it. This is my fault, I did this to you, and I can handle the pain."

I laughed through my tears as he sat in front of me declaring his love for me. We made an incredible team and it was then that I was reminded once again, I would never love another person the way I loved Jesse.

"I can't stand, I'm having another contraction..." I complained.

"I'll carry you." He quickly assured me, unbuckling my seatbelt and lifting me up into his arms effortlessly as he carried me into the Emergency Room.

"I need a wheel chair, my wife-uh girlfriend, sorry, she's in labor. Her contractions are 6 minutes apart, and her water broke about 5 hours ago." He instructed.

The receptionist started jotting things down as an orderly came over with a wheel chair and Jesse helped me into it.

"What's her doctors name?" She asked.

"Uhh, Ruckman, Julia Ruckman."

I could hear Bill's voice as I looked over to see the three of them rising from their chairs to meet us. They hugged us tightly and were all smiles while the receptionist paged Dr. Ruckman to the ER. Within seconds, her glorious face came into sight. I loved my doctor, I had a good connection with her, and I feared my entire pregnancy that she wouldn't be on call when I finally went into labor. Knowing she would be here to deliver made things slightly more bearable.

"Hi Beca, how ya holding up sweetie?" She warmly asked.

"I want drugs." I informed her, practically leaping out of my seat. She laughed, and suggested getting me checked first as she took hold of the wheel chair and wheeled me back.

Amanda stood in the middle of the waiting room, looking horrified.

"Sweetie, come on, lets go." Julie encouraged.

"Right, uh-huh, right behind you!" Amanda squeeked. This was about to be the best form of birth control this 16 year old ever received.

* * *

><p>I was dialated to 6 12 centimeters and 90% effaced when they checked me in the E.R. Things were progressing beautifully according to my doctor, and they checked me into a private birthing suite shortly after.

Stupidly, I found myself listening to everyone when they suggested I hold off on the epidural. Julie reminded me that I had already made it this far, there was just a little bit longer to go. But as I progressed further and further along, the pain became more and more intense, and the contractions grew closer and closer together.

Another contraction slammed into my body like a ton of bricks as Jesse stood by, panicking, and inching his way slowly to the door.

"Where the FUCK do you think you're going?!" I screamed out, my face drenched with sweat as I leaned my body up on my elbows.

"Nowhere, absolutely nowhere." He quickly replied, running back to the chair and taking my hand.

"Good answer." I said, breathing heavily.

Julie walked in with a cup of coffee and looked over at the moniter, noting the increasing peaks in my contractions.

"Hey Jess, sweetie, why don't you go grab some coffee, hmm? I'll take over here." She suggested, rubbing a hand lovingly over his shoulder.

"I'm not leaving her." He protested.

"Jesse it's fine." I relented, knowing he needed a break. "I'll be okay for now."

Hesitating in the chair for a few moments, he sighed heavily before standing up and switching spots with Julie.

Another contraction built, and I began to scream, causing Jesse to flip around.

"Jesse, I got this, go!" Julie called out, grabbing onto my hand, and letting me squeeze.

* * *

><p>*Jesse's POV*<p>

My back hit the wall as I put my head in my hands. It was now 8:30 at night, and Beca was at 8 centimeters. I felt selfish for even thinking it, but I was exhausted, and I felt like nothing I said or did was right. I just wanted them to take her pain away.

I felt my dad's arms wrap around my body, and finally willed myself to let go. Hugging him back, I finally allowed myself to cry.

"I can't do this Dad."

"Yes you can, Jesse, you can." He reassured me.

"She's in so much pain, it's killing me to see her like this. I just want to take it for her, bring it on to me damnit!" I cried out. I couldn't take much more of seeing her like this and standing by helplessly.

"I know she is. This is murder on her body, I know. But the only way for her to get over this, is to get through it. Her body knows what it's doing, and though she feels like she's being split in half, this is labor, it's just how it is." He informed me.

Walking me over across the hall, we sat down in a set of chairs and he faced me, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Jesse, you probably have no recolection of this whatsoever, but when Amanda was born, in February of 1997, New Hampshire had a horrific snow storm, and I had to end up delivering her at home with 911 on the phone telling me how to do it. Tree's were downed, roads were frozen over, there wasn't another option, your mother had to deliver at home. We couldn't wait for an ambulance.

And son, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, watching her go through that pain. I have been in your shoes before, I know what it's like to watch the woman you love more than anything in this world be in pain knowing there is nothing you can do to stop it. It's pure torture. But you're about to be a father Jess, you got a woman pregnant, you need to step up and be a man. Beca needs you more than ever right now. You may think she hates you more than anything in this world right now, but I assure you, it's just the pain talking. You take a minute, grab a coffee and get yourself collected, and then you go in and help do your part in delivering your daughter."

I forced myself to pull it together, and hugged my father once again.

"I'm proud of you kiddo, so damn proud of you. I know this isn't easy on you, just hang in there."

* * *

><p>*Chloe's POV*<p>

I sat out in the waiting room on the maternity floor, bored out of my absolute mind. It was now nearing 9pm, and Beca still wasn't even fully dialated yet. Sighing as I swung my feet, I thought about how I should have brought something to occupy myself. Hell, the way she was screaming, I thought she would have delivered in the car. I didn't realize we would be here for hours.

Amy sat next to me filling her nails with Stacie's nail file, Ashley, Jessica, Reagan & Emily sat on the floor playing Apples to Apples, Aubrey flipped through a magazine, and Cynthia Rose and Lily sat next to each other, sharing headphones while Lily knitted a baby blanket.

"Hey Red, how pissed do you think she would be if I just bust in there pumping _Push it _by Salt n Pepa?" Amy asked, stifling a laugh.

I glanced over at her, as I began to laugh. "She would murder you six different ways. I'm surprised she hasn't already."

"Ehh, I like pushing her buttons, it's fun."

My head hit the back of the chair as I looked up at the ceiling, suddenly counting the dots on the tile seemed like the best form of entertainment.

"God I am so bored, please let her have this baby soon." I huffed.

"Hey gorgeous..."

I would recognize that southern accent anywhere, and looked up to see Luke standing in front of me in khakis, and a green polo shirt. I jumped up immediately into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Baby what are you doing here? I thought you were gonna be tied up all evening trying to help with that case?"

"I headed out a little bit early and didn't feel like spending the night in an empty house. How's Beca holding up?"

I explained everything, the water breaking, the contractions, the screaming, and how she still wasn't quite there yet. He in return talked to me about the high profile murder case happening in Stamford that he and his law class were helping to assist.

"Hey, you know what we've never done before..." He whispered into my ear, his hands gently skimming my sides. My face broke out into a smile as I pulled back to look at him.

"Yeah?"

He nodded his head and I took him by the hand, turning to Amy as we walked away.

"Later Ames!" I called out.

She dramatically slumped her shoulders and whined. "Damnit, you too? Forget this, I'm calling Bumper."

* * *

><p>*Beca's POV*<p>

_10:27pm_

"You better have some good lotion, you and your hand about to become really good friends here soon because if you think you are EVER touching me again, you are sorely mistaken!" I screamed, so loudly I was convinced the entire labor and delivery floor could hear me.

I was sweating, no-that was an understatement. I was drenched, and every single part of me ached.

"Fuck this!" I cried out as I began clawing at the gown. Jesse's eyes narrowed in concern.

"Beca...what are you doing?" He questioned.

"Baking bread, dumbass, what the fuck does it look like I'm doing?"

Even the fabric hurt my skin, as contraction after contraction continued to assualt my body. I now only had about 30 seconds to breathe in between each one if I was lucky.

Laying on the bed, completely naked, in the middle of labor, and miserable, Jesse sat in a chair next to me, his hand covering his mouth.

"We having fun yet?" I asked, my breathing heavy, and my eyes wild. He looked back at me, speechless and bewildered.

"Oh, well look at this, just makes my job that much easier." The nurse mused as she made her way into the room. "Legs up kiddo, you know the drill."

I put my legs into the stirrups as she snapped her gloves on and prepared to examine me.

"Hey Nina, lemme ask you something, have you ever been in so much pain that you literally just do not give a fuck anymore?" I asked, laying back. She bust out laughing at the comment.

"Oh honey, with every one of my five kids. You get to a certain point, and your inhabitions go completely out the window. It's like alcohol, only not..." She explained, snapping her gloves off and throwing them into the trash. "But the good news is, your fully dialated sweetheart, it's time to have this baby."

I sat up on my elbows in a state of shock. "Now?"

"Mmm-hmm, you're at 10 centimeters, and 100% effaced. I'm gonna give Jesse some scrubs to change into, and were gonna prepare the room for delivery. I'll let Julia know." She explained, walking out of the room.

I turned to face Jesse, both of us with shocked expressions. We knew it was coming, but now it was actually here.

I cleaned the sweat off of my body with a wet washcloth and instructed him to hand me my cover up to change into. It was one thing to labor naked, but for whatever reason, I did not feel like giving birth naked. The nurse then walked in and gave Jesse his clothes before walking over to the baby warmer and getting out a fresh blanket and all the necesarry equipment ready.

"I'll be right back, I'm gonna go change and let everybody know what's happening." He informed me, kissing the top of my head. Suddenly, it was me, and my nurse, Nina.

She walked over to me and took my hand in hers. "Your body already knows what to do, I promise. I'm gonna help you through it, get you started, and then after you start making progress, Dr. Ruckman will finish the delivery. You've done a hell of a job tonight Beca, the worst is almost over."

Jesse and Julie then walked in together, with Julie's eyes expectedly filled with tears.

"We're gonna be right outside, okay? I have complete faith in you, sweetheart." She whispered, hugging me tightly. She then kissed Jesse on the cheek, hugged him, and wished him good luck before leaving the room.

Nina pushed a rolly chair over, and instructed me to put my legs up into the stirrups.

Jesse, standing right by head, took my hand in his, and kissed the top of my head. "I'm right here, right here."

"Alright Beca, are you listening to me?" Nina asked.

"Yeah." I responded.

"When you feel a contraction hit, you're gonna push. We wanna see you trying to push for at least 10 seconds at a time, Jesse will count. I need you to take a deep breath in, put you chin to your chest and bare down like you're having a bowel movement, okay? Then you'll take a breath and we'll get started again. Her heads nice and low, you can do this. It looks like a conctraction is starting, let's give it a try."

The contraction began, and I did as instructed, bearing down as hard as I could while Jesse counted.

"1, 2, 3, 4..good work Bec, 5, 6, 7,..."

"FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK!" I screamed out, before collapsing back onto the bed.

"That was good Beca, nicely done, let's go again, come on."

"1...2...3...4...5..."

"SEX IS BADDDDDDD!"

"Push, Beca, you can do this, push!" The nurse encouraged.

"I am pushing damnit!" I yelled as I continued to force my body to work. I was quickly growing exhausted, and the pain, if it was even possible, was only getting worse. It was like I was being split in half.

"I can't do it, I can't! The games over, give me the fucking drugs, I need the drugs!" I cried out, growing aggrivated and upset.

"Just give her the drugs, she's been through enough already." Jesse agreed. The nurse shook her head.

"She's too far along, there's no time for an epidural." She explained, as she got up and checked the fetal moniter while I laid in the bed crying in agony and misery. I tired to calm my breathing, but failed miserably. I was quickly becoming hysterical.

"What's happening?" Jesse questioned, not liking the look on her face.

She walked over and picked up the phone. "Dr. Ruckman to room 8126, Dr. Ruckman, assistance is needed in room 8126."

"Jesse, I need you to calm her down immediately. The baby can't handle all the stress and her heart rate is starting to accelerate. Beca, this is important, I need you to move onto your side, I'm gonna grab an oxygyn mask."

The doctor walked into the room and assessed the fetal monitor as I moved onto my side and they placed an oxygyn mask on me to help me breathe better. I tried to stop the panic rising up in me, but it wasn't working. I looked over to Jesse helplessly as he sat in the chair next to me and began to sing.

_"And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck_

_I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet_

_And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now. _

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved_

_you wanna be loved_

_you wanna be loved_

_this feels like falling in love_

_were falling in love_

_were falling in love" _

It worked, as I stared up at him, tears in my eyes, trying to breathe as I listened to his voice. I could hear her heartbeat begin to come back down to a normal range.

"You can do this babe, I have faith in you. I need you to have faith in yourself." He whispered, as he planted kisses all along my face.

I had to do this, there wasn't another option. Alexandra was depending on me to bring her into the world.

"Lets do this." I said, as I resumed my position.

"Beca, it looks like you're preparing to start crowning, Alexandra's gonna be here most likely within the next 30 minutes. But this is the most painful part of labor, so I need you to be strong, can you do that for me?" Dr. Ruckman asked as she assumed position. I nodded my head as I prepared to muster up all the strength I had inside of me.

"Deep breath in, annnd push Beca." She instructed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed out, gripping Jesse's hand tightly. This fucking burned, oh holy shit this burned!

"It's burning, it's burning!" I screamed. It was a sensation so horrific, it took my breath away.

"It's supposed to burn, sweetie, she's making her way out and stretching you. Her head is really low Beca, just a couple more pushes and her head will be out. Do you wanna look?"

"NO!" I screamed forcefully. I swore I would pass out if I had to see that image.

I began to push again. The faster I pushed, the faster she was here. I just needed her here!

"Good job, keep going, keep going, there it is, right there!"

"FUCKING EVE AND HER CHOICE TO EAT THE FUCKING APPLE! FUCKKKKKKK!"

It was getting close, I could feel it, Jesse was right next to me, looking fearful, bewildered, and shocked.

"Beca listen to me, one more push, and her head is out, you're almost there."

I nodded my head, and took in a deep breath as I sat up in bed and pushed with all my might, screaming hysterically the whole way.

"Okay stop!" I heard Dr. Ruckman instruct. "Her heads out, Nina-suction?"

The nurse handed her the suction, and she cleaned out her nose and mouth. She stopped, and looked up at me.

"This is the last stage before she arrives, alright? I need small, gentle, pushes. Her body is going to rotate, and once you pass the shoulders, she's out. 2 more pushes tops, and you will have delivered your baby 100% naturally Beca."

I laughed through the tears as the realization hit me that she was almost here. The hardest part of this was over.

Another deep breath was taken, and I pushed, feeling her move further and further down.

"Right there, go, go, go, right there Beca!"

"GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed out, one last time.

And that was it.

"Wahhhhh, wahhhhhh!" I heard a loud cat like cry, and looked down.

"Way to go mama, you did it!"

They pulled her out, and placed her onto my chest, drying her off with a towel as she screamed.

My head hit the back of the pillow as I openly began to sob.

Alex was here.

"Oh my G-G-God" I cried, sitting up and looking at her. She was here, oh my God she was here. My body was covered in sweat, tears, and blood, but none of it even mattered, my baby was here.

"Time of Birth-May 19th, 2013, 12:10am"

Jesse's head fell to mine, as we both stood there, crying hysterically.

"I love you so much, I'm so proud of you." He cried, kissing all over me. "Oh my God, she's so perfect, you did it Bec, you did it."

"Alexandra..." I cried. She laid on my chest, starting to calm down as I checked her all over. Light amounts of chocolate brown hair covered her head, 2 eyes, 1 nose, 1 mouth, 2 ears, 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 arms, 2 legs, she was perfect. The entire moment was perfect as I laid in the bed, all of the pain gone, as Jesse leaned on me, and I held our daughter. She was here, and she was ours. I was completely overwhelmed with a love I had never before experienced.

"Jesse, would you like to cut her cord?" The nurse asked, handing him the scissors. He nodded his head, as he wiped away the tears from his eyes.

Gently cutting, she was officially released from me, and they took her over to be cleaned off as I prepared to deliver the placenta.

"Go, go check on her." I insisted.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yeah, go take pictures."

I watched as Jesse walked over, and Alex was all taken care off.

"Alexandra Kate Swanson" Jesse answered, when the nurse asked if a name had been picked out.

"Alright, Miss. Alexandra is 18 inches long, and 6 pounds 2 oz. A perfect 10 for APGAR. A perfectly healthy baby all around."

That was my daughter. That was the little person I housed for 10 months. Here was the little girl who craved strawberry milkshakes & chocolate, who kicked me from the inside, whose image I had seen on the ultrasound. I just wanted to die for her, she was everything to me.

They wrapped her up, put a cap on her, and handed her over to Jesse, who broke down crying even harder if that was possible. He looked over to me.

"Bec, our daughter is so perfect." He sobbed as he made his way over to me. "She's so perfect."

We kissed, and cried, marvling over the miracle we had just created, as Bill, Julie, and Amanda made their way in.

Bill and Jesse took one look at each other before both grown men burst into tears and hugged. Sobbing about how beautiful our daughter was, and how incredible I had been.

I held her in my arms as Julie made her way over to me.

"I am so proud of you, oh God I love you so much." She cried, hugging me tightly. "You do it sweet girl, you did it."

Kissing my cheeks, she looked down to Alex. "Hello precious girl, Mimi loves you already."

I looked over to my doctor, and smiled brightly, mouthing thank you to her.

"Beca, you kicked ass today, way to go."

Looking over to Jesse from across the room, I instantly feel in love with him all over again.

"I love you nerd." I mouthed.

With tears streaming down his face, he looked back at me.

"You're everything to me weirdo."


	30. Have a little Faith in me

***Just a short filler to keep us moving along. Thank you to all of you for your reviews, they meant so very much to me! I hope you're all having a great weekend, and enjoy the latest installment. Please R&R :)***

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><p>I looked down at the precious little girl I had just brought into this world, who was currently in my lap, asleep. Swaddled up tightly, with a green hat on her head, and a pacifier in her mouth, she was everything I had dreamed of, and I couldn't take my eyes off of her.<p>

Jesse laid in the bed next to me, rubbing my head lovingly, as he too looked upon the miracle we had just created.

"How are you feeling mama?" He asked softly.

"Like my entire body was just split in half." I answered honestly. Everything ached, and I continued to feel tiny after shocks of contractions. I didn't even want to think about what going to the bathroom was going to be like. "But she was totally worth it."

It was a perfect moment as the three of us laid in bed together, the city lights shinning brightly in the darkness. I could have stared at her for hours. Instantly, I felt an overwhelming love and protective force kick in, from out of nowhere. I would not hesitate to kill any person who tried to harm my baby. I hadn't the slightest clue how to be a mother, all I knew was my love for this helpless infant I grew inside of me was like nothing I had ever experienced in my entire life.

"I'm surprised my dad never got back to us, I hope he's okay." I mentioned, shifting slightly in the bed.

"Yeah, me too...what time did you text him?" Jesse asked. I stopped, and looked upwards toward him.

"Seriously?! You were supposed to text him! Dude I just went through 10 hours of labor and delivery, when the hell was I going to text him!" I hissed, aggrivated at the thought that I just given birth and no one thought to tell my dad.

Startled by the sudden noise, Alex began to stir, and slowly started to cry. Without thinking, I picked her up, and craddled her into my arms.

"Shh...Alexandra, mommy's here sweet girl, mommy's here." I whispered lovingly. "Jess, I think she's hungry, can you have one of the nurses grab a bottle for me?"

"Yeah, I'll go let them now, and then call your dad." He replied, getting up out of the bed and heading out of the room.

My breasts were killing me, they were sore, and heavy, and quickly making me miserable. And as Alex laid against my chest, crying to be fed, I began to feel wet.

"What the fuck?" I whispered to myself as I opened my gown, and found my breasts leaking.

I knew nothing about breastfeeding. As my pregnancy progressed, I had tossed the thought around in my head, but I was still very unsure, and really wanted to start off bottle feeding. So the fact that my breasts were now dripping liquid, and extremely painful, made me completely uncomfortable. Alexandra continued to cry, and I laid in the bed, alone and feeling helpless.

An older looking woman finally walked into the room, but without a bottle in sight. Pulling the chair over towards the bed, she sat down and smiled at me.

"Alright sweetheart, just unsnap your top, and we'll get started." She instructed.

"Um...I'm sorry?" I questioned, confused at what was happening. Did Jesse not tell them I needed a bottle?

"She needs to eat." The lady replied, as if I couldn't tell that my screaming daughter was hungry and uncomfortable. She squirmed around, dependent on me to make her feel better.

"I asked for a bottle?"

I, Beca Mitchell, was a totally confident badass, who didn't take crap from anybody, and always had a sarcastic response on hand. But in this moment, I was a brand new 20 year old mother. I was scared, hormonal, and feeling alone. And as my child screamed in my arms, desperate for food, I myself just wanted to cry.

"Breast is best!" She sternly informed me. "She needs breastmilk within an hour of her birth. I get that you're young, but if you'll stop being difficult, I can show you how to do it. Now enough is enough, she is clearly in distress!"

Crying at the woman's outburst, I began hitting the button for the nurses station repetedly.

"I want you to leave." I said. My baby hadn't even been here for 24 hours, and I was already being made to feel I was a failure as a mother.

The woman scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"Please just get out, I want someone else!"

"What in the hell is going on in here?" Nina asked, rushing into the room. She looked over at the lactation consultant for an explination.

"I was simply trying to get her started with breastfeeding." She calmly explained.

"Well in case you failed to notice, the baby is on bottle, not breast. And it is none of your damn business why. It is not your job to push a breastfeeding agenda on a brand new, young mother, it's your job to read the chart and do as it says!" She reprimanded.

Jesse and Dr. Ruckman walked in just as the lactation consultant was walking out, finding Alexandra and I laying in the bed crying.

Dr. Ruckman quietly assured me she would go make a bottle as Jesse took Alex from my arms, and began to rock her.

As the bottle was brought to me, I made a mental note to make a list of all the things no one tells you about life as a new parent.

Jesse handed me back my girl, and I pressed the bottle to her lips. She latched on quickly, sucking perfectly, and finally settling down. I however, cried through the entire thing.

* * *

><p>"Looks to be less than a first degree tear, you'll most likely be pretty sore for about a week, but there's no stitching required. You did excellent Beca." The doctor said as she took her gloves off after examining me.<p>

She explained all about the postpartum care to me, the cooling pads, pouring water over myself the first few days of going to the bathroom to help alleviate the sting, and of course the ever important no sex for 4-6 weeks rule, as if I could even begin to think about that. I felt incredibly gross and deflated, the last thing I wanted right now was for Jesse to see any part of my naked body. Hell, I wasn't even sure _I_ wanted to see any part of my naked body.

As Dr. Ruckman walked out, Nina walked in to check on everything, and Alex began to stir for another feeding. I picked her up into my arms, and held her close.

"Hey Nina, can I ask you something?"

She stopped what she was doing, and turned to face me. "Darling girl, you can ask me absolutely anything."

Meekly, I looked up at her. "Will you show me how to breastfeed?"

Nina had five children of her own, she wasn't pushy, she didn't judge, Nina was calm and comforting, and had years of experience. If I was going to do this, I wanted someone I trusted to help me through it.

She smiled, and came over to sit next to me. "Of course I can. Now, you just lower your top, and choose a breast to feed from, doesn't matter which one."

This time around, Alex calmly waited in my arms, almost as if she knew that I was new at this, and learning.

"You'll use your arms to support her head, and you'll want to bring the nipple to the space between her nose and lips."

I did as instructed, and Alex began to open her mouth. Bringing my breast, closer and closer, she latched on, and closed her mouth around the nipple, sucking fully.

"She's doing it..." I whispered, with tears in my eyes. Her hand laid upon my chest, as she sucked, feeding happily. Nina smiled.

"Great work kid, you're doing just fine."

Another bust of overwhelming love exploded through my body as I fed my child, and gazed down upon her lovingly. My left arm supported her body as my right hand stroked her head. I could do this, I could. I could use my body to feed my child, I could learn to love her, despite not having a clue in hell what I was doing. I already loved her, she would always be the greatest gift I had ever received.

Looking up, Jesse stood in the door frame with a bouqet of flowers, crying.

"I'll just give you kids a minute. Beca, just call if you need me." She said quietly, getting up and patting Jesse on the shoulder as she made her way out the room.

"Hey weirdo." I whispered.

He placed the flowers down on the bedside table and bent down to kiss the top of my head, and the the top of Alex's head. Sitting down, he stared at me in amazement.

"I thought I loved you before, but it's nothing compared to the love I have for you now. You amaze me every single day, and I love you now more than I ever thought was possible."

I leaned over and kissed him. "I love you too. Thanks for helping me make a beautiful baby."

"WELCOMING COMMITTEE!" Amy yelled, as the girls burst into the room. Aubrey immediately shushed her.

"Oh, sorry...welcoming committe!" She repeated, in a soft whisper.

"Dang shawshank, check out the rack on you...maybe I need to get knocked up."

"Hey Amy, I just pushed a 6 pound human through my vagina, and my hormones are a little crazy so...I would choose your words very carefully if I were you. I cannot be held responsible for my words or actions."

Amy, Chloe, Aubrey, Stacie, Jessica and Ashley came and sat down as Jesse stood up and announced that he, Benji, Michael, Luke, Bumper, Uni, and Scott were going to grab some breakfast in the cafeteria. He gave a kiss to Alex and I, and walked out the room.

"Alright, spill it. Waxed floors or carpet?" Amy tactlessly asked.

Picking up my cup of water, I shrugged my shoulders. "Waxed floors, all the way. Which in noway even came close to the pain of natural childbirth."

The girls about fell over backwards at my first big admission. No one actually expected I'd ever seriously answer any question having to do with sex or my body.

"Holy shit, you actually answered one of my questions!" Amy exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"Ames you know I never answer just to irritate you." I explained.

She nodded her head from side to side. "Yeah, and I only ask you the questions to embarass you so..."

Alex finished feeding, and I brought her up to my neck where a burp rag was laid out, to begin burpring her.

"By the way, you are so not marrying bumper. I'm somebody's mother now, and as a piece of motherly advice, hell no." I sternly instructed, causing Amy to groan.

"Not this again!"

Aubrey glanced over at her. "Have you already forgotten about the time he made out with those two brazillian chicks in front of you last summer?"

I spun my head around, and looked increduously between Aubrey and Amy.

"Hey, those girls were actually really hott, I probably would have done the same thing. I can't get mad at him for that." She defended.

"Again mentioning the time he tried to sell Benji's cat on Craigslist. Let me repeat myself once more, sell his cat...on craigslist!" Jessica added.

"He thought it was a stray!"

"Benji's had the cat for SIX YEARS!"

Amy put her head down. "Okay fine, so the guy makes one mistake. That's no reason for me not to marry him!"

Ashley, sitting at the edge of my bed, looked over at her. "Oh really? One mistake? What about the time he called you pretending to be planned parenthood and told you you had contracted Chlamydia?"

"Or the time he bought you that Python...and didn't tell you about it! Just let it roam the house until you found it!" Chloe added.

"Hey, George has made an awesome pet thank you very much, we're very happy together."

I looked around at my friends, as Alex finished burping. "Where the hell have I been for all of this?!"

Amy looked over. "Duh, making adorable babies of course."

"Amy, were your friends, and we cannot let you do this. You deserve someone who cares, someone who does not get off on making fun of you. You deserve a decent human being." Aubrey explained.

"If I tell you flatbutts I'll consider it, will you get off my case?"

"Maybe." Ashley said, speaking for the group.

"Okay fine, I'll consider it."

Just then, Nina walked into the room to inform us what we already knew, way too many friends. The girls got up and said there goodbye's to Alexandra and I as they made their way out the door.

"Hey Chloe?" I called out, stopping the red head before she could leave.

"Can I ask you something?"

She stopped for a second, turning to face the girls. "Hey guys I'll catch up with you in just a second."

"Whats up?" She asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

I sighed heavily, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Bec, it's me, you know you can ask me anything." She assured me. I nodded my head.

"Do you...do you think Jesse's still going to want me after all this?" I asked, my head looking down, not able to face her.

"Seriously?"

"Chloe...my breasts are leaking milk, I don't even want to imagine what my vagina looks like, my stomach is all stretched out. I'm disgusting." I admitted, feeling totally self concious.

"Beca, you're breasts are leaking milk because they're feeding your child. Your stomach is stretched out because you just carried a human being inside of you for 10 months. Your vagina is possibly looking a little differently because you just gave life...naturally I might add. Yeah, your body looks a bit different, but not so much so that Jesse wouldn't want you after this. Love is so much more than sex, too. Jesse loves you for more than your body Beca. Yes, he's still going to want you after this, he's going to want you long before you're even cleared to have sex again, trust me."

I nodded my head. My insecurities were coming into play again, and I knew I needed to get out of my head, but it was going to take a while. My body had just been destroyed, and while it gave me the love of my life, I was feeling a bit betrayed.

Chloe glanced over to the clear basinet next to my bed where Alex slept peacefully.

"Can I hold her for a second?" She asked, dying to get her hands on her "niece"

"Of course, just grab the hand sanitizer, and you're good to go." I answered.

She rubbed the liquid through her fingers before leaning down to pick her up. Hardly even stiring, Alex slept peacefully in Chloe's arms, sucking away on her pacifier.

"She's so beautiful." She whispered, rubbing over her tiny fingers.

"Hey Chlo?"

"Hmm?" She answered, totally caught up in the baby in her arms.

"Will you and Luke be Alexandra's Godparents?"

Chloe looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Of course, we would be honored to."

I smiled, laying in the bed, and looking over at my best friend and my daughter. Yeah, I could do this.


	31. Love you like that

**This chapter is dedicated to Jess. , Happy Belated Birthday! Sorry all for the seriousness of this chapter, but Beca's not having exactly the easiest of transitions into motherhood, so humor was kind of hard to come by. Hope you all enjoy it. Please review if you can, it always makes my day a little brighter :)**

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><p><em>May 25th, 2013<em>

_"Wahhh...Wahhh"_

No.

God, no.

There was no possible way in hell my child could be up again. I literally just fed her 5 minutes ago!

And yet, in the darkened room, her cries rang out. I was in such a dead sleep, her crying was a literal shock to my system as my body flew upward, I lost my balance, and tumbled out of our bed, landing onto my back.

"Ohh Godddd..." I groaned, laying on the floor and rubbing my back.

Jesse immediately jumped out of the bed and ran over to me.

"Bec? Are you okay?" He asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Oh I'm just fucking fantastic. What the hell time is it?"

"It's 4:30."

4:30 in the morning, okay, so I hadn't exactly just fed her, it had been two hours. But still, this shit was exhausting.

I wasn't exactly the most prepared for how life had changed in the past week. You would have thought that people would have prepared you for what lie ahead in the first few weeks with a newborn, but no, instead they just left you to figure it out on your own. Perhaps because if women really knew what raising a child entailed, nobody would ever get pregnant.

Alex was a wonderful baby, but she was still a baby none the less. In the past week, I had probably gotten about 12 hours of sleep if you strung it all together. We went through diapers as quickly as we went through K-Cups, half of my entire wardrobe (this was in no way an exaggeration.) was in the laundry room, stained with spit up, poop, urine, and breastmilk. And just yesterday, I had been so beyond exhausted, I got into the shower still wearing my bra, and ended up falling asleep. It wasn't until 20 minutes later, when Jesse walked in, that I woke up. Ironically, it had been some of the most refreshing sleep I had gotten all week.

And now, I laid on the floor, in pain, facing a form of exhaustion so extreme, there didn't seem a name for it. I was so exhausted, I wasn't entirely sure I wasn't drunk.

"Why are you laughing?" Jesse questioned as I sat up.

"Because I can't cry damnit!" I yelled. "Because I am so beyond exhausted, I don't even have the energy to produce tears! My breasts leak, my head hurts, and I haven't gotten longer than a 10 minute shower in 4 days!"

Jesse sighed, feeling guilty. "Here, let me help you."

"Yeah the last time you decided to "help me" I got pregnant!" I hissed, immediately regreting the words the second they left my mouth.

It wasn't that I didn't love Alex, or that I had regretted getting pregnant. After the devestating miscarriage, I knew just how lucky and blessed I was to have a healthy baby. It was all just incredibly overwhelming. Instantly I burst into tears.

At 4:30 in the morning, on a random Saturday, I was crying, Alex was crying, and Jesse stood there, totally unsure of what to do.

Tentatively, he knelt down to me, and rubbed at my shoulder, testing the waters.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I love her, and I'm so glad that you got me pregnant, that I was able to carry her and bring her into this world, I'm just so exhausted. I didn't mean it." I sobbed, my head pounding, and milk leaking from my breasts.

He kissed along my neck, and rubbed my back softly. "It's okay, you're a new mom, of course you're exhausted. Why don't you go lay down in the guest bedroom. I'll defrost some of the breastmilk from the freezer, and get her taken care of. Seriously, don't come back out until you've gotten sleep, okay?"

I nodded my head and wiped the tears from my eyes, taking Jesse's hand as I stood up. He enveloped me into a hug, continuing to rub my back.

"I love you." He whispered.

I took a shaky breath. "I love you too."

* * *

><p>"You do realize you're pouring the breastmilk into your coffee right?"<p>

"Oh fuck!" I groaned, shaking my head as I dumped the liquid into the sink. Great, not only had I just had to waste a perfectly good cup of coffee, but I also wasted perfectly good breast milk. And that shit was like gold.

"You sure your up for this?" Chloe asked, taking a sip from her coffee. Stupidly, I had agreed to have some of the girls over and enjoy a Saturday afternoon together. Something that, at the time, seemed like a good idea. I turned and faced her. Heavy bags were under my eyes, my hair was thrown up into a messy bun, and I had still yet to change out of my pajamas despite that fact that Alex had yet again spit up all over me.

"Did you know that the sun rises right at 5:27? And that TV Land plays reruns of _Roseanne _weekdays from 4am-8am? Did you know, that it was possible to be so exhausted, you feel drunk?" I asked, tears briming, and threatening to spill over.

Chloe looked back at me with a horrified expression.

"I haven't slept, for more than 2 hours at a time, in weeks, my boobs, will not stop leaking, and I could just really use an outfit that isn't stained."

Alex, finally content, was in her bouncer on the counter, her eyes open and looking back at me. Opening her mouth wide to yawn, she was 6 pounds of pure love. I picked her up and craddled her into my arms. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I rubbed her back while I kissed her head.

"I love her. The side effects that have come along with having her, not so much." I sighed.

"Here, why doesn't Mommy go grab a shower, and Aunt Chloe and baby Alex will have some tummy time, hmm?" She suggested, getting up and walking over to me.

I really did need a shower, but the thought of being away from her even for 10 minutes made my heart lunge into my throat. Chloe instantly read my reaction.

"Bec come on, it's me. We'll just be right in the living room on her playmat. If I need anything, I'll grab you." She assured me. Here was the chance for an uninterrupted 20 minute shower, I had to take it. Relenting, I handed Alex over, placing her in Chloe's arms.

"Okay, um, there's breast milk in the freezer in case she gets hungry, and the bottles are over by the sink. I just feed her about a half hour ago though, so she should be fine. Whatever you do, DON'T heat the milk in the microwave! Defrost it in a bowl of hot water. The pacifiers are over here." I explained, lifting the clear jar that was filled with 12 different types.

"There's diapers, wipes, and diaper cream in the basket in the living room. She really likes it if you talk to her while you're changing her. If she has a blow out-"

"Beca! You're taking a shower sweetheart, not a 10 day trip to Hawaii. I got this, go take some time to yourself."

Taking a breath, I looked down at my baby, safe and warm in her Aunt's arms.

"I'll be right back baby girl, don't give Aunt Chloe a run for her money." I cooed, rubbing my thumb over her tiny fingers. Looking back at me, her expression seemed to shout _"Mom, seriously, please get out of my face for five minutes."_

"We'll be fine! Go, have fun!" Chloe called out, walking into the living room.

"Alright Alexandra, Auntie's going to show you all the fun things in life. Should we go shopping? Hmm? Hit up Macy's, DSW, maybe grab a little lunch..."

"Chloe..." I grumbled.

"Go shower Beca, I don't want to see your petite self for at least another 20 minutes!"

I walked into the master bathroom, and found Jesse, shirtless, and finishing up shaving. I certainly couldn't deny it, he looked good. As was typical in our circle of friends, when the girls got together, so did the boys. He would be leaving within the hour to go hang out with everyone. I leaned up against the door frame, staring at his perfect figure.

"Hey you, Alex with Chloe?" He asked, the razor sliding up his neck as he watched intently in the mirror.

"No, I decided to sell her on the black market. She's really damn cute, so I actually got a great deal. We can finally afford that beamer you always wanted!"

He washed the razor off, and dried his neck off with a towel before looking back at me and laughing.

"God what would I do without your sarcasm and wit."

Closing the distance between us in three short steps, he wrapped his arms around my waist as he pulled my hair aside, and began to kiss my neck.

"You doing okay?" He whispered, his hands glidding across my tank top.

"Yeah..."I answered, a bit breathlessly. My body was already starting to react to him, and I quickly found myself uncomfortable.

"Bec, I miss you." He groaned as he continued to kiss up and down my neck. I could hear the want and desire he had for me in his voice.

"I miss you too." I replied, wishing I could just run. How was he kissing me right now? I felt totally disgusting and unsure of myself in this new body, and new role as a mother. My hair was a mess, I was still in pajamas at 11:30 in the morning, I hadn't shaved my legs in over a week, and I was pretty positive my entire body smelled of breastmilk. I couldn't for the life of me understand how Jesse would want to even look at my body after everything it had been through. _I_ didn't even want to look at my own body, it disgusted me.

His hand pushed up my tank top, as he began to rub my waist and hip bone. Immediately, I pushed it away and pulled the top back down.

He looked down at me, confused at my sudden harshness. I couldn't bare to look at him, instead keeping my head down to the side.

"Sorry, my stomach is just a little sore still." I mumbled. He nodded his head in response.

"It's okay. I understand."

"Um anyway I need to get in the shower, I don't want to take too long."

I grabbed a towel and kissed him on the cheek before practically shutting the door in his face.

I quickly turned the water on, letting steam fill the room, and slid down the wall, allowing myself to cry silently, and praying Jesse didn't hear me.

* * *

><p>*Jesse POV*<p>

I was feeling totally lost at what had just happened. She had seemed fine, until I went to touch her. Was she feeling self concious? Come to think of it, the last time I had seen Beca naked was when she ripped off her gown in the middle of labor 6 days ago.

If she thought I was going to be freaked out at all by how her body changed, she couldn't have been further from the truth.

I loved Beca. She was more than her body, she was everything I could have ever asked for in a woman. Sure, maybe her body did look different, but who really cared? She was still the same beautiful, snarky, sarcastic girl I fell in love with.

Feeling I had to do something, I walked back into the bathroom.

"Jesse!" She screamed trying to cover herself through the glass door. "I am in the shower for God's sake!"

Right, as if this wasn't evident. As if I had never seen her in the shower. This was a woman I had had sex with, a woman I got pregnant and watched give birth. And now she was concerned because I was walking in on her in the shower?

"Okay...and?"

"And you could have knocked at least." She answered, an edge to her voice.

"I'm sorry, am I not allowed to see you naked anymore?" I asked, determined to get to the bottom of this issue.

"Look I just gave birth 6 days ago okay, forgive me if I don't exactly want to jump your bones!"

My face pulled back quickly as the sting of her words struck me. "Seriously? Are you serious right now? You honestly believe that this is about sex? Jesus Beca. Yes, I miss you, okay? But when I said that, I meant that I missed more than just your body. I miss spending time with you, seeing you smile, and hearing you laugh. I miss connecting with you." I explained to her, trying to get her to understand that our relationship was based on more than just me getting laid.

Down the hall, Alex began to fuss.

"Look I really do not want to have this conversation right now, okay? Can we table it for tonight or something? I need to go check on her." She insisted.

"Can you trust me to go check on our daughter? Can you please do that?" I begged. She needed to know she wasn't the only one who cared about this child.

Reluctantly she nodded her head, her arms still wrapped around her body.

I turned around and opened the door, before pausing and turning to face her.

"And for the record, I'm attracted to more than just your body."

* * *

><p>This whole motherhood thing was going just swimmingly, seriously.<p>

I hated my body, I wanted to cry everytime I turned a corner, and managed to upset Jesse everytime I opened my mouth. Part of me was desperate to talk to him, I knew the only way to work through this transition was to be open and honest with him, but the other part of me was convinced he'd say anything just to get laid. "Yeah Beca, you look great, sure!" Little did he know my body was no longer the same. Sex was never going to feel as good for him, and it was clearly only a matter of time before he moved on to some new chick who was still tight and willing to do the things I wouldn't.

"She okay?" I asked, coming into the living room to find Alex asleep in her swing. After a 15 minute shower, some lotion & perfume, and a fresh set of clothes, I was at least feeling human again, even if my mood was down.

"Yeah, I think so. She played, she ate, she pooped, she fell asleep. She's just living the life." Chloe replied, gazing at her lovingly. Peacefully, she sucked on her paci, as her chest rose and fell in a pattern.

"Thank you for that, it was really helpful."

"What about you and Jesse, you guys doing okay?" She prodded.

"Yeah, were fine. I just can't foresee how we will ever have sex again is the problem. I can't even bare to have him touch me, let alone see me naked." I sighed, not able to face Chloe. She put her hand on mine.

"Hey...it's going to take time, but you'll get there. No one is expecting you to be ready for action a week after you popped a kid out. By the time your body heals, you'll have lost the baby weight, and feel much more like yourself. Trust me. Parents have sex Bec, if they didn't everybody would be only children. Just try not to stress it."

I nodded my head. I knew Chloe was right, and I knew that Jesse was in no way pressuring me, this was purely me, not able to get out of my head, and creating unnecesary problems. My walls always created unnecesary problems.

"You could always start running with Ashley, Lily, and I. I'm telling you, there's nothing like a runners high." Chloe suggested. "It'll help you lose the baby weight, and it's also a great stress reliever."

I immediately cringed. "No, no cardio."

Chloe shrugged. "Suit yourself. But if you're ever interested, we meet up at the track Monday's, Wednesday's, and Friday's at 8:30am."

As we sat and chatted, with the tv on for background noice, Jesse walked out of the bedroom, and into the living room to check on us.

"Hey, I'm heading out now, so uhh I'll see you tonight I guess." He mentioned quietly, seemingly unsure of how to act around me. Looking down at Alex he smiled.

"Yeah, here, let me make you some coffee before you go." I suggested, getting up from the floor.

We walked into the kitchen, and I grabbed a K-Cup for the Keurig, my eyes avoiding his as best I could. I lifted the lid, and popped the cup in, pushing back down again, and pressing the button for the large cup. Once again, I felt like I would burst into tears if I even moved the wrong way. These hormones were going to be the death of me.

Standing behind me, Jesse finally spoke up.

"Can I please just hold you? Please." He pleaded. I could instantly hear the pain and feeling of helplessness in his voice. With tears welling up in my eyes, I turned to face him.

"Bec...baby." He whispered, so much hurt in his eyes. I sighed, finally giving in. Giving into the pain, the doubt, and the worry. He walked over to me and pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly.

"Baby, talk to me, please talk to me."

I shook my head in response, not ready for this kind of conversation, and knowing we didn't have the time.

"Just hold me, please just hold me." I whispered, as I rested my tear stained face into his neck. My french braid, still wet from the shower, dripped onto his shirt, wetting his chest.

He kissed the top of my head, and began to rub my back. "I'll hold you as long as you need me to."

The Keurig slowed, and came to a stop, filling the room with the smell of caramel coffee. I pulled back from his body, and looked back towards the machine. Jesse gently brought his fingers to my chin.

"Can I kiss you?" He questioned, his face just inches from mine. Slowly, and unsure, I nodded my head.

Resting his hand against my cheek, he leaned in and kissed me softly, his nose grazing mine. Pulling back, he looked into my eyes before kissing me again. At least this hadn't changed, our mouths still fit together perfectly.

It felt good. Jesse and I really hadn't given each other more than a peck on the lips since before Alex was born. Finally able to get out of my head for five seconds, I wrapped my arms around his neck, and actually kissed him. His hands planted firmly on my back, most likely afraid to roam.

Finally pulling back, I looked up at him, tears still running down my face.

"I'm so head over heels in love with you." He reminded me once more, holding my head, and rubbing his thumbs over my tears. It was a reminder I needed to hear.

"I love you too, I'm sorry I'm-"

He immediately cut me off. "You don't have to apologize for being you, ever. I can handle whatever you throw at me, the sarcasm, snark, shoes, tears, and hormones. I can take it."

I hugged him tightly, and laughed, making a mental note that I had to suck it up and talk to him tonight. He deserved to know what was going on.

I grabbed him his coffee and handed it over to him, kissing him lightly on the cheek once more.

"I'll see you tonight, have fun weirdo."

"Love you nerd."

* * *

><p>"Is Ames here?" Stacie asked, putting the cheese platter in the fridge.<p>

I stood by the counter, bouncing Alex in my arms, who had been fed, changed, and soothed. For about 5 minutes, it actually felt like I had my shit together.

"Um...no? Is she supposed to be?" I asked.

"She left the apartment super early this morning, I just assumed she had come over here or something."

"Trust me, if loud mouth had shown up here early in the morning, you all would have heard about it." I said, with an edge to my voice. If anybody had shown up in my home and woke either me or my sleeping baby, I wasn't entirely sure I could be trusted to not kill them. There legitimately was a sticker we placed on the door that specifically read "Wake my sleeping baby and I cut you." Intense but necessary. We did not play around anymore when it came to sleep in this household.

"Hmm...that's strange, Michael just text me asking if Amy was here too." Ashley muttered, her fingers texting away hurridly.

We all started to look around at each other. Why would any of the guys care whether Amy was with us or not?

She looked up at us. "He said Bumper didn't show up at the Treble house."

Okay, so Bumper hadn't shown, and Amy wasn't here either. Not necessarily cause for concern. Except for the fact that Amy had been acting rather strangely lately. Which, considering who it was, spoke volumes. Over the past week, she had been constantly asking me about my views on marriage, and if I thought Jesse was the one. Like that kind of stuff was on my mind with a newborn in the house.

My main thoughts were keeping track of Alex's feeding schedule, and when my next nap was happening. There wasn't much room left in my brain to really think about anything else.

"You don't think...You don't think they'd go out and do something crazy do you?" Cynthia asked tentatively.

Stacie paused, and thought about it for a second. "It's Bumper and Amy, define crazy."

"Well they are engaged..."

I shook my head. "No, there's no way. Amy would not run off to marry that dumbass...there's no way."

I simply refused to believe it. Everyone else however, just stared at me awkwardly. I knew I was in denial.

And then, like clockwork, Alexandra began to fuss. I sighed.

"Sorry guys, motherhood calls." I apologized.

Settling on the bed, I removed my top, and unhooked my nursing bra.

"Shh, sweet girl, I'm almost ready, I'm almost ready." I crooned, trying to move along as quickly as possible.

Getting situated, I brought my left breast to her mouth, and she latched on, beginning to feed.

I looked over at the bedside table, decorated with pictures of Jesse and I, and smiled before something caught my eye. A yellow piece of paper.

_The top 10 things no one tells you about pregnancy and motherhood_

I had completely forgotten I had even written it, things had been so hectic lately. Picking it up, while Alex continued to nurse, I read over it.

_10.) You will puke. All the time. When you're not puking, you'll be nauseous. _

_9.) Forget ever sleeping again after the 8th month_

_7.) Natural Delivery is literally like being split in half_

_6.) Your breasts will leak_

_5.) Your body will betray you_

_4.) You will wonder on many occasions if you've just gone completely insane_

_3.) You will never even begin to think about having sex again_

_2.) Going to the bathroom was a horror few people could even dream of in their worst nightmares_

There hadn't been a number one, I quickly realized. I must have, in the midst of my sleep deprivation, forgotten a number one.

Alex finished feeding, and I got my shirt and bra back on and situated. Laying her down gently on the bed, I picked up a pen and scrawled out the last thing that no one had told me about pregnancy and motherhood.

_1.) The number one thing no one told me about pregnancy and motherhood-that I would be so overcome with a love for my child, I would be able to feel my heart genuinely double in size_

Looking down at Alexandra, so pure and sweet, I kissed her nose.

"You're worth all of it peanut."


End file.
